Get-through-your.Monday Girl Time - SuperMom Jeanne Gant

Tell the truth...you actually look forward to Mondays now, because you can´t wait to read the latest mommy interview, right?? Well, maybe that´s a slight exaggeration, but I know these interviews have been an encouragement to me, and a lot of you have told me the same thing! Today´s interview is another great one, from a mommy that I really admire! We have known each other since we were both freshmen in high school and I have watched Jeanne grow from a crazy, slightly hyperactive teen (haha) into a truly inspirational woman and mother! I think you will really enjoy her perspective on life, forgiveness and letting go!

Enjoy!

-Ashley

PS- Don´t forget to leave comments for our mommies!!

 Tell us a little bit about yourself. Who are you?
My name is Jeanne, I am a full time single mom, a full time student, and a full time busy person in general. I am currently going to school for microbiology, I love science, and have recently been very interested in chromosomal research. This interest was sparked by my special needs daughter who has a chromosome disorder. She is my drive and motivation to learn the most I can from school in hopes to one day be able to apply myself in laboratory research. Being a single mom and a student I tend to have a constant, busy schedule, but in my free time I enjoy creating recipes, painting and crafting, and I always find one day a week to unwind with my friends (this is the key to my sanity). I have been through a lot of struggles these past two years, but no matter how tough things may be at times, I always try to keep a good sense of humor along with a forgiving attitude. I have learned that anger and resentment don’t solve your problems, or make you feel any better about them, so laugh it off, and keep chugging along.

Tell us about your family.
My family consists of my daughter Sophia, our two dogs, my mother, and my father. I have been very blessed with parents who have taken us all in during these busy, difficult times. In May 2010, my husband and I separated, and we are now going through a difficult divorce. During all this I discovered there was something not quite right with my daughter, Sophia. She was delayed in all areas, and she had frequent muscle spasms. In 2011, I discovered my daughter had the chromosome disorder trisomy x, the mosaic form. Trisomy x is when a woman is born with an extra x chromosome, and the mosaic form is when some of the cells have three x chromosomes, while the rest have the normal two. This mosaic form is very rare, and doctors aren’t quite sure why she has such severe symptoms. I have definitely become a much stronger person having to deal with so many things put on my plate at one time. I am very grateful for my parents, and the rest of my support system who has helped keep me sane through this journey. The thing I am most grateful for is my daughter, Sophia, who has the prettiest smile, the best laugh, and who has proven to be one tough cookie through all this. She inspires me to let the little things go, and to always keep a smile on.

How many children do you have, and what are their ages?
Sophia is my only child, and she is 3 years old.

This is an interview about motherhood, but your motherhood is shaped a lot by your marriage. How would you describe your relationship with your husband?
Like I mentioned before I am going through a divorce, so my marriage is not a very good one. I got married when I was 19, and married someone I realized I didn’t really know. It was a very rough time with a lot of emotional battles. I have learned so much from this journey, I have a new self-respect that I did not have before, and I have learned how to be truly happy on my own. I used to think life isn’t complete until a woman gets married and has children; this caused me to rush into marriage at an early age. I do not regret getting married, and now getting divorced; I am glad I have discovered who I am through this journey. I am now satisfied being alone, because I no longer feel lonely. I enjoy my independence, take pride in the things I can accomplish on my own, and now love the person I have become. I also wouldn’t have my giggly little girl in my life if I hadn’t gotten married.

What is the hardest thing about being married?
Keeping track of each other’s spendings. If one or both of you aren’t keeping track of the money you spend, then you will probably have many unpleasant arguments about over-drafting the account. I don’t think this was necessarily the hardest thing, but I think it is something a lot of married couples don’t take into account until it’s already a problem. If you can keep the small things as drama free as possible, then you are less likely to get as distressed over the bigger problems.

How did your relationship with your husband change when you became parents?
Unfortunately my ex-husband has made the choice to not be a part of our daughter’s life, so our relationship is virtually nonexistent as this point.

