-Ashley
Tell us a little bit about yourself. Who are you?
I am Gretchen, daughter of God, wife, mother, sister, friend, and graduate (from Central Christian College of the Bible).
Tell us about your family.
I am married to the most wonderful man I know, Luis, who is from Guayaquil, Ecuador, and my son is Jaden who just turned 2. My husband and I have been married since July 4, 2008 and when our son was almost 6 months old, we were able to travel to Ecuador and bring daddy home with us.
How many children do you have, and what are their ages?
I have one child for now and he turned 2 in May. (Update: Gretchen is now pregnant with another boy and is due May 20th!)
This is an interview about motherhood, but your motherhood is shaped a lot by your marriage. How would you describe your relationship with your husband?
Our relationship is relaxed and fun, we are comfortable with each other. We challenge each other in many ways and bring out the best in one another. Even when one is upset with the other, we are quick to forgive and forget. Our idea of relaxing is spending time with our family.
What is the hardest thing about being married?
The hardest thing about being married is remember that you are not the only one you have to think about before you do something, you have a family to take into account and they are an important part of the decisions.
What is the best thing about being married?
The best thing about being married is having someone to come home to, who loves you no matter what and will help you through any trial or struggle you face. You always have someone in your corner.
Describe a memory between you and your husband that really stands out in your mind.
This isn't really a specific memory but this is what comes to mind.
We are really bad a keeping secrets. Every time we plan to do something special for each other, we end up spoiling the surprise or doing it way before we had planned because we can't hide it. We have way more fun together spoiling our surprises than anything else.
How did your relationship with your husband change when you became parents?
Our relationship became more family focused, we would rather be at home with Jaden than going out for the evening and leaving him at home with someone else. We both love our son more than we could ever have imagined and we got to know a new side of each other as we adjusted to being parents together.
How does your parenting style compare with your husband´s?
I am always looking for new activities and things to keep Jaden busy, my husband is more relaxed and if he likes what he is doing why try to find something else? He is more stern and expects obedience, but I have a hard time disciplining and I am easily won over with a winning smile and a hug or a kiss.
In what ways have you changed since you became a mother?
I have become more crafty, I never sewed or tried to do things on my own. Now I feel more empowered to do for myself and save money anywhere I can. I am also more compassionate and have more patience than before.
Describe a memory of pregnancy that stands out to you.
I had a miserable pregnancy, my morning sickness lasted forever, I was exhausted and uncomfortable all the time, I was huge for months and I had lots of little things like a painful rash all over my back, difficulty with my hips, etc. I did love feeling him move though, it was really exciting and made it all worth it.
Describe a memory of your first weeks of motherhood that stands out to you.
I loved being my son´s favorite person, being the only one who could comfort him and nursing, even though it, too, was painful and caused me a lot of trouble, it was worth the special bond with my child.
What things do you think you would do differently if you had another child in the future?
I think in the future I would incorporate a lot more bible stories and singing from early on. Its hard to know how to incorporate Jesus into your child's life when they are trying to learn so many other things. I think incorporating it since birth would be a better way to go. I would also go about discipline in a different way, it’s hard but it’s for the best. When they are little it’s hard to get your point across but there has to be a good way out there.
Describe your child´s personality.
We always say that Jaden is “all boy”. He is definitely full of energy, fun-loving, affectionate, happy, and crazy. He loves to wrestle and tackle his father and play outside.
In what ways are your children similar to you? In what ways are they different from you?
Jaden sleeps like me, he tosses and turns and it takes him forever to get comfortable so he can sleep. He also has a lot of the same mannerisms. He loves books and playing in the rain and he loves to snuggle. All of which he has in common with me! He is different in his love of spending hours outside, he is very physical and I am definitely not, I would much rather curl up with a book inside. He also loves meat, when he is willing to eat it, and I hate meat.
For each of your children, share one of your favorite memories.
One of the things I love most about Jaden is watching him run to his father and yell daddy every time he comes home and watching the joy on his face as he plays with his dad. He is so happy and in his element rough-housing with Luis.
Describe a moment as a mother where you felt overwhelmed.
Trying to get Jaden to eat healthy and be healthy. He had very low iron several months ago and when we checked it about a month ago it still wasn't where it needed to be. I feel overwhelmed trying to force him to eat something when he doesn't want to. I also felt very overwhelmed with potty training, it went well for a couple days then he decided he wasn't ready so we quit, it was a very stressful, frustrating time. We will try again in a few weeks. (Update: Jaden is now fully potty trained! Good job hanging in there, Gretchen!)
What are your favorite ways to relax when you need a little break?
I love to relax reading my Bible and listening to worship music (and singing along) on my ipod, it helps me get away from it all and re-focus. I also love to sit down and read a good book, or watch a movie with my family.
What has been the hardest lesson you have had to learn as a mother?
The hardest lesson to learn is that I don't have to take everyone's advice and opinions to heart. Not everything others say is helpful. I have to do what is best for my child and myself and let everyone else worry about themselves. You can't ever please everyone and you have to be ok with that.
What has been the hardest experience you have gone through as a mother? What did that experience teach you?
Probably the hardest experience was right after Jaden was born, we found out he had a sacral dimple at the base of his spine. It was sealed but it was a scary day waiting to see if anything would happen, if it leaked it would have meant a lot of medical issues and serious problems for my brand new baby. It taught me that it’s all in God's hands, to take one day at a time, and that God's grace is sufficient.
Looking back on your life as a mother, what, if anything, do you regret?
I don't have a lot to regret, but I do regret letting the advice and opinions of others have such an effect on my parenting. I felt that I had to do things the same way others did or wanted me to and now I resent that. I know my child and our relationship better than anyone else and I need to do what is best for us.
What do you think is the most important quality in a mother?
I think the most important quality in a mother is love. Love should be the basis for everything we do in parenting. Everything else will be fine if we base it in love.
What do you think children need most from their mothers?
Children need love and an example of Jesus from us. Jesus needs to come first and our children should see that.
What advice would you give to other mothers out there who are reading this interview?
Don't let anyone else control you or make you feel bad because you don't do things the way they want you to. Pray and think before you act. Stop and ask yourself, will I regret this later? Are my actions based in the love of Jesus? Then do what you need to do.
Do you have any tips or tricks that have helped you stay organized, run your household or raise your kids more effectively?
Make a cleaning schedule, choose a day of the week to clean each room and clean it well. Use a planner or calendar to keep track of special dates, when bills are due, appointments, etc. It helps even to look back on when things happen. I don't always have time to write in Jaden's baby book or journal but I jot it down in my planner so I can go back and write about it later.
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