Day 17: Stay in the Word
This week, I want to challenge you to do a little experiment, if it´s not something you do already. Pick a time each day to pray and read the Bible. An easy place to start is Proverbs, which has 1 chapter for every day of the month. Say a prayer, read and then say another prayer.
Because we know that God´s Word is living and active, it makes sense that spending time reading it every day would start to make changes in us, little by little. But I think that even though the progress is gradual, it is obvious enough that after a couple of days, or even after just one day, you´ll realize that the change is worth it.
The best time for spending time in the Word is in the morning, if possible before the kiddos are up. This is the act of renewing our hearts and minds, and it will give us a fresh perspective for facing the challenges of each day. It will help us become more patient and joyful, and because it has such a positive effect on us, it will also have a positive effect on our family.
If you already spend time in the Word each day, good for you! Your challenge this week is to step it up a notch. Read an extra chapter each day, or tack on 15 more minutes of prayer. You can do it! And it is definitely worth the extra effort.
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Friday, September 16, 2011
30 Days to Being a Purposeful Mommy, Day 16
Day 16: Take Some Time for YOU.
I know, that´s rich coming from the girl who has had a whopping ONE coffee day since the idea was born.
But it was such a great day. I think of it with nostalgia...and when I get back from the US I am SO going to have one every week. No excuses.
It´s good to have a small time each day for yourself. I split mine between time with God and playing games on facebook. (Obviously my priorities are in order...) Take a few minutes when your kids nap or once they go to bed and just do something for you.
The truth is, you will feel selfish, because mom guilt is a real mental illness that all moms contract during childbirth. But you´re not being selfish. If you take care of yourself, you will be in a better position to take care of your family. Your kids don´t need a mommy who bites their heads off (not that I have ever been there...).
You don´t even have to spend money. You can just go take a walk. But do it alone. And do it regularly. It really will help you become a more purposeful mommy, because you will be able to remember what your purpose is if you are not out of your mind. :)
I know, that´s rich coming from the girl who has had a whopping ONE coffee day since the idea was born.
But it was such a great day. I think of it with nostalgia...and when I get back from the US I am SO going to have one every week. No excuses.
It´s good to have a small time each day for yourself. I split mine between time with God and playing games on facebook. (Obviously my priorities are in order...) Take a few minutes when your kids nap or once they go to bed and just do something for you.
The truth is, you will feel selfish, because mom guilt is a real mental illness that all moms contract during childbirth. But you´re not being selfish. If you take care of yourself, you will be in a better position to take care of your family. Your kids don´t need a mommy who bites their heads off (not that I have ever been there...).
You don´t even have to spend money. You can just go take a walk. But do it alone. And do it regularly. It really will help you become a more purposeful mommy, because you will be able to remember what your purpose is if you are not out of your mind. :)
Thursday, September 15, 2011
30 Days to Being a Purposeful Mommy, Day 15
Day 15: Have Some Tricks up your Sleeve
Hello, everyone! We are half way through our series! How is it going for you so far?
Today´s tip will vary a lot based on your children, their personalities and ages. I think in a day a good goal for our children is wellbeing and happiness. And some days, no matter how hard you try, the most you will accomplish is wellbeing. And that´s ok. But on those days when your kids wake up on the wrong side of the bed and you´re counting down the hours until naptime or bedtime, it´s good to have a few tricks up your sleeve.
For example, when Bella has one of those days, one of my tricks is ¨making a pizza¨. It always makes her laugh, no matter how horrible her mood. After observing her bad attitude, I grab her and I say, ¨It looks like it´s time to make a pizza!¨ Then I narrate the pizza making process, roll out the dough, toss it in the air, put on the sauce and cheee, put it in the oven. Acting like she´s the dough in the process, I tickle her, toss her in the air, tickle her some more, etc. By the time she´s ¨in the oven¨ she´s always laughing.
You know the things that work for your kids, and if you don´t, find out. Then do those things! (I got the pizza idea from another mom, and it worked!) Make one goal for your day to do something that earns a smile or a laugh from your little ones. Look at those hard days as a challenge to help your child out of a funk, instead of letting it get you in a funk, too.
And when all else fails, take those kiddos outside!! Go for a walk, go to the park, blow bubbles outside...whatever you want, but in the fresh air! Works like a charm. And let the outdoors work magic on you, too. Because not only should we make our little ones laugh, we should let them make us laugh. It will completely transform your day!
Hello, everyone! We are half way through our series! How is it going for you so far?
Today´s tip will vary a lot based on your children, their personalities and ages. I think in a day a good goal for our children is wellbeing and happiness. And some days, no matter how hard you try, the most you will accomplish is wellbeing. And that´s ok. But on those days when your kids wake up on the wrong side of the bed and you´re counting down the hours until naptime or bedtime, it´s good to have a few tricks up your sleeve.
