If you saw what week we are in, and you did some quick math in your head, you probably already know what this post is about. This week is our one year anniversary!! One year!!
I decided to make Jairo something special for our anniversary. I tossed around several ideas, but eventually decided to go with this: I made a sort of news magazine, filled with stories and pictures from things that had happened during the year, from the perspective of a paparazzi, as though we were some famous couple. The title story was ¨The happy couple celebrates one year of marriage, and all of Ecuador can´t believe it!¨
It is safe to say that here in Ecuador our marriage was nothing less than a scandal. No one believed we would make it two days, let alone a year! I, being North American, am supposedly a sus-standard wife. I do un-wifely things like use a potato peeler instead of a knife to peel potatoes and have even been known to cook foods that are not Ecuadorian from time to time. Oh, the horror!
It was hard at first, with so many people being against me, but I learned the importance of relying on God and keeping your marriage issues in your marriage. Ecuador is an especially gossippy culture, and I have been careful not to air out my dirty laundry. While wives here (and I suspect in most places) take every opportunity to discuss their every problem with each other and complain about their husbands, Jairo and I have the strict policy of keeping things between us, good and bad. We are very private, which I think is something most people here don´t like because they don´t have as much to gossip about, but it has been a marriage-saver. When I talk about my husband to others, it doesn´t matter whether or not we are getting along. I know that even on his worst days my husband is a good man, with many good qualities, and those are the only things I talk about. I don´t complain about him. After all, how would that look to God when just the other day I was thanking Him for giving me such a great husband? No one needs to know about the ups and downs of our marriage. And as a woman trying to be a woman of good character, I do my best to honor my husband, whether or not he is present.
If there is one thing that has kept us afloat on the difficult things, I think this is it. We honor and respect each other. And of course, we love each other. But every married couple knows that some days you don´t feel the warm and fuzzies. On those days, it is my love for God and my respect for my husband that keep me trying hard to make things work. I don´t mind forgiving him quickly, even for big mistakes, because I prefer to be happy with him than angry for something he already apologized for. I don´t mind taking the blame sometimes even when I know it´s not my fault, because I would rather be at peace than be right. I don´t mind putting him before myself, because I find that when I do, he does the same, and we both get taken care of. I don´t mind fighting once in a while because I think it´s a good sign we are both still two people with pulses. I don´t mind sacrificing some things, I don´t mind losing, and I don´t mind that he has faults that he is not quick to change--because so do I!
All of these things are learned, by the way, the product of 365 days of learning. I suspect that in 365 more days, I will have a whole new list of things I´ve learned, because I don´t think you learn as much in all of formal education as you do in one week of marriage.
At the end of the day, I can´t think of anything I love more than cuddling up with my husband, feeling all that love well up inside of me, and seeing on his face that he feels it to. Isn´t it worth some rough times as long as you get to feel that?
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Week 52: More proof of life in the womb (week 21 of pregnancy)
My dad went home this week, but before he did we got to see more of my favorite thing: our baby! This time it wasn´t just a heartbeat...we had our very first ultrasound.
The baby was not at all inclined to let us see if it is a boy or a girl. In fact, during the ultrasound it crossed its little legs, and no matter how the doctor tried to move the baby around, nothing worked. But we did get to see our baby, which was more than enough. The doctor even showed us the baby´s little hands and feet, and counted the fingers and toes...everything was perfect.
If hearing the heartbeat was a confirmation of pregnancy, seeing the ultrasound was so much beyond that. First of all it was a relief to know that everything is developing perfectly and we have a healthy little baby, who is exactly the right size. It was amazing to see that little heart pumping away, and I tried to imagine what it would look like if I could see inside for real and not just in black and white 2D. Again it amazed me to think that I have done absolutely nothing for this baby to develop, yet there it is, developing perfectly, hitting every milestone right on target.
It might sound weird, but it was really neat to see the spine. It was neat because it´s the one thing on the ultrasound that you see and you know without a doubt what it is. Every other part you think to yourself, I think that´s a...until the doctor tells you for sure. To think that those little parts will keep growing, and soon enough I will be holding them and kissing them!
I´ve been able to feel the baby move for a long time now, but the more baby grows the more I can feel (which is sometimes not a good thing!), and that combined with seeing the baby on the ultrasound is enough to make you feel something special for this little creature growing inside of you. At this point I think the maternal bond is more of an instinctual thing, a desire to protect the baby and a hope that everything will be fine. I think once the baby is born and we get to know each other, that relationship will probably continue to mature and grow during his or her whole life. To think that I could feel more love for this baby than I do right now seems almost impossible, but I´m pretty convinced that that´s the way it will be. I can´t wait to get to know this little person, to see his or her face, and to know that unlike all those other adorable babies out there, this baby has a quality that none of those have...this baby is ours!
The baby was not at all inclined to let us see if it is a boy or a girl. In fact, during the ultrasound it crossed its little legs, and no matter how the doctor tried to move the baby around, nothing worked. But we did get to see our baby, which was more than enough. The doctor even showed us the baby´s little hands and feet, and counted the fingers and toes...everything was perfect.
If hearing the heartbeat was a confirmation of pregnancy, seeing the ultrasound was so much beyond that. First of all it was a relief to know that everything is developing perfectly and we have a healthy little baby, who is exactly the right size. It was amazing to see that little heart pumping away, and I tried to imagine what it would look like if I could see inside for real and not just in black and white 2D. Again it amazed me to think that I have done absolutely nothing for this baby to develop, yet there it is, developing perfectly, hitting every milestone right on target.
It might sound weird, but it was really neat to see the spine. It was neat because it´s the one thing on the ultrasound that you see and you know without a doubt what it is. Every other part you think to yourself, I think that´s a...until the doctor tells you for sure. To think that those little parts will keep growing, and soon enough I will be holding them and kissing them!
