30 Days to Being a Purposeful Mommy, Day 30

Day 30: Be the Person you Want your Kids to Become

Can you believe this is the end of our series? I hope it has been an encouragement to you! As I re-read these posts I am inspired to improve in many areas, because these little lessons are ones I think I will never stop perfecting.

We have come full circle, and in some ways are back where we started, hopefully a little wiser and more inspired and purposeful than we were 30 posts ago.

I know as mothers we have big dreams for our little ones, however ¨little¨ they may be. I am a big believer that we cannot expect others to do what we are not willing or able to do, no matter how good our intentions may be. So today´s advice is simple, yet hard to do.

Every day, take a look at what you are thinking, saying and doing. Are these things you would be proud to see or hear your child repeating, or would you be embarassed or dissappointed? Don´t buy into the ¨do as I say and not as I do¨ nonsense. Go for the ¨monkey see, monkey do¨ philosophy, and be the best person you can be, for their sakes and your own. And as you realize each day in what areas you have failed, realize as well that if you cannot be perfect, neither can your children.

Decide what things matter most to you, and act them out in your daily life. The truth is that a purposeful mommy is first and foremost a purposeful person. When you live your life with purpose, conviction and high expectations, every other role you play will follow suit. If you are a person of integrity and character, your children will be as much influenced by your example as by your words and discipline to them.

Thank you for joining me on this path to purposeful motherhood! It has been a challege to write for you, but I hope it was worth it. Let me know what you thought of our first series!

30 Days to Being a Purposeful Mommy, Day 29

Day 29: Remember Why you Do what you Do!

The root of being a purposeful mommy is remembering our motivation. If our motivation is just getting through the day (trust me, we have all been there!), then being purposeful in our parenting is nearly impossible. We need a much bigger reason to help us through those moments when naptime seems way too far away.

Whether you planned to have your children or you were just blessed with having them unplanned, I know that once you held them in your arms you realized that there was a part of you that you never knew was empty, and now it is full. Being a mother gives us an eternal purpose and calling, and allows us to love more deeply and selflessly than we ever knew possible.

Even so, there are many challenging moments where you might be tempted to wonder if it was all worth it. Tomorrow, when your children are angels again, or at least human, you will come to your senses and all will be well. But today maybe you have trouble getting perspective.

Remember that when no other motivation seems to get you through the day, there is one all-important reason to keep doing what you´re doing instead of shipping them off to boarding school. The Bible tells us that children are entrusted to us by God, like a loan, and He expects to reap dividends on His investment. He tailor made our children for our families, with the perfect mix of what will help us grow as people and what will be the best environment for our children, should we realize our potential to train them up in the way they should go. Being a mother is a difficult job, but it is eternally important, because we will answer to God for every moment with our precious little bundles of joy. When we understand the eternal significance of today, we will take great care that our thoughts, words and actions are those which are pleasing to God and that is the definition of purposeful parenting.

30 Days to Being a Purposeful Mommy, Day 28

Day 28: Teach your Kids the Value of Hard Work

From the time they are little, kids should have appropriate chores around the house, with whatever kind of compensation seems good to you. (Incidently, a small allowance can teach great lessons about money management and savings.) This kind of work is rewarding in and of itself, as we learn to value the satisfaction of a job well done and a clean, neat house. This of course means we ought to value hard work ourselves!

On a spiritual level, learning to value wholesome work is very important. The Bible warns many times in Proverbs about the dangers of laziness, and as they say, idle hands are the devil´s workshop. A person who is lazy in life will most likely be lazy in spiritual disciplines as well, and that is extremely damaging to a person. Take it from someone who has had to overcome these bad habits of laziness herself! Shocking, I know!

I read in a great book what one mom did in regards to encouraging good work habits and I loved it. TV is probably one of the biggest time-stealers and promoters of laziness that we all have in our homes. Instead of limiting TV time and using it as a reward (reinforcing the idea that TV is great while work is no fun), this author only let her daughters watch TV while they were doing something else. For example, they could sit down to knit or fold laundry, and then when their hands found nothing left to do, the TV went off and they had to go find a new activity. The result, she says, is that her children now value the TV very little, and would much rather be productive. Work is more rewarding than a day spent watching TV.

