What is the poorest area of the world that you’ve seen with your own eyes? A bad neighborhood in your city? Or in another state? Have you been in other country on vacation or a missions trip?
I live every day in the midst of extreme poverty. Every day I see people who literally have nothing. At the end of the day, they lie down in the streets with their children to sleep. Little children every day get on the busses to beg for money. In restaurants they come up to your table and beg you for your leftovers. There are people who are blind, mute, deaf, paralyzed, who can do nothing but sit on the side of the street and beg.
I see it every day. It breaks my heart. But even for having seen it every day, I never get used to it. A lot of times on the bus I have to try to hold back the tears. Today was a day like that. Jairo and I went with Bre and our friend Byron to the south of Quito, relatively close by where we live, to see some of the ministries of Isaiah 61, the non-profit organization of Byron and his wife Becky. We saw orphanages, poor schools, small churches, and a food bank.
Sometimes the evil in the world is almost paralyzing. I came home feeling like the problems in this world are so huge, and I’m so small. I will work my whole life to help people like these, orphans, widows, poor families, and I won’t even make a dent. How do you feel good about the five people you helped today when there are millions who are still dying?
In these moments, I have to cling to my God, who is bigger than all the poverty, all the illness, all the evil in all the world. I think the reason that we cry when we see these things, the reason we care, the reason we can’t sleep at night, is because God wants us in action. The Bible makes it clear that God wants His people lifting up these people and giving them new hope and new life. His heart aches for the lost, and ours should too.
It frustrates me that there are so many non-Christian organizations in the world feeding the hungry and giving medical care to the sick, while our churches do nothing. We should set the example in giving, in healing, in giving hope, in lifting up the downhearted, in liberating the world from evil and suffering. Why aren’t we doing anything?
God is going to demand an account for every person who died lost, without hope, while we were comfortable in our pews on Sunday morning. I want to see more Christians getting their hands dirty, like Jesus did. If you don’t know where to start, we need your help here in Ecuador. But please, just do something. We can’t fight this battle alone. Help us save the lost. It’s not just the job of “missionaries”. We’re all called to do it. It’s a commandment that comes straight from Jesus. You don’t have to look very far to see the need. Be a light in the darkness. Please. The world needs us. The world needs Jesus.
Saturday, April 4, 2009
Week Four: More Fun in Immigration
I had the super-fun opportunity to go back once again to immigration, but this time it was for my friend Bre, who got here this week and will be staying with us for a while. She is here on a tourist visa, and had to go register it. It was definitely an adventure, as most things having to do with immigration in Ecuador are. We were all over town in buses, trolley and taxi, trying to get to each office before they closed. We were running from building to building at full speed, regardless of the high altitude and the near fainting. But victory was ours!
I don’t know if there’s anything as encouraging in this life as true friends. Everything you do with a true friend can be an adventure, and you almost always get back home exhausted, laughing and telling everyone else a million stories from the day that only the two of you really find funny. My favorite part about my friendship with Bre is that we have shared every kind of moment together, and there is nothing we wouldn’t do for each other.
The Bible says that a friend sticks closer than a brother. What do you think? According to this characteristic of a friend, do you have a lot of friends? Are your friends only good for laughing and hanging out, or are they there crying with you when you’re hurt? Are they at your side when there’s nothing in it for them? How many of those friends do you have? One? None?
My mom always told me that if you want good friends, you have to be a good friend. Are you good for more than hanging out? Would you give your friend whatever they needed? Would you be at your friend’s bedside when they’re sick? Would you be so sad to see your friend hurt that you would cry too? I think it’s true what my mom said. I think if you want to be loved, you have to love. You have to be vulnerable. You have to put yourself out there, even if you get hurt every time. You have to make the people you love the priority. You have to love freely.
Maybe as you’re reading this, you’re thinking about a friend of yours. Has life been busy lately? When was the last time you really talked with that person? When was the last time you gave up something in your life to be able to give to your friend? Remember that life is nothing without the people that make it worth living. Don’t let your life get in the way of your true friendships. If you have time to read my blog (thanks for reading, by the way) you have time to call your friend and set up a dinner date. You have time to call and apologize for that time you were an idiot, and start over. Why not do it now? Take some time and make sure those you love know how much you love them.
I don’t know if there’s anything as encouraging in this life as true friends. Everything you do with a true friend can be an adventure, and you almost always get back home exhausted, laughing and telling everyone else a million stories from the day that only the two of you really find funny. My favorite part about my friendship with Bre is that we have shared every kind of moment together, and there is nothing we wouldn’t do for each other.
The Bible says that a friend sticks closer than a brother. What do you think? According to this characteristic of a friend, do you have a lot of friends? Are your friends only good for laughing and hanging out, or are they there crying with you when you’re hurt? Are they at your side when there’s nothing in it for them? How many of those friends do you have? One? None?
My mom always told me that if you want good friends, you have to be a good friend. Are you good for more than hanging out? Would you give your friend whatever they needed? Would you be at your friend’s bedside when they’re sick? Would you be so sad to see your friend hurt that you would cry too? I think it’s true what my mom said. I think if you want to be loved, you have to love. You have to be vulnerable. You have to put yourself out there, even if you get hurt every time. You have to make the people you love the priority. You have to love freely.
Maybe as you’re reading this, you’re thinking about a friend of yours. Has life been busy lately? When was the last time you really talked with that person? When was the last time you gave up something in your life to be able to give to your friend? Remember that life is nothing without the people that make it worth living. Don’t let your life get in the way of your true friendships. If you have time to read my blog (thanks for reading, by the way) you have time to call your friend and set up a dinner date. You have time to call and apologize for that time you were an idiot, and start over. Why not do it now? Take some time and make sure those you love know how much you love them.
Week Four: Why God Created Marriage
My mom asked me if Jairo and I had had our first fight yet. I told her that not only had we had our first fight, we were expert fighters. But we’re also experts at making up.
We went through a few days of a rough patch, Jairo and I, and it seemed like every little thing was worth fighting over. It seemed like it would never end. It got me thinking about why I got married. Not in the sense that I regretted getting married, just literally thinking about the reasons. I think when people get married, they have pretty basic reasons for doing so. Things like, I want to be with this person forever, I love this person, etc. They’re not bad reasons. But they all kind of go out the window when the fairy tale gets paused and real life enters. Suddenly I don’t feel those warm fuzzies and I need something more to hold on to, to get through the storm.
I’m not sure how I would do it if I didn’t have God. I, as a Christian woman, know that when I said “I do” (although I actually said “Si lo prometo” but you get the idea) I was entering into something that I would never, ever be able to get out of. When I was walking down the aisle, when I said my vows, when I signed the papers, I knew that. This was the single biggest decision of my life. It is impossible for me to think about divorce in any situation, because I know what God’s position on divorce is, and His position is my position.
