-Ashley
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Tell us about your family.
Where do I even begin? I LOVE my family! My husband and I married on July 12, 2008. I can’t believe it will be 4 years in just a few months! Time really does fly when you are with the one you love. It seems like our love for one another continues to grow deeper in every circumstance that we confront because we have the amazing example of Christ to follow. My husband proudly serves in the United States Air Force and just completed his third year of service. In August of 2010, we welcomed our son, Gideon, into our family.
How many children do you have, and what are their ages?
I have an awesome 20 month old little boy.
This is an interview about motherhood, but your motherhood is shaped a lot by your marriage. How would you describe your relationship with your husband?
My husband and I have a very strong marriage because of the grace that God has given us. Without God as the center of our marriage, who knows where we would be.
What is the hardest thing about being married?
The hardest thing about being married is putting your spouse before yourself and being submissive. It is our natural tendency, since the fall of man, to be self-centered and want to rule over our husbands.
What is the best thing about being married?
You get to share the wonder of God together and walk hand –in-hand with your true love. God has perfectly designed marriage to bring honor and glory to His name. The constant encouragement from my husband is truly amazing!
Describe a memory between you and your husband that really stands out in your mind.
My husband currently serves in the United States Air Force. He enlisted after we had been married for eight months. When he left for basic training, it was extremely difficult for both of us. When graduation weekend finally came around, I flew down to Texas to see him for the first time in 8.5 weeks. My heart was pounding, my palms were sweating. I was so nervous to see him again. When he finally came around the corner during the ceremony, I could not wait to hug him. The most torturous part was that they made you wait until after the ceremony to say hi. As I watched him from a distance, I knew that my life had drastically changed for the better. I already knew that I loved this man, but I didn’t realize how much I needed him. Spending time away from my spouse was the most difficult thing I have had to do, but God showed me how to appreciate the love that he has given us.
How did your relationship with your husband change when you became parents?
When my son was born, he was only 5.8 pounds even though he was full term. Doctors could not explain why, but thought that he was perfectly healthy. After a few days at home, we got a call from our son’s doctor telling us that we needed to make our way to the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia (CHOP). My son’s body was not producing enough red blood cells for his body to function properly. At 12 days old, Gideon received his first blood transfusion. This is only a small part of our story, but I thought it was important to give a little background before I actually answered this question. When my son was born, my relationship with my husband became so much stronger. Everything that we had experienced in our dating and married lives could not prepare us for what we were going through. I felt myself leaning on my husband because I couldn’t even stand by myself. We had no idea what was going on or what to expect. We only knew that we needed to trust that God was in complete control of the situation. Becoming parents completely changed our relationship, but in a great way. We learned that we needed to utterly rely on God in any and every circumstance.
How does your parenting style compare with your husband´s?
The biggest way that my husband and I differ in parenting is what we allow our son to eat. I am usually very strict in what I allow him to eat, but my husband wants my son to experience everything the world has to offer for food. Other than that, my husband and I talk a lot about parenting our son and I try to allow my husband to decide how we can best raise our son. In our society today, men are made to be domesticated when God made them to be warriors. Because of this, I take the lead from my husband and let our little boy be a boy. We are not saying that you don’t need to discipline your boys, but that God created them differently than women and they need to be raised differently.
In what ways have you changed since you became a mother?
I have changed in so many ways since becoming a mother. I can take a shower in less than 5 minutes, I desperately rely on coffee to get me through the day, and I often find myself praying more for the strength to make it until daddy comes home from work =) I have encountered SO many trying experiences since becoming a mom and it has truly taught me to rely more on God. I have complete and total trust that God has a purpose for everything that we experience in life. He plainly shows us through the most horrific experience in history – the death of His Son – that everything can be used for His good. If the greatest good in our history came from the most horrific experience, then there has to be good in EVERY situation. Romans 8:28 “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.”
Describe a memory of pregnancy that stands out to you.
Gideon has always been a very active baby, even when he was still inside me. I remember very distinctly, near the end of my pregnancy, Mattie and I were doing a paper route for a friend really early in the morning. Gideon decided to wake up and play ¨guess what body part¨. I grabbed Mattie’s hand as we were driving and had him feel all the little bony parts that were sticking out. We had so much fun trying to guess what we were feeling.
