I´m back!

If you notice the dates on these blog posts, you´ll notice I haven´t been blogging lately. Like, for a very long time.

It isn´t a problem of not having anything to say, but actually just the opposite. Sometimes there is so much to say that you just have to be quiet.

In the past year (yes, it has seriously been a YEAR since my last post) we have been through so much that it´s hard to find the words to express it all. Ministry, like life, is messy and hard and imperfect. It requires growth, and if you remember being a kid, you know that growth comes with pain.

We have been back in Ecuador for just about a year, and that year feels like an eternity. My girls are so big, and I can´t slow them down in any sense, which, as a mother, all at once gives me joy to see them blossom before my very eyes, and it terrifies me, thinking that the days of childhood are numbered and pass by so quickly. Watching them grow is like watching the sand flow out of an hourglass, and the days go by so quickly and so slowly that I don´t know what to make of it.

I see our ministry align more and more to the ministry of Christ, and it makes me glad, and at the same time it is exhausting and requires the pouring out of every last ounce of self, until I am so empty and broken that I must depend on His healing and filling to get up every morning.

I never imagined I would be buying a casket for one of our precious sponsor children, but that is how I spent my husband´s birthday weekend. I never thought I would be singing in a concert for thousands of people, but just weeks later, there I was. I didn´t think I would ever see one of the poor little girls from Kid´s Club give her pair of shoes to another little girl who needed them even more, but I did. I didn´t think the most difficult trouble-makers would run to the front of the room to be chosen to dance for God, but they do. I had hoped I would never spend sleepless nights in the hospital, pleading with God to keep my daughter alive and breathing, but there we were. I never knew what it was like to feel an earthquake every day, but now I do. I would never have thought that a simple workshop for parents would have us all in tears, but there we were, crying together.

I see in Jesus´ ministry a love for those who the world pushes aside, marginalizes, looks down upon and hates. I see him touching the untouchables, dining with the unworthy, teaching the uneducated, healing the sick and walking along the road as just another man, though He was certainly anything but ordinary. And I pray that our ministry would every day become more like His, until we can find no difference.

When we opened our church and Kid´s Club, my husband received advice from a pastor, telling him to set up shop elsewhere, because the people in our neighborhood are just not worth the effort. That day we loved our assignment 100 times more.

Give us the outcasts, the addicts, the wretched, the foul, the destitute, the souls that no one else wants. Our church is full of people like this, and it is chaotic and noisy and smelly and frustrating and there are roots growing below the surface and tiny shoots beginning to find their way through the murky soil and we are blessed because we get to see it all happening.

And all of it, every last moment, hurts.

Because suffering and pain are the divine prescription for what ails us. Because true joy is closer to heartbreak than happiness. Because every day is so full of frustration and challenges and pain and sadness and love and peace and joy and blessings that you feel you may just break apart for trying to contain it all inside you.

Because no matter what you do, you will never be more than a piece of the puzzle, and no matter how far you reach, you will never reach them all. You will never meet every need, you will never dry every tear, you will never save every soul.

But you can, today, reach one person, meet one need, dry one tear, minister to one soul. You can listen to the person who has no one to talk to, even though you don´t have time. You can keep hugging a little longer because you know the person receiving needs you to stay where you are. You can be patient and kind through the behavior that disappoints, frustrates and infuriates you because you know that God is so patient and kind with you. And little by little these moments add up, and you look back and see how God is weaving you into a tapestry too beautiful to imagine.

I look back on this year of ministry and life and I see the tapestry forming, and it is full of these moments. It is full of these moments and it is full of you, too. Because every kindness, every generosity, every prayer, every word, hits this ministry and our lives like a tidal wave of encouragement as we walk through the wilderness. I read how Mary, when she saw how people honored her tiny son, cherished all of these things in her heart, and I know exactly what that means because I do the same with every kindness, big and small, that you share with us. We cherish you in our hearts and we want you to know just how thankful we are for you. You could not be more a part of our work if you were here in person. I´m only sorry that you can´t see it for yourself, the tremendous impact you have on so many.

It is too simple, and it will never be enough, but we will continue to say it: Thank you. We would not be who we are or do what we do without you.

Getting our hands dirty: New Ministry Blog

Check out our new ministry blog, with our first entry by me! (Excerpt below)

¨God is funny. My plea upon returning to Ecuador was that I was desperate to do more, I wanted to make a real difference: I wanted to really get my hands dirty.

I don´t know how many doses of hand sanitizer I have applied today, but I have to laugh in the midst of it all. This isn´t exactly what I meant, God. But yes, my hands are dirty.¨


Want to read more? Click here!

Even if I have to die...

I heard a song on the radio, and the singer was expressing his desire to follow God, no matter what. Even if he were to lose his life. It´s a good song. And when you say something like that to God, it´s coming from a good place, a sensitive heart. A heart that wants to please God.

I just wonder if we are really willing to lose our lives for God.

For some Christians, throughout the world, losing their lives for God means literally losing their lives. They are burned alive, tortured, beaten and killed because they will not denounce the name of Christ. It´s a terrifying reality, and one that should sober us daily as we walk with Christ in such lavish freedom. That freedom will eventually be taken away from us as the time for Christ´s coming get closer, and we, too, may one day have to face those horrors. But for now, that threat is still distant, and doesn´t play much of a role in our lives from day to day.

So, when a middle class, everyday Christian says to God, ¨I would die for you,¨ what is that person really saying?

Is God unjust? Why should some Christians be called to give their lives while others are free to live out their lives comfortably?

The answer is that God is just, and all Christians are called to give their lives for Him. If someone put a gun to your head and asked you if you are a Christian, I hope you would say yes. I hope I would, too. But what about the daily death we are called to face? What about dying to ourselves? What about taking up our cross?

I have been in many different settings and cultures and I have observed the current state of the Church, and I fear that this death is just as rare for us as martyrdom. We live a Christianity that is comfortable, safe, and, to be honest, virtually unrecognizable in contrast with the Christianity of Scripture.

You don´t become a martyr based on one act of faithfulness when the gun is on your temple. You become a martyr based on the daily act of dying to self. This is why Jesus warns us:

“If anyone comes to Me, and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be My disciple. Whoever does not carry his own cross and come after Me cannot be My disciple. For which one of you, when he wants to build a tower, does not first sit down and calculate the cost to see if he has enough to complete it? Otherwise, when he has laid a foundation and is not able to finish, all who observe it begin to ridicule him, saying, ‘This man began to build and was not able to finish.’ Or what king, when he sets out to meet another king in battle, will not first sit down and consider whether he is strong enough with ten thousand men to encounter the one coming against him with twenty thousand? Or else, while the other is still far away, he sends a delegation and asks for terms of peace. So then, none of you can be My disciple who does not give up all his own possessions.¨ Luke 14:26-33





If it were easy, if it were comfortable, if it were a matter of just saying the words, why would Jesus talk so much about the need to be prepared? The Jesus you accepted as a little kid in Sunday School or on the subway from a Bible pamphlet is not just a happy face with open arms. He is a Holy God who gave His life to save us, and He has expectations. 


I wonder, is our faith really costing us anything? Is it difficult? How much does it occupy our thoughts? How much effort does it require?


Are we really willing to lose our lives? Are we willing to give up our time, our relationships, our hobbies, our jobs, our money, our possessions? Are we willing to watch Him slowly take control of every last detail? Because He must. If we are to follow Him, then He has to be the one calling the shots.


I can say from experience that when He is in the driver´s seat, pretty soon your life becomes unrecognizable. Because it isn´t yours anymore. You lost it. And only once that happens can you really begin to be a follower of Christ.

Perfect Moments

I always tell my husband that I need something to collect. I love looking at other people´s collections of things. It doesn´t matter if they collect stamps, coins, jewelry, dolls, books or whatever--I love the idea of searching for that special something, finding it in some unexpected place, getting excited about it, and putting it in a special place at home amongst other similar things where it will feel at home. I wanted to collect something, but there wasn´t anything that I really cared enough about to collect. (One quality of mine that makes me a good missionary, but not a very good collector, is that I am not very impressed by material possessions.)

Today, however, I finally found something worth collecting. It´s rare, valuable, and almost always turns up in unexpected places. It´s virtually impossible to manufacture, and equally as difficult to preserve. What is it?

The perfect moment.

Have you had one? I had one just today. There was music on the radio, and we had just finished dinner. I scooped Bella up in my arms, and Jairo was holding Jane, and we were dancing together; our two little pairs of dancing partners. For about ten seconds (I told you, these moments don´t last long), it was like life was put on pause. The air was filled with love, closeness and pure happiness. And then, in the blink of an eye, it was gone. Life was normal again.