I´ve been able to feel the baby move for a long time now, but the more baby grows the more I can feel (which is sometimes not a good thing!), and that combined with seeing the baby on the ultrasound is enough to make you feel something special for this little creature growing inside of you. At this point I think the maternal bond is more of an instinctual thing, a desire to protect the baby and a hope that everything will be fine. I think once the baby is born and we get to know each other, that relationship will probably continue to mature and grow during his or her whole life. To think that I could feel more love for this baby than I do right now seems almost impossible, but I´m pretty convinced that that´s the way it will be. I can´t wait to get to know this little person, to see his or her face, and to know that unlike all those other adorable babies out there, this baby has a quality that none of those have...this baby is ours!
Week 51: Something to think about (week 20 of pregnancy)
I mentioned in my other post that we went to Ibarra to see our friend Fausto. While we were there talking he told us this illustration which I really liked and I thought I would share with you all!
Two Christian friends were talking one day, and the one asked the other, "How exactly are we supposed to look for God? I mean, I pray for a little while, and then I don't really have anything else to say, and that's pretty much it. I don't really feel like I've "found God", I just feel like I talked for a while." The other friend thought for a moment and replied, "You have a son in kindergarten, right? Well, let's say that every day your son comes home on the bus at noon. What would you do if it was already 12:30 and your son was nowhere to be found?"
"Well, I would go and look for him, of course!" replied the first friend.
"And if you didn't find him by 1pm?"
"I would keep looking!"
"But if he didn't show up by 2pm you would probably just say, 'Oh well, maybe he'll show up tomorrow. I'm tired of looking', right?"
"No, of course not! I would keep looking for my son until I found him, even if it took all night!"
If you or I couldn't find a loved one, we would worry. We would call people who might have seen them, we would get in our car and go to places where they might be, and we might even call the police after not finding them for a while. The search would be an intense one, because we love the person and we wouldn't be able to rest without knowing where they are. Why is it, then, that when it comes to searching for God, we look for maybe ten, fifteen, even thirty minutes, then shrug our shoulders and say, "Oh well, maybe He'll show up tomorrow!"? In what ways would our lives change if we looked for God every day until He shows up? Until we can tangibly feel His presence? What if we were willing to look for God all day if that's what it took?
The Bible says that God can still be found by those who seek Him, and it warns that it will not always be this way. We should take the advice in the verse above and seek God with all our hearts until we find Him.
Two Christian friends were talking one day, and the one asked the other, "How exactly are we supposed to look for God? I mean, I pray for a little while, and then I don't really have anything else to say, and that's pretty much it. I don't really feel like I've "found God", I just feel like I talked for a while." The other friend thought for a moment and replied, "You have a son in kindergarten, right? Well, let's say that every day your son comes home on the bus at noon. What would you do if it was already 12:30 and your son was nowhere to be found?"
"Well, I would go and look for him, of course!" replied the first friend.
"And if you didn't find him by 1pm?"
"I would keep looking!"
"But if he didn't show up by 2pm you would probably just say, 'Oh well, maybe he'll show up tomorrow. I'm tired of looking', right?"
"No, of course not! I would keep looking for my son until I found him, even if it took all night!"
If you or I couldn't find a loved one, we would worry. We would call people who might have seen them, we would get in our car and go to places where they might be, and we might even call the police after not finding them for a while. The search would be an intense one, because we love the person and we wouldn't be able to rest without knowing where they are. Why is it, then, that when it comes to searching for God, we look for maybe ten, fifteen, even thirty minutes, then shrug our shoulders and say, "Oh well, maybe He'll show up tomorrow!"? In what ways would our lives change if we looked for God every day until He shows up? Until we can tangibly feel His presence? What if we were willing to look for God all day if that's what it took?
The Bible says that God can still be found by those who seek Him, and it warns that it will not always be this way. We should take the advice in the verse above and seek God with all our hearts until we find Him.
Week 51: More quality time with dad (week 20 of pregnancy)
My dad is still here visiting us, and we´ve been enjoying his company a lot. My in-laws came to Quito to see my dad while he´s here, especially to hear him preach at the youth service. I translated for him again, and the youth seemed to really enjoy the message. I was relieved at how easy it was to translate, mostly because my dad is not a motor mouth, because I was little worried beforehand that I wouldn´t be able to do it.
We got to hear the heartbeat again, and my dad got to be in the room for that, so that was something special. The next time he´s here he´ll get to hold the baby! That just blows my mind to think about!!
We decided to go up to Ibarra for the day to surprise our friend Fausto for his birthday. My dad had never been to that part of Ecuador and I wanted to take him to see the volcano up there. We stopped at Otavalo at the market so he could buy some souvenirs. The volcano was pretty overcast so we couldn´t see the top of it, which disapopinted me, but my dad seemed happy enough to take pictures from the lookout. We ate lunch and birthday cake with Fausto´s family and visited for a while with them and then went to the volcano lookout and to a lagoon before heading home. It was a really nice day and it was great to see our friends. My dad seemed to really like Fausto and his family a lot, in spite of language differences, and I was glad he got to meet their family since they have been my closest friends here in Ecuador. It´s always nice when the people you love get to know the other people you love!
My dad´s time here is coming to a close and I am going to miss him a lot. I´m really glad he got to come, I just wish he didn´t have to go! The nice thing is that he will back with my mom in just a few months once the baby is born. They´re planning to visit sometime in June, so it makes it a little easier knowing that. It has been such a nice visit!
We got to hear the heartbeat again, and my dad got to be in the room for that, so that was something special. The next time he´s here he´ll get to hold the baby! That just blows my mind to think about!!
We decided to go up to Ibarra for the day to surprise our friend Fausto for his birthday. My dad had never been to that part of Ecuador and I wanted to take him to see the volcano up there. We stopped at Otavalo at the market so he could buy some souvenirs. The volcano was pretty overcast so we couldn´t see the top of it, which disapopinted me, but my dad seemed happy enough to take pictures from the lookout. We ate lunch and birthday cake with Fausto´s family and visited for a while with them and then went to the volcano lookout and to a lagoon before heading home. It was a really nice day and it was great to see our friends. My dad seemed to really like Fausto and his family a lot, in spite of language differences, and I was glad he got to meet their family since they have been my closest friends here in Ecuador. It´s always nice when the people you love get to know the other people you love!
