I´m writing this blog post in retrospect, since I really couldn´t share these feelings until I knew for sure the outcome, and also until I was ready for the world to know, too.
It hit me like an epiphany one morning as I was lying in bed. Our alarm had just gone off, and we were holding on to those last few moments before having to get up and get going. I reached over to grab my cell phone and turn off the alarm before it sounded, since we were already awake. Absentmindedly I looked at the date on my phone and that is when it hit me. I was four days late! Now, for some girls that would be a normal monthly occurrence, but I had never even been one day late before! (Once I thought I was, but I just counted wrong.) In stunned silence I opened up the calendar on my phone and counted and recounted the days…I was definitely four days late! What was even more strange is that I was only just noticing that I was late…I watch the calendar like a hawk each month. I do not like being surprised by that visitor! I thought back over the past few weeks. I was sure I was coming down with something. I could not stop sleeping. I would fall asleep everywhere, at any time of day, which was completely weird for me. I was eating a lot more. One of my good girlfriends had just commented to me the other day that she had never seen me eat so much. We took this as a sign that my parasite medicine had worked and I was now healthier. And then there was the moodiness. Now, I am no rock when it comes to emotions, but even I was surprised by the little things that made me angry and the ease with which my tears were flowing these days.
Okay, so I guess it´s true what they say about hindsight. And the icing on the cake was that this month we decided to start trying for a baby. Maybe trying is too strong of a word. It was more like we decided to stop trying to not get pregnant. That was as far as the effort went. We were happy and sure that we would love to be parents. We were doing better financially, enough to at least entertain the idea of a new family member, and we both really want a big family so it seemed like maybe we should give the family idea a chance. I was not even thinking about the possibility of getting pregnant so quickly…I read online that some couples try for over a year before getting pregnant! So why would I think that the very first month would yield such good results?
I will say this. I have had a connection with this particular child since way before we decided to ¨try¨ for a baby. I´m pretty sure it was before our wedding that I first started praying to God about my children…in particular about my first child. I knew Jairo and I were to be married soon, and I knew we wanted a big family because we talked about it a lot. Still, I also knew (to some extent) that life on the mission field was not exactly predictable. We needed to raise support to be able to live and work full-time for God, and I didn´t know how long that would take. I didn´t know what we would have or not have in the first years of our marriage. But, lucky for me, I knew someone who did know all of those things. So I made a deal with God. I don´t know what you believe about making deals with God, but I see them all throughout Scripture. God is a God of covenants and promises. So why not a covenant with me? I made this deal with God, that if He would keep me from getting pregnant until the exact moment when it was best for us to have a child, when I did get pregnant I would raise that child to serve Him and love Him. That´s it. Simple! So after I made that deal with God, I reminded Him of it in prayer frequently, so that this baby has been prayed for since before I even married Jairo.
Well, it looks like God decided to cash in on that promise. So now those prayers for the baby are no longer abstract. But back to the story. I was convinced now, after only a few minutes of silently wigging out, that I was, indeed, pregnant. Looking for some gentle way to break the good news to Jairo, who would probably be even more surprised than I was that it happened so fast, I blurted out, ¨Hey! I´m four days late! I think I´m pregnant!¨
I´ve never been one for tact. It´s something I´m working on.
Well, I will save the rest of the story for another entry, since this week we only really got to the point of suspicions and waiting, waiting, waiting for me to be a week late so that there would be no doubt on the pregnancy test. So for now you can just wait impatiently like I had to do!!
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