It wasn´t a perfect day. I failed many times. I failed as a mother. I failed as a wife. I failed as a follower of Christ. You can´t collect perfect days, because they do not exist. Not in this world. But you can collect perfect moments.

If you are a reader of CS Lewis, you will recognize these perfect moments as what he calls ¨joy¨. It isn´t just a happy feeling. It´s a moment of transcendence. It´s bittersweet. And it is designed to make you ache in your soul.

Why?

Because these moments are what we were created for. Before the fall, before sin and failure, there was joy. There was perfection. And there are traces of that perfection still hanging around, ready to surprise you and remind you that there is more. To remind you that what is to come is so much better than what we are living now. It stings, because it doesn´t last, and we so wish it would. But it also reminds us that the capacity we have for feeling true joy is a foreshadowing of an existence to come, when joy will no longer sting, because it will never end.

Would you collect with me? If you pay attention, you will find these perfect moments scattered all throughout your day-to-day. You might have to turn off your iphone, close your laptop, switch off the tv...but it´s worth it. Be present, open your eyes, and really see. There, in your child´s big, genuine, belly laugh; here, in a cool breeze, while you pause to look at Creation; it really can be found anywhere, if you look.

When you find the perfect moment, beware: It is not tame, and it will not stay with you long. If you want to keep it, you will have to bottle it up in your memory. And, if your memory is anything like mine, your perfect moment will not be safe in your memory for long. Tomorrow, next week, sometime you will forget it. And then it will be lost. So write it down. It only takes a few seconds. It´s like sticking your new stamp in your stamp book, or your new book on the shelf. You put it away ever so carefully, and then, when you need it, you´ll know where it is.

And you will need it.

There are so many moments in life that rob us of joy. In those moments, the best defense is to remember those perfect moments. It´s good to know that they exist, that we have lived them, and that soon we will live them again. In this world, and someday, in the next.

My Janey Bear

World, meet Janey Bear.

My first (lucid) thought after giving birth to Jane, when the doctors placed her on my chest and I was endlessly cuddling her, was this:

You have always been a part of this family.

Sometimes parents worry when another child is on the way, about the transition it will be for the family, and whether or not they will be able to love another child as much as the first. Everyone assures you that you will, but it is impossible to imagine until you have lived it.

Having a new family member has certainly been a transition, and not always an easy one, but I never doubted Jane´s place with us. She fit perfectly into a little Jane-shaped hole that I never noticed we had in our family. (I wonder how many more baby-shaped holes we will discover in the future?? ha.)

Janey Bear, as we call her, is everything you could want in a baby. She is easy. She is calm, happy, and extremely cuddly. She is generous with her smiles, which are big and contagious. She thinks her sister is hilarious, and loves tickles when she´s sleepy. She is physically strong and constantly surprises us with what she can do. She has a very girly cry, and makes a heartbreaking face when she uses it, that makes you rush over to fawn over her and make her happy. She loves her blue ball. As soon as she wakes up in the morning, she starts smiling and cooing at us.

She also seems to know exactly what she wants. I remember when she was only days old, and she would look at us so intensely and grunt: ¨uh! uh!¨ and we would know she wanted us to pick her up. She is getting bigger now and has more sounds and faces, but when she wants something, she gets you to understand her in some magic Janey way.

Cuddling and nursing Jane, watching Bella cuddle Jane and make her laugh, watching her fall asleep while Jairo strokes her face, I realize that my first reaction to Jane was exactly right. She was the one thing we never knew we needed.

Mom of Two

It´s official...I´m a mom of two.

My life consists almost entirely of feeding, bathing, playing with, cuddling, reading to, singing to, comforting, teaching, dressing, and refereeing children. I almost always have at least one child attached to me, on top of me, pulling on my leg, cradled in my arms, or climbing on me. I never sleep alone, eat alone, and rarely ever get to use the bathroom alone. I have to plan my whole day perfectly to get a shower. And even the most perfect planning does not guarantee success. And don´t call me on the phone...I won´t be able to hear, listen to or focus on more than 10% of what you´re telling me.

I also had the joy of once again recovering from childbirth, which apparently does not get easier with experience. I will spare you the gory details, but I think I was a card-carrying member of Childbearers Anonymous because going to the bathroom suddenly became a 12-step process. Which was great, since I have approximately 4.7 seconds in the bathroom before my toddler barges in, or before my infant starts crying to be nursed, or both. I had hot flashes, mood swings, pain, and constant trips to the bathroom, not to mention extreme exhaustion.

As a mother, I have now faced every kind of bodily fluid in such quantity that they no longer gross me out. You will have to do much worse than pee or vomit on me if you want me to be impressed, let me tell you. I have done the all-nighters, dealt with night terrors, insomnia, night-feedings, nighttime vomiting and bed-wetting, and the getting up the next day to do it all over again. I have held crying babies and tried to soothe them without knowing what is wrong. I have been driven to the point of desperation one hundred times in a day.

And if you think that´something (which you won´t, if you´re also a mother), let me introduce you to every mother´s constant companion: mommy guilt. That constant voice in your head telling you that you are doing everything wrong, that your children are going to be scarred forever by your tremendous failures as a mother, and would probably be better off being raised by wolves.

But here´s the kicker, ladies and gentlemen: I LOVE THIS STUFF.

Yes, it´s true, most days my to-do list only grows, and I feel overwhelmed by the quantity of things I have yet to get done. But then I think about all of the things I did get done. I (hopefully) showed my daughters patience, love, kindness, consideration and grace, teaching them slowly but surely how to do the same. I (hopefully) took time to listen, to play, to cuddle, to kiss and hug, to dream, to sing, to dance and to eat imaginary cupcakes. I (hopefully) taught my daughters the value of motherhood, by choosing to be their mother over other things that I could be doing. I (hopefully) showed my girls how to set good priorities, teaching them that people are more important than laundry, dirty dishes, and *gasp* even ministry. Because they are my ministry. They are my mission field. They are the most important role God has given me.

I am thankful for every role that God has given me. I´m thankful to be a missionary, a wife, a woman, a daughter, a leader, and a sister.

But most of all, I am so thankful to be a mom of two.

Get-through-your-Monday Girl Time - Interview with Me

It´s Monday again, (no matter how hard you try, they just keep coming!) and that means it´s time for Get-through-your-Monday Girl Time! Well, it didn´t seem fair to make all of my mommy friends do this lovely interview and not do it myself, so here you go! I got a taste of my own medicine! I feel a little weird about interviewing myself, but hey, it´s my blog, right? I won´t spend my intro time talking myself up, since you already read my blog and you know how awesome I am! Ha. I hope you enjoy our last mommy interview (for now), with little old me! Tune in next week for some other kind of awesome girl time-y thing.
Ashley

Tell us a little bit about yourself. Who are you?
My name is Ashley, I´m 28 and I´m the cool lady that runs this blog. Ha. I have been living in Ecuador for about four years, which is about how long I´ve had this blog, although at the time I´m writing this I am in the US on furlough getting ready to have a baby.

Tell us about your family.
I am married to a wonderful, godly man, Jairo, and we have one daughter who is 2 and a half and another daughter on the way (due sometime around the publication of this interview!). Our family lives in Ecuador, South America, where we serve as missionaries. You can check out our website here.

This is an interview about motherhood, but your motherhood is shaped a lot by your marriage. How would you describe your relationship with your husband?
I think our marriage is a work in progress. We have grown so much in the time we have been married. We just celebrated our 4th anniversary, and I was joking with my husband that I can´t believe it´s only been four years! It might sound like a bad thing when you say it like that, but it´s not. I just can´t imagine that we have lived so much in such a short time. I feel like we are both such different people than we were on the day we walked down the aisle. I think we have lived enough for a lifetime already. It´s probably because we live in such an extreme situation, being missionaries in South America, living drastically below a North American standard of living, and far away from both of our families. Every day is an adventure!

What is the hardest thing about being married?
I think the hardest thing in our marriage has been getting to a point where we put our marriage before ourselves as individuals. It´s in little things like saying ¨I´m sorry¨ even when you´re sure you´re right, or picking your battles. It´s in all kinds of personal sacrifices, which seem so big at the time. It´s in translating the love that God shows for us, unconditional, limitless, to our partner. That is hard!

What is the best thing about being married?
I think the best thing about being married is marriage…It´s the whole package. I love feeling like I have someone in my corner, and I also love having someone else to think about and dedicate my effort to. I like knowing there is someone who will love me no matter what, and that makes me want to be better so I can be easier to love. I love having a partner in ministry, in parenting and in life in general. I love having and being a shoulder to cry on, and someone to laugh with. I like having an intimate, secret relationship with someone, and feeling like I know him like no one else does.

