Day 20: Take Time to be Proud of your Kids
I don´t think it´s hard to be proud of your kids, whatever their ages, but I do think it´s easy to forget to do it. The life of a child, and even of a teen and young adult, is filled with firsts. We get really excited about the first word or first step, but somewhere along the line we seem to forget to get excited about other firsts.
Aside from firsts, there are also other glowing opportunities to be proud of the munchkins, like when they obey you, when they help a sibling, or when they clean their room without you telling them to. Those are moments that make you feel proud of your children, if you´re paying attention (which I know you are, because you are a purposeful mommy!).
So the next step is to convey that to your kiddos. Praise them for whatever they did, and make them feel like it was a big deal. Because the best part of your kids doing something awesome is watching them smile with self-satisfaction. It´s even better when that smile grows because they realize they made you proud.
Hosts of people are in therapy as adults because they feel like they never had the approval of their parents. My thinking is that if you´re human you probably need some therapy, but I think this is one pitfall of parenting that we can all avoid. Just look for one thing every day that gives your the opportunity to praise your children. It will reinforce good behavior, and give them a sense of security in your love and approval. Plus, it´s just more fun to spend the day smiling and clapping than it is to spend it frowning and yelling. :)
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Monday, September 19, 2011
30 Days to Being a Purposeful Mommy, Day 19
Day 19: Take a Nap
Seriously. Aim for once a week. Take one with your kids. They will sleep longer if they sleep with you, and you will sleep for maybe the first time since you were not a mother.
See, the problem is that along with insanity and guilt, another condition that women contract when they give birth is lack of sleep. Chronic lack of sleep that NEVER heals, until those kids are adults. When they´re babies, you have to feed them and entertain them at all hours of the night. When they´re little kids, you have to scare monsters out of closets and soothe nightmares. When they´re teens you have to wait up to make sure they are home by curfew (my plan is not to let them out of the house at all!! hahaha.). And there are so many other sleep-stealing things that come hand-in-hand with motherhood.
So what can you do? Reclaim a small portion of those super zzzzzzzzzzz´s. It won´t be like when you were single. But it will remind you that a little sleep actually will make you feel human. And that´s a good thing.
I don´t usually plan on napping. Somewhere between nursing Bella to sleep and getting up to do chores I just go unconscious. It rocks. And it happens about once a week or so. I think that´s my body´s max on no sleep. Try not to reach your max. Make a date with your dreams and don´t let them down! You really do need it. And with all that purposeful mothering you´re doing, you deserve it, too. :)
Seriously. Aim for once a week. Take one with your kids. They will sleep longer if they sleep with you, and you will sleep for maybe the first time since you were not a mother.
See, the problem is that along with insanity and guilt, another condition that women contract when they give birth is lack of sleep. Chronic lack of sleep that NEVER heals, until those kids are adults. When they´re babies, you have to feed them and entertain them at all hours of the night. When they´re little kids, you have to scare monsters out of closets and soothe nightmares. When they´re teens you have to wait up to make sure they are home by curfew (my plan is not to let them out of the house at all!! hahaha.). And there are so many other sleep-stealing things that come hand-in-hand with motherhood.
So what can you do? Reclaim a small portion of those super zzzzzzzzzzz´s. It won´t be like when you were single. But it will remind you that a little sleep actually will make you feel human. And that´s a good thing.
I don´t usually plan on napping. Somewhere between nursing Bella to sleep and getting up to do chores I just go unconscious. It rocks. And it happens about once a week or so. I think that´s my body´s max on no sleep. Try not to reach your max. Make a date with your dreams and don´t let them down! You really do need it. And with all that purposeful mothering you´re doing, you deserve it, too. :)
Sunday, September 18, 2011
30 Days to Being a Purposeful Mommy, Day 18
Day 18: Paint your Nails
Ok, you don´t have to paint your nails. You can straighten your hair or curl it, or you can use a mud mask, or put some sparkly lotion on. Whatever floats your boat (or your husband´s).
It´s easy to let ourselves go a little once we have kids. (She types while still in pajamas...) BUT it is really important to make an effort to be our former, glamorous selves, only better because now we are glowing with motherhood! (haha.)
There are three good reasons to do this. Let´s start with the slightly selfish but incredibly powerful reason: You will feel sexy again! Woohoo! And that´s good for everyone. Because you´ll feel confident and you´ll smile, and that energy is a nice environment for others. Plus, it´s great for you.
The second reason is your hubby. He should not have to strain himself to remember why he married you. And, sorry, he definitely married you for your looks! Ok, there were other things, too, but he´s a guy. So understand his needs and don´t go a day without your makeup. But definitely try to do something at least once a week that´s a little more va-va-voom than just makeup and a ponytail. Even if it´s just painting your nails. He might not notice the nailcolor, but he´ll notice your confidence, which is sexy!
The third reason is to be a good example. Help your boys set a high standard for the woman they will marry someday, and help your girls set high standards for themselves as wives. The way we grow up has SUCH an influence on who we become and what we expect as adults. So do them a favor and teach them to value themselves! (And good hygiene!)
So, whatever girly ritual you like best, take 5 or 10 minutes and get it done! You´ll be glad you did.
Ok, you don´t have to paint your nails. You can straighten your hair or curl it, or you can use a mud mask, or put some sparkly lotion on. Whatever floats your boat (or your husband´s).
It´s easy to let ourselves go a little once we have kids. (She types while still in pajamas...) BUT it is really important to make an effort to be our former, glamorous selves, only better because now we are glowing with motherhood! (haha.)
There are three good reasons to do this. Let´s start with the slightly selfish but incredibly powerful reason: You will feel sexy again! Woohoo! And that´s good for everyone. Because you´ll feel confident and you´ll smile, and that energy is a nice environment for others. Plus, it´s great for you.
The second reason is your hubby. He should not have to strain himself to remember why he married you. And, sorry, he definitely married you for your looks! Ok, there were other things, too, but he´s a guy. So understand his needs and don´t go a day without your makeup. But definitely try to do something at least once a week that´s a little more va-va-voom than just makeup and a ponytail. Even if it´s just painting your nails. He might not notice the nailcolor, but he´ll notice your confidence, which is sexy!
The third reason is to be a good example. Help your boys set a high standard for the woman they will marry someday, and help your girls set high standards for themselves as wives. The way we grow up has SUCH an influence on who we become and what we expect as adults. So do them a favor and teach them to value themselves! (And good hygiene!)
So, whatever girly ritual you like best, take 5 or 10 minutes and get it done! You´ll be glad you did.
30 Days to Being a Purposeful Mommy, Day 17
Day 17: Stay in the Word
This week, I want to challenge you to do a little experiment, if it´s not something you do already. Pick a time each day to pray and read the Bible. An easy place to start is Proverbs, which has 1 chapter for every day of the month. Say a prayer, read and then say another prayer.
Because we know that God´s Word is living and active, it makes sense that spending time reading it every day would start to make changes in us, little by little. But I think that even though the progress is gradual, it is obvious enough that after a couple of days, or even after just one day, you´ll realize that the change is worth it.
The best time for spending time in the Word is in the morning, if possible before the kiddos are up. This is the act of renewing our hearts and minds, and it will give us a fresh perspective for facing the challenges of each day. It will help us become more patient and joyful, and because it has such a positive effect on us, it will also have a positive effect on our family.
If you already spend time in the Word each day, good for you! Your challenge this week is to step it up a notch. Read an extra chapter each day, or tack on 15 more minutes of prayer. You can do it! And it is definitely worth the extra effort.
This week, I want to challenge you to do a little experiment, if it´s not something you do already. Pick a time each day to pray and read the Bible. An easy place to start is Proverbs, which has 1 chapter for every day of the month. Say a prayer, read and then say another prayer.
Because we know that God´s Word is living and active, it makes sense that spending time reading it every day would start to make changes in us, little by little. But I think that even though the progress is gradual, it is obvious enough that after a couple of days, or even after just one day, you´ll realize that the change is worth it.
