Get-through-your-Monday Girl Time - SuperMom Kimbre Varney

Another Monday, are you excited? Well, of course you are, because that means it´s time for ¨Get-through-your-Monday Girl Time¨! I have another knock-out interview for you, this time from my sweet friend Kimbre. She is a young mom, but don´t let that fool you, she has been through a lot! I love her upbeat attitude and her total reliance on God to get through everything from crankiness to immune disorders. I also wouldn´t mind eating one of those pies I see her post pictures of on Facebook. (hint, hint) I loved her interview, and I bet you will, too! Coffee in hand? Let´s do this! Enjoy!

-Ashley

PS- I know tons of you moms are reading these interviews, since you tell me so, but don´t forget to become part of the girl time and leave comments for our SuperMoms!

Tell us about your family.
Where do I even begin? I LOVE my family! My husband and I married on July 12, 2008. I can’t believe it will be 4 years in just a few months! Time really does fly when you are with the one you love. It seems like our love for one another continues to grow deeper in every circumstance that we confront because we have the amazing example of Christ to follow.  My husband proudly serves in the United States Air Force and just completed his third year of service.  In August of 2010, we welcomed our son, Gideon, into our family.

How many children do you have, and what are their ages?
I have an awesome 20 month old little boy.

This is an interview about motherhood, but your motherhood is shaped a lot by your marriage. How would you describe your relationship with your husband?
My husband and I have a very strong marriage because of the grace that God has given us. Without God as the center of our marriage, who knows where we would be.

What is the hardest thing about being married?
The hardest thing about being married is putting your spouse before yourself and being submissive. It is our natural tendency, since the fall of man, to be self-centered and want to rule over our husbands.  

What is the best thing about being married?
You get to share the wonder of God together and walk hand –in-hand with your true love.  God has perfectly designed marriage to bring honor and glory to His name. The constant encouragement from my husband is truly amazing!

Describe a memory between you and your husband that really stands out in your mind.
My husband currently serves in the United States Air Force. He enlisted after we had been married for eight months. When he left for basic training, it was extremely difficult for both of us. When graduation weekend finally came around, I flew down to Texas to see him for the first time in 8.5 weeks. My heart was pounding, my palms were sweating. I was so nervous to see him again. When he finally came around the corner during the ceremony, I could not wait to hug him. The most torturous part was that they made you wait until after the ceremony to say hi. As I watched him from a distance, I knew that my life had drastically changed for the better. I already knew that I loved this man, but I didn’t realize how much I needed him. Spending time away from my spouse was the most difficult thing I have had to do, but God showed me how to appreciate the love that he has given us.

How did your relationship with your husband change when you became parents?
When my son was born, he was only 5.8 pounds even though he was full term. Doctors could not explain why, but thought that he was perfectly healthy.  After a few days at home, we got a call from our son’s doctor telling us that we needed to make our way to the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia (CHOP). My son’s body was not producing enough red blood cells for his body to function properly. At 12 days old, Gideon received his first blood transfusion. This is only a small part of our story, but I thought it was important to give a little background before I actually answered this question. When my son was born, my relationship with my husband became so much stronger. Everything that we had experienced in our dating and married lives could not prepare us for what we were going through. I felt myself leaning on my husband because I couldn’t even stand by myself. We had no idea what was going on or what to expect. We only knew that we needed to trust that God was in complete control of the situation. Becoming parents completely changed our relationship, but in a great way. We learned that we needed to utterly rely on God in any and every circumstance.

How does your parenting style compare with your husband´s?
The biggest way that my husband and I differ in parenting is what we allow our son to eat. I am usually very strict in what I allow him to eat, but my husband wants my son to experience everything the world has to offer for food. Other than that, my husband and I talk a lot about parenting our son and I try to allow my husband to decide how we can best raise our son. In our society today, men are made to be domesticated when God made them to be warriors. Because of this, I take the lead from my husband and let our little boy be a boy. We are not saying that you don’t need to discipline your boys, but that God created them differently than women and they need to be raised differently.

In what ways have you changed since you became a mother?
I have changed in so many ways since becoming a mother. I can take a shower in less than 5 minutes, I desperately rely on coffee to get me through the day, and I often find myself praying more for the strength to make it until daddy comes home from work =)  I have encountered SO many trying experiences since becoming a mom and it has truly taught me to rely more on God. I have complete and total trust that God has a purpose for everything that we experience in life. He plainly shows us through the most horrific experience in history – the death of His Son – that everything can be used for His good.  If the greatest good in our history came from the most horrific experience, then there has to be good in EVERY situation.  Romans 8:28 “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.”

Describe a memory of pregnancy that stands out to you.
Gideon has always been a very active baby, even when he was still inside me. I remember very distinctly, near the end of my pregnancy, Mattie and I were doing a paper route for a friend really early in the morning. Gideon decided to wake up and play ¨guess what body part¨. I grabbed Mattie’s hand as we were driving and had him feel all the little bony parts that were sticking out. We had so much fun trying to guess what we were feeling.

Describe a memory of your first weeks of motherhood that stands out to you.
My husband and I decided to wait to find out the gender of our baby until he was born. Many people called us old fashioned and some even said we were crazy. We struggled for a very long time on what to name our precious baby. We had so many that we liked, but couldn’t decide. We wanted a strong and meaningful name. I can’t even begin to express the sheer joy that we experienced when my midwife placed my son in my arms for the first time and asked me if it was a boy or a girl. I was crying so hard I had to blink the tears from my eyes and then began to sob all over again when I saw that it was a boy!  I couldn’t stop saying it’s a boy! It’s a boy! His name is Gideon Tucker! It was truly the most amazing experience ever. What a miracle!

In what ways are your children similar to you? In what ways are they different from you?
Our family and friends often joke that Gideon looks like my husband, but acts like me. Gideon loves to sing and dance. He has had a love for music since he was first born. His favorite song when he was little was Give Me Jesus by Jeremy Camp. Whatever the reason was for his crying, this song would stop him in an instant. His love of dance comes from me, but he does not get his dance moves from me.

For each of your children, share one of your favorite memories.
I don’t think that I can pick just one, but I absolutely love when Gideon laughs. His laugh is so captivating and it makes you laugh right along with him. Even just last night, we were getting him ready for bed and he thought that brushing his teeth was hysterical. He must have been overtired, but it was awesome to be caught up in that moment with my two boys. 

Describe a moment as a mother where you felt overwhelmed.
Right after Gideon was born, when he ended up back in the hospital, I was completely overwhelmed. Mattie and I have always wanted at least two children of our own and then to adopt. I felt downright dismayed by all of the medical problems that we were dealing with. Even though I wanted to experience pregnancy again, I let the devastating experience overpower me. I was in tears telling my husband that we were never having any more children. God has truly been working in our hearts and through the experiences that we have gone through. We are trusting that if God wants us to have more children with medical issues, that He will give us His strength to make it through.

What are your favorite ways to relax when you need a little break?
Once Gideon is down for the night and all of my daily chores are done, I love to read, make crafts, or run. My husband realizes that I do need some time away from our son every now and then. Even though he is extremely busy with his work and school schedules, my husband allows me to attend ladies Bible study every other Tuesday night. He is the most caring and loving man I have ever met.