Sometimes I wonder if a 21 year old can really make that kind of huge decision, or if any person can, regardless of age. But I did, and many people do. Why? Why get stuck with the same person your whole life? Houses, cars, clothes...you can trade them in. But a husband? No way. Does God really expect us to make that kind of commitment?
Why not? He did! He created a universe full of human beings that would need a perfect savior. He created them knowing that one day He would lay down His own life and bear the sin, guilt and suffering of every person who ever lived, and who ever will live, all for love. Just because He loves us. Paul says that marriage is a reflection of the greatest mystery of all: God’s love for us.
There’s nothing warm and fuzzy about a crucifixion. It was literally one the single most horrific, violent, humiliating, and painful ways to die that has ever existed. I don’t know if you’ve seen the Passion of the Christ, but it was worse than that. Much worse. Jesus laid down his life willingly. He knew He was innocent. He knew they were murdering Him. But when He closed His eyes He could see your face. He could see what your life would be like if He didn’t die for you. He could see how much you would have to suffer in hell if He didn’t turn Himself over to die. And in history’s defining moment, He bore it all so you wouldn’t have to. Every illness you’ve ever suffered from, every tear you’ve cried, every horrible, ugly thing that you’ve passed through in your life, and not just you but every single human being who has existed, exists, and will exist, Jesus bore that. He bore the sin, guilt, suffering and punishment of billions upon billions of people to give you hope and a way out of receiving what you deserve.
Marriage is built on love. But love is not the warm and fuzzy feeling you get when you think about someone. It’s not kisses and hugs. It’s sacrifice. It’s choosing to suffer so the person you love doesn’t have to. It’s turning yourself over to the other person knowing full well that you are right, and bearing the burdens that don’t belong to you. When I think about what God did for me, it gives me strength to truly love my husband. God’s love for me will never end, and there is nothing that He would not or did not do for me. My most important job as a wife is to do the same for my husband.
This is what the Bible says about love: “Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy. It does not boast. It is not arrogant. It is not rude. It does not insist on its own way. It is not irritable. It keeps no record of wrongs. It does not rejoice with evil, but rejoices in the Truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-8
According to this definition, do you love your husband?
We went through a few days of a rough patch, Jairo and I, and it seemed like every little thing was worth fighting over. It seemed like it would never end. It got me thinking about why I got married. Not in the sense that I regretted getting married, just literally thinking about the reasons. I think when people get married, they have pretty basic reasons for doing so. Things like, I want to be with this person forever, I love this person, etc. They’re not bad reasons. But they all kind of go out the window when the fairy tale gets paused and real life enters. Suddenly I don’t feel those warm fuzzies and I need something more to hold on to, to get through the storm.
I’m not sure how I would do it if I didn’t have God. I, as a Christian woman, know that when I said “I do” (although I actually said “Si lo prometo” but you get the idea) I was entering into something that I would never, ever be able to get out of. When I was walking down the aisle, when I said my vows, when I signed the papers, I knew that. This was the single biggest decision of my life. It is impossible for me to think about divorce in any situation, because I know what God’s position on divorce is, and His position is my position.
Sometimes I wonder if a 21 year old can really make that kind of huge decision, or if any person can, regardless of age. But I did, and many people do. Why? Why get stuck with the same person your whole life? Houses, cars, clothes...you can trade them in. But a husband? No way. Does God really expect us to make that kind of commitment?
Why not? He did! He created a universe full of human beings that would need a perfect savior. He created them knowing that one day He would lay down His own life and bear the sin, guilt and suffering of every person who ever lived, and who ever will live, all for love. Just because He loves us. Paul says that marriage is a reflection of the greatest mystery of all: God’s love for us.
There’s nothing warm and fuzzy about a crucifixion. It was literally one the single most horrific, violent, humiliating, and painful ways to die that has ever existed. I don’t know if you’ve seen the Passion of the Christ, but it was worse than that. Much worse. Jesus laid down his life willingly. He knew He was innocent. He knew they were murdering Him. But when He closed His eyes He could see your face. He could see what your life would be like if He didn’t die for you. He could see how much you would have to suffer in hell if He didn’t turn Himself over to die. And in history’s defining moment, He bore it all so you wouldn’t have to. Every illness you’ve ever suffered from, every tear you’ve cried, every horrible, ugly thing that you’ve passed through in your life, and not just you but every single human being who has existed, exists, and will exist, Jesus bore that. He bore the sin, guilt, suffering and punishment of billions upon billions of people to give you hope and a way out of receiving what you deserve.
Marriage is built on love. But love is not the warm and fuzzy feeling you get when you think about someone. It’s not kisses and hugs. It’s sacrifice. It’s choosing to suffer so the person you love doesn’t have to. It’s turning yourself over to the other person knowing full well that you are right, and bearing the burdens that don’t belong to you. When I think about what God did for me, it gives me strength to truly love my husband. God’s love for me will never end, and there is nothing that He would not or did not do for me. My most important job as a wife is to do the same for my husband.
This is what the Bible says about love: “Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy. It does not boast. It is not arrogant. It is not rude. It does not insist on its own way. It is not irritable. It keeps no record of wrongs. It does not rejoice with evil, but rejoices in the Truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-8
According to this definition, do you love your husband?
Week 4: Back to Work
Well, the honeymoon’s over. Officially.
It’s pretty much exactly like I thought it would be. Really, really, unimaginably busy. But it’s also really fun. It’s great to finally be with my husband “in public” so to speak, and have everyone call me Jairo’s wife, and receive that kind of level of respect that people never give to a girlfriend. I’m not just some girl anymore. I’m his wife. So you better back off.
No, just kidding. Sort of. Haha.
Jairo works in the daytime and we’re in the church almost every night of the week. It’s challenging. But it’s also rewarding. I think about the normal jobs people have; you know, waitress, lawyer, doctor, accountant, teacher, etc. I can’t imagine that there could be any job as fulfilling as working for God. Sure, a lot of people after a good day at work come home and feel good about the work they did, and that’s good, but what other job has eternal value? What other people, besides those who work for God, can say that not only will their work continue on after they’re gone, but also that it will continue into eternity?
And, thinking of the same kinds of jobs, I ask myself, what’s the point of a doctor healing a body if the soul goes to hell? What’s the point of educating a mind if, when all is said and done, that mind never gets to understand the fullness and beauty of God’s love? I’m not saying those jobs are bad or pointless, not at all, but what could be more important than sharing the gospel and helping people stay on the right path so that after this life is over, they can live in eternal happiness and communion with God?