Think about your child´s average day. Is there a lot of dead time in front of the TV or video games? Is there a lot of sleeping in? Maybe it´s time to make some changes and promote wholesome work at home, to help our children grow and become prepared for the life they will have when they set off to be adults!

30 Days to Being a Purposeful Mommy, Day 27

Day 27: Model Communication

Depending on your own upbringing, modeling good communication in your family might be a challenge. However, it´s better that you teach your children to communicate even if it´s hard for you, because as adults you don´t want it to be hard for them.

I have seen examples of good communication and poor communication in many people. One person I know will almost never apologize, or even acknowledge a disagreement as having taken place. Moments after an argument, this person will simply act like nothing ever happened. Sweeping things under the rug will not help anything! It only teaches us to bottle up our feelings and we all know what will happen eventually--BOOM!

Another person I know will just become passive agressive at every turn when she is upset. This behavior will continue until she gets over it, and you will never know what you did to upset her!

Most of these kinds of disfunctions come from our own upbringing, which is all the more reason to learn to be communicators ourselves and not perpetuate the cycle in our children. Here are some basic starting points:

- Apologize to your kids when you´re in the wrong, and teach them to apologize as well.

- Teach them to communicate feelings (When you do this, I feel......)

- Teach them to talk about everything, whether it be the events of the day or a book they´re reading. Good communication in one area will encourage good communication in others.

- Encourage more than one-word answers.

- Explain your feelings to your children. (where appropriate)

- Teach your children to name their feelings. (Are you sad right now? Are you frustrated? Etc.)

And these are just tips. You can expand on them as you go. The important thing is to communicate! So grab a kid and get chatting!

30 Days to Being a Purposeful Mommy, Day 26

Day 26: Form Family Traditions

Most of us probably remember certain family traditions that we enjoyed with our families growing up. In my husband´s case, he remembers that certain days of the week they got to eat special foods, and when his dad travelled out of town he always brought them special snacks. In my case, my favorite family traditions were our Christmastime traditions, like making Christmas cookies and decorating them, making a special Christmas ornament or reading the Christmas story from Luke before we opened presents.

Some traditions from your childhood you may want to carry over, and others you might want to invent. It doesn´t matter if it´s as simple as chocolate chip cookies on Friday night or as complicated as a yearly trip to the same place. Traditions are part of what makes childhood so fun, because children anticipate fun things for a long time leading up to the moment. And when we are older, traditions give us a sense of nostalgia and happiness in our memories, even if other parts of our lives were chaotic.

As the mommy, the job of making family traditions will almost always fall to you. Embrace it and have some fun! Be creative, taking into account your family´s unique style and personality. Your kids will look back on those traditions and smile, and the shared memories will only enhance the bonds of family in your home.

30 Days to Being a Purposeful Mommy, Day 25

Day 25: Smile!

You know, turn that frown upside-down!

Ok, sorry for that. But this really is my advice for today. Kids are excellent little psychologists, and instanly know when something is wrong in your world. They are also wonderfully spongelike, and will soak up that bad mood in an instant, perpetuating the cycle of a bad day. So what to do?

Just smile! Look at your kids, think about how much you love them, and whip out a smile. Or a funny dance. Or a silly face. Turn that bad day upside-down. You´ll be glad you did. And when all else fails, sit in a big mixing bowl. It sure cracks Bella up.

30 Days to Being a Purposeful Mommy, Day 24

Day 24: Go Get some Lovin´!!

Today´s post is brought to you by Isabella:

Bella was tired of waiting for her daddy to get up this morning, so she decided to just climb into bed with him and get her cuddle on.

Do you ever feel like you just really need a hug? Go get one! Just go grab one of those munchkins and get your cuddle on. If they protest, just start a tickle fight with them or something. Unless they are teenagers. Then you might want to pick your battles. Ha.