The best time for spending time in the Word is in the morning, if possible before the kiddos are up. This is the act of renewing our hearts and minds, and it will give us a fresh perspective for facing the challenges of each day. It will help us become more patient and joyful, and because it has such a positive effect on us, it will also have a positive effect on our family.
If you already spend time in the Word each day, good for you! Your challenge this week is to step it up a notch. Read an extra chapter each day, or tack on 15 more minutes of prayer. You can do it! And it is definitely worth the extra effort.
Friday, September 16, 2011
30 Days to Being a Purposeful Mommy, Day 16
Day 16: Take Some Time for YOU.
I know, that´s rich coming from the girl who has had a whopping ONE coffee day since the idea was born.
But it was such a great day. I think of it with nostalgia...and when I get back from the US I am SO going to have one every week. No excuses.
It´s good to have a small time each day for yourself. I split mine between time with God and playing games on facebook. (Obviously my priorities are in order...) Take a few minutes when your kids nap or once they go to bed and just do something for you.
The truth is, you will feel selfish, because mom guilt is a real mental illness that all moms contract during childbirth. But you´re not being selfish. If you take care of yourself, you will be in a better position to take care of your family. Your kids don´t need a mommy who bites their heads off (not that I have ever been there...).
You don´t even have to spend money. You can just go take a walk. But do it alone. And do it regularly. It really will help you become a more purposeful mommy, because you will be able to remember what your purpose is if you are not out of your mind. :)
I know, that´s rich coming from the girl who has had a whopping ONE coffee day since the idea was born.
But it was such a great day. I think of it with nostalgia...and when I get back from the US I am SO going to have one every week. No excuses.
It´s good to have a small time each day for yourself. I split mine between time with God and playing games on facebook. (Obviously my priorities are in order...) Take a few minutes when your kids nap or once they go to bed and just do something for you.
The truth is, you will feel selfish, because mom guilt is a real mental illness that all moms contract during childbirth. But you´re not being selfish. If you take care of yourself, you will be in a better position to take care of your family. Your kids don´t need a mommy who bites their heads off (not that I have ever been there...).
You don´t even have to spend money. You can just go take a walk. But do it alone. And do it regularly. It really will help you become a more purposeful mommy, because you will be able to remember what your purpose is if you are not out of your mind. :)
Thursday, September 15, 2011
30 Days to Being a Purposeful Mommy, Day 15
Day 15: Have Some Tricks up your Sleeve
Hello, everyone! We are half way through our series! How is it going for you so far?
Today´s tip will vary a lot based on your children, their personalities and ages. I think in a day a good goal for our children is wellbeing and happiness. And some days, no matter how hard you try, the most you will accomplish is wellbeing. And that´s ok. But on those days when your kids wake up on the wrong side of the bed and you´re counting down the hours until naptime or bedtime, it´s good to have a few tricks up your sleeve.
For example, when Bella has one of those days, one of my tricks is ¨making a pizza¨. It always makes her laugh, no matter how horrible her mood. After observing her bad attitude, I grab her and I say, ¨It looks like it´s time to make a pizza!¨ Then I narrate the pizza making process, roll out the dough, toss it in the air, put on the sauce and cheee, put it in the oven. Acting like she´s the dough in the process, I tickle her, toss her in the air, tickle her some more, etc. By the time she´s ¨in the oven¨ she´s always laughing.
You know the things that work for your kids, and if you don´t, find out. Then do those things! (I got the pizza idea from another mom, and it worked!) Make one goal for your day to do something that earns a smile or a laugh from your little ones. Look at those hard days as a challenge to help your child out of a funk, instead of letting it get you in a funk, too.
And when all else fails, take those kiddos outside!! Go for a walk, go to the park, blow bubbles outside...whatever you want, but in the fresh air! Works like a charm. And let the outdoors work magic on you, too. Because not only should we make our little ones laugh, we should let them make us laugh. It will completely transform your day!
Hello, everyone! We are half way through our series! How is it going for you so far?
Today´s tip will vary a lot based on your children, their personalities and ages. I think in a day a good goal for our children is wellbeing and happiness. And some days, no matter how hard you try, the most you will accomplish is wellbeing. And that´s ok. But on those days when your kids wake up on the wrong side of the bed and you´re counting down the hours until naptime or bedtime, it´s good to have a few tricks up your sleeve.
For example, when Bella has one of those days, one of my tricks is ¨making a pizza¨. It always makes her laugh, no matter how horrible her mood. After observing her bad attitude, I grab her and I say, ¨It looks like it´s time to make a pizza!¨ Then I narrate the pizza making process, roll out the dough, toss it in the air, put on the sauce and cheee, put it in the oven. Acting like she´s the dough in the process, I tickle her, toss her in the air, tickle her some more, etc. By the time she´s ¨in the oven¨ she´s always laughing.
You know the things that work for your kids, and if you don´t, find out. Then do those things! (I got the pizza idea from another mom, and it worked!) Make one goal for your day to do something that earns a smile or a laugh from your little ones. Look at those hard days as a challenge to help your child out of a funk, instead of letting it get you in a funk, too.
And when all else fails, take those kiddos outside!! Go for a walk, go to the park, blow bubbles outside...whatever you want, but in the fresh air! Works like a charm. And let the outdoors work magic on you, too. Because not only should we make our little ones laugh, we should let them make us laugh. It will completely transform your day!
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
30 Days to Being a Purposeful Mommy, Day 14
Day 14: Stop Comparing
I know you do it. You look on facebook, or you people-watch at the mall, or you fantasize at play dates. You imagine that mom you´re looking at and think, ¨Why does she have it all together and I don´t????¨
Guess what. She doesn´t.
When we become moms, we get a lifetime membership to the mommy club. And mommies in the mommy club support each other, help each other, give each other advice and are honest with each other. So I think most moms you ask will tell you the truth. We´re all just doing the best we can, and then faking the rest.
Did you ever meet one of those moms who just insisted that she really did have her life together and perfect, and her children never had a bad day? She is not a member of the club. And she´s a big old liar.
So stop comparing. Your life is your life, and it´s great and terrible and fun and stressful and messy and frustrating and many other things. Your children are your children, and except for the occassional fantasy you would never actually trade them for any other kids. Your husband is your husband, and you married him for a reason. Other people´s lives look wonderful from the outside because you´re on the outside! Live with them for a day as a fly on the walll and you will find that their lives are just as imperfect as yours.
And every once in a while someone will come up to you and say, ¨What well-behaved children you have! How do you do it?¨ In that moment, remember that you belong to the mommy club and be honest. ¨You should see us on a bad day!¨ :)
I know you do it. You look on facebook, or you people-watch at the mall, or you fantasize at play dates. You imagine that mom you´re looking at and think, ¨Why does she have it all together and I don´t????¨
Guess what. She doesn´t.
When we become moms, we get a lifetime membership to the mommy club. And mommies in the mommy club support each other, help each other, give each other advice and are honest with each other. So I think most moms you ask will tell you the truth. We´re all just doing the best we can, and then faking the rest.
Did you ever meet one of those moms who just insisted that she really did have her life together and perfect, and her children never had a bad day? She is not a member of the club. And she´s a big old liar.
So stop comparing. Your life is your life, and it´s great and terrible and fun and stressful and messy and frustrating and many other things. Your children are your children, and except for the occassional fantasy you would never actually trade them for any other kids. Your husband is your husband, and you married him for a reason. Other people´s lives look wonderful from the outside because you´re on the outside! Live with them for a day as a fly on the walll and you will find that their lives are just as imperfect as yours.
And every once in a while someone will come up to you and say, ¨What well-behaved children you have! How do you do it?¨ In that moment, remember that you belong to the mommy club and be honest. ¨You should see us on a bad day!¨ :)
30 Days to Being a Purposeful Mommy, Day 13
Day 13: Annoy Your Kids
My mom was so annoying when I was a kid!! What? That doesn´t sound like a complement? Well, it is. My mom was always faithful about waking us up in the morning with some obnoxious song, or cutesy poem, or exaggerated smile. And I would think, it´s too early for this!