What has been the hardest lesson you have had to learn as a mother?
I think that the hardest lesson I have had to learn as a mom is self-sacrifice. When you become a wife, you learn to make sacrifices for your spouse, but it is nothing compared to the sacrifices you make as a mom. You sacrifice sleep, time alone with your spouse, quiet devotional time, and a regulated schedule. You no longer get to decide exactly what happens in your day. Even if you have your whole day planned out, it is often changed by unexpected blow outs, melt downs, and crankiness.

What has been the hardest experience you have gone through as a mother? What did that experience teach you?
I have given you a small glimpse of the medical issues that we have experienced with our son, but I will further explain what has happened and what we have learned from it. Gideon was born very small. Although he was born a few days after his due date, he was only 5.8 lbs. when he was born. The doctors could not explain why, but thought that he was healthy. Upon further testing, they discovered that Gideon was extremely anemic. This caused him to sleep most of the time because his body was working overtime to function as close to normal as possible. Gideon received his first blood transfusion at 12 days old and his second one at 13 days. After the Hematologists performed dozens of test to assess what was ailing Gideon, they did not come to any conclusions. Miraculously, Gideon’s blood counts remained fairly stable. We absolutely attribute it to the wonderful work of God.

Gideon’s first winter was filled with runny noses and ear infections. Near the end of winter, Gideon contracted bronchitis and stopped growing. He had always been near the bottom of the averages, but around 6 months of age, Gideon flat lined in growth. This frightened the doctors and in turn it frightened us too. Gideon was sent to a Gastroenterology specialist to see if he was not properly receiving nutrition from the food that he was eating. The testing was inconclusive and they decided to place Gideon on calorie boosters to try and increase his weight gain. During the process, they also sent him to a Pulmonologist to assess his breathing and they thought that he might have cystic fibrosis. Through testing and analysis, they discovered that Gideon was asthmatic and he did not have cystic fibrosis or sleep apnea. During the testing, they did notice some abnormalities in his immune system. The core immunoglobulins that make up his immune system were extremely low. Furthermore, from this discovery we were sent to an Immunology specialist.  Right before Gideon’s first birthday, they discovered that he had an immune deficiency. The doctors told us that Gideon was too young for them to know exactly what was causing this imbalance in his body and that they would have to wait until he was older to complete the testing. With the doctors, we discussed what this meant for out little man. They explained to us that Gideon’s body could not fight off normal infections and that we needed to be extremely careful about what he is exposed to. The course of treatment was called IVIG and was needed every 28 days. At the same time that we were learning all of these new things about Gideon’s immune system, his Gastroenterologist was extremely dissatisfied with how Gideon was growing and was trying to force us into using a feeding tube. It was extremely hard as a parent, but once we heard both sides of the argument, we decided to start the IVIG treatment and forgo the feeding tube. The Immunologist decided to do 8 treatments (once a month) of IVIG and then take Gideon off for a few months to test how his body did without it. Through the 8 months of treatment, we experienced minor reactions to the sudden influx of immunoglobulins in Gideon’s body, but our greatest struggle was getting our rambunctious little guy to sit through a 4 hour treatment while attached to an IV poll. We are currently in the waiting period. Gideon received his last IVIG treatment in March 2012 and will be going in for testing on June 7, 2012. We are praying for a miracle. How amazing would it be to hear the words, “he is perfectly healthy”? We have seen God heal our little man before and we know that He can do it again. Through this whole process, we have learned to trust God. The rougher situations become, the more we need to rely on God’s strength to get us through. We never would have chosen this experience for ourselves, but through it we have become a stronger family, learned to trust that God is in control, and had the opportunity to witness to many families.

*Update: I asked Kimbre to update me a little on Gideon´s health. Here is what she said: ¨Since G's testing, they discovered that his counts had gone slightly up. They are not normal, but it was a great sign to see them go up. Because of this, his Immunologist decided to take him off the monthly treatment of IVIG! He has been doing quite well. Throughout this cold and flu season we are being very cautious and as long as he doesn't have more then three infections, he will continue without the treatment. So far, he hasn't had any!!! We daily pray for his his health and thank God for his life. Gideon still is very small in size and has problems growing, but we have seen God work in his little body before and are confident that he will continue to do so.¨

Looking back on your life as a mother, what, if anything, do you regret?
I am not a perfect mom. I have made mistakes and learned from them, but I don’t regret anything.

What do you think is the most important quality in a mother?
I think that the most important quality in a mother is love. Without love, nothing else matters.

What do you think children need most from their mothers?
The absolute most important thing that a child needs from their mother is Christ’s love. It is extremely important to raise our children in obedience to God. As hard as it may be, we need to teach our children about the wonderful things that God has done for us and discipline them out of love. Proverbs 13:24 is very clear when it states, “Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.”  I don’t think that any parent likes to discipline their child, but it is very important to love our children in this way.

What advice would you give to other mothers out there who are reading this interview?
Talk to other mothers and pray. As a mom, you experience so many new things and it is hard to know what to do. The Bible is a great resource and a strong relationship with God is essential. It can be difficult to adjust to parenthood, but devotional time is extremely important. The book, A Gospel Primer for Christians: Learning to see the glory of God’s love by Milton Vincent is what helped me to receive nuggets of the gospel when I did not have much time or energy in the beginning of my mommy hood. I would often read it while nursing.  Another tip is listening to sermons while in the shower. I would wait until Gideon’s nap time to take a shower and I could spend extra time relaxing in the shower and listening to the gospel.

Do you have any tips or tricks that have helped you stay organized, run your household or raise your kids more effectively?
Go with the flow. Things don’t always go the way you plan or the way you want them to, but if you trust that God is in control, He will not steer you wrong.

Get-through-your-Monday Girl Time - SuperMom Darci Brown

Happy Monday, girlfriends! You used to dread Mondays, but now you love them, because you know they mean ¨Get-through-your-Monday Girl Time¨! It hasn´t gotten any easier to say, but it gets to be more and more fun every week, right? I know, the anticipation is killing you, so I will let you get to reading our latest mommy interview! This week we are hearing from my good friend Darci, who I have known since we were just wee little high schoolers on the cheerleading squad...*sigh* Now we are all grown up and mommy-fied, but Darci has a fun, laid-back style of parenting that is refreshing to be around! Her interview is light-hearted, just like she is, and the perfect thing to go with your first (or fifth, no judging here) cup of coffee this morning! Enjoy!

-Ashley

Tell us a little bit about yourself. Who are you?
My name is Darci Brown.  I’m from Champaign, IL but live in Bloomington, IL now.

Tell us about your family. 
I have been married to my husband, Josh for 3 years and we’ve been together 5 ½.

How many children do you have, and what are their ages? 
We have one daughter, Hayli who turned 2 on 5/14.  Hopefully, we’ll be having another one soon. *UPDATE: Since the time this interview was written, Darci got her wish, and is expecting a baby boy on March 16th! Congratulations, Darci!*

This is an interview about motherhood, but your motherhood is shaped a lot by your marriage. How would you describe your relationship with your husband? 
I think our marriage is very typical.  We definitely have our arguments and even though we might not always like each other at the end of the day we always love each other.

What is the hardest thing about being married? 
I think the hardest thing is just coming up with new things to do and stuff to talk about.  Keeping things new and exciting is an important part of staying together.

What is the best thing about being married? 
The best thing is always having someone there for you.  Whether you’re celebrating or need a shoulder to cry on you can count on your husband.