My dad´s time here is coming to a close and I am going to miss him a lot. I´m really glad he got to come, I just wish he didn´t have to go! The nice thing is that he will back with my mom in just a few months once the baby is born. They´re planning to visit sometime in June, so it makes it a little easier knowing that. It has been such a nice visit!
Week 50: A special visitor (week 19 of pregnancy)
This week my dad got here! My mom was going to come too, but had some health problems and was not cleared to fly. I was sad she didn´t get to come, but I was still super excited to get to see my dad after almost a whole year!
He came with a few huge suitcases, none of which had any of his stuff in them. They were full of gifts for us, clothes for me, baby stuff, food, etc. It was a lot of fun opening up the suitcases, especially since there was way more stuff than I ever expected. I was especially excited about the maternity clothes, since I was just starting to freak out now that my clothes are getting tight! He brought some wrapped gifts too, to be opened in a few days when we can Skype my mom so she can see us open the gifts. Still, even with all the gifts, the best part was definitely getting to see my dad again, and it was a cool feeling to be able to have him in my home, since before I had never had my own home! Now that we are established as a couple, with our ruitines and our own habits, it was nice to have my dad be a part of that.
The pastor had invited my dad to preach the second Sunday that he is here, but apparently got confused about the dates and had actually booked my dad for the first Sunday he was here, just the morning after he got in. We didn´t know this until we arrived at church, about 10 minutes before the service. The pastor, being Ecuadorian, didn´t see why it should be a big deal that my dad had not had time to prepare anything and basically insisted on my dad preaching on the fly. My dad took a few minutes, got together a message, and preached with me translating. 5 people got saved after the message! It was amazing to see God use him in that way, in the moment when he probably felt the least prepared and useful. I think he will probably think twice about accepting a preaching invitation from my pastor again, though!
My dad also decided to take us out to eat to Papa John´s, and I had not eaten there in years, so it was absolutely delicious!! My dad, who doesn´t normally eat Papa John´s in the US, was pretty impressed with their pizza and announced after dinner that we would definitely be returning there to eat again before he goes home. There were no objections! It was a first for Jairo, who also really liked it.
Besides that, we have been hanging out, talking and watching movies, and it has been a lot of fun. My dad is pretty laid back and easy to please, so we don´t have to do a whole lot to have fun together, which is nice. He and Jairo seem to get a kick out of each other despite the language barrier, and it´s cool to see them relating to each other. I´m really glad my dad is here, and I´m trying to convince him to stay a little longer!!
He came with a few huge suitcases, none of which had any of his stuff in them. They were full of gifts for us, clothes for me, baby stuff, food, etc. It was a lot of fun opening up the suitcases, especially since there was way more stuff than I ever expected. I was especially excited about the maternity clothes, since I was just starting to freak out now that my clothes are getting tight! He brought some wrapped gifts too, to be opened in a few days when we can Skype my mom so she can see us open the gifts. Still, even with all the gifts, the best part was definitely getting to see my dad again, and it was a cool feeling to be able to have him in my home, since before I had never had my own home! Now that we are established as a couple, with our ruitines and our own habits, it was nice to have my dad be a part of that.
The pastor had invited my dad to preach the second Sunday that he is here, but apparently got confused about the dates and had actually booked my dad for the first Sunday he was here, just the morning after he got in. We didn´t know this until we arrived at church, about 10 minutes before the service. The pastor, being Ecuadorian, didn´t see why it should be a big deal that my dad had not had time to prepare anything and basically insisted on my dad preaching on the fly. My dad took a few minutes, got together a message, and preached with me translating. 5 people got saved after the message! It was amazing to see God use him in that way, in the moment when he probably felt the least prepared and useful. I think he will probably think twice about accepting a preaching invitation from my pastor again, though!
My dad also decided to take us out to eat to Papa John´s, and I had not eaten there in years, so it was absolutely delicious!! My dad, who doesn´t normally eat Papa John´s in the US, was pretty impressed with their pizza and announced after dinner that we would definitely be returning there to eat again before he goes home. There were no objections! It was a first for Jairo, who also really liked it.
Besides that, we have been hanging out, talking and watching movies, and it has been a lot of fun. My dad is pretty laid back and easy to please, so we don´t have to do a whole lot to have fun together, which is nice. He and Jairo seem to get a kick out of each other despite the language barrier, and it´s cool to see them relating to each other. I´m really glad my dad is here, and I´m trying to convince him to stay a little longer!!
Week 49: New Years (week 18 of pregnancy)
We decided to spend New Year´s in Puyo with Jairo´s family. We had a nice visit, and really it was nice to get away and relax a little after a very busy December.
There is never really that much to report about visits to Puyo because life moves so slowly down there, and we never do much of anything except hanging out. It´s a welcome change from the faster-paced life we live in Quito.
One thing that Jairo did while we were there is build some shelves, a cabinet and a TV stand for the apartment. His dad has a workshop there in their house, so he used his dad´s tools and drew up some simple designs and went to work. It was fun to watch him because he´s very artistic, and these kinds of things are easy for him. My dad always made furniture for our house, so I feel like in some way Jairo making furniture is only fitting, since in my mind that is just something a husband does! It all turned out really nice, and we brought the pieces back to Quito to stain and put together.
Aside from that, the only real development is that I officially have a ¨baby bump¨. It´s not something anyone would notice who doesn´t know me, of course, but it´s funny to see this little bump where my stomach used to be flat. I always think of pregnant bellies as those big round ones, but right now the ¨bump¨ only reaches as far as my belly button, which is pretty weird to look at! I can´t imagine what it will be like to have a big, round belly, but to be honest I would like to start showing more, just so I will look more pregnant than fat! I´m sure I´ll feel differently once I actually have the big belly, but for now I am looking forward to it. Soon enough the baby will arrive, but it still seems so far away! I guess that could be a good thing, though, because we have a lot of preparing to do before the big day.