Describe a memory between you and your husband that really stands out in your mind.
One that comes to mind is when we had just found out I was pregnant. We used to celebrate our anniversary every month, and that month I was craving encebollado (an Ecuadorian fish soup), so we went out to a seafood restaurant and got that dish. We had no money, but we were just so happy about the baby and being together…it was a perfect day!

How did your relationship with your husband change when you became parents?
I think becoming parents made our marriage really feel real. I think when you don´t have kids, you can still potentially be two separate people, not really following that biblical mandate to become one flesh. For me, the one flesh thing came into full force with the arrival of our first daughter. We had lots of important decisions to make, responsibilities to share and we really had to learn to rely on each other as we also relied on God. I think having children deepened our relationship and helped us to grow up individually and as a couple.

How does your parenting style compare with your husband´s?
I think I am more firm, while he is more permissive. But he is more patient, and I am really working on that! I think we both have the same basic beliefs about raising our kids, so we are usually on the same page. We are a good team in that when one of us is getting to the end of his or her rope, the other comes in and can show grace to our daughter...usually!

In what ways have you changed since you became a mother?
I have become acutely aware of my flaws, and that has helped me to try to improve, although sometimes it can also be frustrating. I think I have become more patient, but I need more patience still. I think I have become more selfless, yet I can still be so selfish!

Describe a memory of pregnancy that stands out to you.
All of my pregnancies have been in some way traumatic. I joke with Jairo that my body is allergic to pregnancy. I love babies, but I hate being pregnant! My first pregnancy was traumatic because at the end I had a severe UTI that the doctor didn´t know about, so I had 10 days of labor and no baby! When I was finally induced, the labor was extremely painful, because of the UTI. (I was already in labor when that test came back, so there was nothing they could do!) Plus, I had preeclampsia. The doctors I saw in the days before she was born kept telling me I needed a c-section or I would die, etc. Traumatic.

My second pregnancy ended in miscarriage, which was extremely traumatic for me, and has really affected my outlook on my current pregnancy.

This pregnancy has been the healthiest of the three, so far! It has been more emotionally difficult for me than anything else. Raising a toddler, coming off of a miscarriage, having a million things to deal with for furlough and health insurance here in the US, not being very successful in fundraising…there are a lot of stressors this time. I´m trying to stay calm and trust God, but it can be hard! I miss Ecuador, and see Bella forgetting a lot of that side of her heritage, but I´m also glad to be here getting good care.

Describe a memory of your first weeks of motherhood that stands out to you.
I remember my first weeks of motherhood as being completely overwhelming. The thing that really helped me was leaning on other women who had been there before, usually through facebook! It was just reassuring to know that other people had been there, this was normal and it wouldn´t last forever. I think that experience was probably the seed that eventually sprouted into this interview series.

What things do you think you would do differently if you had another child in the future?
I think about this sometimes as I prepare for the new baby. I think I will know the answer as I go along, but one thing that I do think will change is that I will hopefully be a little more laid back. I think with your first you just have no idea what to expect. The second time, of course the baby is different, but some things are going to be the same. I probably won´t sleep much at first. Sometimes I won´t know why she is crying. I will be on an emotional roller coaster for about six weeks thanks to hormone levels changing. So, at least I know these things are normal, and they don´t make me a bad mom!

In what ways are your children similar to each other and in what ways are they different?
Right now the only thing I can compare between my two daughters are my two pregnancies. I think all in all the two have been pretty similar, so I am curious to see how they compare in personalities and also in looks once they are born. I always tell my husband, we could have ten kids and all ten could potentially come out very different from each other, because he is Ecuadorian and I am from the US. Bella is a good mix of both of us physically and in her personality, so it makes me wonder what the new little one will be like. This baby is very active, but unlike Bella, who was always active in response to music especially, this one seems more active in response to Bella. I think she senses when Bella is around, and gets excited. When I snuggle Bella at night, the new baby always starts to wiggle and kick, like she just can´t wait to cuddle her big sister. This pregnancy has been more exhausting than my first, but I think that has more to do with being the mom of a toddler than it does with the new baby.

In what ways are your children similar to you? In what ways are they different from you?
Well, I will soon find out about the new baby, but Bella is a lot like me. She is easily frustrated when she can´t do something the way she wants to. She loves to be the center of attention (which is actually nothing like I was as a child), but she doesn´t like to be put on the spot to perform for fear of failure (exactly like me). She loves music, which I think she got from both of her parents. She is very bright in a lot of the same ways I was as a child. She is very affectionate and loves being caressed and hugged, but only when she wants to, like me. Plus she looks a lot like me, although the shape of her face and color of her eyes are definitely daddy´s. She is very imaginative, like I was as a child. She is a total morning person, and I don´t know who she got that from, because neither Jairo nor I are morning people at all! She likes to know the reason behind the rules, like me, so I spend a lot of time explaining things.

For each of your children, share one of your favorite memories.
For Bella, the most lasting memory I have has to be of the moment she was born. I remember sort of blacking out at one point during labor. I was having back to back contractions, so I could barely even breathe between pushes. I was totally in my own world, and I felt like I was out of my body. I thought maybe I had died! It was very intense, but not a negative experience. I remember everything went dark, I don´t know for how long. (Jairo, on the other end of my black out, said during that time I totally changed and was just this pushing machine! Haha) Then I remember feeling this *BOOM* and I opened my eyes. I looked down and there she was! I will never forget the way her face looked in that moment. It was amazing. I was out of this world.

I also love getting to know Bella as a person, and keeping track of all of the funny things she says. I never would have imagined starting a quote book for a 1 and a half year old, but I think that´s when all of those funny thoughts started pouring out of her. She is a deep thinker, even if the only thing she´s thinking about is food or toys.

With the new baby, I got to see an ultrasound of her at around 12 weeks, which is something I didn´t get to do with Bella. It was amazing to see her moving around in there, so active, and so tiny! But yet perfectly formed…I could even see her little nose! It was so exciting!

Describe a moment as a mother where you felt overwhelmed.
Well, I have these moments often, so don´t be fooled! I think the most overwhelming feeling to me was being a new mom, just a few weeks in, and wondering if it would always be like this, and why no one warned me! I absolutely adored Bella, and she was a pretty good baby, but she was still a baby and babies are hard to raise, especially newborns! But somewhere around hormones leveling out and her first genuine, enormous grin, it started to even out and I felt more confident as her mother. I think confidence is a big help. Once you feel like you know what you´re doing, and you can handle it, it´s no big deal. The problem is that kids love to mix it up, and as soon as you get into the groove with one phase, they are on to the next!

What are your favorite ways to relax when you need a little break?
I love to watch a movie with a hot cup of something. Usually there is a time when Bella is sleeping and Jairo isn´t home yet. I try to keep an orderly home, so I don´t have too much to do at night. Then I can relax a little. I also like to read, but it depends on the day, because sometimes your brain is on and you want to feed it, and sometimes you want to let it rest!

What has been the hardest lesson you have had to learn as a mother?
Well, I think by far the hardest lesson for me was that our children are not our own. They are on loan to us from God, and at some point, He may want them back. Some people are blessed to have their children for their whole lives. I hope that is my case with Bella and the new baby. Some people only get a few years, months or days. And some people don´t get even that much, if they have a miscarriage like I did, and like so many people I know have. That was a real struggle with God for me. It was a giant tug-of-war.

What has been the hardest experience you have gone through as a mother? What did that experience teach you?
Well, I guess just expanding on what I said above, the hardest thing was probably the miscarriage. I didn´t get to meet my baby or hold him or her. I was blissfully happy to be pregnant, and then I was horribly crushed. The grieving process for me has been very long. This pregnancy has brought a lot of that to light. I think what I ultimately learned was to invest in my children for as long as I can, to love them and to always think to myself, ¨If this were my last day with you, what would I want to add to it?¨ Usually that includes a few more kisses and hugs, an extra ¨I love you¨, and some simple way to get a smile from that little face! I don´t think you have to go crazy every day doing some amazing thing. I just hope I can show my children every day how much I love them. And some days are better than others!! (Sometimes part of making sure this day counts is asking for forgiveness and starting over!)

Looking back on your life as a mother, what, if anything, do you regret?
With Bella, my regrets are more general. I mostly just regret the moments when I have been unkind to her, or not sympathetic enough, or impatient. I try really hard to keep that in mind and learn from it so I can have less and less regrets. Other than that, I guess I also regret just not always making the most of opportunities. But you have to be able to let those things go, and learn from them. Beating yourself up doesn´t get you anywhere, and probably really just sets you up for failure.