Describe a memory between you and your husband that really stands out in your mind. 
The two biggest ones for me are when he proposed and our wedding day.  I also love thinking about him holding Hayli in the hospital.  I have a couple pictures of him holding her for the first time since I was out of it from an emergency C-section, I didn’t get to see him but I will cherish those pictures forever.

Did your relationship with your husband change when you became parents? 
Yes and no.  There are things that if we didn’t become parents I would have never known so I am grateful for that.  I think it’s made us closer and I can’t wait to add to our family and make the bond even stronger.

How does your parenting style compare with your husband´s? 
I definitely have more patience than he does.  I more just let her figure things out and take her time and he wants things done right away.  Other than that we’re pretty similar.

In what ways have you changed since you became a mother? 
I actually don’t think I’ve changed that much.  I have always wanted to be a mom and knew my whole life that I would have kids.  If there’s anything that’s different I guess I’m a little more emotional but mainly just toward Hayli which I think is pretty normal.

Describe a memory of pregnancy that stands out to you. 
Well, this is not the prettiest memory but it definitely stands out.  I was probably 7ish months and was at the OB office for a regular appointment.  They took my blood for a test after my appointment.  I hate having my blood drawn and even when I’m not pregnant I can’t stand it.  So after she took it I asked if I could sit there for a minute because I felt like I was going to pass out.  After sitting for 5 or 10 minutes I thought I was fine.  I get up; walk out of the room and towards the appointment desk to schedule my next one.  Just as I’m about there I start puking.  There is nowhere even close that I could throw up in so I have no choice but to do it all over the floor.  Luckily, there’s a door separating the exam rooms and the waiting room so not everyone saw but it was definitely still embarrassing.

Describe a memory of your first weeks of motherhood that stands out to you. 
The memory that stands out most is just sitting in her room rocking with her.  She wanted nothing to do with the crib so we rocked a lot.

In what ways are your children similar to you? In what ways are they different from you? 
She’s definitely similar to me in looks, especially in when her hair is wet in the bathtub.  And she has her father’s impatience for sure.

For each of your children, share one of your favorite memories. 
I can’t pick just one but my favorite thing to do with Hayli is play at the gym.  She takes classes every week and I love seeing her face light up, especially when she’s jumping on the trampoline.

Describe a moment as a mother where you felt overwhelmed. 
I definitely felt overwhelmed in the beginning when everything was so new and I was trying to figure out a routine.

What are your favorite ways to relax when you need a little break? 
Honestly, my favorite thing to do is either just chill out and watch TV or go out shopping with Hayli.

What has been the hardest lesson you have had to learn as a mother? 
The hardest lesson I’ve learned is to just relax and not get worked up about the little things.  Every child is different and there is no two that do things in the same way or at the same pace and each one is a gift from God.

What has been the hardest experience you have gone through as a mother? What did that experience teach you? 
The hardest experience has been getting Hayli to sleep.  It’s definitely a process and there have been tears shed (mostly on her part).  It has taught me patience and understanding.

Looking back on your life as a mother, what, if anything, do you regret? 
I don’t think there is anything that I regret.  I have loved every minute, the good and bad, and I can’t wait for what is to come and going through all the stages again with our second.

What do you think is the most important quality in a mother? 
There are definitely several important qualities, one being patience and another flexibility.  Being able to change your schedule or what’s going on is important.  A sort of go with the flow attitude will help especially in the beginning.

What do you think children need most from their mothers? 
I think the most important thing is love.  They need to know that we are here no matter what and will always love them.

What advice would you give to other mothers out there who are reading this interview? 
I would say just remember that you know your baby best and there is no right or wrong way; do whatever you feel is right for your child.  There are a ton of excellent resources out there but the best way is to listen to God and follow your heart.

Do you have any tips or tricks that have helped you stay organized, run your household or raise your kids more effectively? 
I would say just try to keep a calendar of all the important dates (appts, playdates, etc.). 

Any final thoughts you´d like to share? 
Don’t be afraid to ask other moms for advice.  Probably 99.9% of the time there is someone else that has gone through the exact same thing you are and it can help tremendously to have someone to talk to that knows exactly how you’re feeling.

Get-through-your-Monday Girl Time - SuperMom Dusty Koepp

Monday, glorious Monday! Day of our favorite moment of the week: ¨Get-through-your-Monday Girl Time¨! Are you as excited as I am? Well, you should be, because today´s interview is wonderful! I´d like to introduce you to Dusty, my friend and, I guess, cousin. She is an experienced mom, and I really envy her zen-like mothering skills, considering her brood of playful and active children! I love this interview because it comes from someone who has been a mom long enough to learn those important mommy lessons, but is still human. (A desirable quality in our fellow girlfriends.) Let her advice and stories encourage you this morning, along with that caffeine burst (or whatever it is you do Monday mornings) from your super jumbo coffee cup. Enjoy!

-Ashley

Tell us a little bit about yourself. Who are you?
Growing up I didn't really have a desire to find a husband like some women do, and I didn't think I had the patience to be a mother.  My perspective changed when I started dating my husband in college. He had such a strong desire to be married and have a family that God softened my heart to the idea. During college I had trouble fully committing to a field of study and eventually graduated with the major of psychology because of it's broad possibilities.  Nevertheless, I could never really envision myself in my future job. Now I know it's because God had a different path for me.  I've now been a stay at home mom for 6 years. I feel like I'm always learning to do my 'job' better. Two year ago when we started home schooling, I thought the kids would be doing all the learning, but God has definitely found His own teaching moments for me.

Tell us about your family.
Our family make-up is fairly traditional. First and foremost, we believe in the one true God. We strive to center our choices and child rearing on His teachings found in the Bible. With God's direction, we decided early on that I would stay home to raise and teach the children, while my husband, Jake, works outside the home. However, that's about were our traditional roles begin the blur. Jake works long and sometimes inconvenient hours. That being said, I am not a very patient or "delicate" woman and you can often find me doing some traditional husband chores (i.e. mowing & trimming the lawn) along with my other daily tasks.  As a whole we try...to serve God, love others, be productive, and find time to have fun.  Yes, we try.

How many children do you have, and what are their ages?
We have the privilege of raising three children (2 girls and 1 boy Ages 6, 4, 23 month old).

This is an interview about motherhood, but your motherhood is shaped a lot by your marriage. How would you describe your relationship with your husband?
Our relationship is ever changing and growing.  It seems like with our busy lifestyle and three kids we often have to figure out how to relate to each other. 

What is the hardest thing about being married?
Compromises.  We have the hardest time making decisions everyone ends up being happy with.

What is the best thing about being married?
Not only did I marry my best friend, but he's also my gift from God and He knows that I am his. There's nothing better than the peace and joy of knowing that where I fall short God made Jake to fill in and vice versa.

Describe a memory between you and your husband that really stands out in your mind.
I remember at the end one of our first fights we both started laughing about some joke one of us made.  My husband remarked,"look at us, we're laughing."  I replied, "yup, as long as we can make each other laugh we'll be just fine."  It was just such a relief to end our emotionally-charged disagreement with joyful laughter.

How did your relationship with your husband change when you became parents?
We became pregnant just a few months into our marriage so it's kind of hard to remember when we weren't parents, but I think our relationship became more serious.  It no longer was just us. We suddenly had a family and a quickly growing one at that.

