30 Days to Being a Purposeful Mommy, Day 1

Day 1: Appreciate -- Don´t Anticipate!

One thing that is really easy to do when you have children is to anticipate. For example, if Bella wakes up after a ten minute nap and no longer wants to sleep, my immediate thought is, ¨Oh, man! This day is going to be so long now!¨

We develop these ideas based on past experience: Bella took a short nap, Bella was cranky all day, I almost went crazy and was counting down the minutes until her bedtime. It happens a few times and it becomes a mental rule. So when the same situation arises, it´s only natural to anticipate the same outcome.

The problem is that people are not science experiments or math problems. People are people, even tiny toddler people. We all react differently to our circumstances based on other things going on in our lives, such as health, mood, state of mind, the quality of our day so far, etc.

But here is the worst part about anticipating: When you anticipate something like a child´s bad mood, clinginess and tantrums, you actually create an atmosphere where those things are more likely to happen. Children are like sponges that soak up everything around them, including your mood.

This is what that would look like: Bella no longer wants to sleep. I feel stressed because I anticipate the kind of day that will follow this event. I greet Bella with a stressed attitude, and she can tell just by looking at me that something is wrong. As a result, she feels insecure and begins to get clingy and has a bad mood.

Interesting, right?

So here´s a better option, although it is also challenging! Whatever your trigger is (a short naptime, separation anxiety, an illness...WHATEVER), you have to try to unlearn your anticipation and try to live in the moment. It´s hard, but the more you do it, the more you form a new habit.

Here´s my new habit (usually!!): Bella is done sleeping after ten minutes. I hear her stirring in the next room or see her head peak out the door. I look at her and give her a BIG smile. I say, ¨Hi, Bella! Are you all done sleeping? Did you have a good nap?¨ and I pick her up. I try to get her to sleep again, but if she doesn´t, I don´t sweat it. I just grab her and play with her until she´s ready to be on her own. That is what being in the moment looks like for me, but your situation will be unique to you and you child/ren.

The most important thing is that we teach our children by our example how to have a brave face for adversity, and more than anything else, that no situation will ever change our love for them. It´s like the old saying, ¨If momma ain´t happy, ain´t nobody happy!¨ You, as the mommy, really do set the mood for your home.

That being said, we all fall short at times. Even though my daughter is only 1, I make sure to apologize to her when I notice bad attitudes creeping in. It´s another good example to her, and it helps me reframe my mindset to be more cheerful and positive.

Whatever your trigger or triggers, try to take a moment and stop anticipating. Instead, appreciate your child for who he or she is, and take an opportunity to share love. They won´t be little forever, let´s do our best to enjoy them! (Bad mood and all!)