With the baby we lost, I regret not looking at the ultrasound I got when the bleeding started. I couldn´t do it, it was too hard, because in my heart I knew what was happening. But later I felt like I missed my one chance to see that baby. I don´t think that´s true though, because during the whole miscarriage process I had a dream where I saw a beautiful little baby boy, with a radiant little face, smiling at me from a crib, and it might sound crazy but I think God gave me that little glimpse of the baby. I guess I won´t know for sure until heaven!

With the new baby, I don´t have any regrets. Sometimes I wish I had more time to focus on her, like I did with Bella. Your first pregnancy kind of consumes your thoughts, whereas subsequent pregnancies you have other children to think about. But I don´t think that´s bad…I´m sure she knows I love her!

What do you think is the most important quality in a mother?
Patience, with a capital P. Children require so much from us. You have to be able to take a deep breath, put a smile on your face, and get through the day. Some days are easier than others. But you have to have patience, even on the best days. Patience gives us the ability to see past what would normally annoy or anger us and get to the heart of the issue.

What do you think children need most from their mothers?
Love, as defined in the Bible. Have you read that long list of what love is? (1 Corinthians 13) Love is patient, love is kind…if we were to encompass God´s love and show that to our children, I don´t think they would need much else. However, I think that love also should lead us to present the gospel to our children at every opportunity, even when they are small. They need to know why we are able to love them, and who to look to when we do it wrong. I don´t think just preaching is enough, you have to live it. But because we are imperfect, just living it is also not enough. You have to be able to love them, and also point them to the One True Source of love.

What advice would you give to other mothers out there who are reading this interview?
Be critical of yourself as a mother, but don´t be unrealistic. I think sometimes the idea of ¨don´t be too hard on yourself¨ can be an easy way out. If you screwed up today, you have to own that. Look at yourself honestly. Take an inventory. How is your heart? How is your relationship with God? With your husband? With your children? What can you do better? We should ask those questions every day. But we shouldn´t let those questions take us down a road of self-pity and despair. If I succeeded today, it was by God´s grace. If I failed, there is forgiveness. So take a look in the mirror, fix what needs to be fixed. No excuses. But don´t beat yourself up. You can´t change the past. You can only learn from it. (Lion King flashback enter here! Anyone know what I´m talking about? Ha.)

Do you have any tips or tricks that have helped you stay organized, run your household or raise your kids more effectively?
I learn from other moms. I check out blogs, I talk to my friends. I get new ideas, try new things. I try to stay organized. I´m a list person. I think whoever you are, the best thing you can do, especially if you have kids, is to get in a routine. You can´t really schedule life as a mom, but you can have a general flow that guides you and your children through the day. It´s easier for everyone if you have an idea of what to expect. And, like I said, try new things. What works for others won´t always work for you, but sometimes it will. Take what works, toss the rest.

Get-through-your-Monday Girl Time - SuperMom Mariela Velasco

It´s Monday, or Lunes as we say in Ecuador, and time for yet another mommy interview! I´m excited to share this week´s mommy with you, coming to you all the way from Puyo, Ecuador! Mariela and I have been friends since I first went to live in Ecuador, and we have gone through the different stages of womanhood together. We were married about a month apart, and our first children are about 6 months apart. Our second children will be a few months apart as well! It has been a pleasure to have a friend to go through each step with, and grow together as we grow in womanhood, motherhood, and faith.

Enjoy!

-Ashley

Tell us a little bit about yourself. Who are you? 
Hi, my name is Mariela Velasco, I´m 25 years old, I was born in Puyo, Ecuador, and I really like to learn about being a good mom, a good wife, and a good child of God!

Tell us about your family.  
I love my family. I am very happy and thankful to God for having given me a family! My husband and I were married on December 27th, 2008, and four months later we found out we were going to be parents! It was really a beautiful surprise, it was the biggest and most beautiful news that we could have gotten. We fell in love with our son from the moment we found out that he was growing inside of me...and when he was born he was the apple of our eyes! We are currently expecting our second baby and we are very happy and want to meet him already! My husband and I own a small printing business and we are also part of a multilevel network. We know that God is in control of our lives and everything we have been through has a purpose that God shows us day by day.

We both serve in our church, my husband is the worship leader and is also in charge of discipleship and some teaching in the church, and I am the director of Sunday school and I also teach a class for children. I love to share with children about God.

How many children do you have, and what are their ages? 
We have one son who is three years and three months old, and we are awaiting our second baby, and my pregnancy is currently 27 weeks along.

This is an interview about motherhood, but your motherhood is shaped a lot by your marriage. How would you describe your relationship with your husband? 
My husband and I make a great team because we are best friends! We love each other a lot, my husband takes good care of me, he always wants the best for us. We love God above all things, we depend on Him and we trust that He will always give us His best, even though we sometimes have to learn by going through difficult things, but God´s love has always made us stronger.

What is the hardest thing about being married? 
When there are problems, sometimes because of misunderstandings, or a difference of opinion, or because of financial issues.

What is the best thing about being married? 
When we got married, when our son was born...and when our second baby comes!

Describe a memory between you and your husband that really stands out in your mind.
When we were about 7 months married, I was three months pregnant, and my husband had a motorcycle accident. He had a crash with a car, and I was waiting that night for him to come home. It was getting late and he didn´t answer his phone. I was crying because  didn´t know what was going on. My mother-in-law called me and asked me to calm down, and she told me that my husband had been in an accident. I couldn´t calm down, I just kept crying and I felt so hopeless. For me it was really difficult because I was pregnant, and everyone was afraid that if they told me the news I might lose the baby from the stress, even though they didn´t have to take him to the hospital or the police. When he got home and I saw my husband, my heart was beating so strongly and the only thing I wanted to do was hug him and never be apart from him, because for a moment I thought I would never see him again. But God had taken care of him at every moment. He had some fractures and wounds, which healed quickly. For me it was really awful because I couldn´t imagine my life without him. I understood how strong my love was for him, and also that God is taking care of us all the time.

How did your relationship with your husband change when you became parents? 
It changed a lot because we didn´t have the same time for each other, because now we had to think about and take care of our son and give him all of our love.

How does your parenting style compare with your husband´s? 
We have the same ideas about our children´s education. We both know that we need to correct him when necessary and be loving at all times.

In what ways have you changed since you became a mother?
I have changed a lot as far as the time I used to have to myself. Now I do things more quickly, and give all the time to my son that he needs. I´m more dependent on God. I understand really clearly what my mother says, that you would give anything for your children. It´s true. I´ve become a more courageous woman so that I can protect my son from anything, and I would give anything to make sure he is ok.

Describe a memory of pregnancy that stands out to you. 
When I was two months pregnant, I had a lot of problems. All kinds of food made me sick, and I could only eat a little bit because everything made me throw up. One morning my mother-in-law invited us to eat fanesca, an Ecuadorian food that I do not like, but I had to eat it all, because my husband said that she had made it thinking of us. When we left there to go back home on our motorcycle, I had to tell my husband to stop because I couldn´t take it anymore. I threw up everything I had eaten, in the middle of the street, and it was  so embarrassing for my husband and for me, because the cars  were honking as they drove by and some people were saying ¨how gross!¨. Also, before I got pregnant I loved to eat shrimp, it was the best food to me, but since I got pregnant and to this day I can´t even look at them, they disgust me. Ha!

Describe a memory of your first weeks of motherhood that stands out to you.
I felt so much tenderness and love as I looked at every little inch of him, and watched every little movement, his gestures, his smiles...and I used to always get really close to him to make sure he was breathing...haha
What things do you think you would do differently if you had another child in the future?
I won´t be too overprotective, I will make schedules for every day and organize everything, and try to do more early stimulation with the new baby.

Describe your child´s personality.
My little David is very affectionate with others, and very tender to me. He gives me kisses without having to ask him. He´s generous, he likes to make friends and play with them. He likes to listen to stories, put together puzzles, he loves tractors, and wants to spend all of his time playing. He learns songs really quickly and he loves to play with his dad because they play so crazily and he loves that! He does´t like to eat any kind of meat, he loves to drink water all the time, he´s very sociable. He can´t be still or in one place for too long or he starts to go crazy. He gets angry when we can´t play with him. He apologizes when he hurts someone, although sometimes it´s very hard for him, and he loves to swim.

In what ways are your children similar to you? In what ways are they different from you? 
He´s like me in the way he eats, and that he wants to be with his daddy all the time. He´s also like me in that he likes to go out and do things all the time, and he loves ice cream, like me.