How does your parenting style compare with your husband's?
The longer we've been parents it seems like our parenting style has become more alike.  However, I have more rules and I'm a more uptight about rough play.  I think moms tend to think more about all the ways something could go wrong or how someone could get hurt.

In what ways have you changed since you became a mother?
I see things differently.  I want to protect my children's innocence so the things I used to think were in "poor taste" are now unwelcome in my home or children's presence.  

Describe a memory of pregnancy that stands out to you.
With each of our children I've strived to give birth naturally using the Bradley method, which is very birth-coach involved.  With our first I was in labor for 23.5 hours, and my husband was by my side through all of it.  We had three doulas aid us in the process and many nurses along with our doctor come to visit. It felt really nice to hear how well we were doing and to hear others brag on how well it all went later, but the best part was that we got to point to God's strength and glory.  Without the Lord by our side, that labor could have gone in a terrible direction.  It was such a blessing to have that wonderful experience with my husband as we officially became parents.

Describe a memory of your first weeks of motherhood that stands out to you.
I remember being in a weird fog after we left the hospital.  I was tired, emotionally drained, and overwhelmed through those first few weeks.  I remember thinking I couldn't wait for this baby to be born, but I'd love to just be pregnant again because I knew what to do then.  I think it probably took a little over a month before I started feeling like myself and things felt easier.

In what ways has your parenting style changed with each child?
I've let more things go.  I don't do everything according to the parenting books like I did with my first.  Sometimes you have to cut corners where it's safe to so you can keep up with the things that really matter. 

In what ways are your children similar to each other and in what ways are they different?
Each of them has their own personality, disposition, and preferences.  Our oldest is probably the most dramatic.  I blame myself a little.  Being the first, I overreacted about most things. Our second born is probably the most detailed oriented and the most stubborn.  She's the one that will spend the most time working on an art project and she won't leave the table till she's done.  I've joked that she was stubborn from the beginning because she was five days over due and had to be induced. Our youngest is super smiley and the most physically aggressive.  Everywhere we go people comment on how cute his smile is, but he is not to be crossed because he's also known by his sisters to have a mean pinch.

In what ways are your children similar to you? In what ways are they different from you?
They are pretty creative and crafty like me. The girls often ask to do projects and they all love to repurpose toys and make up new games.

However, they are all much more bold than I have ever considered myself. 

For each of your children, share one of your favorite memories.
G: This past school year I remember finishing up a lesson that had been a little tough for her. When it finally clicked, she turned to me and said, "you're the best, mom."

E:  She's our little gracious one.  Recently, we went shopping for her big sister's birthday gift and not once did she think of herself.  She continuously thought about her sister and would she would like.

A:  A few months ago we went to Shell Island, Florida.  As soon as he saw the ocean, he ran as fast as he could for the water.  He would have dove right in if I hadn't caught him... my little adventurer.

Describe a moment as a mother where you felt overwhelmed.
Having our second child was probably my most overwhelming time.  I've struggled with postpartum depression with each of our children's births, but going from one, who was 19 months, to two was the hardest.

What are your favorite ways to relax when you need a little break?
I love to have a cup of coffee and watch a creative design show or funny sitcom.

What has been the hardest lesson you have had to learn as a mother?
I can't control and protect my children from everything.  Sometimes they are going to get hurt or make poor choices.  In those times we just get to help with the aftermath.  The only unfailing thing I can do is pray for God's covering when I can't protect them myself.

What has been the hardest experience you have gone through as a mother? What did that experience teach you? 
The hardest experience I've had as a mother was losing our twin sons.  Three years ago we had a miscarriage. We had two kids already. I'd had healthy pregnancies and never thought it could really happen to me. It really made me value my children in a very different way. It was also time that I learned to lean on the Lord and others.  Other women I knew shared there stories and shoulders with me.  I was so blessed by God provision and support.

Looking back on your life as a mother, what, if anything, do you regret?
Those times I've been too hard on my children.  There are times I have lost my temper and had to ask my children for forgiveness.  Those are the times I've had to ask the Lord to cover my mistakes.

What do you think is the most important quality in a mother?Patience. It's the quality I've found lacking in myself.  I've often joked that patience is God's life lesson for me.

What do you think children need most from their mothers?
Encouragement.  We all need encouragement, but sometimes we forget during all the correction to praise our children. Sometimes we need to catch our kids doing something good.

What advice would you give to other mothers out there who are reading this interview?
Find mentor moms, but don't be negatively comparative.  Your going to make mistakes and have short comings but everyone does.  Those are the times we need to choose to learn a lesson rather than beat ourselves up.

Do you have any tips or tricks that have helped you stay organized, run your household or raise your kids more effectively?
The kitchen is our house hub. I keep a wall calendar of everyone's schedule; a small bulletin board to pin notes to; a plastic file bin to hold bills and important papers. However, the best advice I can give is to take it one day at a time.  Every evening I write the things I need or want to get to the following day on my dry erase board and as the day goes along I erase the things as I finish them. The advice I need to take is to be realistic about your task load.  There are only 24 hours in the day and don't be too hard on yourself when you don't finish everything.

Get-through-your-Monday Girl Time - SuperMom Becky Gudiño

Hello, friends, and happy Monday! We are officially kicking off ¨Get-through-your-Monday Girl Time¨ (a mouthful, yes, but oh so comforting!) with an interview from one of my favorite SuperMoms, Becky. Becky and her husband serve as missionaries in South America, not too far from us, and when we manage to get together with our kiddos it is, as my husband would say, ¨Super-hyper-mega¨ Girl Time! I thought it would be fitting to start off our weekly cyber girl time by sharing one of my best girl time friends with all of you! (I will need her back though.) Becky´s story is one of struggle and difficulty but also of hope and perseverance, and the grace we can find in God through our circumstances. Enjoy!

-Ashley

Tell us a little bit about yourself. Who are you?
My name is Becky and I am a special needs mom. Although I have loved each of my children profoundly, my life as a mother has been difficult. If there is any heartache in your story, then perhaps you’ll relate to mine.

Tell us about your family.
I have been married for eleven years.  I was born in the United States, but grew up overseas with one older brother and missionary parents. My husband is from South America.

How many children do you have, and what are their ages?
When I’m out and about, I often get asked about my two-year old son, “Is he your only child?” For simplicity, I usually say yes, but the answer is actually no. My first daughter, SB, was born in 2005, came to us in 2006, and died in 2007. She had severe special needs, but we loved her utterly and completely. Just before SB died, we took in two foster daughters, who were later adopted by another family. So CM is my first biological son, but not my first child.

In what ways have you changed since you became a mother?
I sleep a lot less.

Describe a memory of your first weeks of motherhood that stands out to you.
The Lord has not seen fit to give me any easy children, so my first weeks were mostly full of doubt and frustration, seasoned with random moments of grace. Each of my children’s stories, and how they touched my life, is so complex - full of light, wonder, anger, and anguish - that to only mention our rough beginnings would not do any of us justice.

Instead of responding to most of the questions individually, I would like to share parts of our stories and I think the answers will be found along the way.

Child #1
SB was born with severe brain damage, but I didn’t know this when I fell in love with her at an orphanage. I fought two governments and innumerable battles to get custody of her, and only ultimately succeeded with a lot of divine intervention. Looking back, how much of it was God, and how much of it was my own need to be needed… I don’t know. But as Prov. 10:12 says, “…love covers all sins.” That is the verse I hold onto when I think of being SB’s mother.