I see life here in some of the worst conditions imaginable. Everywhere I turn there is extreme poverty, suffering, violence, illness, struggle, and hopelessness. All the doctors, teachers, accountants and lawyers in the world can’t do anything to give meaning to this kind of life. There has to be more to life than this. Thank God there is so much more. What job could be more important, more rewarding, more lasting than bringing hope to the hopeless, loving the unlovable, and giving the gift of new, never-ending life? This is what Jesus did on earth, and I’m honored to be able to follow in his footsteps.
It’s pretty much exactly like I thought it would be. Really, really, unimaginably busy. But it’s also really fun. It’s great to finally be with my husband “in public” so to speak, and have everyone call me Jairo’s wife, and receive that kind of level of respect that people never give to a girlfriend. I’m not just some girl anymore. I’m his wife. So you better back off.
No, just kidding. Sort of. Haha.
Jairo works in the daytime and we’re in the church almost every night of the week. It’s challenging. But it’s also rewarding. I think about the normal jobs people have; you know, waitress, lawyer, doctor, accountant, teacher, etc. I can’t imagine that there could be any job as fulfilling as working for God. Sure, a lot of people after a good day at work come home and feel good about the work they did, and that’s good, but what other job has eternal value? What other people, besides those who work for God, can say that not only will their work continue on after they’re gone, but also that it will continue into eternity?
And, thinking of the same kinds of jobs, I ask myself, what’s the point of a doctor healing a body if the soul goes to hell? What’s the point of educating a mind if, when all is said and done, that mind never gets to understand the fullness and beauty of God’s love? I’m not saying those jobs are bad or pointless, not at all, but what could be more important than sharing the gospel and helping people stay on the right path so that after this life is over, they can live in eternal happiness and communion with God?
I see life here in some of the worst conditions imaginable. Everywhere I turn there is extreme poverty, suffering, violence, illness, struggle, and hopelessness. All the doctors, teachers, accountants and lawyers in the world can’t do anything to give meaning to this kind of life. There has to be more to life than this. Thank God there is so much more. What job could be more important, more rewarding, more lasting than bringing hope to the hopeless, loving the unlovable, and giving the gift of new, never-ending life? This is what Jesus did on earth, and I’m honored to be able to follow in his footsteps.
Week 3: Remembering Our Wedding
Week Three: Remembering Our Wedding
I’ve been a little sad lately because I don’t have any of my wedding pictures. Well, I have a few, but my parents have like literally 600 in the States. The problem is, how do they get them to us?
A couple of people have told me that they saw pictures and I was beautiful, blah, blah, blah...I want to see them too!! I’m the bride after all, and that was my day of glory! I want to be able to remember every minute of it!
Well, I feel a little better now than I did, because two of our friends who were at the wedding just gave us copies of their pictures. Jairo and I had a lot of fun flipping through them, remembering certain moments we had forgotten, and feeling the same feelings we felt in those moments. Life is already so normal feeling now, with the two of us together, used to each other. I think that’s a good thing, but every once in a while it’s also good to remember the magic that brought you together.
Sometimes I think about what I will remember in twenty or thirty years. Like, what will I tell my kids about this time in my life? I usually laugh when I think about it, because I imagine I will say something about how I was a crazy, impulsive kid who fell absolutely head over heels in love, and one day decided to fly down to Ecuador and marry the love of my life, without thinking twice about anything rational. But I wouldn’t want it any other way. I never wanted a normal life, a normal house, a normal anything. I wanted adventure, I wanted extraordinary, I wanted a fairy tale. I didn’t just want to say, oh we met at work, dated for a year, he took me in a hot air balloon and proposed and we were married that summer. I wanted something special.
Maybe there’s more to an adventure than what meets the eye. It sounds exciting and fun, and a lot of times it is, but it has also cost me a lot. It has been hard sometimes. I’m far away from my family and friends, thrust into a different culture and language (granted, I thrust myself, but still!), sometimes lonely and grumpy, and sometimes feel a little lost. But what good adventure doesn’t include problems, danger, battles and the like? If you took all of the bad stuff out of the lives of the characters of Lord of the Rings or Indiana Jones, what would be left? What kind of adventure would that be?
My wedding was only the beginning of the adventure I’m living. I think someday, my life will be a lot of fun to tell my grandkids about. I just hope I don’t have any kids that turn out like me!!
I’ve been a little sad lately because I don’t have any of my wedding pictures. Well, I have a few, but my parents have like literally 600 in the States. The problem is, how do they get them to us?
A couple of people have told me that they saw pictures and I was beautiful, blah, blah, blah...I want to see them too!! I’m the bride after all, and that was my day of glory! I want to be able to remember every minute of it!
Well, I feel a little better now than I did, because two of our friends who were at the wedding just gave us copies of their pictures. Jairo and I had a lot of fun flipping through them, remembering certain moments we had forgotten, and feeling the same feelings we felt in those moments. Life is already so normal feeling now, with the two of us together, used to each other. I think that’s a good thing, but every once in a while it’s also good to remember the magic that brought you together.
Sometimes I think about what I will remember in twenty or thirty years. Like, what will I tell my kids about this time in my life? I usually laugh when I think about it, because I imagine I will say something about how I was a crazy, impulsive kid who fell absolutely head over heels in love, and one day decided to fly down to Ecuador and marry the love of my life, without thinking twice about anything rational. But I wouldn’t want it any other way. I never wanted a normal life, a normal house, a normal anything. I wanted adventure, I wanted extraordinary, I wanted a fairy tale. I didn’t just want to say, oh we met at work, dated for a year, he took me in a hot air balloon and proposed and we were married that summer. I wanted something special.
Maybe there’s more to an adventure than what meets the eye. It sounds exciting and fun, and a lot of times it is, but it has also cost me a lot. It has been hard sometimes. I’m far away from my family and friends, thrust into a different culture and language (granted, I thrust myself, but still!), sometimes lonely and grumpy, and sometimes feel a little lost. But what good adventure doesn’t include problems, danger, battles and the like? If you took all of the bad stuff out of the lives of the characters of Lord of the Rings or Indiana Jones, what would be left? What kind of adventure would that be?
My wedding was only the beginning of the adventure I’m living. I think someday, my life will be a lot of fun to tell my grandkids about. I just hope I don’t have any kids that turn out like me!!
Week 3: Finding Balance
As I said in my last entry, this week is our last week of our honeymoon time. So, to round out our week, we decided to go to Puyo and stay for a few days with the in-laws. While we were there, Jairo’s niece (I guess she’s my niece too now!) turned 9. We bought her an ice cream cake and had a family birthday party. We ate dinner and cake together, played cards and laughed a lot. It was a great end to a great three weeks.