For example, when Bella has one of those days, one of my tricks is ¨making a pizza¨. It always makes her laugh, no matter how horrible her mood. After observing her bad attitude, I grab her and I say, ¨It looks like it´s time to make a pizza!¨ Then I narrate the pizza making process, roll out the dough, toss it in the air, put on the sauce and cheee, put it in the oven. Acting like she´s the dough in the process, I tickle her, toss her in the air, tickle her some more, etc. By the time she´s ¨in the oven¨ she´s always laughing.
You know the things that work for your kids, and if you don´t, find out. Then do those things! (I got the pizza idea from another mom, and it worked!) Make one goal for your day to do something that earns a smile or a laugh from your little ones. Look at those hard days as a challenge to help your child out of a funk, instead of letting it get you in a funk, too.
And when all else fails, take those kiddos outside!! Go for a walk, go to the park, blow bubbles outside...whatever you want, but in the fresh air! Works like a charm. And let the outdoors work magic on you, too. Because not only should we make our little ones laugh, we should let them make us laugh. It will completely transform your day!
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
30 Days to Being a Purposeful Mommy, Day 14
Day 14: Stop Comparing
I know you do it. You look on facebook, or you people-watch at the mall, or you fantasize at play dates. You imagine that mom you´re looking at and think, ¨Why does she have it all together and I don´t????¨
Guess what. She doesn´t.
When we become moms, we get a lifetime membership to the mommy club. And mommies in the mommy club support each other, help each other, give each other advice and are honest with each other. So I think most moms you ask will tell you the truth. We´re all just doing the best we can, and then faking the rest.
Did you ever meet one of those moms who just insisted that she really did have her life together and perfect, and her children never had a bad day? She is not a member of the club. And she´s a big old liar.
So stop comparing. Your life is your life, and it´s great and terrible and fun and stressful and messy and frustrating and many other things. Your children are your children, and except for the occassional fantasy you would never actually trade them for any other kids. Your husband is your husband, and you married him for a reason. Other people´s lives look wonderful from the outside because you´re on the outside! Live with them for a day as a fly on the walll and you will find that their lives are just as imperfect as yours.
And every once in a while someone will come up to you and say, ¨What well-behaved children you have! How do you do it?¨ In that moment, remember that you belong to the mommy club and be honest. ¨You should see us on a bad day!¨ :)
I know you do it. You look on facebook, or you people-watch at the mall, or you fantasize at play dates. You imagine that mom you´re looking at and think, ¨Why does she have it all together and I don´t????¨
Guess what. She doesn´t.
When we become moms, we get a lifetime membership to the mommy club. And mommies in the mommy club support each other, help each other, give each other advice and are honest with each other. So I think most moms you ask will tell you the truth. We´re all just doing the best we can, and then faking the rest.
Did you ever meet one of those moms who just insisted that she really did have her life together and perfect, and her children never had a bad day? She is not a member of the club. And she´s a big old liar.
So stop comparing. Your life is your life, and it´s great and terrible and fun and stressful and messy and frustrating and many other things. Your children are your children, and except for the occassional fantasy you would never actually trade them for any other kids. Your husband is your husband, and you married him for a reason. Other people´s lives look wonderful from the outside because you´re on the outside! Live with them for a day as a fly on the walll and you will find that their lives are just as imperfect as yours.
And every once in a while someone will come up to you and say, ¨What well-behaved children you have! How do you do it?¨ In that moment, remember that you belong to the mommy club and be honest. ¨You should see us on a bad day!¨ :)
30 Days to Being a Purposeful Mommy, Day 13
Day 13: Annoy Your Kids
My mom was so annoying when I was a kid!! What? That doesn´t sound like a complement? Well, it is. My mom was always faithful about waking us up in the morning with some obnoxious song, or cutesy poem, or exaggerated smile. And I would think, it´s too early for this!
Even though I was obviously annoyed by her morning-person personality, it also secretly made me feel like getting up and starting the day. It was even a little bit funny.
Today´s lesson is simple: Don´t be afraid to be a goof, to look silly, and to hear those laments from your children, aka ¨Oh, mom! You´re so weird! Why won´t you leave me alone?! I´m tired!¨ Don´t worry. They secretly love it. And more importantly, mom is the one who sets the tone for the day at home, so we want to give a good example of what we are expecting from our children. Get out of bed, wash your face and slap a smile on that mouth!
You might not get 100% results. Some of your children are more able to deal with mornings than others. But they will always remember how happy you were to see them each morning!
My mom was so annoying when I was a kid!! What? That doesn´t sound like a complement? Well, it is. My mom was always faithful about waking us up in the morning with some obnoxious song, or cutesy poem, or exaggerated smile. And I would think, it´s too early for this!
Even though I was obviously annoyed by her morning-person personality, it also secretly made me feel like getting up and starting the day. It was even a little bit funny.
Today´s lesson is simple: Don´t be afraid to be a goof, to look silly, and to hear those laments from your children, aka ¨Oh, mom! You´re so weird! Why won´t you leave me alone?! I´m tired!¨ Don´t worry. They secretly love it. And more importantly, mom is the one who sets the tone for the day at home, so we want to give a good example of what we are expecting from our children. Get out of bed, wash your face and slap a smile on that mouth!