Even though I was obviously annoyed by her morning-person personality, it also secretly made me feel like getting up and starting the day. It was even a little bit funny.
Today´s lesson is simple: Don´t be afraid to be a goof, to look silly, and to hear those laments from your children, aka ¨Oh, mom! You´re so weird! Why won´t you leave me alone?! I´m tired!¨ Don´t worry. They secretly love it. And more importantly, mom is the one who sets the tone for the day at home, so we want to give a good example of what we are expecting from our children. Get out of bed, wash your face and slap a smile on that mouth!
You might not get 100% results. Some of your children are more able to deal with mornings than others. But they will always remember how happy you were to see them each morning!
My mom was so annoying when I was a kid!! What? That doesn´t sound like a complement? Well, it is. My mom was always faithful about waking us up in the morning with some obnoxious song, or cutesy poem, or exaggerated smile. And I would think, it´s too early for this!
Even though I was obviously annoyed by her morning-person personality, it also secretly made me feel like getting up and starting the day. It was even a little bit funny.
Today´s lesson is simple: Don´t be afraid to be a goof, to look silly, and to hear those laments from your children, aka ¨Oh, mom! You´re so weird! Why won´t you leave me alone?! I´m tired!¨ Don´t worry. They secretly love it. And more importantly, mom is the one who sets the tone for the day at home, so we want to give a good example of what we are expecting from our children. Get out of bed, wash your face and slap a smile on that mouth!
You might not get 100% results. Some of your children are more able to deal with mornings than others. But they will always remember how happy you were to see them each morning!
30 Days to Being a Purposeful Mommy, Day 12
Day 12: Connect!
As a mother of a toddler living in South America, ask me how hard it is to connect with other moms. Go ahead. Ask me.
It´s really, really ridiculous.
But it´s also really, really important.
So here are some tips, from one connecting-challenged mom, to you:
Moms might have nothing in common except motherhood. That´s okay. That´s all you need. You will find hours and hours of common ground. So the next time you´re at the park, or the playplace, or the library, or wherever, try this out: ¨How old is your baby/son/daughter/etc.?¨ Then follow up with some unsolicited information: ¨Oh, that´s great! Mine is (fill in the age):¨ More often than not, this is all you need for a nice conversation. Feel free to get some contact information or not, depending on the vibes you´re getting.
Use the internet. Not for weird, stalking stuff. Just for all those mommy forums. There are lots of tools out there to help you make some friends with other moms, and ask questions and get advice, and you don´t have to look far. Just open google and go crazy!
Talk to your mom. I know, right? If you have a mom available to you, you suddenly start to value her a lot more once you become a mother. After all, she survived your childhood and teenage years and didn´t kill you. So she´s basically a success! Chat her up! Ask for her advice. You won´t follow all of it, but you will learn a lot in the process, and she will feel like you FINALLY value her opinion. Score.
Check out area churches. Lots of churches offer mommy and me style groups, or even women´s Bible studies. Make it a goal to attend once a month. If you can go more than that, that´s even better. But once a month is a good starting point.
Last, but not least, pray. Here in Ecuador, sometimes this has been the only one of all these tips that has been available to me. Just remember, His grace is enough for today. Let tomorrow worry about itself. And if you trust in Him, you´re gonna be just fine!
As a mother of a toddler living in South America, ask me how hard it is to connect with other moms. Go ahead. Ask me.
It´s really, really ridiculous.
But it´s also really, really important.
So here are some tips, from one connecting-challenged mom, to you:
Moms might have nothing in common except motherhood. That´s okay. That´s all you need. You will find hours and hours of common ground. So the next time you´re at the park, or the playplace, or the library, or wherever, try this out: ¨How old is your baby/son/daughter/etc.?¨ Then follow up with some unsolicited information: ¨Oh, that´s great! Mine is (fill in the age):¨ More often than not, this is all you need for a nice conversation. Feel free to get some contact information or not, depending on the vibes you´re getting.
Use the internet. Not for weird, stalking stuff. Just for all those mommy forums. There are lots of tools out there to help you make some friends with other moms, and ask questions and get advice, and you don´t have to look far. Just open google and go crazy!
Talk to your mom. I know, right? If you have a mom available to you, you suddenly start to value her a lot more once you become a mother. After all, she survived your childhood and teenage years and didn´t kill you. So she´s basically a success! Chat her up! Ask for her advice. You won´t follow all of it, but you will learn a lot in the process, and she will feel like you FINALLY value her opinion. Score.
Check out area churches. Lots of churches offer mommy and me style groups, or even women´s Bible studies. Make it a goal to attend once a month. If you can go more than that, that´s even better. But once a month is a good starting point.
Last, but not least, pray. Here in Ecuador, sometimes this has been the only one of all these tips that has been available to me. Just remember, His grace is enough for today. Let tomorrow worry about itself. And if you trust in Him, you´re gonna be just fine!
30 Days to Being a Purposeful Mommy, Day 11
Day 11: Pray, Pray, and Pray Some More!
And I´m not just talking about. ¨Lord, help me find the keys so I can drive these children to the park before I go insane!¨
We moms have a responsability to be prayer warriors on behalf of our children. And our husbands. So put those kiddos to bed and hit your knees! You have a lot to talk to God about, so just get started.
Here are a few things you can pray for, and I would refer you to this book, and this one, which are fantastic resources for learning how to build up your prayer life. (And no, I do not own stock in this author or anything like that.)
1. Pray for health, spiritual, physical, emotional, etc for each of your children, and your husband.
2. Pray for yourself as a mother, that you would be a good example, that you would be wise, and that you would be able to instruct your children in life, especially in the faith.
3. Pray for your children´s relationships with each other, that they would be friends and have no need to feel jealousy or inadequacy.
4. Pray for your children´s friends, that they would choose quality friends who will influence them to do good and not evil.
5. Pray for your husband, that he would be wise and lead your family in the way it should go.
6. Pray for the future, both the future of your family and your marriage and each of your children´s futures, such as future schooling, jobs, families and marriages.
And there are so many more things you can pray for! And should pray for. So get going, momma!
And I´m not just talking about. ¨Lord, help me find the keys so I can drive these children to the park before I go insane!¨
We moms have a responsability to be prayer warriors on behalf of our children. And our husbands. So put those kiddos to bed and hit your knees! You have a lot to talk to God about, so just get started.
Here are a few things you can pray for, and I would refer you to this book, and this one, which are fantastic resources for learning how to build up your prayer life. (And no, I do not own stock in this author or anything like that.)
1. Pray for health, spiritual, physical, emotional, etc for each of your children, and your husband.
2. Pray for yourself as a mother, that you would be a good example, that you would be wise, and that you would be able to instruct your children in life, especially in the faith.
3. Pray for your children´s relationships with each other, that they would be friends and have no need to feel jealousy or inadequacy.
4. Pray for your children´s friends, that they would choose quality friends who will influence them to do good and not evil.
5. Pray for your husband, that he would be wise and lead your family in the way it should go.
6. Pray for the future, both the future of your family and your marriage and each of your children´s futures, such as future schooling, jobs, families and marriages.
And there are so many more things you can pray for! And should pray for. So get going, momma!
30 Days to Being a Purposeful Mommy, Day 10
Day 10: Get Excited! (About dandelions, feathers, doggies...)
Kids get excited about everything. Which is a stark contrast to most adults, who walk around thinking about everything they have to do today, which causes feelings of stress instead of happiness. But if we take a minute out of our busy days to share our kids´ excitement, it can really influence our attitude.
Today, and every day, take time to notice what is getting your kids excited. In our case, Bella loves doggies, birdies and flowers. Not to mention music of any and every kind. I try to help her notice those things, because I know how happy they make her. I try to notice them, myself, too. If you think about it, all of creation is an incredible gift that many of us forget to enjoy unless we´re on vacation. There is beauty all around us, and kids are pros at spotting it.
Once you see the world through your kids´ eyes, it will be easy to get excited yourself. For as much as we teach our children, our children have a lot to teach us, too. What is your kiddo trying to teach you today?