Life with SB was all-consuming. I felt overwhelmed with her every single day. She needed to eat every two hours, but she would often throw up which meant we would have to start all over. It took a special knack, lots of time, and incredible patience to feed her or give her a bottle. She only slept for four hours total a day (with medication), and if we ever put her down, she would go into convulsions. My husband and I took turns holding her 20/7. I would stay up with her until 1 am, and then my husband would get up with her around 5 pm, or earlier on a bad night. When holding her, we lived in an office chair that swiveled, because for the motion and frequently changing how we held her, kept her from going into convulsions.

But this is not who she was. She was our first child, a miracle. She loved us, cried if someone else held her, and was glad every day when her daddy came home from work. Her life was an unforgettable testimony of love.

How was she different from me? She was black and completely blind.

What do I regret? Not being there when she died. Although it’s a short sentence, it contains a world of grief.

Favorite memory? The day my husband taught her to give kisses.

Children #2 and #3
A month before SB’s unexpected death, an orphanage that was closing contacted us and asked if we’d be willing to care for two sibling girls (2.5 and 3.5) until they were adopted. Since we were already caring for SB (which we expected to be a lifelong commitment), we thought, “Sure, why not two more?” They had severe attachment issues, but we worked through many things and love began to grow.

Unfortunately, while they lived with us, my personal life was falling apart (due to various older issues that came to light at the same time). I felt that I could not offer them a permanent stable home, so even though I wanted to, I did not pursue adoption when they were first placed with us. After a year and a half, things got much worse in my life and to save my marriage, I felt that I had to give them up. With a heavy heart, I made arrangements for them to go and live with someone else. I didn’t realize how deeply I loved them until after they left for school that final day and never came home. What did I tell them those last days? I don’t remember, but whatever it was, it wasn’t enough.

Slowly I began to find healing, and I prayed as never before that the girls would be returned to me. When I finally pursued it with my husband’s blessing, I was told that they were no longer available to us. They were adopted 8 months after we gave them up by a family in the United States. This family has chosen to have zero contact with us. The grief I feel over their loss is ongoing, compounded by feelings of guilt and regret for all of the things I wished I’d done differently. My biggest regret is giving them up.

I pray that somehow, there will be more to our story and that one day I will see them again. The verse I hold on to for them is Isaiah 61:7, “Instead of your shame you shall have double honor, and instead of confusion they shall rejoice in their portion. Therefore in their land they shall possess double; everlasting joy shall be theirs.”

Favorite memories? Doing their hair in the mornings, holding their small hands as we walked along, and hearing them call me Mami.

Child #4
My son, CM, was born in 2009, three months after the girls were adopted. He was a very colicky baby, intense and determined from the moment he was born. It took us 3 months to work out our nursing problems, and to this day he’s still not a good sleeper. In our journey to figure out why everything tends to be complicated with him, so far we’ve come up with sensory processing disorder (SPD) and food allergies (dairy, corn, and wheat). I am very thankful for everything I learned with SB and the girls, because I have used it all and more with CM.

But as with SB, CM’s challenges do not define who he is, nor lessen our love for him. He is an amazing little guy, full of energy, curiosity, and affection. I call him my buddy, and he has been such a blessing to me. His verse is Isaiah 60:22, “A little one shall become a thousand, and a small one a strong nation…” because I am convinced that I am raising a future leader. With his incredible focus and force of will, I believe he’ll dominate whatever field he chooses to pursue. I tell him, “You’re a little prince, and someday you’ll grow up to be king.” I tell myself on the hard days, what if I knew for sure I was raising the next president, CEO, or father of a family, what would I teach him and how would I act? He hasn’t lost any of his intensity, but I am trying to channel it into compassion, wisdom, courage, and self-control.

Favorite memory? I have a little rhyme I say to him, “I love you when you’re good and I love you when you’re bad, I love you when you’re happy and I love you when you’re sad, I love you when you’re angry and I love you when you’re mad. I love you all the time, no matter what.” The other day, he started saying it back to me, but only got, “I love you when you’re bad, I love you when you’re happy, I love you all the time.” Then he went around saying, “I love you all the time,” several times that afternoon. None of my first three children ever said they loved me, even though I believe they each did in their own way. So after doing the mom thing for 5 years, it was nice to finally hear it.

Child #5
Despite everything, as time passed I began to want another child (adopted or biological), but I was no longer sure if we could handle more. One day in February when things were looking particularly hopeless, I felt a quiet voice in my spirit say to me, “By this time next year, you will have a baby.” And like Sarah, I laughed. It seemed the furthest thing from possible; we could barely stay afloat some days just caring for CM. But as I did my devotions over the next few weeks, it kept coming up, a quiet impression on my mind as I read about Samson’s mother and Hannah. 

At the end of May two home pregnancy tests said I wasn’t pregnant, but a certain expected event still didn’t happen, so I decided to get a blood test done to know once and for all. It was positive! For many reasons that I cannot really explain, this baby is such a miracle and a sign of grace from God. It was no surprise to me that he/she is due early in February. My prayer for this child is, “Please, Lord, may I have an easy one, just once?”

What do you think is the most important quality in a mother? What do you think children need most from their mothers?
What my children have needed the most has been love, shown through perseverance, patience, creativity, selflessness, and consistency.

What has been the hardest experience you have gone through as a mother? What did that experience teach you?
Death and loss. I’ve learned that some things will not be completely healed until heaven.

What are your favorite ways to relax when you need a little break?
Reading, a hot shower, and blogging at adventuresandtrials.blogspot.com

What advice would you give to other mothers out there who are reading this interview?
Please be compassionate instead of judgmental, as we all have battles to fight. We are all villains and heroines at some point in the tale.

New Series: SuperMom!

I´m finally getting ready to publish my newest series, and it´s one I´m especially excited about!

This series is to kick off a new thing I´m doing on here called ¨Get-through-your-Monday Girl Time¨! I will be posting something specifically for women every Monday morning, for a little ¨girl time¨ to start the week. I, and other women, will be writing things on here to uplift and encourage you, and help you feel connected to other women, no matter where on the globe you currently find yourself. This idea was born from my own personal need for girl time, and lack of nearby girlfriends as I serve on the mission field in Ecuador.

To kick off this special new Monday Girl Time, I´ve developed a new series. The series is called SuperMom: Undercover. I interviewed a handful of moms that I love and admire, because I want to share them with you!

This post is a sort of preface to the interviews that I will be publishing each week. As you read the interviews, what I hope is that these moms give you some encouragement about your own motherhood, if you´re a mother, or womanhood, if you´re a woman who hasn´t embarked on the journey of motherhood.

These women are not famous. This blog might be the first time you´ve ever heard of them. But they deserve to be recognized; not because they´re perfect, or have it all together, but because they are real moms, who make mistakes, and try their best to keep going and honor God. Their houses may or may not be completely organized, their laundry may or may not be done. They might be homeschool moms, or public school moms, or private school moms. They might be stay-at-home moms, or students or carreer women. They might be biological moms, adoptive moms or foster moms. They might be special needs moms. They might be moms who have suffered through miscarriage or the loss of a child. Their stories are all different, but they have this in common: They work hard every day to be a better mom than they were yesterday, to give their children what they need, many times at the cost of high personal sacrifice, and they don´t give up, even when being a mother is the hardest thing they´ve ever done.