30 Days to Being a Purposeful Mommy, Day 23

Day 23: Say ¨I love you¨!

I was shocked to learn when I got married that there are actually families in this world who do not say ¨I love you¨ to each other every day. When I was growing up, we always told each other ¨I love you¨. Before bed, before hanging up the phone, before someone left to go somewhere, and just randomly, too, we made sure to say those three little words.

In my husband´s family, however, they hardly ever say those words. And despite having a wonderful family full of people who obviously love him, my husband still doubts their love for him. He feels their love is conditional, and can be revoked at any moment based on some personal failure.

I think of the two options, the better one is to overuse these words rather than to underuse them. I would rather my kids (and my husband) be sick of hearing how much I love them and how proud I am of them rather than to ever have the smallest doubt of my love.

No matter how old your kids are, it´s never too late (or too early) to start telling them what´s on your heart. It doesn´t matter if they reciprocate or not. Just say it. Say it often. Say it every day. Make it a habit. You won´t regret it, and you will be laying the groundwork for a sense of security that will last until adulthood.

30 Days to Being a Purposeful Mommy, Day 22

Day 22: Don´t Expect a Thank You

Any mother who is waiting for a thank you from her husband or children is setting herself up for disappointment. It´s not that you will never get thank yous, but you will absolutely not get them as often as you would like or deserve. Plus, waiting for a thank you indicates a problem in our motivation.

Being a mother is the ultimate test of selfless service that there is, and it is generally a fairly thankless job. If we are doing all we do in the hopes of some kind of compensation, we are missing the mark. The job of being a mother is to reflect Christ´s character and sacrifice for us, which He made with no thought to whether or not many people would accept or reject Him. He did what He did for us purely because He loved us, and because we love Him, and because we love our families, we do all those monotonous mommy jobs, day in and day out, with very little thanks.

On those days when this service is especially difficult, try to remember that all you do, whether it be cooking, cleaning, ironing, changing diapers, etc. you are really doing for Christ, and not for your husband or children, who are bound to drive you crazy once in a while. And if you do all you do with this attitude, as Scripture recommends, instead of seeking human grattitude, you will find that those moments where you DO receive thanks from your family will be particularly sweet and unexpected.

30 Days to Being a Purposeful Mommy, Day 21

Day 21: Teach your Kids Compassion and Kindness

So, we´ve established that most of what we can teach our children we should teach first and foremost through our example. Every time we see someone who is ¨different¨, our kids will notice, and probably even point that person out to us if they have never seen someone like that.  These are golden opportunities to help our children understand their world and develop correct reactions to it.

It´s a natural reaction to scold when our children point and stare at someone. (Bad manners, anyone?) But a better response is to correct that behavior while explaining to our children what is going on. Did they see someone with a different skin color for the first time? Why not point out that people from different places in the world have different skin colors, and ask your child what color skin they would like to have? Start up a conversation that teaches your children to value differences and find them interesting rather than weird or scary.

There are many different opportunities for teaching compassion, and it is so easy! Children are just beginning to understand the world, and look to us to guide them. If we go a step beyond simply scolding them, and teach them to value differences in people and to treat others with kindness, we are taking yet another opportunity to be purposeful in our parenting.

30 Days to Being a Purposeful Mommy, Day 20

Day 20: Take Time to be Proud of your Kids

I don´t think it´s hard to be proud of your kids, whatever their ages, but I do think it´s easy to forget to do it. The life of a child, and even of a teen and young adult, is filled with firsts. We get really excited about the first word or first step, but somewhere along the line we seem to forget to get excited about other firsts. 

Aside from firsts, there are also other glowing opportunities to be proud of the munchkins, like when they obey you, when they help a sibling, or when they clean their room without you telling them to. Those are moments that make you feel proud of your children, if you´re paying attention (which I know you are, because you are a purposeful mommy!).

So the next step is to convey that to your kiddos. Praise them for whatever they did, and make them feel like it was a big deal. Because the best part of your kids doing something awesome is watching them smile with self-satisfaction. It´s even better when that smile grows because they realize they made you proud.