Kids get excited about everything. Which is a stark contrast to most adults, who walk around thinking about everything they have to do today, which causes feelings of stress instead of happiness. But if we take a minute out of our busy days to share our kids´ excitement, it can really influence our attitude.
Today, and every day, take time to notice what is getting your kids excited. In our case, Bella loves doggies, birdies and flowers. Not to mention music of any and every kind. I try to help her notice those things, because I know how happy they make her. I try to notice them, myself, too. If you think about it, all of creation is an incredible gift that many of us forget to enjoy unless we´re on vacation. There is beauty all around us, and kids are pros at spotting it.
Once you see the world through your kids´ eyes, it will be easy to get excited yourself. For as much as we teach our children, our children have a lot to teach us, too. What is your kiddo trying to teach you today?
30 Days to Being a Purposeful Mommy, Day 9
Day 9: Cut Yourself Some Slack
This is an appropriate post as it is officially five days late. I have a UTI and have not been feeling up to blogging, but today I decided to try to get caught up. :)
Here´s the thing about being a mommy. For some reason, when we do everything right we feel like we can sleep at night, but if we do one thing wrong we feel like the parenting police are going to swoop down and take us to bad mommy prison. Somehow even people who have never been perfectionists in their whole lives (I am not one of those people, however) give birth to a newfound perfectionism when they give birth to their first child.
It doesn´t help us at all to put unrealistic expectations on ourselves. God has entrusted us with children so that we can train them in the way they should go, which is a high calling. However, perfection is a journey, not a destination. We continue to become more like Christ, but we won´t go from human, imperfect mommy to perfect saint in one day. The important thing is to keep improving.
I think we all have people in our lives that we look up to, and I doubt that any of them are perfect. So cut yourself some slack. I don´t mean we should be easy on ourselves. I think we really should demand a high level of excellence from ourselves as women, wives and mothers. But at the end of the day, try to put it all in perspective. If today you made progress, and got a little closer to your goals as a mother, then count the day as a success, despite its failures. If today you felt like you took two giant steps backwards, well, that will happen sometimes. Confess it to God, make it right in your home, and do better tomorrow. Ultimately, focusing on our failures will only lead us to fail more, because we will begin to feel like we are not able to succeed.
Each day when you wake up, decide to do two things: First, decide to make an effort at having a purpose behind your words, thoughts and actions today. And second, cut yourself a little slack!
This is an appropriate post as it is officially five days late. I have a UTI and have not been feeling up to blogging, but today I decided to try to get caught up. :)
Here´s the thing about being a mommy. For some reason, when we do everything right we feel like we can sleep at night, but if we do one thing wrong we feel like the parenting police are going to swoop down and take us to bad mommy prison. Somehow even people who have never been perfectionists in their whole lives (I am not one of those people, however) give birth to a newfound perfectionism when they give birth to their first child.
It doesn´t help us at all to put unrealistic expectations on ourselves. God has entrusted us with children so that we can train them in the way they should go, which is a high calling. However, perfection is a journey, not a destination. We continue to become more like Christ, but we won´t go from human, imperfect mommy to perfect saint in one day. The important thing is to keep improving.
I think we all have people in our lives that we look up to, and I doubt that any of them are perfect. So cut yourself some slack. I don´t mean we should be easy on ourselves. I think we really should demand a high level of excellence from ourselves as women, wives and mothers. But at the end of the day, try to put it all in perspective. If today you made progress, and got a little closer to your goals as a mother, then count the day as a success, despite its failures. If today you felt like you took two giant steps backwards, well, that will happen sometimes. Confess it to God, make it right in your home, and do better tomorrow. Ultimately, focusing on our failures will only lead us to fail more, because we will begin to feel like we are not able to succeed.
Each day when you wake up, decide to do two things: First, decide to make an effort at having a purpose behind your words, thoughts and actions today. And second, cut yourself a little slack!
Friday, September 9, 2011
30 Days to Being a Purposeful Mommy, Day 8
Day 8: Teach Your Child to Love God
Is it possible to teach your baby or toddler to love God? What about a small child? A pre-teen? A teenager?
I vote yes. I have seen a lot of people from my generation and younger generations who have become somewhat bitter about religion, despite having grown up in homes where they were taught about God. Why is this? The majority of people I have talked to say that it is because it all seemed hypocritical to them. Why? Because church was just a sunday thing, followed by a week of watching their parents live however they wanted to. So when mom and dad demanded holiness from them, it seemed pretty ridiculous.
I don´t think kids need perfect parents. I do think that kids need us to practice what we preach. The gospel needs to be something that penetrates every situation, every moment, every word, every action, every thought. If you and I have a friendship with the Holy Spirit, and we seek to bring our children into that friendship, God will do the rest.
Our children should learn about spiritual disciplines way before they understand them. Prayer, reading the Bible, memorizing Scripture, giving to the poor, tithing, displaying the fruit of the Spirit, etc. should all be parts of our daily life. Discipline should ultimately be brought back to Biblical principles.
Ultimately, just remember that Christ Himself defines loving God as obedience. Can we teach our children to love God? Yes, because we can teach our children to obey Him. And we should be hard on ourselves, striving for holiness, so that we can lead our children onto the path that we are following, rather than demanding that they follow a path that we were unwilling to follow.
Is it possible to teach your baby or toddler to love God? What about a small child? A pre-teen? A teenager?
I vote yes. I have seen a lot of people from my generation and younger generations who have become somewhat bitter about religion, despite having grown up in homes where they were taught about God. Why is this? The majority of people I have talked to say that it is because it all seemed hypocritical to them. Why? Because church was just a sunday thing, followed by a week of watching their parents live however they wanted to. So when mom and dad demanded holiness from them, it seemed pretty ridiculous.
I don´t think kids need perfect parents. I do think that kids need us to practice what we preach. The gospel needs to be something that penetrates every situation, every moment, every word, every action, every thought. If you and I have a friendship with the Holy Spirit, and we seek to bring our children into that friendship, God will do the rest.
Our children should learn about spiritual disciplines way before they understand them. Prayer, reading the Bible, memorizing Scripture, giving to the poor, tithing, displaying the fruit of the Spirit, etc. should all be parts of our daily life. Discipline should ultimately be brought back to Biblical principles.
Ultimately, just remember that Christ Himself defines loving God as obedience. Can we teach our children to love God? Yes, because we can teach our children to obey Him. And we should be hard on ourselves, striving for holiness, so that we can lead our children onto the path that we are following, rather than demanding that they follow a path that we were unwilling to follow.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
30 Days to Being a Purposeful Mommy, Day 7
Day 7: Give Each Child Some One-on-One
I think as a rule women understand the concept of quality time better than men. For a man, if he is in the same room as you, not talking to you or paying attention to you, he probably still counted it as time ¨together¨ with you. But you and I both know that those moments of coexisting are not quality time.
While in our marriages we understand this concept, sometimes in parenting we are guilty of merely coexisting with our children. I spend all day, every day with Bella, but there are days that I don´t really spend time with her at all.
It´s important for our relationships with our children, and (if you have multiple children) for their relationships with each other, that each child have one-on-one time with each parent. If you are a working parent, you may only be able to spend quality time with one child per day, depending on your schedule. Even if you are a stay at home mom, it can be difficult to take time for those moments because there is just so much to do. However, the ideal would be to spend quality time with each child every day.
You don´t have to take each kid individually to a movie. Just look for small opportunities to spend a few moments of quality with your child. It can be before naptime or bedtime. It can be while you´re running errands. It can be a special activity you have planned. It can be as simple or elaborate as you want. (I think a mixture of simple and elaborate is nice, just to shake things up. But that´s just me.)
When we spend time with each child, we send them the message that they are important, and we contribute to a healthy self esteem. We also lay a groundwork for moments that our children will remember long after we are gone.
I think as a rule women understand the concept of quality time better than men. For a man, if he is in the same room as you, not talking to you or paying attention to you, he probably still counted it as time ¨together¨ with you. But you and I both know that those moments of coexisting are not quality time.
While in our marriages we understand this concept, sometimes in parenting we are guilty of merely coexisting with our children. I spend all day, every day with Bella, but there are days that I don´t really spend time with her at all.
