When God Says ¨No¨.

I was sitting in a van full of people, some of the coolest people I know. Two guys were talking about how they had each lost a daughter, the same year, almost the same month. I had just had a miscarriage the month before, which is not the same thing, but in some small way I felt a connection with that parent´s heart that has experienced loss. One of the guys, in the course of the conversation, said, ¨Yeah, sometimes God says ´No´.¨

Has God ever said ¨No,¨ to you? Maybe he said ¨No,¨ to you in a big way, like in the loss of a child or family member. Maybe it was something smaller, but still painful.

There´s this idea circulating amongst Christians that if God says, ¨No,¨ to you, it means you either have some hidden sin in your life, or you didn´t have enough faith. I think there are circumstances where either of those two things could be true. Someone harboring sin in their lives with an unrepentant heart is making it very difficult for God to even hear their prayers, let alone answer. And certainly if we hope to receive anything from God we must believe that He can do it, and will do it, if it´s His will. But I know a lot of people who have receive big No´s from God, and weren´t living in either of those situations, as far as I can tell.

So, why does God say ¨No¨?

I think there are probably only two situations, outside the ones mentioned above, that cause God to say ¨No¨ to us. Either what we are asking for is going to be bad for us in the long run, or what we are asking for is not as good as something else that God is prepared to give us.

Of course, you have to understand that if you were given a choice between the thing you are asking for and the thing that is better, you might still choose the thing you are asking for. You might not see that better thing as being better, especially not at first.

Here´s an example: If you knew that the death of your own child would lead to the salvation and healing of hundreds, maybe thousands of children, would you choose to let your child die? Of course not! Only two kinds of people would do that: Crazy people and people who are almost entirely selfless, good and loving.

Here´s another example: Would you give up your child if you knew God would give you five more? No. No one would give up the child they know and love for five hypothetical children.

I think about Job. He lost everything, his possessions, his children, everything. At the end of the story we´re told that he is blessed with even more than he had, even with more children. Woohoo! Great ending for Job! Except he still lost his children. He would never be the same again. Ask anyone who has lost a loved one. You can´t go back.

And I think that´s the point.

When God talks about having plans for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future, He is not short-sighted. It´s not really about all the children who will be saved by the loss of your child, or the five children you will gain. Those are just perks to get you through life in this miserable place. God is never only thinking of this life. This life is a tool to get you ready for the life to come.

It isn´t about what you lose. It´s about who you become. If we´re going to be ready for Heaven, we have to get rid of those bits of this world that are mixed into us. And at first, it´s not that painful. It´s mostly cosmetic. But the deeper we go, the more it hurts. At the same time, ask any doctor what worries him more: the splinter in your finger or the shrapnel in your heart. You have to go deeper, you have to let God get it all.

The lesson from Job is complicated and simple. You can read a hundred commentaries and find dozens of ideas on what the ¨point¨ is, but I think it´s simple. Job was a good man, a religious man, who didn´t know God. By the end of the story, he was a wounded man who knew God and loved Him. And you can´t get to know God while He´s just your magic Genie. You get to know God through the No´s.

You can´t go back. And when you´re going through it, you wish you could. But you can´t. Some people spend all their lives looking back, wishing to get the shrapnel put back in their hearts, and those are the people who never find peace.

The moment when God says ¨No¨ is the exact moment where you have to decide what you believe. Do you trust Him? Is He really good? Does He really love you? And if you decide to believe, despite your circumstances, then you take what might be the first real step of faith that you have ever taken. Your sufferings make your faith go from theoretical to real, and even though that shift is painful, it is completely necessary.

I´ll leave you with a few verses that I have found helpful. I hope they encourage you, too.

¨Come, let us return to the Lord. He has torn us to pieces but he will heal us; he has injured us but he will bind up our wounds.¨ Hosea 6:1

¨I want to know Christ—yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, attaining to the resurrection from the dead.¨ Philipians 3:10-11


“Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked I will depart. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised.” Job 1:21