We´re different in that he likes to play roughly, like his dad, and he loves cows, but I am scared of them. Haha.

For each of your children, share one of your favorite memories. 
I love when we play doctor and he says, ¨Mommy, I´m the doctor and you´re sick¨ and he tries to make me better with all kinds of creams, and operates on me and puts bandages on me and gives me lots of kisses and tells me I´m all better. I like when he asks me to make him a cake, because he wants to put in all the ingredients and help me with everything until it´s done.

When it´s time to sleep, I go to bed with him and tell him a story, but he likes it when I tell stories where he is one of the main characters and it makes him laugh a lot.

Describe a moment as a mother where you felt overwhelmed. 
When he went to day care for the first time, my son was 10 months old. It was awful for me and for him, because when it was time to go and leave him alone, he cried a lot for me, and I left the day care and cried inconsolably at the door for him. I didn´t want to leave him, I didn´t like it, I didn´t like hearing him and seeing him cry. He was only there for a few days and I took him out until he was bigger and could understand that he needed to go to school. We cried then too, but then I couldn´t take him out because the law is that they have to study at three years old. But as time passed he understood that he had to go to school, and now he loves to go and be with his little friends. He learns a lot and he always wants to show me what he has learned that day.

What are your favorite ways to relax when you need a little break? 
I like to go to the pool or river and relax while I swim with my family! I like to get out of the house and get to know new places and visit my family.

What has been the hardest lesson you have had to learn as a mother? 
I have had to learn how to show my son love as a mother, to show him that everything is ok, to tell him I love him a lot, to fix meals for him...In our day to day life we have had a lot of financial struggles but in all those difficult moments God has always been with us and has never left us alone. Everything that we have gone through has been a lesson for us as parents that has helped us to depend more on God and always smile at our son and show him love.

What has been the hardest experience you have gone through as a mother? What did that experience teach you?
My son kept getting sick, he would get a lot of colds and I would wake up almost every night to see how he was breathing, because if he caughed he would wake up and cry, and even throw up. I was desperate because I didn´t know what to do to get rid of the cough. He would get really high fevers and  would have to put cold cloths on him all the time to get the fever down...all of that helped me learn to trust more in God.

Looking back on your life as a mother, what, if anything, do you regret?
I don´t regret anything, and I wouldn´t exchange the blessing of being a mother for anything! It´s the most beautiful thing that God can do with a woman´s life!

What do you think is the most important quality in a mother? 
Love for her children

What do you think children need most from their mothers? 
Time every day to share with them, enjoying our children every moment

What advice would you give to other mothers out there who are reading this interview? 
That being a mother demands a lot of love, and more than anything time to share with our children. That being a mother is the most beautiful thing God can give to a woman, because it allows you to carry another life inside of your and then care for that life and give it the best.

Any final thoughts you´d like to share? 
My husband and I are very happy about our new baby, we are waiting anxiously for his arrival and we want to see him and give him all of our love just like we do with our first son David. Everything we go through in life has a purpose from God, although as humans we can´t understand, but as time passes we realize how wise and good God is and how He has permitted so many things in our lives so that we can learn from our mistakes or poor decisions, to become stronger spiritually and become more united as a couple and as a family, showing the world that with faith, anything is possible.

Birth Story #2: Jane

A few days ago, my newest little cuddle bug was born! She was a healthy 9.2 pounds, and 21 inches long. She has a full head of downy-soft black hair and dark eyes. She is a sweet, cuddly baby who loves to eat!! There are a lot of people who have asked me about her birth story, so here it comes!

I started having contractions every ten to fifteen minutes daily around the end of February, about a month before my due date. When I went in for my weekly appointment I was already 2cm and about 80-90% effaced, and the doctor said she should come any day! Each week I would go in, and find out I was another cm dilated, still having cntractions, and no baby! So, I started to get very tired and very discouraged.

A few days before my due date the contractions stopped. It was a relief to be able to rest, but only made me feel that much farther from my goal. My due date came and went. I was still pregnant.

Then on March 27th I started to have contractions every 6-7 minutes. They were intense, but not awful, so I let my midwife know and sat tight. Another day passed. Around 7:30pm on March 28th I felt and heard a POP while sitting on the couch. I hopped up, expecting a gush of fluid from my water breaking,  but none came. I texted my midwife, who said it probably was my water breaking, but that the baby´s head was so low she was blocking the leak. She said to get ready and go to the hospital to get examined, and if it was labor she would be right in. She was only 20 minutes from the hospital. I started having contractions every five minutes, and these ones were keepers!

We got to the hospital around 8:15pm. The car ride was pretty calm. The contractions were strong, but I was ok. As I got out of the car another contraction hit me and it was clear that I would not be getting sent home today! Jairo and I just stood there, breathing through the contraction. A lady saw us and asked if we needed a wheelchair. We both yelled ¨Yes!¨

The guy from the lobby wheeled us up to labor and delivery. They took me right to an exam room and had me change into a gown. By the time I got changed and sat back on the bed, the contractions were unbearable, and were coming about every minute. The nurse said I was 6-7cm, and they almost had my delivery room ready. I remember thinking that if I was 6-7 then I still had a few hours, so I might die before then just from the contractions. Luckily, that wasn´t exactly the case.

About 5 or 10 minutes later someone came in with a wheelchair, while the nurses kept telling me emphatically, ¨Stop pushing! Don´t push!¨ That made as much sense to me as saying, ¨Don´t breathe¨ or ¨Stop existing¨. What do you mean don´t push??? I couldn´t stop if I knew how to try!

They told me to get into the wheelchair. I said, ¨No, no, no, no, no.¨

After seeing they were not getting me in the chair, the nurse insisted I let her check me for dilation again. (Remember, it has been, at most, 10 minutes since she checked me.) At first I said no, but I gave in because I did not want to have to get into that wheelchair and I could not stop pushing. She checked me and said, ¨She´s complete! We´re not going anywhere.¨

The room was filling with people. They kept telling me not to push. I kept pushing. I tried to breathe. Sometimes I breathed. Sometimes I screamed. I wondered how much longer I was going to last. I figured not too long. The pain was horrific.

The resident arrived. ¨How far out is the midwife?¨ someone asks. ¨20 minutes,¨ someone answers. ¨She´s not going to make it!¨ comes the reply. That made me feel better (emotionally, anyway). They think the baby will be here soon.

They get my legs in stirrups (not at all what I wanted, but who has the extra energy to fight about it?). They explain how they want me to push. Here we go! I pushed on average about twice per contraction. They wanted three pushes, but I said no. They wanted me to hold my breath for ten seconds. I usually lasted 4-6. But the minute or so between pushing was amazing. I could almost breathe again. In between contractions I was explaining what I wanted to the doctor. ¨Jairo wants to cut the cord.¨ ¨Wait to cut the cord until it is done pulsing.¨ ¨I want to hold her while you clean her off.¨ I pushed through maybe 6 or 7 contractions. Then I felt it, she was crowning. I pushed all three times. I held it all ten seconds. She was almost out. I kept pushing after they said to rest. And then her head was out. I heard Jairo telling me he saw her. (I couldn´t yet.) She was face-up, like Bella, they told me later. (¨Good thing,¨ said the nurse, ¨otherwise the resident probably wouldn´t have made it either!¨) The doctor was telling me to push out the shoulder, then the other shoulder. They gave her to me. I was so relieved. And in so much pain.

She looked so tiny. I thought, maybe 7 pounds?? They laid her skin to skin with me. She lifted her head right up and looked at me. I told her, ¨Look how strong you are! You shouldn´t be able to do that!¨ We cuddled forever and ever. The cord stopped pulsing and Jairo cut it. I delivered the placenta and they went to town trying to sew me up. They ended up moving us to a different room, because apparently triage rooms are not the best-lit places. They took a good 45 minutes to sew me up. They asked if they could take the baby to weigh her. I said yes, although I didn´t want to give her up. The nurse called out, ¨9 pounds, 2 ounces¨ and Jairo and I both said, ¨What???¨

I was trying to decide if she was Jane or Charlotte. I decided that Jane was a better fit for her first name. It means ¨God is gracious¨, which I felt was a good reflection of my birth experience. I called to Jairo, who was over with the baby while she got weighed, ¨Jairo, I think she is Jane.¨ He said, ¨I was just going to tell you the same thing.¨

During labor I was so hot and thirsty, but once I delivered I was shaking uncontrollably and so cold. I had absolutely no strength left in my body. Recovery has been much harder this time. But Jane is a constant comfort to me. She is barely four days old and this morning she woke up laughing. She smiles at me all the time. She loves to sleep in my arms and nurses like a champ. She absolutely hates getting her diaper changed and getting a bath, but she must love the way she feels after a bath because she gets super awake and content. I remember, as she was lying there with me on the delivery bed, cuddling with me, we were both so calm, and I thought this just felt so natural, so right. She always belonged with us. She was always a part of our family. And God really is gracious.