Hosts of people are in therapy as adults because they feel like they never had the approval of their parents. My thinking is that if you´re human you probably need some therapy, but I think this is one pitfall of parenting that we can all avoid. Just look for one thing every day that gives your the opportunity to praise your children. It will reinforce good behavior, and give them a sense of security in your love and approval. Plus, it´s just more fun to spend the day smiling and clapping than it is to spend it frowning and yelling. :)

30 Days to Being a Purposeful Mommy, Day 19

Day 19: Take a Nap

Seriously. Aim for once a week. Take one with your kids. They will sleep longer if they sleep with you, and you will sleep for maybe the first time since you were not a mother.

See, the problem is that along with insanity and guilt, another condition that women contract when they give birth is lack of sleep. Chronic lack of sleep that NEVER heals, until those kids are adults. When they´re babies, you have to feed them and entertain them at all hours of the night. When they´re little kids, you have to scare monsters out of closets and soothe nightmares. When they´re teens you have to wait up to make sure they are home by curfew (my plan is not to let them out of the house at all!! hahaha.). And there are so many other sleep-stealing things that come hand-in-hand with motherhood.

So what can you do? Reclaim a small portion of those super zzzzzzzzzzz´s. It won´t be like when you were single. But it will remind you that a little sleep actually will make you feel human. And that´s a good thing.

I don´t usually plan on napping. Somewhere between nursing Bella to sleep and getting up to do chores I just go unconscious. It rocks. And it happens about once a week or so. I think that´s my body´s max on no sleep. Try not to reach your max. Make a date with your dreams and don´t let them down! You really do need it. And with all that purposeful mothering you´re doing, you deserve it, too. :)

30 Days to Being a Purposeful Mommy, Day 18

Day 18: Paint your Nails

Ok, you don´t have to paint your nails. You can straighten your hair or curl it, or you can use a mud mask, or put some sparkly lotion on. Whatever floats your boat (or your husband´s).

It´s easy to let ourselves go a little once we have kids. (She types while still in pajamas...) BUT it is really important to make an effort to be our former, glamorous selves, only better because now we are glowing with motherhood! (haha.)

There are three good reasons to do this. Let´s start with the slightly selfish but incredibly powerful reason: You will feel sexy again! Woohoo! And that´s good for everyone. Because you´ll feel confident and you´ll smile, and that energy is a nice environment for others. Plus, it´s great for you.

The second reason is your hubby. He should not have to strain himself to remember why he married you. And, sorry, he definitely married you for your looks! Ok, there were other things, too, but he´s a guy. So understand his needs and don´t go a day without your makeup. But definitely try to do something at least once a week that´s a little more va-va-voom than just makeup and a ponytail. Even if it´s just painting your nails. He might not notice the nailcolor, but he´ll notice your confidence, which is sexy!

The third reason is to be a good example. Help your boys set a high standard for the woman they will marry someday, and help your girls set high standards for themselves as wives. The way we grow up has SUCH an influence on who we become and what we expect as adults. So do them a favor and teach them to value themselves! (And good hygiene!)

So, whatever girly ritual you like best, take 5 or 10 minutes and get it done! You´ll be glad you did.

30 Days to Being a Purposeful Mommy, Day 17

Day 17: Stay in the Word

This week, I want to challenge you to do a little experiment, if it´s not something you do already. Pick a time each day to pray and read the Bible. An easy place to start is Proverbs, which has 1 chapter for every day of the month. Say a prayer, read and then say another prayer.

Because we know that God´s Word is living and active, it makes sense that spending time reading it every day would start to make changes in us, little by little. But I think that even though the progress is gradual, it is obvious enough that after a couple of days, or even after just one day, you´ll realize that the change is worth it.

The best time for spending time in the Word is in the morning, if possible before the kiddos are up. This is the act of renewing our hearts and minds, and it will give us a fresh perspective for facing the challenges of each day. It will help us become more patient and joyful, and because it has such a positive effect on us, it will also have a positive effect on our family.

