-Ashley
Tell us a little bit about yourself. Who are you?
Growing up I didn't really have a desire to find a husband like some women do, and I didn't think I had the patience to be a mother. My perspective changed when I started dating my husband in college. He had such a strong desire to be married and have a family that God softened my heart to the idea. During college I had trouble fully committing to a field of study and eventually graduated with the major of psychology because of it's broad possibilities. Nevertheless, I could never really envision myself in my future job. Now I know it's because God had a different path for me. I've now been a stay at home mom for 6 years. I feel like I'm always learning to do my 'job' better. Two year ago when we started home schooling, I thought the kids would be doing all the learning, but God has definitely found His own teaching moments for me.
Tell us about your family.
Our family make-up is fairly traditional. First and foremost, we believe in the one true God. We strive to center our choices and child rearing on His teachings found in the Bible. With God's direction, we decided early on that I would stay home to raise and teach the children, while my husband, Jake, works outside the home. However, that's about were our traditional roles begin the blur. Jake works long and sometimes inconvenient hours. That being said, I am not a very patient or "delicate" woman and you can often find me doing some traditional husband chores (i.e. mowing & trimming the lawn) along with my other daily tasks. As a whole we try...to serve God, love others, be productive, and find time to have fun. Yes, we try.
How many children do you have, and what are their ages?
We have the privilege of raising three children (2 girls and 1 boy Ages 6, 4, 23 month old).
This is an interview about motherhood, but your motherhood is shaped a lot by your marriage. How would you describe your relationship with your husband?
Our relationship is ever changing and growing. It seems like with our busy lifestyle and three kids we often have to figure out how to relate to each other.
What is the hardest thing about being married?
Compromises. We have the hardest time making decisions everyone ends up being happy with.
What is the best thing about being married?
Not only did I marry my best friend, but he's also my gift from God and He knows that I am his. There's nothing better than the peace and joy of knowing that where I fall short God made Jake to fill in and vice versa.
Describe a memory between you and your husband that really stands out in your mind.
I remember at the end one of our first fights we both started laughing about some joke one of us made. My husband remarked,"look at us, we're laughing." I replied, "yup, as long as we can make each other laugh we'll be just fine." It was just such a relief to end our emotionally-charged disagreement with joyful laughter.
How did your relationship with your husband change when you became parents?
We became pregnant just a few months into our marriage so it's kind of hard to remember when we weren't parents, but I think our relationship became more serious. It no longer was just us. We suddenly had a family and a quickly growing one at that.
How does your parenting style compare with your husband's?
The longer we've been parents it seems like our parenting style has become more alike. However, I have more rules and I'm a more uptight about rough play. I think moms tend to think more about all the ways something could go wrong or how someone could get hurt.
In what ways have you changed since you became a mother?
I see things differently. I want to protect my children's innocence so the things I used to think were in "poor taste" are now unwelcome in my home or children's presence.
Describe a memory of pregnancy that stands out to you.
With each of our children I've strived to give birth naturally using the Bradley method, which is very birth-coach involved. With our first I was in labor for 23.5 hours, and my husband was by my side through all of it. We had three doulas aid us in the process and many nurses along with our doctor come to visit. It felt really nice to hear how well we were doing and to hear others brag on how well it all went later, but the best part was that we got to point to God's strength and glory. Without the Lord by our side, that labor could have gone in a terrible direction. It was such a blessing to have that wonderful experience with my husband as we officially became parents.
Describe a memory of your first weeks of motherhood that stands out to you.
I remember being in a weird fog after we left the hospital. I was tired, emotionally drained, and overwhelmed through those first few weeks. I remember thinking I couldn't wait for this baby to be born, but I'd love to just be pregnant again because I knew what to do then. I think it probably took a little over a month before I started feeling like myself and things felt easier.
In what ways has your parenting style changed with each child?
I've let more things go. I don't do everything according to the parenting books like I did with my first. Sometimes you have to cut corners where it's safe to so you can keep up with the things that really matter.
In what ways are your children similar to each other and in what ways are they different?
Each of them has their own personality, disposition, and preferences. Our oldest is probably the most dramatic. I blame myself a little. Being the first, I overreacted about most things. Our second born is probably the most detailed oriented and the most stubborn. She's the one that will spend the most time working on an art project and she won't leave the table till she's done. I've joked that she was stubborn from the beginning because she was five days over due and had to be induced. Our youngest is super smiley and the most physically aggressive. Everywhere we go people comment on how cute his smile is, but he is not to be crossed because he's also known by his sisters to have a mean pinch.
In what ways are your children similar to you? In what ways are they different from you?
They are pretty creative and crafty like me. The girls often ask to do projects and they all love to repurpose toys and make up new games.
However, they are all much more bold than I have ever considered myself.
For each of your children, share one of your favorite memories.
G: This past school year I remember finishing up a lesson that had been a little tough for her. When it finally clicked, she turned to me and said, "you're the best, mom."
E: She's our little gracious one. Recently, we went shopping for her big sister's birthday gift and not once did she think of herself. She continuously thought about her sister and would she would like.
A: A few months ago we went to Shell Island, Florida. As soon as he saw the ocean, he ran as fast as he could for the water. He would have dove right in if I hadn't caught him... my little adventurer.
Describe a moment as a mother where you felt overwhelmed.
Having our second child was probably my most overwhelming time. I've struggled with postpartum depression with each of our children's births, but going from one, who was 19 months, to two was the hardest.
What are your favorite ways to relax when you need a little break?
I love to have a cup of coffee and watch a creative design show or funny sitcom.
What has been the hardest lesson you have had to learn as a mother?
I can't control and protect my children from everything. Sometimes they are going to get hurt or make poor choices. In those times we just get to help with the aftermath. The only unfailing thing I can do is pray for God's covering when I can't protect them myself.
What has been the hardest experience you have gone through as a mother? What did that experience teach you?
The hardest experience I've had as a mother was losing our twin sons. Three years ago we had a miscarriage. We had two kids already. I'd had healthy pregnancies and never thought it could really happen to me. It really made me value my children in a very different way. It was also time that I learned to lean on the Lord and others. Other women I knew shared there stories and shoulders with me. I was so blessed by God provision and support.
Looking back on your life as a mother, what, if anything, do you regret?
Those times I've been too hard on my children. There are times I have lost my temper and had to ask my children for forgiveness. Those are the times I've had to ask the Lord to cover my mistakes.
What do you think is the most important quality in a mother?Patience. It's the quality I've found lacking in myself. I've often joked that patience is God's life lesson for me.
What do you think children need most from their mothers?
Encouragement. We all need encouragement, but sometimes we forget during all the correction to praise our children. Sometimes we need to catch our kids doing something good.
What advice would you give to other mothers out there who are reading this interview?
Find mentor moms, but don't be negatively comparative. Your going to make mistakes and have short comings but everyone does. Those are the times we need to choose to learn a lesson rather than beat ourselves up.
Do you have any tips or tricks that have helped you stay organized, run your household or raise your kids more effectively?
The kitchen is our house hub. I keep a wall calendar of everyone's schedule; a small bulletin board to pin notes to; a plastic file bin to hold bills and important papers. However, the best advice I can give is to take it one day at a time. Every evening I write the things I need or want to get to the following day on my dry erase board and as the day goes along I erase the things as I finish them. The advice I need to take is to be realistic about your task load. There are only 24 hours in the day and don't be too hard on yourself when you don't finish everything.
Thanks for sharing. I'm sorry for the loss of your twins. I'm worried about going from one to two in just a week or so, so it's encouraging to read of other moms who have made it through.
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