You might not get 100% results. Some of your children are more able to deal with mornings than others. But they will always remember how happy you were to see them each morning!
30 Days to Being a Purposeful Mommy, Day 12
Day 12: Connect!
As a mother of a toddler living in South America, ask me how hard it is to connect with other moms. Go ahead. Ask me.
It´s really, really ridiculous.
But it´s also really, really important.
So here are some tips, from one connecting-challenged mom, to you:
Moms might have nothing in common except motherhood. That´s okay. That´s all you need. You will find hours and hours of common ground. So the next time you´re at the park, or the playplace, or the library, or wherever, try this out: ¨How old is your baby/son/daughter/etc.?¨ Then follow up with some unsolicited information: ¨Oh, that´s great! Mine is (fill in the age):¨ More often than not, this is all you need for a nice conversation. Feel free to get some contact information or not, depending on the vibes you´re getting.
Use the internet. Not for weird, stalking stuff. Just for all those mommy forums. There are lots of tools out there to help you make some friends with other moms, and ask questions and get advice, and you don´t have to look far. Just open google and go crazy!
Talk to your mom. I know, right? If you have a mom available to you, you suddenly start to value her a lot more once you become a mother. After all, she survived your childhood and teenage years and didn´t kill you. So she´s basically a success! Chat her up! Ask for her advice. You won´t follow all of it, but you will learn a lot in the process, and she will feel like you FINALLY value her opinion. Score.
Check out area churches. Lots of churches offer mommy and me style groups, or even women´s Bible studies. Make it a goal to attend once a month. If you can go more than that, that´s even better. But once a month is a good starting point.
Last, but not least, pray. Here in Ecuador, sometimes this has been the only one of all these tips that has been available to me. Just remember, His grace is enough for today. Let tomorrow worry about itself. And if you trust in Him, you´re gonna be just fine!
As a mother of a toddler living in South America, ask me how hard it is to connect with other moms. Go ahead. Ask me.
It´s really, really ridiculous.
But it´s also really, really important.
So here are some tips, from one connecting-challenged mom, to you:
Moms might have nothing in common except motherhood. That´s okay. That´s all you need. You will find hours and hours of common ground. So the next time you´re at the park, or the playplace, or the library, or wherever, try this out: ¨How old is your baby/son/daughter/etc.?¨ Then follow up with some unsolicited information: ¨Oh, that´s great! Mine is (fill in the age):¨ More often than not, this is all you need for a nice conversation. Feel free to get some contact information or not, depending on the vibes you´re getting.
Use the internet. Not for weird, stalking stuff. Just for all those mommy forums. There are lots of tools out there to help you make some friends with other moms, and ask questions and get advice, and you don´t have to look far. Just open google and go crazy!
Talk to your mom. I know, right? If you have a mom available to you, you suddenly start to value her a lot more once you become a mother. After all, she survived your childhood and teenage years and didn´t kill you. So she´s basically a success! Chat her up! Ask for her advice. You won´t follow all of it, but you will learn a lot in the process, and she will feel like you FINALLY value her opinion. Score.
Check out area churches. Lots of churches offer mommy and me style groups, or even women´s Bible studies. Make it a goal to attend once a month. If you can go more than that, that´s even better. But once a month is a good starting point.
Last, but not least, pray. Here in Ecuador, sometimes this has been the only one of all these tips that has been available to me. Just remember, His grace is enough for today. Let tomorrow worry about itself. And if you trust in Him, you´re gonna be just fine!
30 Days to Being a Purposeful Mommy, Day 11
Day 11: Pray, Pray, and Pray Some More!
And I´m not just talking about. ¨Lord, help me find the keys so I can drive these children to the park before I go insane!¨
We moms have a responsability to be prayer warriors on behalf of our children. And our husbands. So put those kiddos to bed and hit your knees! You have a lot to talk to God about, so just get started.
Here are a few things you can pray for, and I would refer you to this book, and this one, which are fantastic resources for learning how to build up your prayer life. (And no, I do not own stock in this author or anything like that.)
1. Pray for health, spiritual, physical, emotional, etc for each of your children, and your husband.
2. Pray for yourself as a mother, that you would be a good example, that you would be wise, and that you would be able to instruct your children in life, especially in the faith.
3. Pray for your children´s relationships with each other, that they would be friends and have no need to feel jealousy or inadequacy.
4. Pray for your children´s friends, that they would choose quality friends who will influence them to do good and not evil.
5. Pray for your husband, that he would be wise and lead your family in the way it should go.
6. Pray for the future, both the future of your family and your marriage and each of your children´s futures, such as future schooling, jobs, families and marriages.
And there are so many more things you can pray for! And should pray for. So get going, momma!
And I´m not just talking about. ¨Lord, help me find the keys so I can drive these children to the park before I go insane!¨
We moms have a responsability to be prayer warriors on behalf of our children. And our husbands. So put those kiddos to bed and hit your knees! You have a lot to talk to God about, so just get started.
Here are a few things you can pray for, and I would refer you to this book, and this one, which are fantastic resources for learning how to build up your prayer life. (And no, I do not own stock in this author or anything like that.)