Describe a memory of your first weeks of motherhood that stands out to you.
My husband and I decided to wait to find out the gender of our baby until he was born. Many people called us old fashioned and some even said we were crazy. We struggled for a very long time on what to name our precious baby. We had so many that we liked, but couldn’t decide. We wanted a strong and meaningful name. I can’t even begin to express the sheer joy that we experienced when my midwife placed my son in my arms for the first time and asked me if it was a boy or a girl. I was crying so hard I had to blink the tears from my eyes and then began to sob all over again when I saw that it was a boy! I couldn’t stop saying it’s a boy! It’s a boy! His name is Gideon Tucker! It was truly the most amazing experience ever. What a miracle!
In what ways are your children similar to you? In what ways are they different from you?
Our family and friends often joke that Gideon looks like my husband, but acts like me. Gideon loves to sing and dance. He has had a love for music since he was first born. His favorite song when he was little was Give Me Jesus by Jeremy Camp. Whatever the reason was for his crying, this song would stop him in an instant. His love of dance comes from me, but he does not get his dance moves from me.
For each of your children, share one of your favorite memories.
I don’t think that I can pick just one, but I absolutely love when Gideon laughs. His laugh is so captivating and it makes you laugh right along with him. Even just last night, we were getting him ready for bed and he thought that brushing his teeth was hysterical. He must have been overtired, but it was awesome to be caught up in that moment with my two boys.
Describe a moment as a mother where you felt overwhelmed.
Right after Gideon was born, when he ended up back in the hospital, I was completely overwhelmed. Mattie and I have always wanted at least two children of our own and then to adopt. I felt downright dismayed by all of the medical problems that we were dealing with. Even though I wanted to experience pregnancy again, I let the devastating experience overpower me. I was in tears telling my husband that we were never having any more children. God has truly been working in our hearts and through the experiences that we have gone through. We are trusting that if God wants us to have more children with medical issues, that He will give us His strength to make it through.
What are your favorite ways to relax when you need a little break?
Once Gideon is down for the night and all of my daily chores are done, I love to read, make crafts, or run. My husband realizes that I do need some time away from our son every now and then. Even though he is extremely busy with his work and school schedules, my husband allows me to attend ladies Bible study every other Tuesday night. He is the most caring and loving man I have ever met.
What has been the hardest lesson you have had to learn as a mother?
I think that the hardest lesson I have had to learn as a mom is self-sacrifice. When you become a wife, you learn to make sacrifices for your spouse, but it is nothing compared to the sacrifices you make as a mom. You sacrifice sleep, time alone with your spouse, quiet devotional time, and a regulated schedule. You no longer get to decide exactly what happens in your day. Even if you have your whole day planned out, it is often changed by unexpected blow outs, melt downs, and crankiness.
What has been the hardest experience you have gone through as a mother? What did that experience teach you?
I have given you a small glimpse of the medical issues that we have experienced with our son, but I will further explain what has happened and what we have learned from it. Gideon was born very small. Although he was born a few days after his due date, he was only 5.8 lbs. when he was born. The doctors could not explain why, but thought that he was healthy. Upon further testing, they discovered that Gideon was extremely anemic. This caused him to sleep most of the time because his body was working overtime to function as close to normal as possible. Gideon received his first blood transfusion at 12 days old and his second one at 13 days. After the Hematologists performed dozens of test to assess what was ailing Gideon, they did not come to any conclusions. Miraculously, Gideon’s blood counts remained fairly stable. We absolutely attribute it to the wonderful work of God.