Get-through-your-Monday Girl Time - SuperMom Tiffany Nardoni

Happy Monday once again! I´m glad to have you back! This week´s interview is a last-minute addition that I am so excited to share with you! Not only does this SuperMom inspire me, she is also one of my most treasured friends! She has experiences more pain and loss than most moms, I think, but in walking through all of those experiences with her Savior at her side, it´s evident that she has also learned how to treasure those small moments of pure happiness better than most as well. I hope her example is an inspiration to you, just like it is to me. You can read more from Tiffany at her blog here.

Enjoy!

-Ashley

Tell us a little bit about yourself. Who are you?
I’m Tiffany Nardoni, Christ-following, wife and mom

Tell us about your family.
Jeff and I have been married for 9 years. We love our family! We love being together. We homeschool, we’re very involved with our church and community. We have lots of amazing friends and family close by. We are very blessed.

How many children do you have, and what are their ages?
Ava is 4 ½, Liam is 1 ½. Our oldest son, Thao, went to be with Jesus when he was 5 ½ (January 13, 2012). We have 3 more precious babies in heaven that we lost during pregnancy.
We are in the process of adding to our family through adoption in Africa.

This is an interview about motherhood, but your motherhood is shaped a lot by your marriage. How would you describe your relationship with your husband?
We make a great team! We definitely balance each others strengths and weaknesses. We are best friends. Spending time together is a priority, but we’ve learned quality is more important than quantity.

What is the hardest thing about being married?
I love being married. We’ve been through a lot with our children, losing Thao and the miscarriages, but through the grace of God we can survive these trials and live moment by moment.

What is the best thing about being married?
Walking through life with my best friend

Describe a memory between you and your husband that really stands out in your mind.
There are so many…of course all the “big” events like the births of our children, birthdays, etc. But I think one of the memories that stands out to me the most is at our son’s funeral, having the privilege of being onstage with Jeff while he led worship. It was an amazing experience for me, to praise my God with my husband, through the biggest storm we’ve had in our journey.

How did your relationship with your husband change when you became parents?
It didn’t change too much when we had Thao because whatever we did, he just did with us. But adding our second child changed things a little more, we were busier with 2 kids so close in age. We quickly learned that family time was very important to us (and them!) and our “alone” time was more about quality time rather than quantity time. Wouldn’t change it for the world!

How does your parenting style compare with your husband´s?
We are pretty similar with our parenting styles. It has changed over the years as we grow in Christ, as we grow with our children, as we learn and as we understand each child’s unique needs and personality.

In what ways have you changed since you became a mother?
I’ve learned to let more go, the towels don’t have to be so neatly place in the cabinet, the floors aren’t quite as clean and sometimes we just have to stop and snuggle. Life is too short to pass up the snuggles. The laundry will always be there but our children will not.

Describe a memory of pregnancy that stands out to you.
I loved being pregnant! I was always sad when it was over, but of course, excited to hold that sweet baby.

Describe a memory of your first weeks of motherhood that stands out to you.
I did not want to share. I didn’t want a lot of visitors, I wanted quiet time with my family. It was so precious to me, a dream come true. I was thankful that I was breast feeding so I didn’t have to share very much.

If you have multiple children, in what ways are they similar to each other and in what ways are they different?
Thao was an observer, he processed and analyzed. He was thoughtful and strong willed. He was very responsible. He loved to have conversations. He was gentle and kind. He was very routine-oriented and adventurous.
Ava is more of a free spirit. She is laid back and just goes with the flow. She is joyful, always smiling. She is girly, yet has a little bit of an adventurous side (maybe because she has brothers?!) She is outgoing. She loves being with friends and helping with babies.
Liam is all boy. He’s the classic kid. He’s the kid toys were made for. He is adventurous, snuggly and funny. He absolutely loves to tease his sister. He is mischievous but not strong willed like Thao was. He’s shy and sweet.

In what ways are your children similar to you? In what ways are they different from you?
They have all been such a combination of both Jeff and I! I wouldn’t even know where to start…

For each of your children, share one of your favorite memories.
Thao- we spent a lot of time baking together
Ava- playing pretend…all day, every day
Liam- those rare moments when he just wants to sit on my lap and snuggle

Describe a moment as a mother where you felt overwhelmed.
Ha! I have these probably once a day. Then I remember the purpose in my life, and I pray that God helps me through that moment.

What are your favorite ways to relax when you need a little break?
Cleaning in a quiet house, hanging out with Jeff after the kids are in bed, watching my favorite show

What has been the hardest lesson you have had to learn as a mother?
How to forgive myself for mistakes I’ve made

What has been the hardest experience you have gone through as a mother? What did that experience teach you?
Losing Thao. I’ve had to learn to depend on Christ not for tomorrow, but for this moment. It’s overwhelming to think of tomorrow or the next day, I don’t have to try to understand how I’m going to do it, I just have to choose Christ and He gets me through.

What do you think is the most important quality in a mother?
A passion to follow Christ

What do you think children need most from their mothers?
An example of a transparent, real relationship with Christ and others.

What advice would you give to other mothers out there who are reading this interview?
Every family is unique, every child is special. God gives us the wisdom and grace to raise our children, run our family and live our lives the way he wants us to. We have to trust Him to guide us. He loves our children even more than we do. Your family probably won’t look like mine, but that’s okay. God made us all unique as mothers, too.

Do you have any tips or tricks that have helped you stay organized, run your household or raise your kids more effectively?
Um, yes. Sorta. I’m still learning but you can check out my blog.

Get-through-your.Monday Girl Time - SuperMom Jeanne Gant

Tell the truth...you actually look forward to Mondays now, because you can´t wait to read the latest mommy interview, right?? Well, maybe that´s a slight exaggeration, but I know these interviews have been an encouragement to me, and a lot of you have told me the same thing! Today´s interview is another great one, from a mommy that I really admire! We have known each other since we were both freshmen in high school and I have watched Jeanne grow from a crazy, slightly hyperactive teen (haha) into a truly inspirational woman and mother! I think you will really enjoy her perspective on life, forgiveness and letting go!

Enjoy!

-Ashley

PS- Don´t forget to leave comments for our mommies!!

 Tell us a little bit about yourself. Who are you?
My name is Jeanne, I am a full time single mom, a full time student, and a full time busy person in general. I am currently going to school for microbiology, I love science, and have recently been very interested in chromosomal research. This interest was sparked by my special needs daughter who has a chromosome disorder. She is my drive and motivation to learn the most I can from school in hopes to one day be able to apply myself in laboratory research. Being a single mom and a student I tend to have a constant, busy schedule, but in my free time I enjoy creating recipes, painting and crafting, and I always find one day a week to unwind with my friends (this is the key to my sanity). I have been through a lot of struggles these past two years, but no matter how tough things may be at times, I always try to keep a good sense of humor along with a forgiving attitude. I have learned that anger and resentment don’t solve your problems, or make you feel any better about them, so laugh it off, and keep chugging along.

Tell us about your family.
My family consists of my daughter Sophia, our two dogs, my mother, and my father. I have been very blessed with parents who have taken us all in during these busy, difficult times. In May 2010, my husband and I separated, and we are now going through a difficult divorce. During all this I discovered there was something not quite right with my daughter, Sophia. She was delayed in all areas, and she had frequent muscle spasms. In 2011, I discovered my daughter had the chromosome disorder trisomy x, the mosaic form. Trisomy x is when a woman is born with an extra x chromosome, and the mosaic form is when some of the cells have three x chromosomes, while the rest have the normal two. This mosaic form is very rare, and doctors aren’t quite sure why she has such severe symptoms. I have definitely become a much stronger person having to deal with so many things put on my plate at one time. I am very grateful for my parents, and the rest of my support system who has helped keep me sane through this journey. The thing I am most grateful for is my daughter, Sophia, who has the prettiest smile, the best laugh, and who has proven to be one tough cookie through all this. She inspires me to let the little things go, and to always keep a smile on.

How many children do you have, and what are their ages?
Sophia is my only child, and she is 3 years old.