1. Pray for health, spiritual, physical, emotional, etc for each of your children, and your husband.
2. Pray for yourself as a mother, that you would be a good example, that you would be wise, and that you would be able to instruct your children in life, especially in the faith.
3. Pray for your children´s relationships with each other, that they would be friends and have no need to feel jealousy or inadequacy.
4. Pray for your children´s friends, that they would choose quality friends who will influence them to do good and not evil.
5. Pray for your husband, that he would be wise and lead your family in the way it should go.
6. Pray for the future, both the future of your family and your marriage and each of your children´s futures, such as future schooling, jobs, families and marriages.
And there are so many more things you can pray for! And should pray for. So get going, momma!
30 Days to Being a Purposeful Mommy, Day 10
Day 10: Get Excited! (About dandelions, feathers, doggies...)
Kids get excited about everything. Which is a stark contrast to most adults, who walk around thinking about everything they have to do today, which causes feelings of stress instead of happiness. But if we take a minute out of our busy days to share our kids´ excitement, it can really influence our attitude.
Today, and every day, take time to notice what is getting your kids excited. In our case, Bella loves doggies, birdies and flowers. Not to mention music of any and every kind. I try to help her notice those things, because I know how happy they make her. I try to notice them, myself, too. If you think about it, all of creation is an incredible gift that many of us forget to enjoy unless we´re on vacation. There is beauty all around us, and kids are pros at spotting it.
Once you see the world through your kids´ eyes, it will be easy to get excited yourself. For as much as we teach our children, our children have a lot to teach us, too. What is your kiddo trying to teach you today?
Kids get excited about everything. Which is a stark contrast to most adults, who walk around thinking about everything they have to do today, which causes feelings of stress instead of happiness. But if we take a minute out of our busy days to share our kids´ excitement, it can really influence our attitude.
Today, and every day, take time to notice what is getting your kids excited. In our case, Bella loves doggies, birdies and flowers. Not to mention music of any and every kind. I try to help her notice those things, because I know how happy they make her. I try to notice them, myself, too. If you think about it, all of creation is an incredible gift that many of us forget to enjoy unless we´re on vacation. There is beauty all around us, and kids are pros at spotting it.
Once you see the world through your kids´ eyes, it will be easy to get excited yourself. For as much as we teach our children, our children have a lot to teach us, too. What is your kiddo trying to teach you today?
30 Days to Being a Purposeful Mommy, Day 9
Day 9: Cut Yourself Some Slack
This is an appropriate post as it is officially five days late. I have a UTI and have not been feeling up to blogging, but today I decided to try to get caught up. :)
Here´s the thing about being a mommy. For some reason, when we do everything right we feel like we can sleep at night, but if we do one thing wrong we feel like the parenting police are going to swoop down and take us to bad mommy prison. Somehow even people who have never been perfectionists in their whole lives (I am not one of those people, however) give birth to a newfound perfectionism when they give birth to their first child.
It doesn´t help us at all to put unrealistic expectations on ourselves. God has entrusted us with children so that we can train them in the way they should go, which is a high calling. However, perfection is a journey, not a destination. We continue to become more like Christ, but we won´t go from human, imperfect mommy to perfect saint in one day. The important thing is to keep improving.
I think we all have people in our lives that we look up to, and I doubt that any of them are perfect. So cut yourself some slack. I don´t mean we should be easy on ourselves. I think we really should demand a high level of excellence from ourselves as women, wives and mothers. But at the end of the day, try to put it all in perspective. If today you made progress, and got a little closer to your goals as a mother, then count the day as a success, despite its failures. If today you felt like you took two giant steps backwards, well, that will happen sometimes. Confess it to God, make it right in your home, and do better tomorrow. Ultimately, focusing on our failures will only lead us to fail more, because we will begin to feel like we are not able to succeed.
Each day when you wake up, decide to do two things: First, decide to make an effort at having a purpose behind your words, thoughts and actions today. And second, cut yourself a little slack!
This is an appropriate post as it is officially five days late. I have a UTI and have not been feeling up to blogging, but today I decided to try to get caught up. :)
Here´s the thing about being a mommy. For some reason, when we do everything right we feel like we can sleep at night, but if we do one thing wrong we feel like the parenting police are going to swoop down and take us to bad mommy prison. Somehow even people who have never been perfectionists in their whole lives (I am not one of those people, however) give birth to a newfound perfectionism when they give birth to their first child.
It doesn´t help us at all to put unrealistic expectations on ourselves. God has entrusted us with children so that we can train them in the way they should go, which is a high calling. However, perfection is a journey, not a destination. We continue to become more like Christ, but we won´t go from human, imperfect mommy to perfect saint in one day. The important thing is to keep improving.