It made me think about what is important to me. What are my priorities? I think sometimes we forget, in the middle of doing all that life requires, what it is that we really care about. I can tell that something is important to me when I feel at ease when I’m doing it. For example, spending time with my husband, my family (and his), reading my Bible, praying...these are things that make me feel at ease, that restore balance to my life, and help keep my life peaceful. I’ve found that when these things don’t happen, I get too busy to spend quality time with Jairo, I can’t go see his family in Puyo or my friends in Ibarra, my parents forget to call on Sunday night, I don’t have time or am too tired to spend time with God, I start to flip out a little bit. I lose my equilibrium.
So I have to ask myself, what is the point of living life if we aren’t going to do what really matters? For example, so many people spend so much time working to afford their lifestyle, that it seems they blink and their kids are already in college, and they wonder where the time went. I always tell Jairo, I got married so I could be with my husband. It seems so obvious, but when life’s pace starts picking up, it’s easy to look back and realize you missed a whole section of your life. I don’t want that to happen to me.
I’m going into one of those super-busy, lose-your-equilibrium times of my life as this time off comes to a close and reality starts to sink in. My goal is to be able to focus on those things that are most important to me, even in the craziest of moments. God, my husband, and our families and friends are the ones that make everything else worth while.
It made me think about what is important to me. What are my priorities? I think sometimes we forget, in the middle of doing all that life requires, what it is that we really care about. I can tell that something is important to me when I feel at ease when I’m doing it. For example, spending time with my husband, my family (and his), reading my Bible, praying...these are things that make me feel at ease, that restore balance to my life, and help keep my life peaceful. I’ve found that when these things don’t happen, I get too busy to spend quality time with Jairo, I can’t go see his family in Puyo or my friends in Ibarra, my parents forget to call on Sunday night, I don’t have time or am too tired to spend time with God, I start to flip out a little bit. I lose my equilibrium.
So I have to ask myself, what is the point of living life if we aren’t going to do what really matters? For example, so many people spend so much time working to afford their lifestyle, that it seems they blink and their kids are already in college, and they wonder where the time went. I always tell Jairo, I got married so I could be with my husband. It seems so obvious, but when life’s pace starts picking up, it’s easy to look back and realize you missed a whole section of your life. I don’t want that to happen to me.
I’m going into one of those super-busy, lose-your-equilibrium times of my life as this time off comes to a close and reality starts to sink in. My goal is to be able to focus on those things that are most important to me, even in the craziest of moments. God, my husband, and our families and friends are the ones that make everything else worth while.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Week Three: Not Quite Ready
So, it’s week three. It’s week three, and my honeymoon is coming to a close, after a late start. Jairo will be working, I will be at home working on ministry stuff, and when we’re not doing that, we’ll both be spending a lot of time in the church. But I’ll tell you a secret. I’m not ready!
I know, I know. Three weeks! It’s a long time! I should be rested, rejuvenated, a little bored, and ready to get back to work! After all, it’s ministry, it’s what I came here to do, it’s my calling. But I’m not ready.
The truth is, I love people, but I’m not very outgoing. I like my space. I like having my time to blog, to read my Bible, to watch Alias, and I like having access to my husband whenever I want. It’s selfish, I know. My, my, my, I, I, I.
My husband, on the other hand, is ready. He got the rest he needed, now he restless. He wants back in. It’s not that I don’t want to. I do want to. I just know that once it starts, it won’t slow down until I’m like 80 years old. There’s so much work to do. I have so many dreams, goals, and plans.
I think, honestly, I’m kind of nervous. I just really want everything to work out; I want to be able to make a difference. I’m hesitant to start mostly because I don’t want to mess up. But I guess it’s true what I tell Spanish students; you can’t let your fear of messing up keep you from trying. If you never try to say something in Spanish, you won’t learn to speak. Life’s like that, too. If you don’t try things, you won’t really ever live your life.
So I’ll make a deal with you. But only if you really mean it.
Let’s do that thing we’ve wanted to do, but have been afraid to try. Let’s do it together. I’m gonna tell you how it’s going for me (I mean, that’s kind of why I have a blog), and I’d like you to tell me too. Comment me here on my blog, facebook me, myspace me, email me, whatever. I want to know how it’s going. Tell me what your “thing” is, and what you’re doing to achieve it. I’m pretty sure I’m not the only on this planet who has dreams that seem impossible and scary. If you have those dreams too, tell me about them! I want to know. Seriously.
Let the comments, messages and emails begin!!
I know, I know. Three weeks! It’s a long time! I should be rested, rejuvenated, a little bored, and ready to get back to work! After all, it’s ministry, it’s what I came here to do, it’s my calling. But I’m not ready.
The truth is, I love people, but I’m not very outgoing. I like my space. I like having my time to blog, to read my Bible, to watch Alias, and I like having access to my husband whenever I want. It’s selfish, I know. My, my, my, I, I, I.
My husband, on the other hand, is ready. He got the rest he needed, now he restless. He wants back in. It’s not that I don’t want to. I do want to. I just know that once it starts, it won’t slow down until I’m like 80 years old. There’s so much work to do. I have so many dreams, goals, and plans.
I think, honestly, I’m kind of nervous. I just really want everything to work out; I want to be able to make a difference. I’m hesitant to start mostly because I don’t want to mess up. But I guess it’s true what I tell Spanish students; you can’t let your fear of messing up keep you from trying. If you never try to say something in Spanish, you won’t learn to speak. Life’s like that, too. If you don’t try things, you won’t really ever live your life.
So I’ll make a deal with you. But only if you really mean it.
Let’s do that thing we’ve wanted to do, but have been afraid to try. Let’s do it together. I’m gonna tell you how it’s going for me (I mean, that’s kind of why I have a blog), and I’d like you to tell me too. Comment me here on my blog, facebook me, myspace me, email me, whatever. I want to know how it’s going. Tell me what your “thing” is, and what you’re doing to achieve it. I’m pretty sure I’m not the only on this planet who has dreams that seem impossible and scary. If you have those dreams too, tell me about them! I want to know. Seriously.
Let the comments, messages and emails begin!!
Week Two: One More Suitcase
I am almost unpacked. It is the end of week two, and I am almost unpacked. I just have one more suitcase to go. If Jairo and I were competing to see who is most unpacked, I would win, hands down. I’m feeling pretty good about it.
The only problem is that this last suitcase is full of all the things I didn’t know what to do with. So, even though I only have one more suitcase to go, I’m thinking it could be like a year until I get this last one unpacked. Which means Jairo might beat me after all.
