-Ashley
Tell us a little bit about yourself. Who are you?
I’m Theresa Fuller. I’m a stay-at-home mom and I’m currently working on my Bachelor’s Degree in Healthcare Administration.
Tell us about your family.
I’ve been married for 9 years to my husband, Stephen. We met in the Army National Guard about ten years ago and fell in love at first sight. Not really, though… Actually he asked me out a bunch of times, I said no a bunch of times, and then my car broke down and he just happened to stop to help me, so I was forced to say yes when he asked me out again. Then, we were a bit careless and a couple months later while he was in Korea I sent him an email, “We need to talk when you get home.” He responded with, “Are you pregnant?” The answer was yes… And that should make the math easier for anyone who starts doing the math on the next question…
How many children do you have, and what are their ages?
Stephanie, 9 years; Christopher, 8 years; Makenzie, almost 5 years
This is an interview about motherhood, but your motherhood is shaped a lot by your marriage. How would you describe your relationship with your husband?
We have a lot of fun. We play fight and argue and joke around constantly. People often think we’re arguing, when really we’re just joking around with one another. We enjoy each other´’s company and love laughing at/with each other. When we actually argue, it rarely lasts long. We’ve been through some rough times, especially after his dad died, and I think we both seriously considered divorce for a good year, but we stuck it out and now we’re a lot happier.
What is the hardest thing about being married?
I think the hardest part for us is disciplining the children together. We both have different ideas on parenting and he’s quick to discipline while I’m quick to just talk to the kids about what they’re doing wrong. I base more importance on communication and he bases more importance on punishment so that they’ll learn from their mistakes.
What is the best thing about being married?
The best thing about being married is having someone to share things with. Whether something good happens, or something bad happens, he’s always the first one I want to tell.
Describe a memory between you and your husband that really stands out in your mind.
As I mentioned before, we barely knew each other when I got pregnant. I was 19 years old and we hadn’t seen each other for weeks because he was in Korea. He got back home and I expected him to say he wanted nothing to do with the baby or me. I even thought he might bring up adoption or abortion. I was terrified and thought I was going to have to have my baby and take care of it alone. I was also self-conscious because I was so skinny when I got pregnant that I was starting to show already.
We went on a date and talked and I don’t remember much of that at all, but afterwards he drove me back to my car. I remember still expecting to never see him again, but before I got into my car he put his arms around me and hugged me. We stood in a parking lot next to my car, under the stars, and he just held me for what seemed like forever. I remember thinking to myself, “Wow, I might be able to fall in love with this guy.” And then I did…
How did your relationship with your husband change when you became parents?
Since our story isn’t the normal story of love, marriage, babies, we didn’t really know one another very well by the time I had Stephanie. She was born prematurely and was in NICU for a while before she came home on an apnea monitor. Stephen and I were clearly both still kids before she was born, but as soon as she was born we both grew up quite a bit. He woke up with me every 2 hours to go back to the hospital and feed Stephanie, and he made sure I ate enough and took care of myself. We started really relying on each other after Stephanie was born, and I finally realized not only how much I loved him, but how much he loved me. He’d asked me to marry him before, but I had said “no” because I didn’t want him to marry me just because I was pregnant. A week after Stephanie was born, he asked again, and I knew at that point that there was so much more to our relationship than just having a baby together. I said yes and we got married the next day.
How does your parenting style compare with your husband´s?
If the kids do something wrong, Stephen scolds them or makes them take a time out. I usually start with a warning or a discussion. I’m big on making them discuss their feelings, whereas he doesn’t. He jokes around with the kids more than I do, and they wrestle with each other all the time. He’d rather stay at home and play with the kids or work in the yard with them, but I like to take the kids places and try to avoid being at home with them if the weather’s nice.
In what ways have you changed since you became a mother?
I’ve become a million times more patient. I’ve changed so much that I don’t really know where to begin, but with each child I’ve become progressively more patient and understanding.
Describe a memory of pregnancy that stands out to you.
I loved being pregnant, so this is a difficult question to choose just one! Of course, I remember the first time I felt my babies move, and I remember the first time I put Stephen´s hand on my belly so that he could feel them move with each pregnancy… I guess one of my favorite memories is probably listening to Stephen read to my belly. He used to read Oh Baby, the Places You’ll Go to my belly every day. Right before I had Stephanie, he read it again and I cried the whole time.
Describe a memory of your first weeks of motherhood that stands out to you.
When Stephanie was 28 days old, Stephen deployed. I drove to Ft. McCoy, Wisconsin every single weekend with our tiny, premature newborn to make sure that he got to see her as many times as possible before he went overseas. I was never more than a few feet from Stephanie for the first few months because I couldn’t stand being away from both her and my husband.
In what ways has your parenting style changed with each child?
I’ve become less nervous about everything. Now I know that a fever is usually nothing to worry about, so I baby my kids and treat them, but I don’t panic. I still keep my kids close, and it still annoys me when I see other kids running free with no parents in sight, but I’ve learned that it’s okay if they climb a tree (not TOO high) and maybe fall and scrape a knee, etc. I’ve just generally allowed each kid to have a little bit more fun because I know that they might get hurt, but they can still play and have fun without getting hurt even if I don’t keep them on a tight leash.