These women don´t think of themselves as ¨super moms¨ at all. Most of them made a point of telling me that. They are painfully aware of their shortcomings, just like you and I are. They struggle to set aside selfishness and insecurity. They sometimes go to bed feeling like a failure.

Sound familiar?

I want to share these women with you because they are extraordinary. In a world where being a stay-at-home mom has become a competitive career, where Pinterest and blogs make you feel inadequate because you aren´t saving toilet paper rolls to turn into art or you aren´t teaching your one-week-old baby how to read, I think we could all use a dose of reality. Here are real moms, sharing their real lives with you, in the hopes that you will be encouraged to be who you are, to stop being so hard on yourself (if you figure out how, let us know!), and to just love your kids while you have them. They grow up too fast, and what we regret won´t be that we didn´t make edible finger paints for them. When we look back on motherhood, we want to know that we did our best, that we loved our children, that we taught them the most important lessons, and that when we give our accounting to God for how we raised them, He will say to us, ¨Well done!¨

You can find the links to each interview here, as I post them, starting next Monday, January 7th:

Becky Gudiño

Dusty Koepp

Darci Brown

Kimbre Varney

Jessica Llancafil

Julia Rodrick

Teresa Legere

Allison Bohn

Theresa Fuller

Catherine Allison

Gretchen Castro


Jeanne Gant

Tiffany Nardoni

Mariela Velasco

An Eternal Christmas Gift

This Christmas, are you happy with the gifts you have gotten for your loved ones? While we each open our many gifts on Christmas morning, there are children all over the world who will not open so much as one present. They will receive abuse, neglect and poverty instead of hearing and feeling the love of Christ. You can help change that! For a one-time gift of $20 you can change this Christmas for one child, and provide a toy and/or clothes for that child, as well as the opportunity to not only hear about God´s love, but experience it as well. Just email us at revolution_ministries_ec@hotmail.com for more information!!

It´s Christmas Time!

Have you gotten your Christmas shopping done yet? You can add something eternal to your Christmas list by sponsoring a child for Christmas, for a one-time gift of $20! Your gift provides warm clothes and a toy/age appropriate gift, and an opportunity to share God´s love with a child in need! In return, you will get a photo of your child and the gifts you provided, not to mention rewards in heaven!

“The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’”

Send me an email at revolution_ministries_ec@hotmail.com for more information!

And the winners are....

It´s time to announce the winners of our drawing!

We had a total of 90 tickets sold

 And the winners are:

For the chess set, number 673: Darci Brown

For the table cloth, number 750: Gretchen Castro

For the nativity, number 712: Rosemary Weistart

Congratulations to our winners, and thank you to everyone who participated!!

You can check out a video of the drawing here. (just as soon as it loads onto facebook!)

Revolution Ministries Fundraiser!

Dear Family and Friends,

I am so excited to tell you about what has been going on in our lives lately and also share with you something wonderful that we´re going to be doing!

If it seems to some of you like it has been a while since you heard from us, first I want to apologize. The truth is that this year has been very challenging for our family, and we have been keeping a low profile and trying to regroup. Over Christmas and New Year´s, Isabella and I were both sick, and I was in the hospital. We were barely recovering from the physical and financial strain that brought on when, in February of this year I suffered a miscarriage. It was a very difficult time for us as a family, and we needed to take time out to heal. Unfortunately, on the mission field, time out is hard to come by. We kept saying we would do it, take time as a family, but it just never really worked out.

In July of this year we got the first really good news that we had gotten all year—we were expecting another baby! We were very happy to receive this news, but also cautious about announcing it, since the last pregnancy ended in loss. We recently saw the 12 week ultrasound and everything is going great so far! We even saw the baby´s little nose!

Some of you will remember that I had some complications in my pregnancy with Bella, especially that near the end I had preeclampsia and had some very scary experiences with Ecuadorian health care before Bella was born. Because of that, and the miscarriage after that, we felt that it would wise for us to get medical care for this pregnancy in the US.

We started talking about taking a furlough from the mission field a while ago, after the miscarriage. Both Jairo and I felt like God was leading us to take this step. We decided to commit it to prayer and see what God would do. Over the next few months we saw how God began to open the doors, in many ways. We believe that now is the time that He is calling us to the US, to have the baby, to rest and to fundraise for the next phase of the ministry here in Ecuador.

We plan to stay in the US for 6 months to a year, depending on how God leads. During that time we hope to visit family and friends, fundraise and visit those churches that support us, and seek proper medical care for myself and the baby. We plan to split our time between Illinois and Maine, since God seems to be opening doors for us in both places, and we´re really looking forward to this trip!

God has already used many generous people and churches to help us fundraise to get to the US, but we still need to raise more money to pay for tickets and travel expenses, as well as other costs, like a passport for the new baby! We´re getting there, and we know God will see this through!

We are so thankful to those people who have donated funds to the ministry for this purpose without us even asking! Thank you! We know how hard it is for people to sacrifice their money during this difficult economic climate, and we know God will bless your generosity! We don´t have the funds ourselves to pay for tickets, since we are full-time missionaries and live off of support and God´s mercy, but we do want to work for this vision that God has placed on our hearts. After a lot of praying and brainstorming, we decided to organize a fundraiser for the trip in the form of a drawing!

We will be offering 3 (three) items in a drawing, and the tickets for the drawing are $5 (five dollars) each. The items are a hand-carved, Ecuadorian-style wooden nativity set, a hand-embroidered table cloth, and a hand-crafted chess set, whose characters are Incas vs. Spaniards. You can find pictures of the items below. They are all hand-crafted here in the artisan market in Quito, Ecuador. We are officially opening the drawing today, September 19^th, 2012, and it will close at 11:59pm, central time, on October 17^th, 2012. The winners will be announced here on my personal blog, our Revolution Ministries webpage (https://revolutionministriesec.wordpress.com/) and on our facebook group page (https://www.facebook.com/groups/110803655739903/).

If you would like to participate in this drawing, it´s easy to do. First, let me know that you would like to participate by sending me an email at revolution_ministries_ec@hotmail.com. Let me know your name, address (for shipping the prize/s if you should win), and how many tickets you would like to purchase. Then you can send in payment for your tickets to:

Revolution Ministries
844 Hackberry Rd.
Chatham, IL 62629

If you send in a check or money order, please write ¨drawing¨ and the number of tickets you are purchasing (¨# tickets¨) on the memo line. If you send cash, please include a note with your name, address, and number of tickets you are purchasing. You will be given a number for each ticket you purchase, and one winning number per prize will be chosen on the date given above.

Legal stuff: There is no limit to how many tickets you can purchase. Keep in mind that your chances of winning are increased if you buy more tickets. Obviously we can only send a prize after we receive payment for tickets, so if we do not receive payment we will have to choose another winner.

That´s it! Our goal is to sell at least 750 tickets. It´s a big goal, but we serve a big God! Please feel free to share this drawing with your friends, family and coworkers. The items we are raffling are beautiful and hand-made, so even people who aren´t familiar with our ministry might be interested in a drawing!

You can track the progress of the drawing on our facebook group page (https://www.facebook.com/groups/110803655739903/), which I will try to keep updated as to the number of tickets sold.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this message and for considering your participation in this fundraiser! We are so excited to see what God will do! And we can´t wait to see all of you in person soon! Please help us by praying for this fundraiser and for our family as we get ready for what God is doing!