I think we all have people in our lives that we look up to, and I doubt that any of them are perfect. So cut yourself some slack. I don´t mean we should be easy on ourselves. I think we really should demand a high level of excellence from ourselves as women, wives and mothers. But at the end of the day, try to put it all in perspective. If today you made progress, and got a little closer to your goals as a mother, then count the day as a success, despite its failures. If today you felt like you took two giant steps backwards, well, that will happen sometimes. Confess it to God, make it right in your home, and do better tomorrow. Ultimately, focusing on our failures will only lead us to fail more, because we will begin to feel like we are not able to succeed.
Each day when you wake up, decide to do two things: First, decide to make an effort at having a purpose behind your words, thoughts and actions today. And second, cut yourself a little slack!
Friday, September 9, 2011
30 Days to Being a Purposeful Mommy, Day 8
Day 8: Teach Your Child to Love God
Is it possible to teach your baby or toddler to love God? What about a small child? A pre-teen? A teenager?
I vote yes. I have seen a lot of people from my generation and younger generations who have become somewhat bitter about religion, despite having grown up in homes where they were taught about God. Why is this? The majority of people I have talked to say that it is because it all seemed hypocritical to them. Why? Because church was just a sunday thing, followed by a week of watching their parents live however they wanted to. So when mom and dad demanded holiness from them, it seemed pretty ridiculous.
I don´t think kids need perfect parents. I do think that kids need us to practice what we preach. The gospel needs to be something that penetrates every situation, every moment, every word, every action, every thought. If you and I have a friendship with the Holy Spirit, and we seek to bring our children into that friendship, God will do the rest.
Our children should learn about spiritual disciplines way before they understand them. Prayer, reading the Bible, memorizing Scripture, giving to the poor, tithing, displaying the fruit of the Spirit, etc. should all be parts of our daily life. Discipline should ultimately be brought back to Biblical principles.
Ultimately, just remember that Christ Himself defines loving God as obedience. Can we teach our children to love God? Yes, because we can teach our children to obey Him. And we should be hard on ourselves, striving for holiness, so that we can lead our children onto the path that we are following, rather than demanding that they follow a path that we were unwilling to follow.
Is it possible to teach your baby or toddler to love God? What about a small child? A pre-teen? A teenager?
I vote yes. I have seen a lot of people from my generation and younger generations who have become somewhat bitter about religion, despite having grown up in homes where they were taught about God. Why is this? The majority of people I have talked to say that it is because it all seemed hypocritical to them. Why? Because church was just a sunday thing, followed by a week of watching their parents live however they wanted to. So when mom and dad demanded holiness from them, it seemed pretty ridiculous.
I don´t think kids need perfect parents. I do think that kids need us to practice what we preach. The gospel needs to be something that penetrates every situation, every moment, every word, every action, every thought. If you and I have a friendship with the Holy Spirit, and we seek to bring our children into that friendship, God will do the rest.
Our children should learn about spiritual disciplines way before they understand them. Prayer, reading the Bible, memorizing Scripture, giving to the poor, tithing, displaying the fruit of the Spirit, etc. should all be parts of our daily life. Discipline should ultimately be brought back to Biblical principles.
Ultimately, just remember that Christ Himself defines loving God as obedience. Can we teach our children to love God? Yes, because we can teach our children to obey Him. And we should be hard on ourselves, striving for holiness, so that we can lead our children onto the path that we are following, rather than demanding that they follow a path that we were unwilling to follow.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
30 Days to Being a Purposeful Mommy, Day 7
Day 7: Give Each Child Some One-on-One
I think as a rule women understand the concept of quality time better than men. For a man, if he is in the same room as you, not talking to you or paying attention to you, he probably still counted it as time ¨together¨ with you. But you and I both know that those moments of coexisting are not quality time.
While in our marriages we understand this concept, sometimes in parenting we are guilty of merely coexisting with our children. I spend all day, every day with Bella, but there are days that I don´t really spend time with her at all.
It´s important for our relationships with our children, and (if you have multiple children) for their relationships with each other, that each child have one-on-one time with each parent. If you are a working parent, you may only be able to spend quality time with one child per day, depending on your schedule. Even if you are a stay at home mom, it can be difficult to take time for those moments because there is just so much to do. However, the ideal would be to spend quality time with each child every day.
You don´t have to take each kid individually to a movie. Just look for small opportunities to spend a few moments of quality with your child. It can be before naptime or bedtime. It can be while you´re running errands. It can be a special activity you have planned. It can be as simple or elaborate as you want. (I think a mixture of simple and elaborate is nice, just to shake things up. But that´s just me.)
When we spend time with each child, we send them the message that they are important, and we contribute to a healthy self esteem. We also lay a groundwork for moments that our children will remember long after we are gone.
I think as a rule women understand the concept of quality time better than men. For a man, if he is in the same room as you, not talking to you or paying attention to you, he probably still counted it as time ¨together¨ with you. But you and I both know that those moments of coexisting are not quality time.
While in our marriages we understand this concept, sometimes in parenting we are guilty of merely coexisting with our children. I spend all day, every day with Bella, but there are days that I don´t really spend time with her at all.
It´s important for our relationships with our children, and (if you have multiple children) for their relationships with each other, that each child have one-on-one time with each parent. If you are a working parent, you may only be able to spend quality time with one child per day, depending on your schedule. Even if you are a stay at home mom, it can be difficult to take time for those moments because there is just so much to do. However, the ideal would be to spend quality time with each child every day.