If you already spend time in the Word each day, good for you! Your challenge this week is to step it up a notch. Read an extra chapter each day, or tack on 15 more minutes of prayer. You can do it! And it is definitely worth the extra effort.

30 Days to Being a Purposeful Mommy, Day 16

Day 16: Take Some Time for YOU.

I know, that´s rich coming from the girl who has had a whopping ONE coffee day since the idea was born.

But it was such a great day. I think of it with nostalgia...and when I get back from the US I am SO going to have one every week. No excuses.

It´s good to have a small time each day for yourself. I split mine between time with God and playing games on facebook. (Obviously my priorities are in order...) Take a few minutes when your kids nap or once they go to bed and just do something for you.

The truth is, you will feel selfish, because mom guilt is a real mental illness that all moms contract during childbirth. But you´re not being selfish. If you take care of yourself, you will be in a better position to take care of your family. Your kids don´t need a mommy who bites their heads off (not that I have ever been there...).

You don´t even have to spend money. You can just go take a walk. But do it alone. And do it regularly. It really will help you become a more purposeful mommy, because you will be able to remember what your purpose is if you are not out of your mind. :)

30 Days to Being a Purposeful Mommy, Day 15

Day 15: Have Some Tricks up your Sleeve

Hello, everyone! We are half way through our series! How is it going for you so far?

Today´s tip will vary a lot based on your children, their personalities and ages. I think in a day a good goal for our children is wellbeing and happiness. And some days, no matter how hard you try, the most you will accomplish is wellbeing. And that´s ok. But on those days when your kids wake up on the wrong side of the bed and you´re counting down the hours until naptime or bedtime, it´s good to have a few tricks up your sleeve.

For example, when Bella has one of those days, one of my tricks is ¨making a pizza¨. It always makes her laugh, no matter how horrible her mood. After observing her bad attitude, I grab her and I say, ¨It looks like it´s time to make a pizza!¨ Then I narrate the pizza making process, roll out the dough, toss it in the air, put on the sauce and cheee, put it in the oven. Acting like she´s the dough in the process, I tickle her, toss her in the air, tickle her some more, etc. By the time she´s ¨in the oven¨ she´s always laughing.

You know the things that work for your kids, and if you don´t, find out. Then do those things! (I got the pizza idea from another mom, and it worked!) Make one goal for your day to do something that earns a smile or a laugh from your little ones. Look at those hard days as a challenge to help your child out of a funk, instead of letting it get you in a funk, too.

And when all else fails, take those kiddos outside!! Go for a walk, go to the park, blow bubbles outside...whatever you want, but in the fresh air! Works like a charm. And let the outdoors work magic on you, too. Because not only should we make our little ones laugh, we should let them make us laugh. It will completely transform your day!

30 Days to Being a Purposeful Mommy, Day 14

Day 14: Stop Comparing

I know you do it. You look on facebook, or you people-watch at the mall, or you fantasize at play dates. You imagine that mom you´re looking at and think, ¨Why does she have it all together and I don´t????¨

Guess what. She doesn´t.

When we become moms, we get a lifetime membership to the mommy club. And mommies in the mommy club support each other, help each other, give each other advice and are honest with each other. So I think most moms you ask will tell you the truth. We´re all just doing the best we can, and then faking the rest.

Did you ever meet one of those moms who just insisted that she really did have her life together and perfect, and her children never had a bad day? She is not a member of the club. And she´s a big old liar.

So stop comparing. Your life is your life, and it´s great and terrible and fun and stressful and messy and frustrating and many other things. Your children are your children, and except for the occassional fantasy you would never actually trade them for any other kids. Your husband is your husband, and you married him for a reason. Other people´s lives look wonderful from the outside because you´re on the outside! Live with them for a day as a fly on the walll and you will find that their lives are just as imperfect as yours.

