My mom asked me if Jairo and I had had our first fight yet. I told her that not only had we had our first fight, we were expert fighters. But we’re also experts at making up.
We went through a few days of a rough patch, Jairo and I, and it seemed like every little thing was worth fighting over. It seemed like it would never end. It got me thinking about why I got married. Not in the sense that I regretted getting married, just literally thinking about the reasons. I think when people get married, they have pretty basic reasons for doing so. Things like, I want to be with this person forever, I love this person, etc. They’re not bad reasons. But they all kind of go out the window when the fairy tale gets paused and real life enters. Suddenly I don’t feel those warm fuzzies and I need something more to hold on to, to get through the storm.
I’m not sure how I would do it if I didn’t have God. I, as a Christian woman, know that when I said “I do” (although I actually said “Si lo prometo” but you get the idea) I was entering into something that I would never, ever be able to get out of. When I was walking down the aisle, when I said my vows, when I signed the papers, I knew that. This was the single biggest decision of my life. It is impossible for me to think about divorce in any situation, because I know what God’s position on divorce is, and His position is my position.
Sometimes I wonder if a 21 year old can really make that kind of huge decision, or if any person can, regardless of age. But I did, and many people do. Why? Why get stuck with the same person your whole life? Houses, cars, clothes...you can trade them in. But a husband? No way. Does God really expect us to make that kind of commitment?
Why not? He did! He created a universe full of human beings that would need a perfect savior. He created them knowing that one day He would lay down His own life and bear the sin, guilt and suffering of every person who ever lived, and who ever will live, all for love. Just because He loves us. Paul says that marriage is a reflection of the greatest mystery of all: God’s love for us.
There’s nothing warm and fuzzy about a crucifixion. It was literally one the single most horrific, violent, humiliating, and painful ways to die that has ever existed. I don’t know if you’ve seen the Passion of the Christ, but it was worse than that. Much worse. Jesus laid down his life willingly. He knew He was innocent. He knew they were murdering Him. But when He closed His eyes He could see your face. He could see what your life would be like if He didn’t die for you. He could see how much you would have to suffer in hell if He didn’t turn Himself over to die. And in history’s defining moment, He bore it all so you wouldn’t have to. Every illness you’ve ever suffered from, every tear you’ve cried, every horrible, ugly thing that you’ve passed through in your life, and not just you but every single human being who has existed, exists, and will exist, Jesus bore that. He bore the sin, guilt, suffering and punishment of billions upon billions of people to give you hope and a way out of receiving what you deserve.
Marriage is built on love. But love is not the warm and fuzzy feeling you get when you think about someone. It’s not kisses and hugs. It’s sacrifice. It’s choosing to suffer so the person you love doesn’t have to. It’s turning yourself over to the other person knowing full well that you are right, and bearing the burdens that don’t belong to you. When I think about what God did for me, it gives me strength to truly love my husband. God’s love for me will never end, and there is nothing that He would not or did not do for me. My most important job as a wife is to do the same for my husband.
This is what the Bible says about love: “Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy. It does not boast. It is not arrogant. It is not rude. It does not insist on its own way. It is not irritable. It keeps no record of wrongs. It does not rejoice with evil, but rejoices in the Truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-8
According to this definition, do you love your husband?
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