You don´t have to take each kid individually to a movie. Just look for small opportunities to spend a few moments of quality with your child. It can be before naptime or bedtime. It can be while you´re running errands. It can be a special activity you have planned. It can be as simple or elaborate as you want. (I think a mixture of simple and elaborate is nice, just to shake things up. But that´s just me.)
When we spend time with each child, we send them the message that they are important, and we contribute to a healthy self esteem. We also lay a groundwork for moments that our children will remember long after we are gone.
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
30 Days to Being a Purposeful Mommy, Day 6
Day 6: Get Out! (Outdoors, that is!)
Do you ever have those days wher eyou are pretty sure you´re going to kill someone, anyone, just because you are simply going out of your mind? I´ll be honest. I have those days sometimes.
The diagnosis? Being locked in your house with your kids all day, every day, will lead to a family-wide epidemic of insanity.
You´re not a bad mom. You just need some fresh air and sunshine. And so do your kids!
As long as the weather holds up, I try to get outside with my little one every day. Some days we go to the park. Some days we go for a walk. Some days we go to the store. But we get out of the house.
Not only will getting out the house help your mood, it will help your child´s mood. God did not create us to be indoors all day long. He also didn´t create us to go crazy.
It´s nice to mix things up. Sometimes you can do fun, organized activities with your kids outside. Sometimes you can all go for a walk or bike ride. Sometimes you can just let your kids use their imaginations while you read a book. The important thing is to get outdoors.
I said I try to get out every day, but sometimes it doesn´t pan out. However, when we´re only one hour into the day and I´m ready to pull my hair out, there is no cure like the outdoors. I get shoes on my feet and hers, I get a jacket on both of us, and we are outta here! The best part is that your kids will think it´s the best idea ever! They get out all of the cooped up energy they have, and come home much more well-behaved (and probably sleepy).
When you´re having one of those days, just remember my advice and let nature work its magic on your family!
Do you ever have those days wher eyou are pretty sure you´re going to kill someone, anyone, just because you are simply going out of your mind? I´ll be honest. I have those days sometimes.
The diagnosis? Being locked in your house with your kids all day, every day, will lead to a family-wide epidemic of insanity.
You´re not a bad mom. You just need some fresh air and sunshine. And so do your kids!
As long as the weather holds up, I try to get outside with my little one every day. Some days we go to the park. Some days we go for a walk. Some days we go to the store. But we get out of the house.
Not only will getting out the house help your mood, it will help your child´s mood. God did not create us to be indoors all day long. He also didn´t create us to go crazy.
It´s nice to mix things up. Sometimes you can do fun, organized activities with your kids outside. Sometimes you can all go for a walk or bike ride. Sometimes you can just let your kids use their imaginations while you read a book. The important thing is to get outdoors.
I said I try to get out every day, but sometimes it doesn´t pan out. However, when we´re only one hour into the day and I´m ready to pull my hair out, there is no cure like the outdoors. I get shoes on my feet and hers, I get a jacket on both of us, and we are outta here! The best part is that your kids will think it´s the best idea ever! They get out all of the cooped up energy they have, and come home much more well-behaved (and probably sleepy).
When you´re having one of those days, just remember my advice and let nature work its magic on your family!
Monday, September 5, 2011
30 Days to Being a Purposeful Mommy, Day 5
Day 5: Pick Your Battles, Set Limits, Say No
Have you ever heard the advice that says we should try to create a ¨yes¨ environment for our kids? Basically, the idea is that we surround young children with safe environments where there are few opportunities to get in to trouble. This way we won´t have to spend all day saying ¨no¨, which is frustrating both for us and for our children.
I think even when you follow this advice, kids are kids, and you´re going to have to set limits and say ¨no¨, no matter how old they are. Kids, like adults, are sinful, and need guidance and discipline in order to learn what is right and wrong.
That´s not to say that I don´t agree with the advice above. I do. Even Scripture says that we should not wear our children out by excessive discipline, etc. Not to mention that when we are saying ¨no¨ all day, we wear ourselves out, and nobody is happy.
We have to learn as parents to pick our battles. Is it really a big deal if the toddler wants to rearrange all of the DVDs? (A favorite activity of my one-year-old) Are you really going to be able to teach a one-year-old not to pick her nose? (Not that mine does that...) And of course, your battles will vary by the ages and number of children that you have.
When we pick our battles, we avoid saying ¨no¨ every five seconds. And when we do that, our children learn that no means no, because we don´t overuse it. Especially when we back up that ¨no¨ with the appropriate action, like distracting a baby, removing a toddler from the situation they got themselves into, disciplining an older child, etc.