In Christ,

Jairo, Ashley and Isabella
Revolution Ministries

Handmade chess set, Incas vs. Spaniards, 6.25in x 6.25in board. In this picture: The Incas.

Handmade chess set, Incas vs. Spaniards, 6.25in x 6.25in board. In this picture: The Spaniards.

Handmade chess set, Incas vs. Spaniards, 6.25in x 6.25in board. In this picture: The whole set.

Handmade chess set, Incas vs. Spaniards, 6.25in x 6.25in board. In this picture: The set is self-contained for easy storage. All pieces fit inside.

Handmade chess set, Incas vs. Spaniards, 6.25in x 6.25in board. In this picture: The set is self-contained for easy storage. View from the outside when packed up.

Hand-embroidered square table cloth. Known here in Ecuador as a ¨table center¨, looks lovely centered on any size table. The cloth measures 32in x 32in.

Hand-embroidered square table cloth. Known here in Ecuador as a ¨table center¨, looks lovely centered on any size table. The cloth measures 32in x 32in. In this picture: Close-up of some of the crochet and embroidery work.

Hand-embroidered square table cloth. Known here in Ecuador as a ¨table center¨, looks lovely centered on any size table. The cloth measures 32in x 32in. In this picture: Close-up of some of the crochet and embroidery work in the center.

Hand-embroidered square table cloth. Known here in Ecuador as a ¨table center¨, looks lovely centered on any size table. The cloth measures 32in x 32in. In this picture: The cloth, partially folded.

Wooden, hand-carved nativity set. Beautiful detailing, hand painted. Six pieces: Three wise men, Mary, Joseph and baby Jesus. Height of pieces, about 5.5in.

Wooden, hand-carved nativity set. Beautiful detailing, hand painted. Six pieces: Three wise men, Mary, Joseph and baby Jesus. Height of pieces, about 5.5in. In this picture: Close up of the wise men and some of their detailing.

Wooden, hand-carved nativity set. Beautiful detailing, hand painted. Six pieces: Three wise men, Mary, Joseph and baby Jesus. Height of pieces, about 5.5in. In this picture: Another view of the pieces.

Wooden, hand-carved nativity set. Beautiful detailing, hand painted. Six pieces: Three wise men, Mary, Joseph and baby Jesus. Height of pieces, about 5.5in. In this picture: Close up of detailing.

When God Says ¨No¨.

I was sitting in a van full of people, some of the coolest people I know. Two guys were talking about how they had each lost a daughter, the same year, almost the same month. I had just had a miscarriage the month before, which is not the same thing, but in some small way I felt a connection with that parent´s heart that has experienced loss. One of the guys, in the course of the conversation, said, ¨Yeah, sometimes God says ´No´.¨

Has God ever said ¨No,¨ to you? Maybe he said ¨No,¨ to you in a big way, like in the loss of a child or family member. Maybe it was something smaller, but still painful.

There´s this idea circulating amongst Christians that if God says, ¨No,¨ to you, it means you either have some hidden sin in your life, or you didn´t have enough faith. I think there are circumstances where either of those two things could be true. Someone harboring sin in their lives with an unrepentant heart is making it very difficult for God to even hear their prayers, let alone answer. And certainly if we hope to receive anything from God we must believe that He can do it, and will do it, if it´s His will. But I know a lot of people who have receive big No´s from God, and weren´t living in either of those situations, as far as I can tell.

So, why does God say ¨No¨?

I think there are probably only two situations, outside the ones mentioned above, that cause God to say ¨No¨ to us. Either what we are asking for is going to be bad for us in the long run, or what we are asking for is not as good as something else that God is prepared to give us.

Of course, you have to understand that if you were given a choice between the thing you are asking for and the thing that is better, you might still choose the thing you are asking for. You might not see that better thing as being better, especially not at first.

Here´s an example: If you knew that the death of your own child would lead to the salvation and healing of hundreds, maybe thousands of children, would you choose to let your child die? Of course not! Only two kinds of people would do that: Crazy people and people who are almost entirely selfless, good and loving.

Here´s another example: Would you give up your child if you knew God would give you five more? No. No one would give up the child they know and love for five hypothetical children.

I think about Job. He lost everything, his possessions, his children, everything. At the end of the story we´re told that he is blessed with even more than he had, even with more children. Woohoo! Great ending for Job! Except he still lost his children. He would never be the same again. Ask anyone who has lost a loved one. You can´t go back.

And I think that´s the point.

When God talks about having plans for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future, He is not short-sighted. It´s not really about all the children who will be saved by the loss of your child, or the five children you will gain. Those are just perks to get you through life in this miserable place. God is never only thinking of this life. This life is a tool to get you ready for the life to come.

It isn´t about what you lose. It´s about who you become. If we´re going to be ready for Heaven, we have to get rid of those bits of this world that are mixed into us. And at first, it´s not that painful. It´s mostly cosmetic. But the deeper we go, the more it hurts. At the same time, ask any doctor what worries him more: the splinter in your finger or the shrapnel in your heart. You have to go deeper, you have to let God get it all.

The lesson from Job is complicated and simple. You can read a hundred commentaries and find dozens of ideas on what the ¨point¨ is, but I think it´s simple. Job was a good man, a religious man, who didn´t know God. By the end of the story, he was a wounded man who knew God and loved Him. And you can´t get to know God while He´s just your magic Genie. You get to know God through the No´s.

You can´t go back. And when you´re going through it, you wish you could. But you can´t. Some people spend all their lives looking back, wishing to get the shrapnel put back in their hearts, and those are the people who never find peace.

The moment when God says ¨No¨ is the exact moment where you have to decide what you believe. Do you trust Him? Is He really good? Does He really love you? And if you decide to believe, despite your circumstances, then you take what might be the first real step of faith that you have ever taken. Your sufferings make your faith go from theoretical to real, and even though that shift is painful, it is completely necessary.

I´ll leave you with a few verses that I have found helpful. I hope they encourage you, too.

¨Come, let us return to the Lord. He has torn us to pieces but he will heal us; he has injured us but he will bind up our wounds.¨ Hosea 6:1

¨I want to know Christ—yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, attaining to the resurrection from the dead.¨ Philipians 3:10-11


“Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked I will depart. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised.” Job 1:21

It all started with a faint pink line...

I haven´t written in this blog for a long time. I didn´t feel ready to share what has been going on in my life lately. I needed to process it and accept it, and in some way understand it. Once I did all that, I had to face the blank screen of my computer and try to find the words to express it all. So here it is. I hope it explains my absence and I also hope it encourages you, no matter what you´re going through right now.

When we decided to try to get pregnant the first time, I got pregnant with B the very first month we tried. So, I was sort of expecting the same thing the second time around. So, getting that monthly reminder that I was not pregnant after the first month of trying for baby #2 was a total let down to me, emotionally. The second month of trying could really be more classified as "not not trying". There was no real effort at timing. We were super busy. I was a little disappointed from last month not working, and not sure I was up to what might be months and months of waiting and being disappointed.