Jairo commented to me the other day that changing houses is really not fun. He’s right. I mean, looking for a new place if exciting and fun, and even paying the security deposit and knowing it’s yours is exciting. But actually moving, not fun. And I didn’t move across town, either. I moved across continents.
It will be weird, I think, to be finally unpacked. Even when I lived in Maine, I always had one little unpacked suitcase. Same when I went back to Illinois for a few months. I think it was my reminder that I wasn’t at home. But now I am at home. My home. I don’t have any more reason to stash away an unpacked suitcase. I don’t have anywhere else to go.
I hopped a plane and flew really far away from “home,” aka the place I grew up, to make a new home. It’s a weird feeling to have gone so far for so long never letting myself really settle down anywhere, and now I’m here, on my bed, in my house, settled. And yet, I don’t feel boxed in. I don’t feel trapped. I feel content. I’m happy to have a home, and even happier that I get to share it with my best friend and husband, Jairo. And our dog.
The only problem is that this last suitcase is full of all the things I didn’t know what to do with. So, even though I only have one more suitcase to go, I’m thinking it could be like a year until I get this last one unpacked. Which means Jairo might beat me after all.
Jairo commented to me the other day that changing houses is really not fun. He’s right. I mean, looking for a new place if exciting and fun, and even paying the security deposit and knowing it’s yours is exciting. But actually moving, not fun. And I didn’t move across town, either. I moved across continents.
It will be weird, I think, to be finally unpacked. Even when I lived in Maine, I always had one little unpacked suitcase. Same when I went back to Illinois for a few months. I think it was my reminder that I wasn’t at home. But now I am at home. My home. I don’t have any more reason to stash away an unpacked suitcase. I don’t have anywhere else to go.
I hopped a plane and flew really far away from “home,” aka the place I grew up, to make a new home. It’s a weird feeling to have gone so far for so long never letting myself really settle down anywhere, and now I’m here, on my bed, in my house, settled. And yet, I don’t feel boxed in. I don’t feel trapped. I feel content. I’m happy to have a home, and even happier that I get to share it with my best friend and husband, Jairo. And our dog.
Week Two: A Baby in the House
Just in case you were worried about the title, no, I’m not pregnant. But I do have a puppy! Her name is Sydney, named after Jennifer Garner’s character on Alias...I have all of the seasons on dvd and Jairo and I are hooked. Turns out they have it dubbed in Spanish! Anyway...She’s about 6 weeks old, brown, very cute. I have no idea what breed she is, but I’m guessing full-blooded mutt.
The thing about Sydney is she’s like a human. It’s weird. She’s moody, nervous, and super attached to me and Jairo, after only a few days. She gets mad at us if we don’t pay attention to her constantly, and she will not go to sleep if she’s not touching one of us. On the plus side, in just about 4 days that we’ve had her, we’ve gotten her almost completely house-trained! She’s very smart.
It’s been interesting to see the way Jairo interacts with her. He’s very loving and tender with her, but also gets extremely annoyed with her if she goes to the bathroom in the house. It’s been interesting to watch.
I think she’s a fully-integrated part of our new family, and her antics always help to lighten the mood. But she is also an enormous test of patience and a huge confirmation that we are not ready for kids! Although the good thing about kids is that they don’t wake you up at 5am to go outside by biting your face!!
Pets are interesting because they can bring out the best or worst in you, depending on what they’re doing. They can bring out loving emotions and actions, or they can provoke you to lose your temper in an instant with some naughty thing they’ve done. Your true self is revealed much more quickly in front of a pet than in front of a friend or love interest who you generally try to impress with the best side of you. But pets also accept you like you are, whether you yell at them or hug them.
If more people took on that kind of attitude about their spouses, I think there would be a lot less divorce. What I mean is, no matter what I do to my dog, as long as I’m not just downright evil to her, she’s going to love me, and she won’t run away. As a married person it’s important to remember that your spouse is a person, and sometimes they will bore you, drive you crazy, make you angry, make choices you disagree with, etc. But when you get married, you make a promise to never give up on that person, until death. A lot of people go into marriage with the idea that divorce is a last resort. For me, it’s not even an option. There is no room for divorce when I made a promise to stick it out until death. We have to accept that a spouse is an imperfect person, just like we are, and will not always meet our needs. What a blessing that we have a perfect God who can do just that!!
The thing about Sydney is she’s like a human. It’s weird. She’s moody, nervous, and super attached to me and Jairo, after only a few days. She gets mad at us if we don’t pay attention to her constantly, and she will not go to sleep if she’s not touching one of us. On the plus side, in just about 4 days that we’ve had her, we’ve gotten her almost completely house-trained! She’s very smart.
It’s been interesting to see the way Jairo interacts with her. He’s very loving and tender with her, but also gets extremely annoyed with her if she goes to the bathroom in the house. It’s been interesting to watch.
I think she’s a fully-integrated part of our new family, and her antics always help to lighten the mood. But she is also an enormous test of patience and a huge confirmation that we are not ready for kids! Although the good thing about kids is that they don’t wake you up at 5am to go outside by biting your face!!
Pets are interesting because they can bring out the best or worst in you, depending on what they’re doing. They can bring out loving emotions and actions, or they can provoke you to lose your temper in an instant with some naughty thing they’ve done. Your true self is revealed much more quickly in front of a pet than in front of a friend or love interest who you generally try to impress with the best side of you. But pets also accept you like you are, whether you yell at them or hug them.
If more people took on that kind of attitude about their spouses, I think there would be a lot less divorce. What I mean is, no matter what I do to my dog, as long as I’m not just downright evil to her, she’s going to love me, and she won’t run away. As a married person it’s important to remember that your spouse is a person, and sometimes they will bore you, drive you crazy, make you angry, make choices you disagree with, etc. But when you get married, you make a promise to never give up on that person, until death. A lot of people go into marriage with the idea that divorce is a last resort. For me, it’s not even an option. There is no room for divorce when I made a promise to stick it out until death. We have to accept that a spouse is an imperfect person, just like we are, and will not always meet our needs. What a blessing that we have a perfect God who can do just that!!
Week Two: Adventures in Baking
So, you know how when you were little your mom always had dinner ready for you around the same time of day, and it was generally a pretty balanced meal, and, more often than not, it was pretty good? I mean, the chicken wasn’t raw in parts, the green beans weren’t burnt, the food didn’t get cold before you ate it? Well, guess what. It’s harder than it looks. And even harder at a ridiculously high altitude.
I’ve always liked cooking, but since I’ve been on my own I was never one for scheduled meals, and I never had enough money for balanced ones, I didn’t mind eating plain white rice at 2am if that’s what was in the house and that was when I got hungry. But do you who that doesn’t work with? A husband.
