I don´t know if this is true of all or many pregnant women, but lately I have personally found that I have two instincts warring inside of me all day long. First, there is the nesting instinct. (Jairo loves to tell me I´m nesting, mostly because he loves to laugh at the idea of me making a nest for our new baby.) This instinct is powerful, and if ignored leads to extreme restlessness. It is, of course, the so-called ¨burst of energy¨ in the weeks before labor that prompts a woman to do things ranging from normal to insane in order to get ready for baby. Now, what alphabetizing the contents of the fridge or sweeping ten times a day has to do with preparation for a baby, I have no idea, but the instinct is there nonetheless. Apparently this instinct exists in all female mammals. For example, a female rabbit will tear out her own fur in order to line a nest for her little ones before they are born. I have not yet torn out my hair for nest-making purposes, although for other reasons I am tempted once in a while. But that´s another story.
The other instinct, however, is that of self-preservation. This is the instinct that tells you to just take it easy. It´s the one screaming at you that nine months pregnant is not the time to be on your hands and knees scrubbing the floor with a toothbrush. It´s that little voice that says, ¨Why in the world did you think you could climb up onto a chair and reach that box at the very top of the closet to organize it at 6am??¨ Interestingly enough, this particular little voice sounds a lot like my husband. Not to mention all of the literal voices telling you, ¨Get some rest! Save your energy for the big day!¨ etc. I like how people think that energy is something you can save up, like there is some kind of bank somewhere that is going to give me dividends if I invest my energy for one month leading up to labor. If that really worked, women would do exactly that...they would do nothing but stay in bed for a month and then on the day of labor they would push that baby out so fast with the saved up energy and interest that labor would be a walk in the park.
Still, the self-preservation instinct is also a motherly instinct, because as a pregnant woman you become more and more aware that taking care of a child begins long before birth. Poor choices in pregnancy can lead to problems for mom and baby, so it does pay to be prudent.
Well, obviously, these two instincts are often in direct contradiction of each other, which makes for a confused mommy-to-be. And believe me, what with the surging hormones and the forgetfullness, mommy was already confused. So what is a pregnant girl to do?
Today, for example, I have a whole list of things I want to accomplish. The majority of them are not baby related at all, mostly because everything that I can do for now has been done a hundred times. I don´t know how else I can organize the baby clothes, or how many times I can take out the stroller and practice folding, unfolding, etc. My doctor has no desire to see me until week 37, so I don´t have much hope on the horizon for new baby-related activities at least until then.
One of the things on my list is to work on Jairo´s birthday present. The project itself is not difficult, but I know better than to trust my fluctuating energy levels, so I am trying to do it little by little. Jairo left early this morning, so my big plan today was to get up when he left and start in on the project right away. Well, I did get up when he left, thanks in large part to the construction my neighbors have going on which apparently involves a lot of hammers, but I did not work on the gift. I ate, first of all, because there was just no avoiding that. These days I am hungry even when I´m full, so eating small meals and snacks all day long is pretty much a custom around here. (In my defense, most of these foods are fruits and veggies, since I try not to keep junk food in the house...out of sight, out of mind!) Well, I ate, and I fed the rabbits, since I thought it only fair that we all eat together. Then, since I was still so tired that I couldn´t see straight, I came back to bed, but thanks to the neighbors could not sleep. I then decided to check my email and was delighted to see that several friends had written me, which is always a nice pick-me-up when one lives on another continent. So I spent some time replying to them and then decided that I would write this blog entry. Not exactly the productive morning I had planned, but my self-preservation instinct is basking in the glory of its victory.
So, now I am faced with the following options: I can work on the project in the two hours or so that I have left until my husband comes home, I can do all of the other things on my list until my husband comes home, or I can sleep...the hammering seems to have died down for the time being. I´m really leaning towards sleeping. (Listen to the sound of cheering coming from the self-preservation crowd!) I mean, you never know...maybe I will earn some kind of interest on resting...It can´t hurt to try, right?
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