In what ways have you changed since you became a mother?
Before I became a mother I wasn’t very organized, I was more materialistic, I took for granted all the free time I had, and I relied on my mother to make appointments for me. Once I became a mother, or actually when I became pregnant, a clean freak switch turned on inside of me. I now hate for my house to be cluttered or disorganized. I laugh at myself thinking about how my room used to be completely covered in clothes, and now I hang up my clothes in sections according to type, and my undershirts are arranged in color coordinated rows. I also have become a queen of clearance, whereas before I used to buy whatever I wanted without worrying about the price. I don’t care about name brands, or looking super fancy anymore. Wearing yoga pants with a jersey knit cardigan is fancy in my book, and there’s no way you can convince me otherwise. As a busy mom I now cherish every quiet moment I have to myself, I love going to the store and spending extra time really looking over all the cereal. As parents we learn to sacrifice a lot: style, taking a shower daily, sleep, and a little bit of our sanity. We no longer care if we look or feel perfect, as long as our children do.

Describe a memory of pregnancy that stands out to you.
My favorite moment was when I first felt Phia kick. I had just finished eating when I felt a little gurgle feeling in my tummy. I assumed it was just my stomach digesting the food I had just eaten, but then I felt it again, so I put my hands on my tummy, and I could feel the little flutters she was making. I fell in love with those little kicks; I sat around for hours with my hands on my belly singing songs to my little kick boxer. 

Describe a memory of your first weeks of motherhood that stands out to you.
There are so many good memories of the first week I brought my little bug home, but I think one of my favorites was when I gave her her first sponge bath. It was so funny to see her squirm and move around; it looked like she was trying to dance. When we were all done I took a picture of her in her ladybug towel, and she puckered her lips like she was blowing me a kiss. It was so cute, and I just remember feeling so happy finally, after 37 long weeks, to have my baby girl all to myself.

What things do you think you would do differently if you had another child in the future?
I would do a better job at setting up sensory and motor skill activities for my child to do. Since my daughter was quite delayed in developmental skills, I got discouraged that she couldn’t do those motor activities, so we didn’t do the learning play as much as I wish we would have. Next time around I want to create an activity game plan before my baby arrives, because once you bring home baby, creating these activities are not on the top of your list anymore.

Describe your child´s personality.
Sophie was a very happy, easy going baby. She would smile and giggle all the time. Even though we later found out about her development delays, I still felt so blessed to have such a giggly, smiley baby. She still has a very goofy, happy personality. She is constantly smiling and laughing at everything. She loves to interact with others, but also enjoys going to a quiet part of the house, and just playing by herself. One thing I am grateful for is that Sophie never went through the “stranger danger” phase; she falls in love with anyone around her. She enjoys dancing, and now that she is able to walk, she loves racing around, and playing chase. This sweet little girl also has a sour side, though. She laughs when she does something she knows she is not supposed to, like pull the dog’s tail, and she thinks that is hilarious. She also has her moments you tell her no, and she throws a fit, making it very clear she is not a fan of you at that moment. Overall, though, she is one very happy, loving child. Sometimes I get sad for her that she is farther behind then kids her age, but then I look at how happy she is, and realize she doesn’t let those issues slow her down. She really brings a lot of laughter and joy to my life, and I am happy that God blessed me with such a giggly girl.

In what ways are your children similar to you? In what ways are they different from you?
We are both very goofy, we love to dance all silly, and enjoy making people laugh. When I was a child I hated having my hair combed, which is something that my daughter also does not enjoy one bit either. She is always hiding things, which I also did a lot as a child. I now understand the pain behind digging through laundry baskets, the trash, and the dog food bin to find things like my mother use to have to do when I was a child. Something odd we both have in common is we both like to play in a dark closet. Well I don’t enjoy this anymore, but as a kid my parent’s closet was one of my favorite places to play. Now my parent’s closet has once again been claimed as a play spot, but this time by my daughter. We are also both left handed.
A difference is she does not like having anyone touch her hands or feet, whereas I use to find it hysterical when my sister would pop my toes. I know, I was a strange kid. Also she is not a picky eater at all, and I was the pickiest eater as a child. Luckily I am the complete opposite now, so hopefully she won’t switch to the opposite when she is older.