This is an interview about motherhood, but your motherhood is shaped a lot by your marriage. How would you describe your relationship with your husband?
Like I mentioned before I am going through a divorce, so my marriage is not a very good one. I got married when I was 19, and married someone I realized I didn’t really know. It was a very rough time with a lot of emotional battles. I have learned so much from this journey, I have a new self-respect that I did not have before, and I have learned how to be truly happy on my own. I used to think life isn’t complete until a woman gets married and has children; this caused me to rush into marriage at an early age. I do not regret getting married, and now getting divorced; I am glad I have discovered who I am through this journey. I am now satisfied being alone, because I no longer feel lonely. I enjoy my independence, take pride in the things I can accomplish on my own, and now love the person I have become. I also wouldn’t have my giggly little girl in my life if I hadn’t gotten married.

What is the hardest thing about being married?
Keeping track of each other’s spendings. If one or both of you aren’t keeping track of the money you spend, then you will probably have many unpleasant arguments about over-drafting the account. I don’t think this was necessarily the hardest thing, but I think it is something a lot of married couples don’t take into account until it’s already a problem. If you can keep the small things as drama free as possible, then you are less likely to get as distressed over the bigger problems.

How did your relationship with your husband change when you became parents?
Unfortunately my ex-husband has made the choice to not be a part of our daughter’s life, so our relationship is virtually nonexistent as this point.

In what ways have you changed since you became a mother?
Before I became a mother I wasn’t very organized, I was more materialistic, I took for granted all the free time I had, and I relied on my mother to make appointments for me. Once I became a mother, or actually when I became pregnant, a clean freak switch turned on inside of me. I now hate for my house to be cluttered or disorganized. I laugh at myself thinking about how my room used to be completely covered in clothes, and now I hang up my clothes in sections according to type, and my undershirts are arranged in color coordinated rows. I also have become a queen of clearance, whereas before I used to buy whatever I wanted without worrying about the price. I don’t care about name brands, or looking super fancy anymore. Wearing yoga pants with a jersey knit cardigan is fancy in my book, and there’s no way you can convince me otherwise. As a busy mom I now cherish every quiet moment I have to myself, I love going to the store and spending extra time really looking over all the cereal. As parents we learn to sacrifice a lot: style, taking a shower daily, sleep, and a little bit of our sanity. We no longer care if we look or feel perfect, as long as our children do.

Describe a memory of pregnancy that stands out to you.
My favorite moment was when I first felt Phia kick. I had just finished eating when I felt a little gurgle feeling in my tummy. I assumed it was just my stomach digesting the food I had just eaten, but then I felt it again, so I put my hands on my tummy, and I could feel the little flutters she was making. I fell in love with those little kicks; I sat around for hours with my hands on my belly singing songs to my little kick boxer. 

Describe a memory of your first weeks of motherhood that stands out to you.
There are so many good memories of the first week I brought my little bug home, but I think one of my favorites was when I gave her her first sponge bath. It was so funny to see her squirm and move around; it looked like she was trying to dance. When we were all done I took a picture of her in her ladybug towel, and she puckered her lips like she was blowing me a kiss. It was so cute, and I just remember feeling so happy finally, after 37 long weeks, to have my baby girl all to myself.

What things do you think you would do differently if you had another child in the future?
I would do a better job at setting up sensory and motor skill activities for my child to do. Since my daughter was quite delayed in developmental skills, I got discouraged that she couldn’t do those motor activities, so we didn’t do the learning play as much as I wish we would have. Next time around I want to create an activity game plan before my baby arrives, because once you bring home baby, creating these activities are not on the top of your list anymore.

Describe your child´s personality.
Sophie was a very happy, easy going baby. She would smile and giggle all the time. Even though we later found out about her development delays, I still felt so blessed to have such a giggly, smiley baby. She still has a very goofy, happy personality. She is constantly smiling and laughing at everything. She loves to interact with others, but also enjoys going to a quiet part of the house, and just playing by herself. One thing I am grateful for is that Sophie never went through the “stranger danger” phase; she falls in love with anyone around her. She enjoys dancing, and now that she is able to walk, she loves racing around, and playing chase. This sweet little girl also has a sour side, though. She laughs when she does something she knows she is not supposed to, like pull the dog’s tail, and she thinks that is hilarious. She also has her moments you tell her no, and she throws a fit, making it very clear she is not a fan of you at that moment. Overall, though, she is one very happy, loving child. Sometimes I get sad for her that she is farther behind then kids her age, but then I look at how happy she is, and realize she doesn’t let those issues slow her down. She really brings a lot of laughter and joy to my life, and I am happy that God blessed me with such a giggly girl.

In what ways are your children similar to you? In what ways are they different from you?
We are both very goofy, we love to dance all silly, and enjoy making people laugh. When I was a child I hated having my hair combed, which is something that my daughter also does not enjoy one bit either. She is always hiding things, which I also did a lot as a child. I now understand the pain behind digging through laundry baskets, the trash, and the dog food bin to find things like my mother use to have to do when I was a child. Something odd we both have in common is we both like to play in a dark closet. Well I don’t enjoy this anymore, but as a kid my parent’s closet was one of my favorite places to play. Now my parent’s closet has once again been claimed as a play spot, but this time by my daughter. We are also both left handed.
A difference is she does not like having anyone touch her hands or feet, whereas I use to find it hysterical when my sister would pop my toes. I know, I was a strange kid. Also she is not a picky eater at all, and I was the pickiest eater as a child. Luckily I am the complete opposite now, so hopefully she won’t switch to the opposite when she is older.

For each of your children, share one of your favorite memories.
When she was finally able to walk on her own. It was 3 months before she turned three when she got leg braces, within a few days she was able to take a few steps, after a few weeks she could walk across the living room, and after a month she was able to walk fairly well. It was such a joyful moment for me, because seeing her crawl around while the other children ran around just broke my heart. She wanted to walk so badly, but had problems crisscrossing her legs. I couldn’t believe how fast she was able to walk with the braces, and she didn’t even have to keep wearing them much longer after she was able to walk on her own. She now runs so fast, and has pretty good balance. I was and am so proud of how far she has come in just 6 months.

Describe a moment as a mother where you felt overwhelmed.
My daughter took forever to sleep through the night; she was close to 3, I think. She has always had issues with muscle spasms, and they would come when she was sleeping, because her muscles were less active. When she was two she went through a phase where she would be awake from 2-4:30 every night. Oh man that was horrible! I was in school, and I was so overly exhausted, and felt like there was no way I could make it through the entire day without having an emotional breakdown. My mom would help me out with the night shifts, and we were both grumpy and tired as could be. Muscle medicine didn’t really help, so finally her doctor put her on Benadryl. She slept through the night the rest of that week, and I remember being on the verge of tears, because I was so happy my giant toddler finally slept like a normal child.

What are your favorite ways to relax when you need a little break?
Believe it or not I love to go grocery shopping. I love creating recipes, and trying new foods, so the grocery store is my outlet to relaxation. I also get one day a week where my parents will watch Sophie for the night, and I have the freedom to go do whatever. I usually hang out with my friends every Friday, and I really enjoy getting this social time with them.

What has been the hardest lesson you have had to learn as a mother?
My daughter’s father was very verbally abusive to me, and has chosen not to be a part of Sophie’s life. I can’t even describe the anger I had built up towards him, I could not believe someone could so easily detach themselves from their own child so easily. I used to spend hours dwelling on this, asking God why he would let this situation happen to me. He would always tear me down, and showed no concern for our daughter while she was going through all her medical issues. It broke my heart that he did not want to help raise such a wonderful, happy girl. I hated him for this, and once he started to help raising his girlfriend’s child, I honestly wished he would just die. I let the anger build up, until one day I realized how unhappy and stressed it was all making me. It wasn’t worth it, he wasn’t worth it. All these bad thoughts towards him and all the anger weren’t changing anything. It wasn’t affecting his life at all, just making mine tougher. This past December I finally decided to let go of all the anger, to forgive him for the choices he has made, and to focus that wasted time and energy on positive things. I am much happier now, and wish I would have been able to let go much sooner.

What has been the hardest experience you have gone through as a mother? What did that experience teach you?
My ex-husband was in the navy, and has never been a part of my daughter’s life. Having to go through the discovery of Sophie’s medical issues all on my own was really tough. The constant doctor visits, all the tests they had to run, taking her to see 4 different therapists a week; it was really emotionally draining doing that alone. I shouldn’t say I was alone, though, because I was blessed to have my mother’s help, but I felt guilty that she had to put so much of her time and efforts trying to fill in his spot. I have now learned to adapt to how things are, but in the beginning it was all very overwhelming.