As the month wore on, what changed for me was my attitude. I have this long list of things to cover in prayer this time around. With B, it was just healthy delivery, healthy baby, healthy mommy, no c-section, no episiotomy. Oh how little I knew about what all can go wrong! Now the list was something like this: no miscarriage, no birth defects, no pre-eclampsia, no psycho doctors, no food allergies for baby, no urinary tract infections, no sibling rivalry, no vomitting, no mood swings, no stretch marks, no swelling, healthy delivery, healthy baby, healthy mommy, no c-section, no episiotomy...and the list just got longer and longer. Nothing out of my control, please. Thank you.

I realized somewhere in there as I spent time with God that there's nothing wrong with sharing our fears and concerns with God, but at some point we have to actually trust Him. If I were to have a miscarriage, would I still love and serve God? If my child is born with severe food allergies or some medical condition, would I curse God and desert my faith? Would my wish list not coming true mean that God doesn't love me, or that He is not good? Wasn't I putting conditions on my love for Him?

I had to let go. I said, "Ok, God. I trust you. I mean, I don't really. But I want to. I choose to. Whatever you have for me, I'll take it. Because I know it will be the best thing for me." Ouch. Hard prayer to pray. Hard prayer to mean.

When I started feeling pregnant-ish, I blew it off. Last month I got my hopes up, and I looked like a total idiot to my husband when I turned out not to be pregnant. This time I was zipping those lips. We'll see, I would tell myself. So I feel a little more exhausted that usual? I have a toddler. Do I ever NOT feel exhausted? So I'm a little moody? Again. Mother of a toddler. Ha. So I waited. And waited.

I am not a waiter. I am hasty, impulsive, NOW NOW NOW! But I waited.

One day late. (Last month was February. Short month. Probably thrown off by that.) Two days late. Hmm. Cramps, probably going to end these suspicions any minute. Three days late. Weird. Very uncommon for me. But still. No high hopes. Four days late...moment of truth.

I started getting bad headaches on day four, and some nausea. Could be coming down with something. But Jairo was leaving for Puyo tomorrow night, and I really wanted to know before he left. We went out as a family and I found some pretext to go off on my own for a minute, went to the pharmacy and bought a pregnancy test. Should I take it now? Should I wait?

I decided it was now or never. With a friend covering me in prayer (the only way to do anything right), the next morning as soon as I woke up, I went straight to the bathroom (needed to anyway), pulled the test out from its hiding place amidst the feminine hygiene products (he would never look there!), studied it one more time and went for it. One line, not pregnant. Two lines, pregnant. My prayer was that whatever happened, the test would be accurate.

I waited. One line appeared instantly. Where was the other line? Why wasn't it there? (Apparently I did get my hopes up, after all.) Are you kidding me? I am never late!! Wait...that looks like...is that a very faint...(B starts crying)...CRAP. Hide the evidence. Grab the test. Go get B back to sleep.

Jairo wakes up as I get back into bed and gets up to use the bathroom. (So glad I hid the evidence!) He comes back and falls right asleep. He saw nothing. Good. Bella drifts off. I dash out of bed (except it was more like a slow, acrobatic crawl), grab the test and rush off to the kitchen (good lighting). There is definitely a faint second line! It's light. Very light. But any positive is a positive in pregnancy tests. It's graded on a curve. As long as you get something, you're growing a baby in there.

I decided to wake Jairo up and tell him the news. I made a really quick design on photoshop, something like this:

Picture of Jairo as a kid and his birthdate.
Picture of me as a kid and my birthdate.
Picture of our wedding and our wedding date.
Picture of B when she was born and her birthday.
Picture of the new pregnancy test and the expected due date (thanks to online due date calculators)

I woke him up (always a difficult job). I said, come here, it's important. I had put the design on the background of my computer. Look, I said. He looked. He looked again. Then he jumped up and said, Really?!?!?!

It was great. I can never do surprises. I must be maturing or something. Ha.

And so, it started with a faint pink line.

But this time it didn´t end nine months later with the delivery of a new baby.

I look back on it and realize that God was preparing me for something as I played tug of war during prayer time. That one thing that we all dread as soon as we find out we are pregnant, but try to keep out of our minds. Miscarriage. Before he took me through it, He got me to the point of acceptance. He got me to the place where I put the life of this little one in His hands, and trusted Him.

I´ll be honest. The whole reason I´m sharing this on my blog, instead of keeping it secret like I would have wanted to, is because I hope it will help someone else. So I´ll be totally honest.

When I saw the bleeding a few days after the positive pregnancy test, I knew in my heart what the doctor would later confirm, because the truth is, I had known it all along. That´s why I fought so fiercly with God. I knew what was coming. I see now that it was God´s mercy. But at the time it seemed like a cruel joke.

Why would God induce me to trust Him and then do the very thing I feared the most?

Do you know why?

Because He loves me.

I know. It seems like a contradiction. You don´t have to tell me how difficult of an idea it is to accept...I know. I went through it.

Those who suffer are blessed, because they receive comfort from God. They get to know Him, not as a magic genie or a last resort, but as a real person, with a will and a plan. Our suffering brings us one step closer to knowing Him, and knowing Him eclispes any suffering we experience.

I think it´s easy to take God for granted, to misunderstand the real purpose of our salvation. We weren´t saved so that life would be easy. We were saved for holiness. If you want to purify gold, you don´t cuddle with it, you put it through the fire. If you want to sanctify a person, you do the same thing.

I think this loss was, for me, the final straw. But not in the way people might expect. To me it was like the last lock finally being opened, and being free for the first time of all of my delisions about this world. I could finally realize that this world is not my home, it is not worth holding on to, and that I have to live my life for what is to come.

If you are suffering, there is comfort to be found in Christ, and it is a comfort that works like a strong medicine. It tastes bitter when you drink it, but it heals you completely. It doesn´t just restore your health, it brings you to a new level of health, spiritual health, and you would never have gotten there if you weren´t first sick and in need of a cure. The suffering of this life is merciful because it readies us for the next life, and equips us to live this life the way we ought to, for God and not for ourselves.

I´m thankful for my sufferings and I am thankful for my blessings. I´m thankful for the baby I will meet someday in heaven, and I´m thankful for the baby I hold in my arms every night. And I´m thankful because finally I can sincerely say with John, ¨Even so, Lord Jesus, Come!¨

Clean your Microwave and your Kitchen Drain in about Five Minutes!

This is by far the easiest way you will ever clean your microwave and kitchen sink drain. It will take you right around 5 minutes!

Start with a microwave-safe container of water, about 4 cups or so.

Grab some limes (or lemons). If you use these little cooking limes, you´ll use about 1 per cup of water.

Cut the limes in half.

 Juice the limes. I use a lime juicer, but you can use your hands. It doesn´t matter if the seeds fall in the water.

Put the bowl in the microwave, uncovered, for 3 minutes. While it´s in there, wipe down the outside of your microwave. If it takes you longer than three minutes, you´re not doing this often enough!!

Once the microwave beeps, set your timer for 2 minutes. Don´t open your microwave yet. While you´re waiting for the timer to go off, wash your cutting board, knife and juicer.

Once the two minutes is up, wipe down the inside of your microwave. The grime should slide right off. If it´s super dirty, you might need to dip your rag in the lime water and then wipe down. Microwave done.

Now get out your baking soda.

Grab that bowl of lime water and dumb some baking soda in there, maybe about 1/4 to 1/2 cup or so. It will fizz. Now dump the mixture down your kitchen drain. Flush with hot water. Done.

Easy, right? What will you do with all the time I just saved you, not to mention the lack of toxic fumes??