When I woke up on July 4th, I didn’t realize what day it was. Living on the equator and having every day be pretty much the same, I don’t feel time moving in the same way it moves in the US. There are no seasons in the way we think of them, there’s no snow, no spring, no fireworks on July 4th. So I woke up and I didn’t really realize that there was anything special about the day.
It wasn’t until I got on facebook and saw all of the Independence Day statuses that I realized it was a holiday. It’s interesting to me because this kind of experience really epitomizes my life here in Ecuador. The US feels so far away, not just in distance, but like another world. Maybe it is another world.
I started to think about my brother Nick, because he loves July 4th. He’s a soldier, but I think he always liked the holiday. I’m more of a Christmas kind of girl myself. Nick is in Afghanistan with the Army and I think about him a lot. Growing up we didn’t always get along, I think probably because we’re close in age and also because I was a brat. Then, when I was in high school, Nick went to fight in Iraq. I remember having a meltdown at school the day after I found out that he was leaving. It might have been the hardest I’ve ever cried. He came home safe, and I know he’ll come home safe again.
I love all of my siblings more than they realize. My sister Tina, the oldest, has always been the most family-oriented. She’s pretty independent. She left college early and got a job and worked her way up and is now pretty high up there in her company. She married a great guy, Ryan, and I think his most important quality is that he loves our family and we love him. I think for Tina that was huge. When my family called me on my birthday, Ryan told me he loved me and missed me, just like all my siblings did, and I was reminded how perfect he is for Tina. She loves her family. She’s the one who keeps in touch, the one who tries to visit a lot, the one I didn’t want to tell that I was moving to Ecuador. I didn’t want her to be sad. But she surprised me by really supporting me in my decision to get married and move, although I think she was sad. I was sad, too, thinking about how she wouldn’t be in my wedding or be here someday when I have a baby. I always imagined she would be. Recently she told me that she and Ryan and their two kids are planning a visit to Ecuador as soon as they can come, and I’m really excited. I miss Tina a lot. I miss the sister-to-sister talks. She helped me through a lot of girl issues, a lot of growing up issues, a lot of family issues. I have always admired her. Of all my siblings she has remained closest to God, too, and when I pray for her I feel happy because she’s doing everything in her life so well. I hope someday I can share some of her qualities as a woman.
My brother Todd, the second-oldest, spent a lot of the time that I was growing up far away from the family. I didn’t get to know him that well as a kid. He made some poor decisions starting out and didn’t always see eye to eye with my parents. I think he had a rough time as a teen and it really affected him. In the past few years, however, he has made amends with my parents and we started seeing more of him. It was nice to finally get to know him as a person. He’s pretty laid back, calm. I think he really admires my dad a lot. (Who doesn’t?) He has a wife, Nicole, who is actually pretty fun to talk to, and two boys that are getting huge! Todd called me around my birthday and another time that he was visiting with dad, and both times I was surprised to see a more tender side of him, telling me how much he misses me and asking when I will come to visit. From what my mom says, Todd was always very sensitive and tender as a kid and was really sweet. I have this suspicion that he still is. I´m really enjoying getting to know him for who he is...I only wish he weren´t so far away so that process could be a little easier!
Well, I mentioned Nick already. He’s the closest to me in age (I’m the youngest), and we spent the most time growing up together. Despite always annoying each other, Nick always looked out for me. It’s a shame I was going through those bratty years while he was in the house, because he probably didn’t deserve all of my bad behavior. (probably.) I think because of the experiences Nick has had, he probably understands me better than anyone else in my family. He knows what it’s like to be years without seeing your family, and what it’s like to be scared to go home. He knows what it’s like to know you will never be able to be “normal” again in a lot of ways, even though everyone who is waiting for you at home expects you to be like you were before. He knows what it’s like to do whatever it takes to be with the person you love, even when your family doesn’t understand right away (but they do with time!). Nick has always been concerned for my future. I think he was always good at seeing my potential, and worrying about me throwing that away. I hope he doesn’t think I threw it away, because I am much happier now than I would have been after graduating college and working a 9 to 5 job somewhere. This is what God called me to. I promised Nick I would finish college. I didn’t do that. When I made the promise I thought I would. Maybe I will someday, who knows. But Nick was the only one who made me promise. I guess I’ll always remember that. I broke the promise, but I don’t think Nick was so worried about college as he was about me being okay. I’ll be okay.
A lot of why I’ll be okay is because I have such a wonderful family. It makes it harder to be far away because I do love my family. I miss them. A lot. But every day, even though we might not always be in touch, I feel their love around me and I feel strong enough to live the life I chose. Everyone wants the best for me, even though they probably didn’t want “the best” to look like this. They probably wanted “the best” to look like me living nearby, with a husband who speaks English! But I was never happy with normal. I’ve never been normal. (Just ask my siblings!) And I think my family knows that. So on this Independence Day, I have to be thankful to a family that let me have independence, and let me be who I am. I don’t think there can be a better gift than that.
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