And every once in a while someone will come up to you and say, ¨What well-behaved children you have! How do you do it?¨ In that moment, remember that you belong to the mommy club and be honest. ¨You should see us on a bad day!¨ :)

30 Days to Being a Purposeful Mommy, Day 13

Day 13: Annoy Your Kids

My mom was so annoying when I was a kid!! What? That doesn´t sound like a complement? Well, it is. My mom was always faithful about waking us up in the morning with some obnoxious song, or cutesy poem, or exaggerated smile. And I would think, it´s too early for this!

Even though I was obviously annoyed by her morning-person personality, it also secretly made me feel like getting up and starting the day. It was even a little bit funny.

Today´s lesson is simple: Don´t be afraid to be a goof, to look silly, and to hear those laments from your children, aka ¨Oh, mom! You´re so weird! Why won´t you leave me alone?! I´m tired!¨ Don´t worry. They secretly love it. And more importantly, mom is the one who sets the tone for the day at home, so we want to give a good example of what we are expecting from our children. Get out of bed, wash your face and slap a smile on that mouth!

You might not get 100% results. Some of your children are more able to deal with mornings than others. But they will always remember how happy you were to see them each morning!

30 Days to Being a Purposeful Mommy, Day 12

Day 12: Connect!

As a mother of a toddler living in South America, ask me how hard it is to connect with other moms. Go ahead. Ask me.

It´s really, really ridiculous.

But it´s also really, really important.

So here are some tips, from one connecting-challenged mom, to you:

Moms might have nothing in common except motherhood. That´s okay. That´s all you need. You will find hours and hours of common ground. So the next time you´re at the park, or the playplace, or the library, or wherever, try this out: ¨How old is your baby/son/daughter/etc.?¨ Then follow up with some unsolicited information: ¨Oh, that´s great! Mine is (fill in the age):¨ More often than not, this is all you need for a nice conversation. Feel free to get some contact information or not, depending on the vibes you´re getting.

Use the internet. Not for weird, stalking stuff. Just for all those mommy forums. There are lots of tools out there to help you make some friends with other moms, and ask questions and get advice, and you don´t have to look far. Just open google and go crazy!

Talk to your mom. I know, right? If you have a mom available to you, you suddenly start to value her a lot more once you become a mother. After all, she survived your childhood and teenage years and didn´t kill you. So she´s basically a success! Chat her up! Ask for her advice. You won´t follow all of it, but you will learn a lot in the process, and she will feel like you FINALLY value her opinion. Score.

Check out area churches. Lots of churches offer mommy and me style groups, or even women´s Bible studies. Make it a goal to attend once a month. If you can go more than that, that´s even better. But once a month is a good starting point.

Last, but not least, pray. Here in Ecuador, sometimes this has been the only one of all these tips that has been available to me. Just remember, His grace is enough for today. Let tomorrow worry about itself. And if you trust in Him, you´re gonna be just fine!

30 Days to Being a Purposeful Mommy, Day 11

Day 11: Pray, Pray, and Pray Some More!

And I´m not just talking about. ¨Lord, help me find the keys so I can drive these children to the park before I go insane!¨

We moms have a responsability to be prayer warriors on behalf of our children. And our husbands. So put those kiddos to bed and hit your knees! You have a lot to talk to God about, so just get started.

Here are a few things you can pray for, and I would refer you to this book, and this one, which are fantastic resources for learning how to build up your prayer life. (And no, I do not own stock in this author or anything like that.)

1. Pray for health, spiritual, physical, emotional, etc for each of your children, and your husband.

2. Pray for yourself as a mother, that you would be a good example, that you would be wise, and that you would be able to instruct your children in life, especially in the faith.

3. Pray for your children´s relationships with each other, that they would be friends and have no need to feel jealousy or inadequacy.

4. Pray for your children´s friends, that they would choose quality friends who will influence them to do good and not evil.

5. Pray for your husband, that he would be wise and lead your family in the way it should go.

6. Pray for the future, both the future of your family and your marriage and each of your children´s futures, such as future schooling, jobs, families and marriages.

And there are so many more things you can pray for! And should pray for. So get going, momma!