I’ve figured out that making a meal here in Quito takes on average about 90 minutes. I’ve learned that there are like 50 kinds of rice (which is served with every single Ecuadorian meal), and the best one for high altitudes is pescadito. I’ve learned that baked fish sometimes just looks done, but you have to triple check the center before you turn off the oven. I officially really want a blender and a pressure cooker, because I want to make pasta sauces, and I don’t want to have to cook lentils the night before. I also need mixing bowls and a few more pots and pans. But, overall, I think I’m adjusting pretty well to this whole domestic thing.
I made banana bread, which, aside from the fact that I burnt the bottom a little, was actually pretty stinkin’ good, if I do say so myself. I also made oatmeal cookies, my trademark, which turned out great except for when I forgot that I had one more batch in the oven and left them there for like 45 minutes. Jairo said they looked more like Oreos. I’m thinking seriously about making some coffee cake tonight. Here’s to not burning the bottom! Wish me luck!
I’ve always liked cooking, but since I’ve been on my own I was never one for scheduled meals, and I never had enough money for balanced ones, I didn’t mind eating plain white rice at 2am if that’s what was in the house and that was when I got hungry. But do you who that doesn’t work with? A husband.
I’ve figured out that making a meal here in Quito takes on average about 90 minutes. I’ve learned that there are like 50 kinds of rice (which is served with every single Ecuadorian meal), and the best one for high altitudes is pescadito. I’ve learned that baked fish sometimes just looks done, but you have to triple check the center before you turn off the oven. I officially really want a blender and a pressure cooker, because I want to make pasta sauces, and I don’t want to have to cook lentils the night before. I also need mixing bowls and a few more pots and pans. But, overall, I think I’m adjusting pretty well to this whole domestic thing.
I made banana bread, which, aside from the fact that I burnt the bottom a little, was actually pretty stinkin’ good, if I do say so myself. I also made oatmeal cookies, my trademark, which turned out great except for when I forgot that I had one more batch in the oven and left them there for like 45 minutes. Jairo said they looked more like Oreos. I’m thinking seriously about making some coffee cake tonight. Here’s to not burning the bottom! Wish me luck!
Week Two: Sick Husband, Dirty House
The day my in-laws came to visit and stay the night, Jairo came down with the flu. By the next morning when they left, he couldn’t even get out of bed. So, I took his parents to get a taxi to the bus terminal and then went to the pharmacy for medicine and Gatorade. Then I spent the next few days taking care of him, and the housework. Which was not always that fun. It was the sickest I’ve seen him, and I felt kind of helpless, knowing I couldn’t really do much besides giving him his medicine, making sure he drank plenty of liquids, and praying for him.
It’s a weird feeling starting to take care of someone, someone who depends on just you, when you’ve spent your life being taken care of. What’s weirder is that when you marry someone from a different culture, what you know about taking care of someone may be completely “wrong”. For example, when I’m sick with a sore throat I want something cold. Ever since I was little it was popsicles and 7up for a sore throat. Here, eating something cold when sick with a sore throat is the worst possible thing to do. When I’m sick with a stomach ache, I drink sprite or ginger ale. Here when you have a stomach ache you definitely do not ever drink soda. So what do you do when those little tricks you’ve learned your whole life don’t work on someone you’re taking care of?
Jairo and I have our way of dealing with this which is pretty obvious yet harder than it sounds. We just tell each other what we need. For example, Jairo told me that he really needed flax seed tea. Weirdo. I, on the other hand, have often been sick with stomach aches here in Ecuador and I always ask for sprite. It’s harder than it sounds, first of all to ask for something when you know the other person thinks you’re crazy, and even harder to give the person what they need without slamming their upbringing and making it obvious you think that they’re crazy.
I think it comes down to a matter of respect and swallowing your pride. The respect you have for your spouse means that you recognize that it’s very possible that their way of doing things works for them, and you do what you can to provide whatever it is that they need. The swallowing your pride comes in by realizing that your way isn’t the only way, and another way could even be superior to yours.
A large part of marriage, I think, is learning as much as you can about the person you’re married to, and realizing that you will always have more to learn. Marriage is about making your spouse feel accepted and safe with you, and you can’t do that by lying to them. You have to be open and honest, while preserving respect for that person. For us, it looks something like this: “Oh really? That’s funny; where I’m from we do the opposite! Does what you said really work? Wow!”
You can be honest about the things that weird you out without having to hurt the other person, and the benefit is that for next time, they know that you’re different in that area and are more likely to understand you, too, and to trust you enough to tell you more about themselves. Even though you’re married to that person, you don’t have a free pass to make them feel inferior, or to be yourself to such a point that you never improve your flaws and become a better person. I think a characteristic of a good marriage is that the husband and wife are always helping each other grow and excel, and there is always forward motion. And I think it’s never too late to start doing that.
It’s a weird feeling starting to take care of someone, someone who depends on just you, when you’ve spent your life being taken care of. What’s weirder is that when you marry someone from a different culture, what you know about taking care of someone may be completely “wrong”. For example, when I’m sick with a sore throat I want something cold. Ever since I was little it was popsicles and 7up for a sore throat. Here, eating something cold when sick with a sore throat is the worst possible thing to do. When I’m sick with a stomach ache, I drink sprite or ginger ale. Here when you have a stomach ache you definitely do not ever drink soda. So what do you do when those little tricks you’ve learned your whole life don’t work on someone you’re taking care of?
Jairo and I have our way of dealing with this which is pretty obvious yet harder than it sounds. We just tell each other what we need. For example, Jairo told me that he really needed flax seed tea. Weirdo. I, on the other hand, have often been sick with stomach aches here in Ecuador and I always ask for sprite. It’s harder than it sounds, first of all to ask for something when you know the other person thinks you’re crazy, and even harder to give the person what they need without slamming their upbringing and making it obvious you think that they’re crazy.
I think it comes down to a matter of respect and swallowing your pride. The respect you have for your spouse means that you recognize that it’s very possible that their way of doing things works for them, and you do what you can to provide whatever it is that they need. The swallowing your pride comes in by realizing that your way isn’t the only way, and another way could even be superior to yours.
A large part of marriage, I think, is learning as much as you can about the person you’re married to, and realizing that you will always have more to learn. Marriage is about making your spouse feel accepted and safe with you, and you can’t do that by lying to them. You have to be open and honest, while preserving respect for that person. For us, it looks something like this: “Oh really? That’s funny; where I’m from we do the opposite! Does what you said really work? Wow!”