Looking back on your life as a mother, what, if anything, do you regret?
I regret holding onto the anger I had towards my ex-husband for so long, and letting that anger come out towards the people I love the most. One thing that happened often was I would yell, and throw a tantrum when I couldn’t find something. Yes, it’s silly, but I wish I would have been a better example for my daughter. 

What do you think is the most important quality in a mother?
Patience and a good sense of humor.

What do you think children need most from their mothers?
Unconditional love is most important for your child; this is like food for their soul.  

What advice would you give to other mothers out there who are reading this interview?
Let go of the anger and negativity you may have towards a situation, and focus on any and every positive thing going on in your life. Be silly with your kids, nothing lifts your spirits like when your child laughs at something funny you are doing. And set a specific time every week that is devoted just for you, even if it’s just to go to the store by yourself; every parent needs that “me time” to unwind.

Do you have any tips or tricks that have helped you stay organized, run your household or raise your kids more effectively?

• Wash dishes while you are waiting on dinner to finish cooking. Less mess means less stress.
• Keep a grocery list on the fridge that you can easily write down things you need while you are thinking about them. 
• I take 15-30 minutes every night to straighten up the house, so when the weekend comes I have more free time.

Get-through-your-Monday Girl Time- SuperMom Gretchen Castro

It´s Monday, girlies! And you know what that means....Get-through-your-Monday Girl Time!! So grab your coffee (or whatever!) and I will fill you in on today´s interview from my friend Gretchen. Gretchen is one of my closest friends, which is funny because we have only met in person once! We had a lot of mutual friends, and were both pregnant at the same time. Near the end we both had some tough experiences and were desperate for the Big Day. As we waited, we wrote each other messages back and forth on Facebook in one of those instant friendships that only motherhood (or impending motherhood) can form. Our due dates were both in May, but not too close together, but in an interesting turn of events, both of our babies were born on the same day. That sealed the deal, and we have been friends ever since, going through all of motherhood´s happy little stages together, and providing each other with moral support and some much-needed comic relief! Now I turn it over to Gretchen and her interview, which I totally relate to (obvious.) and I think you will, too. Enjoy!

-Ashley

Tell us a little bit about yourself. Who are you?
I am Gretchen, daughter of God, wife, mother, sister, friend, and graduate (from Central Christian College of the Bible).

Tell us about your family.
I am married to the most wonderful man I know, Luis, who is from Guayaquil, Ecuador, and my son is Jaden who just turned 2. My husband and I have been married since July 4, 2008 and when our son was almost 6 months old, we were able to travel to Ecuador and bring daddy home with us.

How many children do you have, and what are their ages?
I have one child for now and he turned 2 in May. (Update: Gretchen is now pregnant with another boy and is due May 20th!)

This is an interview about motherhood, but your motherhood is shaped a lot by your marriage. How would you describe your relationship with your husband?
Our relationship is relaxed and fun, we are comfortable with each other. We challenge each other in many ways and bring out the best in one another. Even when one is upset with the other, we are quick to forgive and forget. Our idea of relaxing is spending time with our family.

What is the hardest thing about being married?
The hardest thing about being married is remember that you are not the only one you have to think about before you do something, you have a family to take into account and they are an important part of the decisions.

What is the best thing about being married?
The best thing about being married is having someone to come home to, who loves you no matter what and will help you through any trial or struggle you face. You always have someone in your corner.

Describe a memory between you and your husband that really stands out in your mind.
This isn't really a specific memory but this is what comes to mind.

We are really bad a keeping secrets. Every time we plan to do something special for each other, we end up spoiling the surprise or doing it way before we had planned because we can't hide it. We have way more fun together spoiling our surprises than anything else.

How did your relationship with your husband change when you became parents?
Our relationship became more family focused, we would rather be at home with Jaden than going out for the evening and leaving him at home with someone else. We both love our son more than we could ever have imagined and we got to know a new side of each other as we adjusted to being parents together.

How does your parenting style compare with your husband´s?
I am always looking for new activities and things to keep Jaden busy, my husband is more relaxed and if he likes what he is doing why try to find something else? He is more stern and expects obedience, but I have a hard time disciplining and I am easily won over with a winning smile and a hug or a kiss.

In what ways have you changed since you became a mother?
I have become more crafty, I never sewed or tried to do things on my own. Now I feel more empowered to do for myself and save money anywhere I can. I am also more compassionate and have more patience than before.

Describe a memory of pregnancy that stands out to you.
I had a miserable pregnancy, my morning sickness lasted forever, I was exhausted and uncomfortable all the time, I was huge for months and I had lots of little things like a painful rash all over my back, difficulty with my hips, etc. I did love feeling him move though, it was really exciting and made it all worth it.

Describe a memory of your first weeks of motherhood that stands out to you.
I loved being my son´s favorite person, being the only one who could comfort him and nursing, even though it, too, was painful and caused me a lot of trouble, it was worth the special bond with my child.

What things do you think you would do differently if you had another child in the future?
I think in the future I would incorporate a lot more bible stories and singing from early on. Its hard to know how to incorporate Jesus into your child's life when they are trying to learn so many other things. I think incorporating it since birth would be a better way to go. I would also go about discipline in a different way, it’s hard but it’s for the best. When they are little it’s hard to get your point across but there has to be a good way out there.

Describe your child´s personality.
We always say that Jaden is “all boy”. He is definitely full of energy, fun-loving, affectionate, happy, and crazy. He loves to wrestle and tackle his father and play outside.

In what ways are your children similar to you? In what ways are they different from you?
Jaden sleeps like me, he tosses and turns and it takes him forever to get comfortable so he can sleep. He also has a lot of the same mannerisms. He loves books and playing in the rain and he loves to snuggle. All of which he has in common with me! He is different in his love of spending hours outside, he is very physical and I am definitely not, I would much rather curl up with a book inside. He also loves meat, when he is willing to eat it, and I hate meat.

For each of your children, share one of your favorite memories.
One of the things I love most about Jaden is watching him run to his father and yell daddy every time he comes home and watching the joy on his face as he plays with his dad. He is so happy and in his element rough-housing with Luis.

Describe a moment as a mother where you felt overwhelmed.
Trying to get Jaden to eat healthy and be healthy. He had very low iron several months ago and when we checked it about a month ago it still wasn't where it needed to be. I feel overwhelmed trying to force him to eat something when he doesn't want to. I also felt very overwhelmed with potty training, it went well for a couple days then he decided he wasn't ready so we quit, it was a very stressful, frustrating time. We will try again in a few weeks. (Update: Jaden is now fully potty trained! Good job hanging in there, Gretchen!)

What are your favorite ways to relax when you need a little break?
I love to relax reading my Bible and listening to worship music (and singing along) on my ipod, it helps me get away from it all and re-focus. I also love to sit down and read a good book, or watch a movie with my family.

What has been the hardest lesson you have had to learn as a mother?
The hardest lesson to learn is that I don't have to take everyone's advice and opinions to heart. Not everything others say is helpful. I have to do what is best for my child and myself and let everyone else worry about themselves. You can't ever please everyone and you have to be ok with that.

What has been the hardest experience you have gone through as a mother? What did that experience teach you?
Probably the hardest experience was right after Jaden was born, we found out he had a sacral dimple at the base of his spine. It was sealed but it was a scary day waiting to see if anything would happen, if it leaked it would have meant a lot of medical issues and serious problems for my brand new baby. It taught me that it’s all in God's hands, to take one day at a time, and that God's grace is sufficient.

Looking back on your life as a mother, what, if anything, do you regret?
I don't have a lot to regret, but I do regret letting the advice and opinions of others have such an effect on my parenting. I felt that I had to do things the same way others did or wanted me to and now I resent that. I know my child and our relationship better than anyone else and I need to do what is best for us.

What do you think is the most important quality in a mother?
I think the most important quality in a mother is love. Love should be the basis for everything we do in parenting. Everything else will be fine if we base it in love.

What do you think children need most from their mothers?
Children need love and an example of Jesus from us. Jesus needs to come first and our children should see that.

What advice would you give to other mothers out there who are reading this interview?
Don't let anyone else control you or make you feel bad because you don't do things the way they want you to. Pray and think before you act. Stop and ask yourself, will I regret this later? Are my actions based in the love of Jesus? Then do what you need to do.

Do you have any tips or tricks that have helped you stay organized, run your household or raise your kids more effectively?
Make a cleaning schedule, choose a day of the week to clean each room and clean it well. Use a planner or calendar to keep track of special dates, when bills are due, appointments, etc. It helps even to look back on when things happen. I don't always have time to write in Jaden's baby book or journal but I jot it down in my planner so I can go back and write about it later.