As your child grows, you will have opportunities to set limits with them on an intellectual and spiritual level. As they understand more abtract concepts, you will be able to explain your ¨no¨, and I think that is really important. My toddler doesn´t understand many of these concepts, but at least I can explain that we don´t do this or that because it isn´t nice. We worked hard to get her to understand the word ¨nice¨, and now that she does, I can factor that in to my no. Older children can understand when something hurts mommy´s feelings, or when God doesn´t like certain behaviors. The more our children grow, and the more purposeful we are about the limits we set, the more they will be able to understand and grow as people.
We all have different philosophies about discipline, but I think we can all agree that none of us wants to discipline our child for no reason. However, a lot of times we ourselves create situations where we set our children up for failure.
An example: Yesterday we were eating lunch. Bella was doing great when Jairo decided to give her some jello. Bella loves jello, and I had made some for ¨dessert¨. Well, once she had a taste of the jello, do you think she wanted to finish her lunch? No way. (She did finish, though, because this is a battle I consider worth fighting.) When Jairo got frustrated with her, I said, this is not her fault, it´s ours. Because it was true. We set her up to fail.
And that´s where that advice about a ¨yes¨ environment comes in. I can´t hand my children temptation and then be upset when they fail. I need to teach them how to be strong against temptation when it arises, not tempt them myself.
The job of forming our children´s character will require of us that we set limits and say ¨no¨. It will require discipline. It will require choosing our battle and teaching our kids how to know what things are eternally important. It will also require vigilance on our part, to not place our children in situations where they are doomed to fail. None of us enjoys disciplining our children in any way. It´s not something we should enjoy. But it is something we should give high importance to, because it is one very effective way that our children will learn how to be the people they need to be. The important thing, as a purposeful mommy, is to use discipline that is also purposeful.
Have you ever heard the advice that says we should try to create a ¨yes¨ environment for our kids? Basically, the idea is that we surround young children with safe environments where there are few opportunities to get in to trouble. This way we won´t have to spend all day saying ¨no¨, which is frustrating both for us and for our children.
I think even when you follow this advice, kids are kids, and you´re going to have to set limits and say ¨no¨, no matter how old they are. Kids, like adults, are sinful, and need guidance and discipline in order to learn what is right and wrong.
That´s not to say that I don´t agree with the advice above. I do. Even Scripture says that we should not wear our children out by excessive discipline, etc. Not to mention that when we are saying ¨no¨ all day, we wear ourselves out, and nobody is happy.
We have to learn as parents to pick our battles. Is it really a big deal if the toddler wants to rearrange all of the DVDs? (A favorite activity of my one-year-old) Are you really going to be able to teach a one-year-old not to pick her nose? (Not that mine does that...) And of course, your battles will vary by the ages and number of children that you have.
When we pick our battles, we avoid saying ¨no¨ every five seconds. And when we do that, our children learn that no means no, because we don´t overuse it. Especially when we back up that ¨no¨ with the appropriate action, like distracting a baby, removing a toddler from the situation they got themselves into, disciplining an older child, etc.
As your child grows, you will have opportunities to set limits with them on an intellectual and spiritual level. As they understand more abtract concepts, you will be able to explain your ¨no¨, and I think that is really important. My toddler doesn´t understand many of these concepts, but at least I can explain that we don´t do this or that because it isn´t nice. We worked hard to get her to understand the word ¨nice¨, and now that she does, I can factor that in to my no. Older children can understand when something hurts mommy´s feelings, or when God doesn´t like certain behaviors. The more our children grow, and the more purposeful we are about the limits we set, the more they will be able to understand and grow as people.
We all have different philosophies about discipline, but I think we can all agree that none of us wants to discipline our child for no reason. However, a lot of times we ourselves create situations where we set our children up for failure.
An example: Yesterday we were eating lunch. Bella was doing great when Jairo decided to give her some jello. Bella loves jello, and I had made some for ¨dessert¨. Well, once she had a taste of the jello, do you think she wanted to finish her lunch? No way. (She did finish, though, because this is a battle I consider worth fighting.) When Jairo got frustrated with her, I said, this is not her fault, it´s ours. Because it was true. We set her up to fail.
And that´s where that advice about a ¨yes¨ environment comes in. I can´t hand my children temptation and then be upset when they fail. I need to teach them how to be strong against temptation when it arises, not tempt them myself.
The job of forming our children´s character will require of us that we set limits and say ¨no¨. It will require discipline. It will require choosing our battle and teaching our kids how to know what things are eternally important. It will also require vigilance on our part, to not place our children in situations where they are doomed to fail. None of us enjoys disciplining our children in any way. It´s not something we should enjoy. But it is something we should give high importance to, because it is one very effective way that our children will learn how to be the people they need to be. The important thing, as a purposeful mommy, is to use discipline that is also purposeful.
Sunday, September 4, 2011
30 Days to Being a Purposeful Mommy, Day 4
Day 4: Be a Role Model
I think one of the hardest jobs in parenting is becoming a role model. Before we were parents, we might not have had to worry too much about days when we woke up on the wrong side of the bed, or were just in a funk for no reason. But, once we have children, every word, every action, every attitude is observed and learned by our little ones. It´s not enough just to hope and pray that our children become better people than us. We ourselves have to become the kind of people we want our children to be. We can´t ¨instruct them in the way they should go¨ unless we are already on that path. Otherwise it becomes hypocrisy.