You can be honest about the things that weird you out without having to hurt the other person, and the benefit is that for next time, they know that you’re different in that area and are more likely to understand you, too, and to trust you enough to tell you more about themselves. Even though you’re married to that person, you don’t have a free pass to make them feel inferior, or to be yourself to such a point that you never improve your flaws and become a better person. I think a characteristic of a good marriage is that the husband and wife are always helping each other grow and excel, and there is always forward motion. And I think it’s never too late to start doing that.
Week Two: Alone Together
It’s funny. You wait your whole dating relationship to finally be alone together, right? But it wasn’t actually that exciting for me when all the guests left and we returned home, just the two of us for the first time. It was nerve-wracking! I found myself worrying about what we would do, if we would get bored or sick of each other, wondering what to talk to him about. On the outside I was fine, but inside I was freaking out!
We had taken Bre and Jonathan to the bus terminal and when we got home, the apartment was so quiet! We were finally in our house, by ourselves, we could do whatever we wanted, and that terrified me. There were no rules, no one telling us what to do, just us.
Last night I asked Jairo if he was nervous too, and he gave a resounding “yes!”. He said that for him it was weird, and he didn’t really know how to behave. Now we’re well into our second week and the nervousness and uneasiness have worn off. We’re emotionally settled in, although not physically unpacked, and it feels like home. And since we’re technically on our honeymoon still, even though we’re at home, we’ve been together the whole time since we got here, which has solidified it being “our place”. It’s gone from being nerve-wracking to being reassuring to arrive at home after a day spent around Quito. It’s good to be home.
We had taken Bre and Jonathan to the bus terminal and when we got home, the apartment was so quiet! We were finally in our house, by ourselves, we could do whatever we wanted, and that terrified me. There were no rules, no one telling us what to do, just us.
Last night I asked Jairo if he was nervous too, and he gave a resounding “yes!”. He said that for him it was weird, and he didn’t really know how to behave. Now we’re well into our second week and the nervousness and uneasiness have worn off. We’re emotionally settled in, although not physically unpacked, and it feels like home. And since we’re technically on our honeymoon still, even though we’re at home, we’ve been together the whole time since we got here, which has solidified it being “our place”. It’s gone from being nerve-wracking to being reassuring to arrive at home after a day spent around Quito. It’s good to be home.
Week Two: Post-Wedding Blues
I saw a wedding dress at the mall and it made me really sad. It made me think, what happens when the day you dreamt about your whole life has passed. What do you dream about now, as a woman?
I’m happy with the way my wedding turned out. I’m happy to be married. I like having my own place with my own husband. I like cooking, I don’t mind cleaning...I mean, I don’t have any reason to be sad. The wedding was a success, and we’re going to make sure the marriage is too. But there’s something magical about the day you get married, and there’s so much anticipation that when it’s over, you kind of miss it. I mean, at least I do. It’s like, my wedding was a constant friend since I was a very little girl, always there when I wanted something to dream about. And now? I mean, I can set goals for myself, things I want to achieve or do someday, but what will ever be as big, as magical, as meaningful as my wedding?
Now, don’t get me wrong. The marriage is way more important than the wedding, I know that. But, I imagine that the majority of those of you who are reading this are women, so I think you get my point. What else does a woman have to look forward to after that big day?
My first thought was having children. You know, if you want them, and I do. But then I thought, you know, I know it’s totally worth it and everything but it’s nothing like a wedding. My wedding wasn’t the worst pain I ever felt, it didn’t give me stretch marks, it didn’t end up in me losing all of my money for at least 18 years...you get my point. When will I ever be as beautiful as I was on my wedding? When will I ever get that kind of attention again?
And I guess that’s where the Holy Spirit starts bugging me about my priorities. Read what Peter says about a woman’s beauty in 1 Peter 3: “Do not let your adorning (or beauty) be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear—but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.”
I got ready for my wedding months before, eating right, doing my whole beauty regimen, etc. But now it’s time to shift my focus. Sure, I can still be beautiful. I can wear makeup and eat right. I mean I do have a husband to think about. But the point Peter is making here is that outward beauty will fade. It can’t be a woman’s only beauty. Now that my wedding is over I have to strive to be a beautiful wife. The Bible talks a lot about what makes a woman truly beautiful, and part of that is wisdom. If you want enough to keep you busy for years, try getting started with Proverbs 31. We can do it together.
Proverbs 31:
An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels.
- The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain.
- She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.
- She seeks wool and flax, and works with willing hands.
- She is like the ships of the merchant; she brings her food from afar.
- She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household and portions for her maidens.
- She considers a field and buys it; with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.
- She dresses herself with strength and makes her arms strong.
- She perceives that her merchandise is profitable. Her lamp does not go out at night.
- She puts her hands to the distaff, and her hands hold the spindle.
- She opens her hand to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy.
- She is not afraid of snow for her household, for all her household are clothed in scarlet.
- She makes bed coverings for herself; her clothing is fine linen and purple.
- Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land.
- She makes linen garments and sells them; she delivers sashes to the merchant.
- Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come.
- She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
- She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.
- Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: "Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all."
Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates.
I’m happy with the way my wedding turned out. I’m happy to be married. I like having my own place with my own husband. I like cooking, I don’t mind cleaning...I mean, I don’t have any reason to be sad. The wedding was a success, and we’re going to make sure the marriage is too. But there’s something magical about the day you get married, and there’s so much anticipation that when it’s over, you kind of miss it. I mean, at least I do. It’s like, my wedding was a constant friend since I was a very little girl, always there when I wanted something to dream about. And now? I mean, I can set goals for myself, things I want to achieve or do someday, but what will ever be as big, as magical, as meaningful as my wedding?
Now, don’t get me wrong. The marriage is way more important than the wedding, I know that. But, I imagine that the majority of those of you who are reading this are women, so I think you get my point. What else does a woman have to look forward to after that big day?
My first thought was having children. You know, if you want them, and I do. But then I thought, you know, I know it’s totally worth it and everything but it’s nothing like a wedding. My wedding wasn’t the worst pain I ever felt, it didn’t give me stretch marks, it didn’t end up in me losing all of my money for at least 18 years...you get my point. When will I ever be as beautiful as I was on my wedding? When will I ever get that kind of attention again?
And I guess that’s where the Holy Spirit starts bugging me about my priorities. Read what Peter says about a woman’s beauty in 1 Peter 3: “Do not let your adorning (or beauty) be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear—but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.”
I got ready for my wedding months before, eating right, doing my whole beauty regimen, etc. But now it’s time to shift my focus. Sure, I can still be beautiful. I can wear makeup and eat right. I mean I do have a husband to think about. But the point Peter is making here is that outward beauty will fade. It can’t be a woman’s only beauty. Now that my wedding is over I have to strive to be a beautiful wife. The Bible talks a lot about what makes a woman truly beautiful, and part of that is wisdom. If you want enough to keep you busy for years, try getting started with Proverbs 31. We can do it together.