There is never really that much to report about visits to Puyo because life moves so slowly down there, and we never do much of anything except hanging out. It´s a welcome change from the faster-paced life we live in Quito.
One thing that Jairo did while we were there is build some shelves, a cabinet and a TV stand for the apartment. His dad has a workshop there in their house, so he used his dad´s tools and drew up some simple designs and went to work. It was fun to watch him because he´s very artistic, and these kinds of things are easy for him. My dad always made furniture for our house, so I feel like in some way Jairo making furniture is only fitting, since in my mind that is just something a husband does! It all turned out really nice, and we brought the pieces back to Quito to stain and put together.
Aside from that, the only real development is that I officially have a ¨baby bump¨. It´s not something anyone would notice who doesn´t know me, of course, but it´s funny to see this little bump where my stomach used to be flat. I always think of pregnant bellies as those big round ones, but right now the ¨bump¨ only reaches as far as my belly button, which is pretty weird to look at! I can´t imagine what it will be like to have a big, round belly, but to be honest I would like to start showing more, just so I will look more pregnant than fat! I´m sure I´ll feel differently once I actually have the big belly, but for now I am looking forward to it. Soon enough the baby will arrive, but it still seems so far away! I guess that could be a good thing, though, because we have a lot of preparing to do before the big day.
Week 48: Christmas! (week 17 of pregnancy)
Merry Christmas!!
Christmas is by far my favorite day of the year. It has been ever since I was little. This Christmas was somewhat bittersweet since I didn´t get to spend it with my family back home, but even so it was a beautiful day!
It was our first married Christmas. We preserved a lot of the traditions I have from my family, like reading the Christmas story from Luke 2 and getting up early on Christmas morning. We bought most of our gifts together, but we still wrapped them and we both threw in a couple of surprise gifts, too. It was a lot of fun!
What I most like about Christmas is what Christmas really means. I´m always amazed to think about the significance of this day for humanity, and for me personally. That baby didn´t stay a baby forever. He grew up and became the Savior of the world, and to think that God himself would come to dwell among us, trading in his glory to live as a human, in all our frailty and suffering. As if his life were not sacrifice enough, his death was horrific on every level, in ways that our human minds can´t even understand. Yet he did all this willingly, knowing that it was the only way to save us and loving us too much to let us spend an eternity in hell.
I´m a big fan of family get togethers and Christmas gifts, not to mention Christmas traditions, but I think there´s a danger that we might just forget the real meaning of Christmas behind all the lights and ornaments. Christmas is the one day of the year that should give us the most joy, not because of presents or loved ones, but because without this day, we would have been lost forever, hopeless, with no real purpose to our lives. Now, thanks to this day, thanks to God who decided to become one of us, we can live lives of abundance! What day could be better than this one?
Christmas is by far my favorite day of the year. It has been ever since I was little. This Christmas was somewhat bittersweet since I didn´t get to spend it with my family back home, but even so it was a beautiful day!
It was our first married Christmas. We preserved a lot of the traditions I have from my family, like reading the Christmas story from Luke 2 and getting up early on Christmas morning. We bought most of our gifts together, but we still wrapped them and we both threw in a couple of surprise gifts, too. It was a lot of fun!
What I most like about Christmas is what Christmas really means. I´m always amazed to think about the significance of this day for humanity, and for me personally. That baby didn´t stay a baby forever. He grew up and became the Savior of the world, and to think that God himself would come to dwell among us, trading in his glory to live as a human, in all our frailty and suffering. As if his life were not sacrifice enough, his death was horrific on every level, in ways that our human minds can´t even understand. Yet he did all this willingly, knowing that it was the only way to save us and loving us too much to let us spend an eternity in hell.
I´m a big fan of family get togethers and Christmas gifts, not to mention Christmas traditions, but I think there´s a danger that we might just forget the real meaning of Christmas behind all the lights and ornaments. Christmas is the one day of the year that should give us the most joy, not because of presents or loved ones, but because without this day, we would have been lost forever, hopeless, with no real purpose to our lives. Now, thanks to this day, thanks to God who decided to become one of us, we can live lives of abundance! What day could be better than this one?
Week 48: Eleven months married (week 17 of pregnancy)
This Christmas Eve was our 11 month anniversary...just shy of a year! As always, I´m amazed at how quickly the time passes. Was it really almost one year ago that we got married? In some ways it feels like it was just yesterday, but when I think about all the memories, the struggles, the lessons learned and the ways we´ve grown, it almost seems like it has been much longer than 11 months.
I can´t think of a better Christmas gift than the wonderful marriage that God has blessed me with! And to think that soon we will have a baby to share that love with, in a new and special way...I am truly blessed, and extremely thankful on days like these for the richness of life that I experience that has nothing to do with riches.
I can´t think of a better Christmas gift than the wonderful marriage that God has blessed me with! And to think that soon we will have a baby to share that love with, in a new and special way...I am truly blessed, and extremely thankful on days like these for the richness of life that I experience that has nothing to do with riches.
Week 47: A little bit of home (week 16 of pregnancy)
Jairo and I were walking around the mall in the north of Quito, which we never do because we live so far away. We were already up north to do some residency paperwork, so we decided to stop by the mall and hang out for a while before heading home.
All of the sudden as we were walking, I stopped, mouth wide open in awe at the sign I saw above the restaurant in front of us. I felt like crying from pure joy, and I think I literally started jumping up and down. It said: DUNKIN DONUTS.
Well, I think Jairo was surprised to see me this happy about anything, so he decided to buy me a donut. He tasted it and admitted that it was, indeed, the best donut he had ever eaten to date. I savored every moment while I ate that donut.
It´s funny how much you forget about your own culture when you are away for so long. Pregnancy has brought out some cravings in me for foods from home that I never even thought about before. But it isn´t just food. Everything about living here is different from living in the US. The people, the culture, the customs, and yes, the food, are all different. What results is a kind of split personality effect. I often wonder what it will be like to finally go back to the States after being the Ecuadorian version of me for so long. I even have difficulty speaking English sometimes! I have conversations with people from the US and I realize how very different I have become. The life I live is so far removed from anything that could be considered ¨normal¨ in my home culture. I see tourists from time to time at the mall or some other random place and I laugh as I watch them, their culture so foreign to me, and easily point out their ¨gringo¨ qualities to my husband, who reminds me that I´m from the same country as they are. Yet I don´t feel anything like them now.