Do you say ¨please¨ and ¨thank you¨ to your children? To your spouse? Do you eat your vegetables? Are you compassionate and considerate? Every day I personally see certain things in myself that I want to change so that I can be a better person for my children (current and future). I think when we have this mindset, motherhood becomes the best test of character and integrity that we could ever find.
Thankfully, this doesn´t mean we have to be perfect. When our good (yet imperfect) example is combined with seeking after God and praying fervently for our children, God will fill in the blanks. Even our failures are examples to our children in things like asking forgiveness and making restitution.
The easiest place to start is looking for opportunities to model good social behavior (please, thank you, excuse me, etc). There are hundreds of opportunities like these every day. (Right now we are learning ¨be nice¨ and ¨don´t hit!!!¨) But at the same time, we don´t just want polite children. We want children who are godly, emotionally secure, intelligent, etc. That´s where God will really start to take us apart and refine us.
Do your children see you reading the Word and spending time in prayer each day? The easiest way to start is with your kids. Just grab them, sit them down and spend 15 or 20 minutes reading a Bible story, talking about it and praying. My little one is one, so our time with God is simple and short, but it´s there. I don´t want her to remember a time when she didn´t hear God´s Word at home, where she didn´t pray, where she didn´t go to church, etc. Making time for myself to get away with God was a challenge for me. Good moments are times when our children are napping, at school or sleeping for the night. Even in those moments you will have many reasons not to spend time with God. But there also many reasons to be purposeful about that time and get it done. The most important reason, as a mother, is that without God we will never become the people we need to be in order to prepare our children.
A mother´s work is never finished, and the truth is that as a purposeful mother, we have to bring every word, every thought, every action, every attitude under Christ´s power. Honestly, this might be the single most important difference between merely having kids and being purposeful parents. It´s a high calling, with great rewards, both here on earth and in the next life.
I encourage you (and myself) to begin this and every day with prayer. Ask God to help you specifically in the areas where you are most likely to set a bad example normally. (Impatience, selfishness, lack of compassion, bad attitude, lack of gratitude, and the list goes on...) And when you fail, which you will sometimes, look at it as an opportunity to teach your children how to make ammends.
Let´s give our children a good example at home, so that while they still want to be like us, we will want them to be like us, too.
I think one of the hardest jobs in parenting is becoming a role model. Before we were parents, we might not have had to worry too much about days when we woke up on the wrong side of the bed, or were just in a funk for no reason. But, once we have children, every word, every action, every attitude is observed and learned by our little ones. It´s not enough just to hope and pray that our children become better people than us. We ourselves have to become the kind of people we want our children to be. We can´t ¨instruct them in the way they should go¨ unless we are already on that path. Otherwise it becomes hypocrisy.
Do you say ¨please¨ and ¨thank you¨ to your children? To your spouse? Do you eat your vegetables? Are you compassionate and considerate? Every day I personally see certain things in myself that I want to change so that I can be a better person for my children (current and future). I think when we have this mindset, motherhood becomes the best test of character and integrity that we could ever find.
Thankfully, this doesn´t mean we have to be perfect. When our good (yet imperfect) example is combined with seeking after God and praying fervently for our children, God will fill in the blanks. Even our failures are examples to our children in things like asking forgiveness and making restitution.
The easiest place to start is looking for opportunities to model good social behavior (please, thank you, excuse me, etc). There are hundreds of opportunities like these every day. (Right now we are learning ¨be nice¨ and ¨don´t hit!!!¨) But at the same time, we don´t just want polite children. We want children who are godly, emotionally secure, intelligent, etc. That´s where God will really start to take us apart and refine us.
Do your children see you reading the Word and spending time in prayer each day? The easiest way to start is with your kids. Just grab them, sit them down and spend 15 or 20 minutes reading a Bible story, talking about it and praying. My little one is one, so our time with God is simple and short, but it´s there. I don´t want her to remember a time when she didn´t hear God´s Word at home, where she didn´t pray, where she didn´t go to church, etc. Making time for myself to get away with God was a challenge for me. Good moments are times when our children are napping, at school or sleeping for the night. Even in those moments you will have many reasons not to spend time with God. But there also many reasons to be purposeful about that time and get it done. The most important reason, as a mother, is that without God we will never become the people we need to be in order to prepare our children.
A mother´s work is never finished, and the truth is that as a purposeful mother, we have to bring every word, every thought, every action, every attitude under Christ´s power. Honestly, this might be the single most important difference between merely having kids and being purposeful parents. It´s a high calling, with great rewards, both here on earth and in the next life.
I encourage you (and myself) to begin this and every day with prayer. Ask God to help you specifically in the areas where you are most likely to set a bad example normally. (Impatience, selfishness, lack of compassion, bad attitude, lack of gratitude, and the list goes on...) And when you fail, which you will sometimes, look at it as an opportunity to teach your children how to make ammends.
Let´s give our children a good example at home, so that while they still want to be like us, we will want them to be like us, too.
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