Jairo and I were walking around the mall in the north of Quito, which we never do because we live so far away. We were already up north to do some residency paperwork, so we decided to stop by the mall and hang out for a while before heading home.
All of the sudden as we were walking, I stopped, mouth wide open in awe at the sign I saw above the restaurant in front of us. I felt like crying from pure joy, and I think I literally started jumping up and down. It said: DUNKIN DONUTS.
Well, I think Jairo was surprised to see me this happy about anything, so he decided to buy me a donut. He tasted it and admitted that it was, indeed, the best donut he had ever eaten to date. I savored every moment while I ate that donut.
It´s funny how much you forget about your own culture when you are away for so long. Pregnancy has brought out some cravings in me for foods from home that I never even thought about before. But it isn´t just food. Everything about living here is different from living in the US. The people, the culture, the customs, and yes, the food, are all different. What results is a kind of split personality effect. I often wonder what it will be like to finally go back to the States after being the Ecuadorian version of me for so long. I even have difficulty speaking English sometimes! I have conversations with people from the US and I realize how very different I have become. The life I live is so far removed from anything that could be considered ¨normal¨ in my home culture. I see tourists from time to time at the mall or some other random place and I laugh as I watch them, their culture so foreign to me, and easily point out their ¨gringo¨ qualities to my husband, who reminds me that I´m from the same country as they are. Yet I don´t feel anything like them now.
For example, we were sitting at the customs office to get my Thanksgiving package a while back and there were two girls from the US sitting there waiting for their turn as well. The first thing I noticed with disdain was that they were sitting on the floor, something I would never think of doing now in a public place but something I remember being normal behavior when I lived in the US. Secondly, they were talking extremely loud. Of course, they had no reason to think anyone could understand them, since they didn´t really notice me, but I turned to Jairo and said, ¨Why do North Americans talk so loud?¨ His response was that all North Americans tend to speak louder in public than Ecuadorians, and behave with generally less propriety, in the Ecuadorian sense of the word. Then he added, ¨You always talk louder when you are with your American friends.¨
Really?
So, that´s what I mean about a split personality. I am Ecuadorian enough to separate myself from my home culture and observe it, while American enough to slip back into my home culture fairly seemlessly when callled upon to do so. Which one of those two people am I really?
In some ways I think I am much more Ecuadorian, because I live here and this is my daily life. I speak Spanish, live by Ecuadorian rules and customs, and even sometimes get offended by Americans doing things I once would have done myself. But, at the same time, there are parts of me that are still distinctly American. I have certain ways of thinking that I hold onto, even though here in Ecuador I might be the only person who thinks that way.
For example, I have learned to accept visitors at the drop of a hat, no prior warning, and to serve them something to eat or drink even though they did not tell me they were coming. This is normal. Yet it still drives me up a wall. I always call first, a courtesy which the Ecuadorians are baffled by. (¨Of course you can come over. You don´t have to call!¨)
My husband´s distinctly latino atitude of ¨it doesn´t matter if I didn´t get it done today, I´ll do it eventually¨ drives me absolutely crazy. It´s not procrastination. It´s a lifestyle. The culture is so laid back, unorganized and unscheduled, you really have no idea what time an event will really start, when your friend will really arrive, etc. I waited all day for a friend of mine to come over and teach me to knit. A few days later Jairo said to me, ¨Oh, I saw so-and-so and she told me to tell you sorry she didn´t show up. Something came up.¨ What?? And she couldn´t CALL??
So those things about me, for example, are very American, but I hold on to them because I think erring on the side of common courtesy is worth while. But I have also learned a lot from this culture, and I think that´s why in some ways I´ve changed so much. Maybe there´s no real way to reconcile the two ¨me´s¨ that I´ve become, but I think that there is some middle ground. For example, when I see how my parents interact with Jairo and his family, despite all their differences, I think maybe all those things don´t matter half as much as having people in your life who love you despite your quirks and abnormalities. Those people who allow you to change, and do their best to understand those changes even though they really don´t understand, those are the ones that understand the who you are really has little to do with culture and your changing priorities, perspectives, ideas and values and more to do with those things about you that never change.
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