For example, we were sitting at the customs office to get my Thanksgiving package a while back and there were two girls from the US sitting there waiting for their turn as well. The first thing I noticed with disdain was that they were sitting on the floor, something I would never think of doing now in a public place but something I remember being normal behavior when I lived in the US. Secondly, they were talking extremely loud. Of course, they had no reason to think anyone could understand them, since they didn´t really notice me, but I turned to Jairo and said, ¨Why do North Americans talk so loud?¨ His response was that all North Americans tend to speak louder in public than Ecuadorians, and behave with generally less propriety, in the Ecuadorian sense of the word. Then he added, ¨You always talk louder when you are with your American friends.¨
Really?
So, that´s what I mean about a split personality. I am Ecuadorian enough to separate myself from my home culture and observe it, while American enough to slip back into my home culture fairly seemlessly when callled upon to do so. Which one of those two people am I really?
In some ways I think I am much more Ecuadorian, because I live here and this is my daily life. I speak Spanish, live by Ecuadorian rules and customs, and even sometimes get offended by Americans doing things I once would have done myself. But, at the same time, there are parts of me that are still distinctly American. I have certain ways of thinking that I hold onto, even though here in Ecuador I might be the only person who thinks that way.
For example, I have learned to accept visitors at the drop of a hat, no prior warning, and to serve them something to eat or drink even though they did not tell me they were coming. This is normal. Yet it still drives me up a wall. I always call first, a courtesy which the Ecuadorians are baffled by. (¨Of course you can come over. You don´t have to call!¨)
My husband´s distinctly latino atitude of ¨it doesn´t matter if I didn´t get it done today, I´ll do it eventually¨ drives me absolutely crazy. It´s not procrastination. It´s a lifestyle. The culture is so laid back, unorganized and unscheduled, you really have no idea what time an event will really start, when your friend will really arrive, etc. I waited all day for a friend of mine to come over and teach me to knit. A few days later Jairo said to me, ¨Oh, I saw so-and-so and she told me to tell you sorry she didn´t show up. Something came up.¨ What?? And she couldn´t CALL??
So those things about me, for example, are very American, but I hold on to them because I think erring on the side of common courtesy is worth while. But I have also learned a lot from this culture, and I think that´s why in some ways I´ve changed so much. Maybe there´s no real way to reconcile the two ¨me´s¨ that I´ve become, but I think that there is some middle ground. For example, when I see how my parents interact with Jairo and his family, despite all their differences, I think maybe all those things don´t matter half as much as having people in your life who love you despite your quirks and abnormalities. Those people who allow you to change, and do their best to understand those changes even though they really don´t understand, those are the ones that understand the who you are really has little to do with culture and your changing priorities, perspectives, ideas and values and more to do with those things about you that never change.
All of the sudden as we were walking, I stopped, mouth wide open in awe at the sign I saw above the restaurant in front of us. I felt like crying from pure joy, and I think I literally started jumping up and down. It said: DUNKIN DONUTS.
Well, I think Jairo was surprised to see me this happy about anything, so he decided to buy me a donut. He tasted it and admitted that it was, indeed, the best donut he had ever eaten to date. I savored every moment while I ate that donut.
It´s funny how much you forget about your own culture when you are away for so long. Pregnancy has brought out some cravings in me for foods from home that I never even thought about before. But it isn´t just food. Everything about living here is different from living in the US. The people, the culture, the customs, and yes, the food, are all different. What results is a kind of split personality effect. I often wonder what it will be like to finally go back to the States after being the Ecuadorian version of me for so long. I even have difficulty speaking English sometimes! I have conversations with people from the US and I realize how very different I have become. The life I live is so far removed from anything that could be considered ¨normal¨ in my home culture. I see tourists from time to time at the mall or some other random place and I laugh as I watch them, their culture so foreign to me, and easily point out their ¨gringo¨ qualities to my husband, who reminds me that I´m from the same country as they are. Yet I don´t feel anything like them now.
For example, we were sitting at the customs office to get my Thanksgiving package a while back and there were two girls from the US sitting there waiting for their turn as well. The first thing I noticed with disdain was that they were sitting on the floor, something I would never think of doing now in a public place but something I remember being normal behavior when I lived in the US. Secondly, they were talking extremely loud. Of course, they had no reason to think anyone could understand them, since they didn´t really notice me, but I turned to Jairo and said, ¨Why do North Americans talk so loud?¨ His response was that all North Americans tend to speak louder in public than Ecuadorians, and behave with generally less propriety, in the Ecuadorian sense of the word. Then he added, ¨You always talk louder when you are with your American friends.¨
Really?
So, that´s what I mean about a split personality. I am Ecuadorian enough to separate myself from my home culture and observe it, while American enough to slip back into my home culture fairly seemlessly when callled upon to do so. Which one of those two people am I really?
In some ways I think I am much more Ecuadorian, because I live here and this is my daily life. I speak Spanish, live by Ecuadorian rules and customs, and even sometimes get offended by Americans doing things I once would have done myself. But, at the same time, there are parts of me that are still distinctly American. I have certain ways of thinking that I hold onto, even though here in Ecuador I might be the only person who thinks that way.
For example, I have learned to accept visitors at the drop of a hat, no prior warning, and to serve them something to eat or drink even though they did not tell me they were coming. This is normal. Yet it still drives me up a wall. I always call first, a courtesy which the Ecuadorians are baffled by. (¨Of course you can come over. You don´t have to call!¨)
My husband´s distinctly latino atitude of ¨it doesn´t matter if I didn´t get it done today, I´ll do it eventually¨ drives me absolutely crazy. It´s not procrastination. It´s a lifestyle. The culture is so laid back, unorganized and unscheduled, you really have no idea what time an event will really start, when your friend will really arrive, etc. I waited all day for a friend of mine to come over and teach me to knit. A few days later Jairo said to me, ¨Oh, I saw so-and-so and she told me to tell you sorry she didn´t show up. Something came up.¨ What?? And she couldn´t CALL??