It´s important for our relationships with our children, and (if you have multiple children) for their relationships with each other, that each child have one-on-one time with each parent. If you are a working parent, you may only be able to spend quality time with one child per day, depending on your schedule. Even if you are a stay at home mom, it can be difficult to take time for those moments because there is just so much to do. However, the ideal would be to spend quality time with each child every day.
You don´t have to take each kid individually to a movie. Just look for small opportunities to spend a few moments of quality with your child. It can be before naptime or bedtime. It can be while you´re running errands. It can be a special activity you have planned. It can be as simple or elaborate as you want. (I think a mixture of simple and elaborate is nice, just to shake things up. But that´s just me.)
When we spend time with each child, we send them the message that they are important, and we contribute to a healthy self esteem. We also lay a groundwork for moments that our children will remember long after we are gone.
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
30 Days to Being a Purposeful Mommy, Day 6
Day 6: Get Out! (Outdoors, that is!)
Do you ever have those days wher eyou are pretty sure you´re going to kill someone, anyone, just because you are simply going out of your mind? I´ll be honest. I have those days sometimes.
The diagnosis? Being locked in your house with your kids all day, every day, will lead to a family-wide epidemic of insanity.
You´re not a bad mom. You just need some fresh air and sunshine. And so do your kids!
As long as the weather holds up, I try to get outside with my little one every day. Some days we go to the park. Some days we go for a walk. Some days we go to the store. But we get out of the house.
Not only will getting out the house help your mood, it will help your child´s mood. God did not create us to be indoors all day long. He also didn´t create us to go crazy.
It´s nice to mix things up. Sometimes you can do fun, organized activities with your kids outside. Sometimes you can all go for a walk or bike ride. Sometimes you can just let your kids use their imaginations while you read a book. The important thing is to get outdoors.
I said I try to get out every day, but sometimes it doesn´t pan out. However, when we´re only one hour into the day and I´m ready to pull my hair out, there is no cure like the outdoors. I get shoes on my feet and hers, I get a jacket on both of us, and we are outta here! The best part is that your kids will think it´s the best idea ever! They get out all of the cooped up energy they have, and come home much more well-behaved (and probably sleepy).
When you´re having one of those days, just remember my advice and let nature work its magic on your family!
Do you ever have those days wher eyou are pretty sure you´re going to kill someone, anyone, just because you are simply going out of your mind? I´ll be honest. I have those days sometimes.
The diagnosis? Being locked in your house with your kids all day, every day, will lead to a family-wide epidemic of insanity.
You´re not a bad mom. You just need some fresh air and sunshine. And so do your kids!
As long as the weather holds up, I try to get outside with my little one every day. Some days we go to the park. Some days we go for a walk. Some days we go to the store. But we get out of the house.
Not only will getting out the house help your mood, it will help your child´s mood. God did not create us to be indoors all day long. He also didn´t create us to go crazy.
It´s nice to mix things up. Sometimes you can do fun, organized activities with your kids outside. Sometimes you can all go for a walk or bike ride. Sometimes you can just let your kids use their imaginations while you read a book. The important thing is to get outdoors.
I said I try to get out every day, but sometimes it doesn´t pan out. However, when we´re only one hour into the day and I´m ready to pull my hair out, there is no cure like the outdoors. I get shoes on my feet and hers, I get a jacket on both of us, and we are outta here! The best part is that your kids will think it´s the best idea ever! They get out all of the cooped up energy they have, and come home much more well-behaved (and probably sleepy).
When you´re having one of those days, just remember my advice and let nature work its magic on your family!
Monday, September 5, 2011
30 Days to Being a Purposeful Mommy, Day 5
Day 5: Pick Your Battles, Set Limits, Say No
Have you ever heard the advice that says we should try to create a ¨yes¨ environment for our kids? Basically, the idea is that we surround young children with safe environments where there are few opportunities to get in to trouble. This way we won´t have to spend all day saying ¨no¨, which is frustrating both for us and for our children.
I think even when you follow this advice, kids are kids, and you´re going to have to set limits and say ¨no¨, no matter how old they are. Kids, like adults, are sinful, and need guidance and discipline in order to learn what is right and wrong.
That´s not to say that I don´t agree with the advice above. I do. Even Scripture says that we should not wear our children out by excessive discipline, etc. Not to mention that when we are saying ¨no¨ all day, we wear ourselves out, and nobody is happy.
We have to learn as parents to pick our battles. Is it really a big deal if the toddler wants to rearrange all of the DVDs? (A favorite activity of my one-year-old) Are you really going to be able to teach a one-year-old not to pick her nose? (Not that mine does that...) And of course, your battles will vary by the ages and number of children that you have.
When we pick our battles, we avoid saying ¨no¨ every five seconds. And when we do that, our children learn that no means no, because we don´t overuse it. Especially when we back up that ¨no¨ with the appropriate action, like distracting a baby, removing a toddler from the situation they got themselves into, disciplining an older child, etc.
As your child grows, you will have opportunities to set limits with them on an intellectual and spiritual level. As they understand more abtract concepts, you will be able to explain your ¨no¨, and I think that is really important. My toddler doesn´t understand many of these concepts, but at least I can explain that we don´t do this or that because it isn´t nice. We worked hard to get her to understand the word ¨nice¨, and now that she does, I can factor that in to my no. Older children can understand when something hurts mommy´s feelings, or when God doesn´t like certain behaviors. The more our children grow, and the more purposeful we are about the limits we set, the more they will be able to understand and grow as people.
We all have different philosophies about discipline, but I think we can all agree that none of us wants to discipline our child for no reason. However, a lot of times we ourselves create situations where we set our children up for failure.
An example: Yesterday we were eating lunch. Bella was doing great when Jairo decided to give her some jello. Bella loves jello, and I had made some for ¨dessert¨. Well, once she had a taste of the jello, do you think she wanted to finish her lunch? No way. (She did finish, though, because this is a battle I consider worth fighting.) When Jairo got frustrated with her, I said, this is not her fault, it´s ours. Because it was true. We set her up to fail.
And that´s where that advice about a ¨yes¨ environment comes in. I can´t hand my children temptation and then be upset when they fail. I need to teach them how to be strong against temptation when it arises, not tempt them myself.
The job of forming our children´s character will require of us that we set limits and say ¨no¨. It will require discipline. It will require choosing our battle and teaching our kids how to know what things are eternally important. It will also require vigilance on our part, to not place our children in situations where they are doomed to fail. None of us enjoys disciplining our children in any way. It´s not something we should enjoy. But it is something we should give high importance to, because it is one very effective way that our children will learn how to be the people they need to be. The important thing, as a purposeful mommy, is to use discipline that is also purposeful.
Have you ever heard the advice that says we should try to create a ¨yes¨ environment for our kids? Basically, the idea is that we surround young children with safe environments where there are few opportunities to get in to trouble. This way we won´t have to spend all day saying ¨no¨, which is frustrating both for us and for our children.
I think even when you follow this advice, kids are kids, and you´re going to have to set limits and say ¨no¨, no matter how old they are. Kids, like adults, are sinful, and need guidance and discipline in order to learn what is right and wrong.
That´s not to say that I don´t agree with the advice above. I do. Even Scripture says that we should not wear our children out by excessive discipline, etc. Not to mention that when we are saying ¨no¨ all day, we wear ourselves out, and nobody is happy.
We have to learn as parents to pick our battles. Is it really a big deal if the toddler wants to rearrange all of the DVDs? (A favorite activity of my one-year-old) Are you really going to be able to teach a one-year-old not to pick her nose? (Not that mine does that...) And of course, your battles will vary by the ages and number of children that you have.
When we pick our battles, we avoid saying ¨no¨ every five seconds. And when we do that, our children learn that no means no, because we don´t overuse it. Especially when we back up that ¨no¨ with the appropriate action, like distracting a baby, removing a toddler from the situation they got themselves into, disciplining an older child, etc.