For each of your children, share one of your favorite memories.
When she was finally able to walk on her own. It was 3 months before she turned three when she got leg braces, within a few days she was able to take a few steps, after a few weeks she could walk across the living room, and after a month she was able to walk fairly well. It was such a joyful moment for me, because seeing her crawl around while the other children ran around just broke my heart. She wanted to walk so badly, but had problems crisscrossing her legs. I couldn’t believe how fast she was able to walk with the braces, and she didn’t even have to keep wearing them much longer after she was able to walk on her own. She now runs so fast, and has pretty good balance. I was and am so proud of how far she has come in just 6 months.

Describe a moment as a mother where you felt overwhelmed.
My daughter took forever to sleep through the night; she was close to 3, I think. She has always had issues with muscle spasms, and they would come when she was sleeping, because her muscles were less active. When she was two she went through a phase where she would be awake from 2-4:30 every night. Oh man that was horrible! I was in school, and I was so overly exhausted, and felt like there was no way I could make it through the entire day without having an emotional breakdown. My mom would help me out with the night shifts, and we were both grumpy and tired as could be. Muscle medicine didn’t really help, so finally her doctor put her on Benadryl. She slept through the night the rest of that week, and I remember being on the verge of tears, because I was so happy my giant toddler finally slept like a normal child.

What are your favorite ways to relax when you need a little break?
Believe it or not I love to go grocery shopping. I love creating recipes, and trying new foods, so the grocery store is my outlet to relaxation. I also get one day a week where my parents will watch Sophie for the night, and I have the freedom to go do whatever. I usually hang out with my friends every Friday, and I really enjoy getting this social time with them.

What has been the hardest lesson you have had to learn as a mother?
My daughter’s father was very verbally abusive to me, and has chosen not to be a part of Sophie’s life. I can’t even describe the anger I had built up towards him, I could not believe someone could so easily detach themselves from their own child so easily. I used to spend hours dwelling on this, asking God why he would let this situation happen to me. He would always tear me down, and showed no concern for our daughter while she was going through all her medical issues. It broke my heart that he did not want to help raise such a wonderful, happy girl. I hated him for this, and once he started to help raising his girlfriend’s child, I honestly wished he would just die. I let the anger build up, until one day I realized how unhappy and stressed it was all making me. It wasn’t worth it, he wasn’t worth it. All these bad thoughts towards him and all the anger weren’t changing anything. It wasn’t affecting his life at all, just making mine tougher. This past December I finally decided to let go of all the anger, to forgive him for the choices he has made, and to focus that wasted time and energy on positive things. I am much happier now, and wish I would have been able to let go much sooner.

What has been the hardest experience you have gone through as a mother? What did that experience teach you?
My ex-husband was in the navy, and has never been a part of my daughter’s life. Having to go through the discovery of Sophie’s medical issues all on my own was really tough. The constant doctor visits, all the tests they had to run, taking her to see 4 different therapists a week; it was really emotionally draining doing that alone. I shouldn’t say I was alone, though, because I was blessed to have my mother’s help, but I felt guilty that she had to put so much of her time and efforts trying to fill in his spot. I have now learned to adapt to how things are, but in the beginning it was all very overwhelming.

Looking back on your life as a mother, what, if anything, do you regret?
I regret holding onto the anger I had towards my ex-husband for so long, and letting that anger come out towards the people I love the most. One thing that happened often was I would yell, and throw a tantrum when I couldn’t find something. Yes, it’s silly, but I wish I would have been a better example for my daughter. 

What do you think is the most important quality in a mother?
Patience and a good sense of humor.

What do you think children need most from their mothers?
Unconditional love is most important for your child; this is like food for their soul.  

What advice would you give to other mothers out there who are reading this interview?
Let go of the anger and negativity you may have towards a situation, and focus on any and every positive thing going on in your life. Be silly with your kids, nothing lifts your spirits like when your child laughs at something funny you are doing. And set a specific time every week that is devoted just for you, even if it’s just to go to the store by yourself; every parent needs that “me time” to unwind.

Do you have any tips or tricks that have helped you stay organized, run your household or raise your kids more effectively?

• Wash dishes while you are waiting on dinner to finish cooking. Less mess means less stress.
• Keep a grocery list on the fridge that you can easily write down things you need while you are thinking about them. 
• I take 15-30 minutes every night to straighten up the house, so when the weekend comes I have more free time.