So those things about me, for example, are very American, but I hold on to them because I think erring on the side of common courtesy is worth while. But I have also learned a lot from this culture, and I think that´s why in some ways I´ve changed so much. Maybe there´s no real way to reconcile the two ¨me´s¨ that I´ve become, but I think that there is some middle ground. For example, when I see how my parents interact with Jairo and his family, despite all their differences, I think maybe all those things don´t matter half as much as having people in your life who love you despite your quirks and abnormalities. Those people who allow you to change, and do their best to understand those changes even though they really don´t understand, those are the ones that understand the who you are really has little to do with culture and your changing priorities, perspectives, ideas and values and more to do with those things about you that never change.
Week 47: Another answered prayer (week 16 of pregnancy)
I think I mentioned before that I have no problem going to God for the things we need, no matter how big or small. Jairo always laughs at me because whenever we need anything, the first thing I do is talk to God about it. And then I just believe that He will provide when He sees fit to do so, and I try not to worry about it. Some things are harder than others, because they have a deadline, and the closer that deadline gets, the harder it is to trust God. But I have seen Him provide so many times that I really feel stupid not trusting Him now. I have too much experience with His faithfulness!
Well, this week is another of many examples of the fact that nothing is too little for God, or too big. What I mean is, if it matters to you, it matters to Him. And no matter what it is, He can do it. I have been praying for a long time for living room furniture. We simply do not have any living room furniture! The only thing in our living room is a makeshift seat which I folded into a sofa-like shape, but really it is a foam mattress. I have told Jairo for months that I really wanted furniture, because this pregnancy is going to make it difficult to get up and down from such a low place on the floor. I don´t ask God for things that I don´t really feel like I need, and even though it´s just furniture, I really did feel this was a need. So I started praying about it.
Well, today we went to the furniture market (isn´t that funny!) and we bought furniture! God, out of nowhere, as usual, provided the money for us to get a living room set, and we went with a few friends so that they could help Jairo carry everything. I got to pick it out (after all, it is an answer to MY prayer!!) and it is now set up in the living room, and our apartment looks like a real house! No more sitting on the floor!
It´s funny because after so many times that this has happened, that I have taken a seemingly insignificant prayer to God and seen Him come through for us time and again, now Jairo´s perspective seems to be changing. When we need something now, he is much less worried about it but seems to have more trust in God than when we were first married, which in turn helps strengthen my faith as well. Several times I have heard him mention to our friends the way that I take every request to God in faith, and many times he puts me in charge of praying for things we need. I think I am a long way from being a Proverbs 31 woman, but it makes me thankful to God that He has helped me grow in this area because if there is something I want my husband to think of when he thinks of me, faith is not a bad place to start! I think every husband needs a wife who he sees praying, reading God´s Word, exhorting others in love, giving godly advice, and living a life of faith and contentment. I think these things go a long way in supporting him. It´s true, don´t you think, that a man is often known for his wife? If he has a good wife, doesn´t that speak well of him as well? The Bible says that a good wife is a gift from God, and I think this is why. A man with a virtuous wife can stand up against anything because he can lean on her. A man with a worldly wife, a gossiper or someone who spends her time in the things of the world, for example, not only has to deal with his problems but also with the low opinion that others will develop of her, and by connection, of him.
As I said, I think I have a long way to go to be anything like the Proverbs 31 woman, but these little steps encourage me to continue seeking God´s will for me as a woman and a wife, to see the areas that I need to change, first of all to gain God´s approval, and then also to gain my husband´s approval. Maybe someday my husband will say to me, ¨Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.¨ (Proverbs 31:29)
Well, this week is another of many examples of the fact that nothing is too little for God, or too big. What I mean is, if it matters to you, it matters to Him. And no matter what it is, He can do it. I have been praying for a long time for living room furniture. We simply do not have any living room furniture! The only thing in our living room is a makeshift seat which I folded into a sofa-like shape, but really it is a foam mattress. I have told Jairo for months that I really wanted furniture, because this pregnancy is going to make it difficult to get up and down from such a low place on the floor. I don´t ask God for things that I don´t really feel like I need, and even though it´s just furniture, I really did feel this was a need. So I started praying about it.
Well, today we went to the furniture market (isn´t that funny!) and we bought furniture! God, out of nowhere, as usual, provided the money for us to get a living room set, and we went with a few friends so that they could help Jairo carry everything. I got to pick it out (after all, it is an answer to MY prayer!!) and it is now set up in the living room, and our apartment looks like a real house! No more sitting on the floor!
It´s funny because after so many times that this has happened, that I have taken a seemingly insignificant prayer to God and seen Him come through for us time and again, now Jairo´s perspective seems to be changing. When we need something now, he is much less worried about it but seems to have more trust in God than when we were first married, which in turn helps strengthen my faith as well. Several times I have heard him mention to our friends the way that I take every request to God in faith, and many times he puts me in charge of praying for things we need. I think I am a long way from being a Proverbs 31 woman, but it makes me thankful to God that He has helped me grow in this area because if there is something I want my husband to think of when he thinks of me, faith is not a bad place to start! I think every husband needs a wife who he sees praying, reading God´s Word, exhorting others in love, giving godly advice, and living a life of faith and contentment. I think these things go a long way in supporting him. It´s true, don´t you think, that a man is often known for his wife? If he has a good wife, doesn´t that speak well of him as well? The Bible says that a good wife is a gift from God, and I think this is why. A man with a virtuous wife can stand up against anything because he can lean on her. A man with a worldly wife, a gossiper or someone who spends her time in the things of the world, for example, not only has to deal with his problems but also with the low opinion that others will develop of her, and by connection, of him.