As your child grows, you will have opportunities to set limits with them on an intellectual and spiritual level. As they understand more abtract concepts, you will be able to explain your ¨no¨, and I think that is really important. My toddler doesn´t understand many of these concepts, but at least I can explain that we don´t do this or that because it isn´t nice. We worked hard to get her to understand the word ¨nice¨, and now that she does, I can factor that in to my no. Older children can understand when something hurts mommy´s feelings, or when God doesn´t like certain behaviors. The more our children grow, and the more purposeful we are about the limits we set, the more they will be able to understand and grow as people.
We all have different philosophies about discipline, but I think we can all agree that none of us wants to discipline our child for no reason. However, a lot of times we ourselves create situations where we set our children up for failure.
An example: Yesterday we were eating lunch. Bella was doing great when Jairo decided to give her some jello. Bella loves jello, and I had made some for ¨dessert¨. Well, once she had a taste of the jello, do you think she wanted to finish her lunch? No way. (She did finish, though, because this is a battle I consider worth fighting.) When Jairo got frustrated with her, I said, this is not her fault, it´s ours. Because it was true. We set her up to fail.
And that´s where that advice about a ¨yes¨ environment comes in. I can´t hand my children temptation and then be upset when they fail. I need to teach them how to be strong against temptation when it arises, not tempt them myself.
The job of forming our children´s character will require of us that we set limits and say ¨no¨. It will require discipline. It will require choosing our battle and teaching our kids how to know what things are eternally important. It will also require vigilance on our part, to not place our children in situations where they are doomed to fail. None of us enjoys disciplining our children in any way. It´s not something we should enjoy. But it is something we should give high importance to, because it is one very effective way that our children will learn how to be the people they need to be. The important thing, as a purposeful mommy, is to use discipline that is also purposeful.
Sunday, September 4, 2011
30 Days to Being a Purposeful Mommy, Day 4
Day 4: Be a Role Model
I think one of the hardest jobs in parenting is becoming a role model. Before we were parents, we might not have had to worry too much about days when we woke up on the wrong side of the bed, or were just in a funk for no reason. But, once we have children, every word, every action, every attitude is observed and learned by our little ones. It´s not enough just to hope and pray that our children become better people than us. We ourselves have to become the kind of people we want our children to be. We can´t ¨instruct them in the way they should go¨ unless we are already on that path. Otherwise it becomes hypocrisy.
Do you say ¨please¨ and ¨thank you¨ to your children? To your spouse? Do you eat your vegetables? Are you compassionate and considerate? Every day I personally see certain things in myself that I want to change so that I can be a better person for my children (current and future). I think when we have this mindset, motherhood becomes the best test of character and integrity that we could ever find.
Thankfully, this doesn´t mean we have to be perfect. When our good (yet imperfect) example is combined with seeking after God and praying fervently for our children, God will fill in the blanks. Even our failures are examples to our children in things like asking forgiveness and making restitution.
The easiest place to start is looking for opportunities to model good social behavior (please, thank you, excuse me, etc). There are hundreds of opportunities like these every day. (Right now we are learning ¨be nice¨ and ¨don´t hit!!!¨) But at the same time, we don´t just want polite children. We want children who are godly, emotionally secure, intelligent, etc. That´s where God will really start to take us apart and refine us.
Do your children see you reading the Word and spending time in prayer each day? The easiest way to start is with your kids. Just grab them, sit them down and spend 15 or 20 minutes reading a Bible story, talking about it and praying. My little one is one, so our time with God is simple and short, but it´s there. I don´t want her to remember a time when she didn´t hear God´s Word at home, where she didn´t pray, where she didn´t go to church, etc. Making time for myself to get away with God was a challenge for me. Good moments are times when our children are napping, at school or sleeping for the night. Even in those moments you will have many reasons not to spend time with God. But there also many reasons to be purposeful about that time and get it done. The most important reason, as a mother, is that without God we will never become the people we need to be in order to prepare our children.
A mother´s work is never finished, and the truth is that as a purposeful mother, we have to bring every word, every thought, every action, every attitude under Christ´s power. Honestly, this might be the single most important difference between merely having kids and being purposeful parents. It´s a high calling, with great rewards, both here on earth and in the next life.
I encourage you (and myself) to begin this and every day with prayer. Ask God to help you specifically in the areas where you are most likely to set a bad example normally. (Impatience, selfishness, lack of compassion, bad attitude, lack of gratitude, and the list goes on...) And when you fail, which you will sometimes, look at it as an opportunity to teach your children how to make ammends.
Let´s give our children a good example at home, so that while they still want to be like us, we will want them to be like us, too.
I think one of the hardest jobs in parenting is becoming a role model. Before we were parents, we might not have had to worry too much about days when we woke up on the wrong side of the bed, or were just in a funk for no reason. But, once we have children, every word, every action, every attitude is observed and learned by our little ones. It´s not enough just to hope and pray that our children become better people than us. We ourselves have to become the kind of people we want our children to be. We can´t ¨instruct them in the way they should go¨ unless we are already on that path. Otherwise it becomes hypocrisy.
Do you say ¨please¨ and ¨thank you¨ to your children? To your spouse? Do you eat your vegetables? Are you compassionate and considerate? Every day I personally see certain things in myself that I want to change so that I can be a better person for my children (current and future). I think when we have this mindset, motherhood becomes the best test of character and integrity that we could ever find.
Thankfully, this doesn´t mean we have to be perfect. When our good (yet imperfect) example is combined with seeking after God and praying fervently for our children, God will fill in the blanks. Even our failures are examples to our children in things like asking forgiveness and making restitution.
The easiest place to start is looking for opportunities to model good social behavior (please, thank you, excuse me, etc). There are hundreds of opportunities like these every day. (Right now we are learning ¨be nice¨ and ¨don´t hit!!!¨) But at the same time, we don´t just want polite children. We want children who are godly, emotionally secure, intelligent, etc. That´s where God will really start to take us apart and refine us.
Do your children see you reading the Word and spending time in prayer each day? The easiest way to start is with your kids. Just grab them, sit them down and spend 15 or 20 minutes reading a Bible story, talking about it and praying. My little one is one, so our time with God is simple and short, but it´s there. I don´t want her to remember a time when she didn´t hear God´s Word at home, where she didn´t pray, where she didn´t go to church, etc. Making time for myself to get away with God was a challenge for me. Good moments are times when our children are napping, at school or sleeping for the night. Even in those moments you will have many reasons not to spend time with God. But there also many reasons to be purposeful about that time and get it done. The most important reason, as a mother, is that without God we will never become the people we need to be in order to prepare our children.
A mother´s work is never finished, and the truth is that as a purposeful mother, we have to bring every word, every thought, every action, every attitude under Christ´s power. Honestly, this might be the single most important difference between merely having kids and being purposeful parents. It´s a high calling, with great rewards, both here on earth and in the next life.
I encourage you (and myself) to begin this and every day with prayer. Ask God to help you specifically in the areas where you are most likely to set a bad example normally. (Impatience, selfishness, lack of compassion, bad attitude, lack of gratitude, and the list goes on...) And when you fail, which you will sometimes, look at it as an opportunity to teach your children how to make ammends.
Let´s give our children a good example at home, so that while they still want to be like us, we will want them to be like us, too.
Saturday, September 3, 2011
30 Days to Being a Purposeful Mommy, Day 3
Day 3: Be Available.
This is an interesting truth, but I know it is, in fact, true, because I have put it into practice with my daughter: When you are least available, your children will need you the most. Have you noticed this? You have a deadline, you need to clean the house before your inlaws come, you are going to burn dinner if you don´t get to the kitchen RIGHT NOW. And in that moment, your child needs you. RIGHT NOW!
So, what is the solution?
Well, first of all, it´s a good idea to not let things get to that point of urgency. But, life happens. So, the next best thing is to never be unavailble. I know that sounds impossible, but I´ll give you an example:
I´m at the computer, blogging. :) Out of the corner of my eye, I see little legs heading in my direction. I stop what I´m doing, I get up, I play with her for literally two seconds, and then I sit back down at the computer. More often than not, that´s all it takes. She´s off to play with her toys, feeling secure and loved, and I can finish my blog.
