Today Jairo left for Puyo. He´ll be there for about 3 or 4 days. I would have gone with him, but since I am eight months pregnant and the trip is five hours by bus with no rests and no bathrooms, and Puyo is hot and humid, which will probably not complement my growing body too well, I will stay home. Jairo stocked the fridge and got me a few movies to watch, and being a ¨list person¨ as I am, I made a list of things to do while he´s gone, but I´m still really not looking forward to the time alone.
I think it´s a good lesson for me…Trusting God 101. Being a natural worrier, and being pregnant on top of that, I have another little list that I have not written down, but it exists all the same. It´s the list of what could go wrong. There have been landslides between Quito and Puyo recently, so Jairo´s trip is not exactly safe. It could be delayed, due to closed roads, and who knows when he´ll be home? It´s raining really hard, so he could have some kind of accident because of the bad weather—after all, those bus drivers are not exactly careful. On my end, I could have any number of pregnancy related problems, not to mention the unlikely but possible prospects of being robbed or some kind of natural disaster (they say Quito is due for an earthquake). Not to mention with my current lack of balance, I could slip in the shower and be stuck there for days until Jairo gets home and helps me up!
Okay, so I realize that this kind of worrying is a little silly. But more than that, I´ve realized that this kind of worrying is completely unbiblical. Jesus specifically commands us not to worry, because the truth that is so difficult for our human minds to grasp is that everything, absolutely everything, is under God´s control.
I think a lot about that verse that says that true love casts out fear, because fear comes from a belief that there is some eminent punishment just waiting to fall on us. That´s a paraphrase, but the idea comes down to what we really believe about God. If God is all-powerful, loving, good, and always works everything for our good, what is there really to fear? If God has ordained it, won´t He get us through it, whether it seems to us good or bad? And if He has promised to always do good to us and that He will never leave us, why should we fear? Doesn´t God love my husband much more than I do? And doesn´t He know what is best? And doesn´t He also love my unborn child even more than I do? And doesn´t He count my own life as dear to Him as well? Is He not able to protect and care for us?
Yet here I am, trying very hard not to go over my mental disaster list in the hours following Jairo´s departure. I guess it´s one of those things that´s easier said than done. This is just another one of those times that Joshua 1:9 creeps back into my mind: ¨Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified, do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.¨ Memorizing this verse was probably the best investment of 5 minutes of my whole life! We know that whatever God calls us to do, whether big or small, He will give us what we need to carry out the task. In my case, for example, there are some Oreos in my cabinet just waiting to offer me some moral support!
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