As I said, I think I have a long way to go to be anything like the Proverbs 31 woman, but these little steps encourage me to continue seeking God´s will for me as a woman and a wife, to see the areas that I need to change, first of all to gain God´s approval, and then also to gain my husband´s approval. Maybe someday my husband will say to me, ¨Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.¨ (Proverbs 31:29)
Week 47: Christmas Programs (week 16 of pregnancy)
This week has been the culmination of a very busy month of preparation, and while it was great to see everything come together, I am so glad that we will be getting a break soon!!
Jairo has been extremely busy getting ready for two Christmas programs at church, one with Compassion International and the other with the youth group. He was actually in charge of the Compassion program since he is the ¨tutor of Christian education¨, or in other words, the one who does all of the Christian programming and lesson plans. He planned a drama where all of the adult helpers depicted different parts of the Christmas story, using short excerpts from the Bible. It turned out really well.
The other program was one that we have been planning forever it seems like. We knew we wanted to do something extra special for Christmas, so we decorated the church with all kinds of things, like Christmas lights and fake snow, the drama team prepared a drama that I developed (finally a good use to all this resting I have to do!), the worship team prepared special Christmas songs, and Jairo gave a special message. We did a Christmas card exchange (since the kids don´t really have the resources for a gift exchange) and gave them cookies and hot cocoa. It was really a wonderful night, and everything went perfectly. We had lots and lots of youth at the service, and got to celebrate the real reason for Christmas. The teens seemed to really enjoy the service, and it turned out to be a very special night.
Now that all of the practices and planning meetings are done, I am looking forward to resting and enjoying our first married Christmas together! It will be the only Christmas that we are a family of 2 (or 2 1/2), and I am really looking forward to it. I absolutely love Christmas! Then in January my parents are going to visit, so I am pretty pumped about all the fun things ahead!
Jairo has been extremely busy getting ready for two Christmas programs at church, one with Compassion International and the other with the youth group. He was actually in charge of the Compassion program since he is the ¨tutor of Christian education¨, or in other words, the one who does all of the Christian programming and lesson plans. He planned a drama where all of the adult helpers depicted different parts of the Christmas story, using short excerpts from the Bible. It turned out really well.
The other program was one that we have been planning forever it seems like. We knew we wanted to do something extra special for Christmas, so we decorated the church with all kinds of things, like Christmas lights and fake snow, the drama team prepared a drama that I developed (finally a good use to all this resting I have to do!), the worship team prepared special Christmas songs, and Jairo gave a special message. We did a Christmas card exchange (since the kids don´t really have the resources for a gift exchange) and gave them cookies and hot cocoa. It was really a wonderful night, and everything went perfectly. We had lots and lots of youth at the service, and got to celebrate the real reason for Christmas. The teens seemed to really enjoy the service, and it turned out to be a very special night.
Now that all of the practices and planning meetings are done, I am looking forward to resting and enjoying our first married Christmas together! It will be the only Christmas that we are a family of 2 (or 2 1/2), and I am really looking forward to it. I absolutely love Christmas! Then in January my parents are going to visit, so I am pretty pumped about all the fun things ahead!
Week 46: Back from Puyo (week 15 of pregnancy)
Well, we are back from Puyo. It was a really difficult trip because we went down for our friend Pepelucho´s funeral. He was about my age and his death was very unexpected. It was a difficult experience for me as a wife, because Jairo was extremely upset and I knew that I needed to try to offer as much support as possible for him. Pepelucho was one of his best friends, and Jairo by nature is a very sensitive person, so this was really almost too much for him, I think. He was a friend of mine, too, but not a very close friend since I really didn´t have a lot of occasions to get to know him really well. Still, it was an incredibly sad couple of days, and I found myself battling with my emotions as pregnancy only complicated things on that front. You can imagine that if a stupid commercial on TV is enough to bring a pregnant woman to tears, how much more a really tragic event like this makes it difficult to keep emotions in line. I tried to do my crying more when Jairo was not around, so that I could try to be a strength and comfort to him when we were together. I think I did all that I could, seeing that in these situations there is really very little anyone can say or do to make anything any better.
Still, our hope in the situation is that Pepelucho had time between his accident and when he passed away that he was conscious, and having been raised a Christian I can only think that he used his time wisely to make things right with God. His death has been a huge testimony to the many, many youth who knew him, not to mention adults, to examine their lives because we never know when God will call us away from this world. None of us is promised 80 or 90 years of life, or even one more day, and I think many people have decided to recommit their lives to God as a result of this situation. Even at the funeral a few people accepted Christ as their savior, which just shows the truth of Romans 8:28, that God can indeed make good things out of bad things.
Please pray for the family, and for Jairo and all of Pepelucho´s good friends, since the grieving process (as all of us who have gone through it know) is not an easy one, and it can take a long time to heal.
Still, our hope in the situation is that Pepelucho had time between his accident and when he passed away that he was conscious, and having been raised a Christian I can only think that he used his time wisely to make things right with God. His death has been a huge testimony to the many, many youth who knew him, not to mention adults, to examine their lives because we never know when God will call us away from this world. None of us is promised 80 or 90 years of life, or even one more day, and I think many people have decided to recommit their lives to God as a result of this situation. Even at the funeral a few people accepted Christ as their savior, which just shows the truth of Romans 8:28, that God can indeed make good things out of bad things.
Please pray for the family, and for Jairo and all of Pepelucho´s good friends, since the grieving process (as all of us who have gone through it know) is not an easy one, and it can take a long time to heal.
Week 45: An unexpected tragedy (week 14 of pregnancy)
We just found out that our friend Pepelucho (whose real name is Jose Luis) (those of you who came to Ecuador might remember him), fell off of a pickup truck while they were driving in Puyo and suffered severe bleeding in his brain. They brought him to a hospital in Quito and did what they could to help him, but he did not wake up at all once he arrived and after several hours in the hospital he passed away. He was about my age and one of Jairo´s best friends. Please pray for safety as we travel to Puyo tonight for the funeral and for the Holy Spirit´s comfort for all of his family and friends, especially his mother who will be coming in from Spain to the funeral.