One more thing, though. I read in a Christian book once, and I fully agree, that children are never interrumptions. They are priority number one, after the husband. And the husband isn´t home all day, so most of the time they are priority number one. Which means that I can´t spend all day blogging. Or whatever it is I do with my time. My kids need one-on-one with me, as well as individual time to themselves, and this varies by age, too. So there has to be a balance.
My rule of thumb is this: If my daughter is especially clingy, that tells me that I am probably being a little too self-absorbed, and she needs some more mommy time. Remember that it´s a blessing that our children want to be with us! It won´t always be this way, so let´s soak it up. After all, blogging, dinner and the in-laws can take a number. It´s play time!
This is an interesting truth, but I know it is, in fact, true, because I have put it into practice with my daughter: When you are least available, your children will need you the most. Have you noticed this? You have a deadline, you need to clean the house before your inlaws come, you are going to burn dinner if you don´t get to the kitchen RIGHT NOW. And in that moment, your child needs you. RIGHT NOW!
So, what is the solution?
Well, first of all, it´s a good idea to not let things get to that point of urgency. But, life happens. So, the next best thing is to never be unavailble. I know that sounds impossible, but I´ll give you an example:
I´m at the computer, blogging. :) Out of the corner of my eye, I see little legs heading in my direction. I stop what I´m doing, I get up, I play with her for literally two seconds, and then I sit back down at the computer. More often than not, that´s all it takes. She´s off to play with her toys, feeling secure and loved, and I can finish my blog.
One more thing, though. I read in a Christian book once, and I fully agree, that children are never interrumptions. They are priority number one, after the husband. And the husband isn´t home all day, so most of the time they are priority number one. Which means that I can´t spend all day blogging. Or whatever it is I do with my time. My kids need one-on-one with me, as well as individual time to themselves, and this varies by age, too. So there has to be a balance.
My rule of thumb is this: If my daughter is especially clingy, that tells me that I am probably being a little too self-absorbed, and she needs some more mommy time. Remember that it´s a blessing that our children want to be with us! It won´t always be this way, so let´s soak it up. After all, blogging, dinner and the in-laws can take a number. It´s play time!
Friday, September 2, 2011
30 Days to Being a Purposeful Mommy, Day 2
Day 2: Get a Routine Going
There are lots of different styles of parenting, right from day one. There are baby-led parents, cry-it-out parents, and lots of mixtures of the two. We all feel strongly about our own method, but the truth is, your parenting philosophy isn´t that important for what we are talking about today. Even baby-led parents can settle into a routine. (If you don´t believe me, ask Bella!)
Whether you have been putting your child on a sleeping/eating schedule since day on or if you have been watching for your child´s cues to set the schedule, we have to first realize that schedule and routine are not the same thing.
Sit down while your little one is sleeping and scratch out a routine. Here´s a small part of ours, so you can see what I mean:
Bella wakes up. (Nurse/cuddle/pray, change diaper, wash faces (mine and hers), brush teeth (mine and hers), put on music)
Breakfast (see meal plan)
Wash dishes
My quiet time (if Jairo is up, he watches Bella. If not, it takes longer!)
Stuctured play in Bella´s room (see activities schedule)
Daily chores (Bella tags along, I encourage her individual play)
Bella´s quiet time (read a Bible story, sing a song, pray, ¨memorize¨ a Bible verse for the week)
Snack and drink for Bella, I start lunch
Change diaper (This is varies, of course!), Go for a walk or do rainy day activity
Naptime for Bella, she gets a drink and a song before I put her to sleep.
This schedule is until about 11am. That´s not even half of our day! I just didn´t want to bore you with all the details! The idea is that by making a routine I am deliberate about the things we do each day. Before I had a routine I often missed out on scheduled play for Bella, my own time with God and other things. It´s about living every day deliberately.
Bella has a much better day when we establish and follow a routine. And from all the studies I´ve read, it seems that most kids thrive from having a sense of knowing what to expect. Your routine will be different, and it will reflect your own schedule, your child´s schedule and your values and parenting philosophy. The important thing is that it works for your family. Do you work during the day? Then your routine will start in the morning and then pick up when you pick up your little one/s from daycare. I think in that situation a routine is even more important, because it ensures that you will have quality time with your chilren.
The way we spend our time teaches our children about our priorities. If they don´t get their own time each day (just like our husband needs his time and God definitely deserves His time!) they begin to understand that they are not a priority for us. I challenge you today to take a few minutes and draw up a routine. Start with the parts of your day that are unmovable, then the things that work best for you, and then a few new ideas. Try it tomorrow. Make changes until it works wonderfully and it´s something you can settle into.
And one more note. You are not a slave to the routine. If one day you need to shake things up, that´s ok! Your routine is a guide to having a productive and joyful day. Try to keep as much of your routine in tact, especially when traveling, etc. But in the end, this is just one more tool to help you become a more purposeful mommy, from one growing mommy to another!
There are lots of different styles of parenting, right from day one. There are baby-led parents, cry-it-out parents, and lots of mixtures of the two. We all feel strongly about our own method, but the truth is, your parenting philosophy isn´t that important for what we are talking about today. Even baby-led parents can settle into a routine. (If you don´t believe me, ask Bella!)
Whether you have been putting your child on a sleeping/eating schedule since day on or if you have been watching for your child´s cues to set the schedule, we have to first realize that schedule and routine are not the same thing.
Sit down while your little one is sleeping and scratch out a routine. Here´s a small part of ours, so you can see what I mean:
Bella wakes up. (Nurse/cuddle/pray, change diaper, wash faces (mine and hers), brush teeth (mine and hers), put on music)
Breakfast (see meal plan)
Wash dishes
My quiet time (if Jairo is up, he watches Bella. If not, it takes longer!)
Stuctured play in Bella´s room (see activities schedule)
Daily chores (Bella tags along, I encourage her individual play)
Bella´s quiet time (read a Bible story, sing a song, pray, ¨memorize¨ a Bible verse for the week)
Snack and drink for Bella, I start lunch
Change diaper (This is varies, of course!), Go for a walk or do rainy day activity
Naptime for Bella, she gets a drink and a song before I put her to sleep.
This schedule is until about 11am. That´s not even half of our day! I just didn´t want to bore you with all the details! The idea is that by making a routine I am deliberate about the things we do each day. Before I had a routine I often missed out on scheduled play for Bella, my own time with God and other things. It´s about living every day deliberately.
Bella has a much better day when we establish and follow a routine. And from all the studies I´ve read, it seems that most kids thrive from having a sense of knowing what to expect. Your routine will be different, and it will reflect your own schedule, your child´s schedule and your values and parenting philosophy. The important thing is that it works for your family. Do you work during the day? Then your routine will start in the morning and then pick up when you pick up your little one/s from daycare. I think in that situation a routine is even more important, because it ensures that you will have quality time with your chilren.
The way we spend our time teaches our children about our priorities. If they don´t get their own time each day (just like our husband needs his time and God definitely deserves His time!) they begin to understand that they are not a priority for us. I challenge you today to take a few minutes and draw up a routine. Start with the parts of your day that are unmovable, then the things that work best for you, and then a few new ideas. Try it tomorrow. Make changes until it works wonderfully and it´s something you can settle into.
And one more note. You are not a slave to the routine. If one day you need to shake things up, that´s ok! Your routine is a guide to having a productive and joyful day. Try to keep as much of your routine in tact, especially when traveling, etc. But in the end, this is just one more tool to help you become a more purposeful mommy, from one growing mommy to another!
Thursday, September 1, 2011
30 Days to Being a Purposeful Mommy, Day 1
Day 1: Appreciate -- Don´t Anticipate!
One thing that is really easy to do when you have children is to anticipate. For example, if Bella wakes up after a ten minute nap and no longer wants to sleep, my immediate thought is, ¨Oh, man! This day is going to be so long now!¨
We develop these ideas based on past experience: Bella took a short nap, Bella was cranky all day, I almost went crazy and was counting down the minutes until her bedtime. It happens a few times and it becomes a mental rule. So when the same situation arises, it´s only natural to anticipate the same outcome.