Gideon’s first winter was filled with runny noses and ear infections. Near the end of winter, Gideon contracted bronchitis and stopped growing. He had always been near the bottom of the averages, but around 6 months of age, Gideon flat lined in growth. This frightened the doctors and in turn it frightened us too. Gideon was sent to a Gastroenterology specialist to see if he was not properly receiving nutrition from the food that he was eating. The testing was inconclusive and they decided to place Gideon on calorie boosters to try and increase his weight gain. During the process, they also sent him to a Pulmonologist to assess his breathing and they thought that he might have cystic fibrosis. Through testing and analysis, they discovered that Gideon was asthmatic and he did not have cystic fibrosis or sleep apnea. During the testing, they did notice some abnormalities in his immune system. The core immunoglobulins that make up his immune system were extremely low. Furthermore, from this discovery we were sent to an Immunology specialist. Right before Gideon’s first birthday, they discovered that he had an immune deficiency. The doctors told us that Gideon was too young for them to know exactly what was causing this imbalance in his body and that they would have to wait until he was older to complete the testing. With the doctors, we discussed what this meant for out little man. They explained to us that Gideon’s body could not fight off normal infections and that we needed to be extremely careful about what he is exposed to. The course of treatment was called IVIG and was needed every 28 days. At the same time that we were learning all of these new things about Gideon’s immune system, his Gastroenterologist was extremely dissatisfied with how Gideon was growing and was trying to force us into using a feeding tube. It was extremely hard as a parent, but once we heard both sides of the argument, we decided to start the IVIG treatment and forgo the feeding tube. The Immunologist decided to do 8 treatments (once a month) of IVIG and then take Gideon off for a few months to test how his body did without it. Through the 8 months of treatment, we experienced minor reactions to the sudden influx of immunoglobulins in Gideon’s body, but our greatest struggle was getting our rambunctious little guy to sit through a 4 hour treatment while attached to an IV poll. We are currently in the waiting period. Gideon received his last IVIG treatment in March 2012 and will be going in for testing on June 7, 2012. We are praying for a miracle. How amazing would it be to hear the words, “he is perfectly healthy”? We have seen God heal our little man before and we know that He can do it again. Through this whole process, we have learned to trust God. The rougher situations become, the more we need to rely on God’s strength to get us through. We never would have chosen this experience for ourselves, but through it we have become a stronger family, learned to trust that God is in control, and had the opportunity to witness to many families.
*Update: I asked Kimbre to update me a little on Gideon´s health. Here is what she said: ¨Since G's testing, they discovered that his counts had gone slightly up. They are not normal, but it was a great sign to see them go up. Because of this, his Immunologist decided to take him off the monthly treatment of IVIG! He has been doing quite well. Throughout this cold and flu season we are being very cautious and as long as he doesn't have more then three infections, he will continue without the treatment. So far, he hasn't had any!!! We daily pray for his his health and thank God for his life. Gideon still is very small in size and has problems growing, but we have seen God work in his little body before and are confident that he will continue to do so.¨
Looking back on your life as a mother, what, if anything, do you regret?
I am not a perfect mom. I have made mistakes and learned from them, but I don’t regret anything.
What do you think is the most important quality in a mother?
I think that the most important quality in a mother is love. Without love, nothing else matters.
What do you think children need most from their mothers?
The absolute most important thing that a child needs from their mother is Christ’s love. It is extremely important to raise our children in obedience to God. As hard as it may be, we need to teach our children about the wonderful things that God has done for us and discipline them out of love. Proverbs 13:24 is very clear when it states, “Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.” I don’t think that any parent likes to discipline their child, but it is very important to love our children in this way.
What advice would you give to other mothers out there who are reading this interview?
Talk to other mothers and pray. As a mom, you experience so many new things and it is hard to know what to do. The Bible is a great resource and a strong relationship with God is essential. It can be difficult to adjust to parenthood, but devotional time is extremely important. The book, A Gospel Primer for Christians: Learning to see the glory of God’s love by Milton Vincent is what helped me to receive nuggets of the gospel when I did not have much time or energy in the beginning of my mommy hood. I would often read it while nursing. Another tip is listening to sermons while in the shower. I would wait until Gideon’s nap time to take a shower and I could spend extra time relaxing in the shower and listening to the gospel.
Do you have any tips or tricks that have helped you stay organized, run your household or raise your kids more effectively?
Go with the flow. Things don’t always go the way you plan or the way you want them to, but if you trust that God is in control, He will not steer you wrong.