In what ways are they similar to each other and in what ways are they different?
All three of my kids are very loving. They still randomly give me a hug or a kiss on the cheek and tell me that they love me. Stephanie’s feelings are easily hurt, and she’s quite the drama queen. Sometimes she’ll run off screaming that “nobody loves her,” but she’s quick to smile when I remind her that she’s actually very loved, even when she’s being dramatic. A small scolding is all she needs if she does something wrong. She’s so eager to please. Christopher is stubborn and has a temper. Scolding does little good, but grounding him from his favorite toys keeps him in line when needed. Makenzie is a trouble-maker. She’s quick to shed crocodile tears if she gets caught doing something wrong, and she’s usually the one who starts the arguments. She’s also hilarious. It’s hard to punish her without laughing most of the time.
All three of my kids are VERY polite. I love it when I receive compliments on their manners/behavior. It reminds me that I’m doing something right, and it makes them feel good about themselves, too!
In what ways are your children similar to you? In what ways are they different from you?
Remember that drama queen thing? Stephanie gets that from me. Christopher’s temper? That’s his dad. And Makenzie’s trouble-making ability? Also me. I call my mom and apologize weekly.
For each of your children, share one of your favorite memories.
How do I choose just one? This question has taken me forever because I feel like I make a new favorite memory every week.
I think for Stephanie, my favorite memory is my wedding. One of the NICU nurses brought Stephanie to the hospital chapel so that she could be there for Stephen and I’s last-minute wedding. I didn’t think she’d be allowed to go, so it was a huge, amazing surprise for me. I’ll always be grateful to that nurse for allowing us that memory.
Christopher- I think my favorite just happened a couple weeks ago. I took him to Turkey Run with my mother-in-law and his sisters and at the end of a great day (before he’d received a SINGLE present, mind you), he informed me that this was the BEST birthday ever, and told Makenzie that she should go there for her birthday, too.
Makenzie- I can’t choose a single memory of Makenzie… My favorite general memory about her was when she was a baby. From the time she was born, she was the fussiest, loudest baby. I knew she was my last, though, so I didn’t mind. I cuddled, rocked, patted, walked, soothed, and nursed her with such patience for so many months. I don’t know where I got the patience from, but I don’t remember ever feeling overwhelmed with her like I did with the other two. I enjoyed every single minute of it, even without any sleep.
Describe a moment as a mother where you felt overwhelmed.
When Stephen got on the bus to deploy, I’ve never felt so overwhelmed. I had this tiny baby, my new husband was going to go overseas, and I was very young. I really can’t describe how difficult it was for me to be strong for Stephanie, or how painful it was to see my husband cry as he told our little girl goodbye.
What are your favorite ways to relax when you need a little break?
I love a hot bubble bath and a good book. My kids might not have survived this long if not for hot water and books. Okay, they may have SURVIVED, but they might be in cages or something. (Kidding, I swear).
What has been the hardest lesson you have had to learn as a mother?
I think it’s that babies really DO grow up way too fast. I could elaborate, but I think any mom reading this already understands.
What has been the hardest experience you have gone through as a mother? What did that experience teach you?
I think this goes back to when Stephen deployed. It taught me that I could do more than I ever thought I could. I could handle more than I knew. It also taught me that things were no longer about me; they were about my baby(ies). I learned to rely on my family, and on my little girl for comfort because I didn’t have to do anything alone. I had other people.
Looking back on your life as a mother, what, if anything, do you regret?
I regret not getting antidepressants sooner after I had Christopher. I had postpartum depression and I didn’t realize it. Because of that, I barely remember the first 6 months of his life, really. I didn’t enjoy him as much as I should have. To be honest, I didn’t really even like him at first. I loved him, but I didn’t like him. That is my only regret.
What do you think is the most important quality in a mother?
Patience. If you become frustrated quickly or forget that these little people rely on you to teach them, you miss out on so many chances. Everything can be a learning experience, and with a little patience, everything can be fun.
What do you think children need most from their mothers?
Love, but that seems obvious.
What advice would you give to other mothers out there who are reading this interview?
You will make mistakes. So will your kids. Big deal! Learn from them, teach from them, and move on. Love every single minute. A friend of mine has metastatic breast cancer and 2 young girls. She lives every day with the sole purpose of making memories for her kids, and now I do, too. If something happens to me tomorrow, I know my kids will have amazing memories because I’ve helped make them.
Do you have any tips or tricks that have helped you stay organized, run your household or raise your kids more effectively?
Organized? Ha! I’m horrible with organization in all forms. Lately I’ve developed a policy… If I wake up one day and want to take the kids to the zoo, we go to the zoo. If the laundry isn’t folded, it can wait until we get home. If we stay home to clean the house, I put on loud music and we sing and dance while we clean. Everything should be an adventure. If you can do that with organization, great, but I’m better at doing it all “on the fly.”
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