Proverbs 31:
An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels.
- The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain.
- She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.
- She seeks wool and flax, and works with willing hands.
- She is like the ships of the merchant; she brings her food from afar.
- She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household and portions for her maidens.
- She considers a field and buys it; with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.
- She dresses herself with strength and makes her arms strong.
- She perceives that her merchandise is profitable. Her lamp does not go out at night.
- She puts her hands to the distaff, and her hands hold the spindle.
- She opens her hand to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy.
- She is not afraid of snow for her household, for all her household are clothed in scarlet.
- She makes bed coverings for herself; her clothing is fine linen and purple.
- Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land.
- She makes linen garments and sells them; she delivers sashes to the merchant.
- Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come.
- She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
- She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.
- Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: "Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all."
Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates.
Week One: An Unexpected Visitor
I want to talk a little bit about culture. I feel the need to vent.
I’ve told you about the many guests we had in our house in week one. But I left one out. A very unexpected one. We were finally alone in the house for the first time. It was nighttime, not terribly late, maybe like 7:30 or 8:00. We had already finished dinner and cleaned up the house. So, naturally, as one might assume a newlywed couple might do on their first night alone together, we decided to spend the rest of the evening together, alone, and hopefully somewhat romantically. I decided to put on something appropriate for the occasion, and Jairo hung up a blanket where a curtain should go in our room because we don’t have curtains yet, and didn’t really feel like sharing our evening with the neighborhood.
Everything was going well until we hear a knock at the door. Was that our door? We listened again. Yes, it was definitely our door. Ok. Panic. What were we going to do? I didn’t have any extra clothes, a robe, nothing. We just stared at each other blankly, hoping that whoever it was would just go away. All of the sudden someone knocked on our bedroom window. We both looked at each other with a face that said, “Are you kidding me?” The knocking continued. Obviously they weren’t going to buy that we weren’t home.
Jairo told me to just stay put; it was probably just our friend who lives next door. He left, and I locked the door and listened as he went to see who it was. Soon enough I heard him inviting in the pastor of our church. Yeah. Our pastor! Who, by the way, knows that we are on our “honey moon”.
Jairo showed him to the table and then brought me some clothes to change into. I changed as quickly as possible, trying my best to look presentable. In Ecuador when someone comes over you always serve them something; coffee, tea, whatever you have. So I greeted the pastor and instantly went to work in the kitchen to make tea, which I served with bread and cheese, a fairly typical evening food to serve here.
It turns out there was no real reason for the visit, he was just “in the neighborhood” and wanted to stop by. On my honeymoon. He stayed for over an hour making small talk, and then went home. I was completely dumbfounded. Jairo, although annoyed, had a precedent for this sort of thing, because he’s Ecuadorian, and apparently dropping in unannounced is fairly common practice here.
So I weighed both sides in my head. My American upbringing teaches me that, although an amusing story to tell later, this was completely inappropriate, intrusive behavior. However, my Ecuadorian surroundings tell me that a good person is a person who always opens their home to anyone, anytime. And the more I think about it, the more I think that both sides have merit. In the US, I show my respect for people by making sure it’s ok if I come over before I drop by. I don’t know if they are home, sleeping, sick, busy, or maybe don’t have food in the house to feed me with. But in Ecuador I show my respect for people by welcoming them and making them feel good while they are in my house, even if it means giving them the bread I was going to eat for breakfast tomorrow or the last thing that’s in my fridge. I don’t really think one is better than the other. But I think a hybrid of the two is better than just one of them. And that’s what’s really cool about marrying someone from another culture. Maybe you fight more and you understand each other less than the average newlyweds, but you also get to have a much more complete, interesting view of the world, and the opportunity to adopt traditions and customs that are new to you which make your life more interesting.
I’ve told you about the many guests we had in our house in week one. But I left one out. A very unexpected one. We were finally alone in the house for the first time. It was nighttime, not terribly late, maybe like 7:30 or 8:00. We had already finished dinner and cleaned up the house. So, naturally, as one might assume a newlywed couple might do on their first night alone together, we decided to spend the rest of the evening together, alone, and hopefully somewhat romantically. I decided to put on something appropriate for the occasion, and Jairo hung up a blanket where a curtain should go in our room because we don’t have curtains yet, and didn’t really feel like sharing our evening with the neighborhood.
Everything was going well until we hear a knock at the door. Was that our door? We listened again. Yes, it was definitely our door. Ok. Panic. What were we going to do? I didn’t have any extra clothes, a robe, nothing. We just stared at each other blankly, hoping that whoever it was would just go away. All of the sudden someone knocked on our bedroom window. We both looked at each other with a face that said, “Are you kidding me?” The knocking continued. Obviously they weren’t going to buy that we weren’t home.
Jairo told me to just stay put; it was probably just our friend who lives next door. He left, and I locked the door and listened as he went to see who it was. Soon enough I heard him inviting in the pastor of our church. Yeah. Our pastor! Who, by the way, knows that we are on our “honey moon”.
Jairo showed him to the table and then brought me some clothes to change into. I changed as quickly as possible, trying my best to look presentable. In Ecuador when someone comes over you always serve them something; coffee, tea, whatever you have. So I greeted the pastor and instantly went to work in the kitchen to make tea, which I served with bread and cheese, a fairly typical evening food to serve here.
It turns out there was no real reason for the visit, he was just “in the neighborhood” and wanted to stop by. On my honeymoon. He stayed for over an hour making small talk, and then went home. I was completely dumbfounded. Jairo, although annoyed, had a precedent for this sort of thing, because he’s Ecuadorian, and apparently dropping in unannounced is fairly common practice here.
So I weighed both sides in my head. My American upbringing teaches me that, although an amusing story to tell later, this was completely inappropriate, intrusive behavior. However, my Ecuadorian surroundings tell me that a good person is a person who always opens their home to anyone, anytime. And the more I think about it, the more I think that both sides have merit. In the US, I show my respect for people by making sure it’s ok if I come over before I drop by. I don’t know if they are home, sleeping, sick, busy, or maybe don’t have food in the house to feed me with. But in Ecuador I show my respect for people by welcoming them and making them feel good while they are in my house, even if it means giving them the bread I was going to eat for breakfast tomorrow or the last thing that’s in my fridge. I don’t really think one is better than the other. But I think a hybrid of the two is better than just one of them. And that’s what’s really cool about marrying someone from another culture. Maybe you fight more and you understand each other less than the average newlyweds, but you also get to have a much more complete, interesting view of the world, and the opportunity to adopt traditions and customs that are new to you which make your life more interesting.
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