The problem is that people are not science experiments or math problems. People are people, even tiny toddler people. We all react differently to our circumstances based on other things going on in our lives, such as health, mood, state of mind, the quality of our day so far, etc.
But here is the worst part about anticipating: When you anticipate something like a child´s bad mood, clinginess and tantrums, you actually create an atmosphere where those things are more likely to happen. Children are like sponges that soak up everything around them, including your mood.
This is what that would look like: Bella no longer wants to sleep. I feel stressed because I anticipate the kind of day that will follow this event. I greet Bella with a stressed attitude, and she can tell just by looking at me that something is wrong. As a result, she feels insecure and begins to get clingy and has a bad mood.
Interesting, right?
So here´s a better option, although it is also challenging! Whatever your trigger is (a short naptime, separation anxiety, an illness...WHATEVER), you have to try to unlearn your anticipation and try to live in the moment. It´s hard, but the more you do it, the more you form a new habit.
Here´s my new habit (usually!!): Bella is done sleeping after ten minutes. I hear her stirring in the next room or see her head peak out the door. I look at her and give her a BIG smile. I say, ¨Hi, Bella! Are you all done sleeping? Did you have a good nap?¨ and I pick her up. I try to get her to sleep again, but if she doesn´t, I don´t sweat it. I just grab her and play with her until she´s ready to be on her own. That is what being in the moment looks like for me, but your situation will be unique to you and you child/ren.
The most important thing is that we teach our children by our example how to have a brave face for adversity, and more than anything else, that no situation will ever change our love for them. It´s like the old saying, ¨If momma ain´t happy, ain´t nobody happy!¨ You, as the mommy, really do set the mood for your home.
That being said, we all fall short at times. Even though my daughter is only 1, I make sure to apologize to her when I notice bad attitudes creeping in. It´s another good example to her, and it helps me reframe my mindset to be more cheerful and positive.
Whatever your trigger or triggers, try to take a moment and stop anticipating. Instead, appreciate your child for who he or she is, and take an opportunity to share love. They won´t be little forever, let´s do our best to enjoy them! (Bad mood and all!)
One thing that is really easy to do when you have children is to anticipate. For example, if Bella wakes up after a ten minute nap and no longer wants to sleep, my immediate thought is, ¨Oh, man! This day is going to be so long now!¨
We develop these ideas based on past experience: Bella took a short nap, Bella was cranky all day, I almost went crazy and was counting down the minutes until her bedtime. It happens a few times and it becomes a mental rule. So when the same situation arises, it´s only natural to anticipate the same outcome.
The problem is that people are not science experiments or math problems. People are people, even tiny toddler people. We all react differently to our circumstances based on other things going on in our lives, such as health, mood, state of mind, the quality of our day so far, etc.
But here is the worst part about anticipating: When you anticipate something like a child´s bad mood, clinginess and tantrums, you actually create an atmosphere where those things are more likely to happen. Children are like sponges that soak up everything around them, including your mood.
This is what that would look like: Bella no longer wants to sleep. I feel stressed because I anticipate the kind of day that will follow this event. I greet Bella with a stressed attitude, and she can tell just by looking at me that something is wrong. As a result, she feels insecure and begins to get clingy and has a bad mood.
Interesting, right?
So here´s a better option, although it is also challenging! Whatever your trigger is (a short naptime, separation anxiety, an illness...WHATEVER), you have to try to unlearn your anticipation and try to live in the moment. It´s hard, but the more you do it, the more you form a new habit.
Here´s my new habit (usually!!): Bella is done sleeping after ten minutes. I hear her stirring in the next room or see her head peak out the door. I look at her and give her a BIG smile. I say, ¨Hi, Bella! Are you all done sleeping? Did you have a good nap?¨ and I pick her up. I try to get her to sleep again, but if she doesn´t, I don´t sweat it. I just grab her and play with her until she´s ready to be on her own. That is what being in the moment looks like for me, but your situation will be unique to you and you child/ren.
The most important thing is that we teach our children by our example how to have a brave face for adversity, and more than anything else, that no situation will ever change our love for them. It´s like the old saying, ¨If momma ain´t happy, ain´t nobody happy!¨ You, as the mommy, really do set the mood for your home.
That being said, we all fall short at times. Even though my daughter is only 1, I make sure to apologize to her when I notice bad attitudes creeping in. It´s another good example to her, and it helps me reframe my mindset to be more cheerful and positive.
Whatever your trigger or triggers, try to take a moment and stop anticipating. Instead, appreciate your child for who he or she is, and take an opportunity to share love. They won´t be little forever, let´s do our best to enjoy them! (Bad mood and all!)
30 Days to Being a Purposeful Mommy
I have seen some blogs out there that do series such as ¨31 Days to a Cleaner House¨ or ¨31 Days to Better Pictures¨, etc. I´m not affiliated with those blogs at all, but I liked the idea, so I am going to make my own series! Hurray!
I decided on the topic ¨30 Days to Being a Purposeful Mommy¨ for September because it´s a topic that I have learned a lot about and continue to learn a lot about. I think all mommies need some encouragement, and hopefully September will be an encouraging month for all you mommies that read this blog!
Pin It
Here are the links to each day:
Day 1: Appreciate--Don´t Anticipate!
Day 2: Get a Routine Going
Day 3: Be Available
Day 4: Be a Role Model
Day 5: Pick your Battles, Set Limits, Say ¨No¨
Day 6: Get Out! (Outdoors, that is!)
Day 7: Give each Child some One-on-One
Day 8: Teach your Child to Love God
Day 9: Cut Yourself some Slack
Day 10: Get Excited! (About dandelions, feathers, doggies...)
Day 11: Pray, Pray and Pray some More
Day 12: Connect!
Day 13: Annoy your Kids
Day 14: Stop Comparing
Day 15: Have some Tricks up your Sleeve
Day 16: Take some time for YOU
Day 17: Stay in the Word
Day 18: Paint your Nails
Day 19: Take a Nap
Day 20: Take Time to be Proud of your Kids
Day 21: Teach your Kids Compassion and Kindness
Day 22: Don´t Expect a Thank You
Day 23: Say ¨I Love You¨
Day 24: Go Get some Lovin´!
Day 25: Smile!
Day 26: Form Family Traditions
Day 27: Model Communication
Day 28: Teach your Kids the Value of Hard Work
Day 29: Remember Why you Do what you Do!
Day 30: Be the Person you Want your Kids to Become
I decided on the topic ¨30 Days to Being a Purposeful Mommy¨ for September because it´s a topic that I have learned a lot about and continue to learn a lot about. I think all mommies need some encouragement, and hopefully September will be an encouraging month for all you mommies that read this blog!
Pin It
Here are the links to each day:
Day 1: Appreciate--Don´t Anticipate!
Day 2: Get a Routine Going
Day 3: Be Available
Day 4: Be a Role Model
Day 5: Pick your Battles, Set Limits, Say ¨No¨
Day 6: Get Out! (Outdoors, that is!)
Day 7: Give each Child some One-on-One
Day 8: Teach your Child to Love God
Day 9: Cut Yourself some Slack
Day 10: Get Excited! (About dandelions, feathers, doggies...)
Day 11: Pray, Pray and Pray some More
Day 12: Connect!
Day 13: Annoy your Kids
Day 14: Stop Comparing
Day 15: Have some Tricks up your Sleeve
Day 16: Take some time for YOU
Day 17: Stay in the Word
Day 18: Paint your Nails
Day 19: Take a Nap
Day 20: Take Time to be Proud of your Kids
Day 21: Teach your Kids Compassion and Kindness
Day 22: Don´t Expect a Thank You
Day 23: Say ¨I Love You¨
Day 24: Go Get some Lovin´!
Day 25: Smile!
Day 26: Form Family Traditions
Day 27: Model Communication
Day 28: Teach your Kids the Value of Hard Work
Day 29: Remember Why you Do what you Do!
Day 30: Be the Person you Want your Kids to Become
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