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Week 45: Finally! (week 14 of pregnancy)
All these months I have wanted to hear the baby´s heartbeat. They say that once you get past 12 weeks and hear the heartbeat, the chances of anything going wrong in the pregnancy are much lower. Well, as a first-time mom, I really wanted the extra assurance that everything is okay.
Today we went to the doctor for my monthly check up and we were not expecting to get to hear the heartbeat at all. I asked when I might be able to hear it and she said next month. Then she changed her mind and said, ¨Well, why not right now!¨ I called Jairo into the exam room and we waited and waited as she looked around for the heartbeat. I didn´t think she would find it because it was taking forever and the only thing we could hear was my slow and steady heartbeat and that whooshing noise that the listening device always makes. Then, all of the sudden, there was a different sound...a much faster and softer beating that barely sounded like a heartbeat at all, it was so fast. ¨There it is!¨ she said. And there it was, our baby´s heartbeat.
At this stage of pregnancy, despite all of the symptoms you go through, it´s really hard to believe you really are pregnant. The only real proof I´ve had up until now is that positive pregnancy test, which is impressive for the first few days until the doubts set in, but then you start looking for something a little more concrete. Hearing the baby´s heartbeat for the first time was a much-needed confirmation that there really is a baby in there! It was an exciting moment, but also a scary one, as I came one step closer to grasping the reality of the change that is about to take place in our lives forever once this little one is born. But then, I did promise not to worry about things outside this stage of pregnancy, so I suppose I should just relax and enjoy the moment. I got to hear the heartbeat, which was at the top of my priorities list for this trimester, so I´m feeling pretty good about that.
It makes you wonder about all of the complex stuff going on inside you that you are completely unaware of. I was thinking about it after the appointment, and I realized that this, too, is a lesson in parenthood, even before the baby is born. Without my help or intervention, God is forming this little one inside of me. I have no control over its formation, no say in how it will all turn out, and that requires more than anything faith on my part as I wait for the day that this process reaches its completion. But even once this baby arrives, I will still have very little control over its life, safety, choices, etc. It´s amazing how many new fears arrive when you find out you´re pregnant, and I can only imagine that those fears increase throughout the life of one´s child. We have to come to a point, even in pregnancy, when we agree to give the control of the child´s life to God, who is the only one who really has control anyway. We have to recognize that ultimately He is the one in charge, and trust in Him to take care of the new life that He is forming. I´m looking forward to seeing what the baby will look like, what kind of character and personality he or she will have, which of my and Jairo´s quirks will be passed on, and what kind of things will interest this new little person. At the same time, I´m learning not to worry, because the same God who is forming this child is the one who will also lead and guide him or her. The question isn´t whether or not I can trust Him with my child´s life, because obviously there is no one more trustworthy than He is. The question is whether or not I as a mother will be able to raise this child in a way that deserves the trust that God placed in me when He allowed this child to begin to grow inside of me.
That is the main focus of my prayers for this child now, that I will be wise enough to know how to be a godly mother. I think there is something to the idea of the 40 weeks of pregnancy being just as much for the benefit of the mother´s preparation as they are for the baby´s formation. Hopefully I will be able to use this time wisely to prepare for the arrival of this baby!
Today we went to the doctor for my monthly check up and we were not expecting to get to hear the heartbeat at all. I asked when I might be able to hear it and she said next month. Then she changed her mind and said, ¨Well, why not right now!¨ I called Jairo into the exam room and we waited and waited as she looked around for the heartbeat. I didn´t think she would find it because it was taking forever and the only thing we could hear was my slow and steady heartbeat and that whooshing noise that the listening device always makes. Then, all of the sudden, there was a different sound...a much faster and softer beating that barely sounded like a heartbeat at all, it was so fast. ¨There it is!¨ she said. And there it was, our baby´s heartbeat.
At this stage of pregnancy, despite all of the symptoms you go through, it´s really hard to believe you really are pregnant. The only real proof I´ve had up until now is that positive pregnancy test, which is impressive for the first few days until the doubts set in, but then you start looking for something a little more concrete. Hearing the baby´s heartbeat for the first time was a much-needed confirmation that there really is a baby in there! It was an exciting moment, but also a scary one, as I came one step closer to grasping the reality of the change that is about to take place in our lives forever once this little one is born. But then, I did promise not to worry about things outside this stage of pregnancy, so I suppose I should just relax and enjoy the moment. I got to hear the heartbeat, which was at the top of my priorities list for this trimester, so I´m feeling pretty good about that.
It makes you wonder about all of the complex stuff going on inside you that you are completely unaware of. I was thinking about it after the appointment, and I realized that this, too, is a lesson in parenthood, even before the baby is born. Without my help or intervention, God is forming this little one inside of me. I have no control over its formation, no say in how it will all turn out, and that requires more than anything faith on my part as I wait for the day that this process reaches its completion. But even once this baby arrives, I will still have very little control over its life, safety, choices, etc. It´s amazing how many new fears arrive when you find out you´re pregnant, and I can only imagine that those fears increase throughout the life of one´s child. We have to come to a point, even in pregnancy, when we agree to give the control of the child´s life to God, who is the only one who really has control anyway. We have to recognize that ultimately He is the one in charge, and trust in Him to take care of the new life that He is forming. I´m looking forward to seeing what the baby will look like, what kind of character and personality he or she will have, which of my and Jairo´s quirks will be passed on, and what kind of things will interest this new little person. At the same time, I´m learning not to worry, because the same God who is forming this child is the one who will also lead and guide him or her. The question isn´t whether or not I can trust Him with my child´s life, because obviously there is no one more trustworthy than He is. The question is whether or not I as a mother will be able to raise this child in a way that deserves the trust that God placed in me when He allowed this child to begin to grow inside of me.
That is the main focus of my prayers for this child now, that I will be wise enough to know how to be a godly mother. I think there is something to the idea of the 40 weeks of pregnancy being just as much for the benefit of the mother´s preparation as they are for the baby´s formation. Hopefully I will be able to use this time wisely to prepare for the arrival of this baby!
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